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4d · 67
still unlearning
Alice 4d
once upon a time
you were the moon to my stars
which is to say, you didn't know
how to shine without dimming me in the process

and yes, you sat me in your lap to feed me off your fork
but then, you always had a way of presenting scraps as
a reward

and presentation is everything, right?
no, you never truly left me bleeding
instead, my heart and mind were carefully extrapolated
blended together until they looked like the color of your eyes,
and gently poured back in place

how do you know which pieces go where?
how can I know without you?
Aug 26 · 29
honest
Alice Aug 26
"𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦."

"Even if they love you back?"

"𝘌𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬."
Aug 17 · 50
30 day free trial
Alice Aug 17
he asked me why
every time i said “i love you”

the words sounded so much
like a resignation of fate
in my throat
why they fell to the ground
as lead bullets through my teeth

i tried to explain the ticking time
bomb my affections become

explain how the love i’ve known
detonates and runs for cover at the
mere suggestion there is an attack

i am scared of telling you i love you
because

love has never been kind to me

and i want to be kind to you
May 25 · 199
Untitled
Alice May 25
there is a way to feel no hurt
there is a way for their words to lose
the sting

there is a way to die by no others hand
but your own
May 25 · 37
affection
Alice May 25
.
to care deeply is to be blissful and terrified all at once
you should not be able to put me back together.
you should not have the power to tear it all down again.
May 25 · 25
religion
Alice May 25
all the questions you ask of god echo back.
how have you not yet learned to save yourself?
Apr 30 · 422
to you
Alice Apr 30
I think in a small way, I always knew it was you
you've always taken care of me quietly
told me difficult truths
surprised me with my favorite drink
(you memorized my order)
because you knew I was sad before I even
told you
you make me want to be a better person
I am a better person because of you
I like myself better with you
you even took me & my little sister to ice cream just because
Mar 31 · 548
manifestations
Alice Mar 31
there is a time and a place in which I am entirely and completely loved. in which my demons have been quieted and my mornings are soft. I will be safe. I will love and be loved without questioning.
I will create my own paradise.
I will repeat this truth until it is my reality
Mar 9 · 3.7k
long distance
Alice Mar 9
but now that I've found you
and you're millions of miles away
it hurts worse

come home
Mar 4 · 771
your eyes can't lie
Alice Mar 4
but that look
your look
still haunts me

how can so many emotions be wrapped
in an iris?

the last words you said to me
right before you left

had already been spoken
you told me you were leaving far before you did
Alice Mar 2
I will write poems about you
memorize your Starbucks order
(even if it's different each season)
ill hold your hand
play with your hair as you rest in my lap

I just want our love to be soft
something safe and warm
we can both crawl into
like hot cocoa after a snowstorm
im tired of violent delights
I just want to feel safe
Mar 2 · 643
enemies to lovers
Alice Mar 2
You pointed out
all my favorite love stories begin in hatred
an offhand comment about the books and shows
I consume like air

I realized there's nothing I want more
then for someone to see me for my worst
pick apart every negative attribute

yet still promise to love me
all of me
im terrified of disappointing
Feb 17 · 57
slip
Alice Feb 17
but sometimes, darkness is the only one who holds me
how am I to turn back on the only thing
that has never run away?
the only one who
sat up with me through the night
patiently waiting for the sky to break
Feb 2 · 509
you'll be fine
Alice Feb 2
I told you I was drowning

you said you knew how to swim

but what is that good for

if you still won't jump in
Jan 28 · 415
unequal
Alice Jan 28
there was always a darkness in him.
the light that she so easily shone,
disappeared in the black hole cut in the
middle of his chest.

he never gave it back
Jan 25 · 518
still not fireproof
Alice Jan 25
you told me I don't have to be okay all the time
you told me you still loved me no matter what

its hard because I want to believe you
god, I want to trust it so badly

but every time I've put the walls down
lay down my defense

the only thing i've been left with is
ash in the wake
Jan 13 · 474
please
Alice Jan 13
the hurt in my eyes
was never a warning sign
it seemed an encouragement
more than anything else
Dec 2020 · 153
too late
Alice Dec 2020
I thought I had fallen for an angel
but
didn't angels fly?
I thought I saw your halo slip off
and
don't angels live in the sky?
Dec 2020 · 177
did you hear something?
Alice Dec 2020
some days, I feel very small
like no matter how loud I cry
how many times I try
everyone looks over my head
and no one can hear me at all
Dec 2020 · 1.1k
love me quietly
Alice Dec 2020
I do not want someone "brave enough"
to love me
to tear their way through my heart
to leave the wreckage they pass through
worse than before

I want someone soft
to take their time
to notice me in the corner
to silently help me tidy up

to tuck me in bed next to them
with nothing but a "good job" and my kiss
on their lips
its always too loud
Dec 2020 · 289
sleepless
Alice Dec 2020
yet the days stopped turning to night
ever stretching
everpresent
I just wanted the sky to fade
Dec 2020 · 387
talking to the mirror
Alice Dec 2020
you feel too much
you want to crawl inside
the warmth of their love
and never come out again

the moment you are alone
it is cold
it is filling the silence
the emptiness in the air
with anything

you want to be whole on your own


I want to be my own
Dec 2020 · 249
brink of death
Alice Dec 2020
and the worst part of it all is
I almost loved you

I was a breath away

and I'm terrified
Dec 2020 · 602
background noise
Alice Dec 2020
I've never had the privilege to be
the main character
never enough for a leading role

always bleeding plain red
instead of magic
Nov 2020 · 635
Mother
Alice Nov 2020
when I tell my mom I feel sick
the first thing she does
is kiss my forehead to see if I have a fever
and
I just feel like
there's a metaphor there somewhere
Nov 2020 · 357
unglued
Alice Nov 2020
you looked as a friend
yet spoke as a lover
talking futures with me
but going home to another
Nov 2020 · 134
wake up
Alice Nov 2020
its getting bad again
I don't know what time it is
I don't know what day it is
I don't know anything beyond these covers
and the
Undone assignments
Unread texts
Unused lifelines

keep piling up
Nov 2020 · 317
one day
Alice Nov 2020
and maybe one day
someone will see the broken pieces i’ve
managed to glue back into
a heart and they
will admire the stained glass

brush over the unfinished bits and
call me a work of art
Nov 2020 · 710
hurt
Alice Nov 2020
all this hurt is so heavy
but I'm afraid I can't put it down
see I've grown attached to it
no matter how often I drown
Nov 2020 · 279
The Sun
Alice Nov 2020
You were the sun
and I, the moon
you loved fierce, constant, burning
and I, quiet, with gentle push and pull
the tide needed me
the forrest needed you

You were the sun
and I, the moon
we collided only in seconds passing
a glance before daybreak
a whisper before nightfall

You are my sun
I am your moon
though the timing is never quite right
I will always love you
Nov 2020 · 337
constellations
Alice Nov 2020
in the end, I suppose
we are all collapsing stars

burning bright until the very end
even if we are alone,
thousands of galaxies away
many don't see us until
we're gone
Nov 2020 · 374
winter reminds me of him
Alice Nov 2020
it smelled like frozen leaves
the air had teeth
"tell me" he whispered
"have not the gods, too, forgotten
how to thaw their tears?"
Oct 2020 · 69
swipe right
Alice Oct 2020
even if it was for only an instant
at least I was wanted
Oct 2020 · 358
time capsule
Alice Oct 2020
I like to freeze moments in time
take a step back, and notice all the details
so that hopefully, when we're old and gray
and barely remember our own names

I can still close my eyes and see
the plants in your living room
the $8 bottle of wine on the coffee table
the dinosaur blanket we shared
the pain in my stomach from all our laughter

and the way I was the happiest I'd ever been
Oct 2020 · 290
the best one
Alice Oct 2020
yes, love comes in many forms
but you're my favorite
you make me brighter
Oct 2020 · 77
70% Water
Alice Oct 2020
humans are 70% water
and when I was little,
I used to think that everyones 30% was different
my mother- 70% water 30% tenderness
my father- 70% water 30% laughter
my sister- 70% water 30% light

as I've gotten older,
I learned that's not exactly how
the human body works

but still, sometimes I wonder
what my 30% is
whatever it is, I hope you like it
Oct 2020 · 191
the weight
Alice Oct 2020
I have this backpack

every time I want to cry
or scream or yell
I take the feeling and I place it in a jar
and I zip it up in my backpack

its amazing really, how many jars
this one bag can hold

see, I've never emptied it or
even set it down because
I'm afraid if it leaves my shoulders
everything will spill out
and all the jars I've sealed
will break open and I'll hear it  

I have this backpack
and its getting heavy
so heavy
Oct 2020 · 549
Opposite Day
Alice Oct 2020
the birds are flying backwards
(you and I are still together)
the fish swim on land
(you unpack your bags)
the attic is below ground
(you walk into my room)
the sky is red
(you tell me you always loved me)
the grass is gray
(you tell me you still do)
I cannot process the world the same way anymore
Oct 2020 · 125
author of myself
Alice Oct 2020
I once wrote about
being written into existence

how I longed for someone
to put pen to paper
fingertips to keyboard
to tell me who I am
to give me worth

how could I have
forgotten

I am my own poet
and I can write just fine
I don't need you any more
Oct 2020 · 57
too kind
Alice Oct 2020
so scraped my bleeding heart from my shirtsleeve
it fell to the ground and i saw you
your laugh
your heartbeat
your gentle smile as you broke my heart
this is not fair
i should get to be mad at you.
i can't be mad at you
because even in shattering all i had built in us  

you did it perfectly.
Oct 2020 · 665
it was long over
Alice Oct 2020
you look at me
the last sunset of
my hometown
sweet and sad
but
full of
remembrance
Oct 2020 · 182
more
Alice Oct 2020
I never thought much of the way
you asked me how my day was
every night
and when I'd say "fine"
you'd ask me again
and again
until I told you

I never thought much of the way
when you found out I was sick
you showed up at my door
an hour later
with a thermos full of soup

I never thought much of the way
we'd end every phone call with
I love you
even if you were on your way to pick me up

I never thought much of the way
we've never been
just friends

I never thought much of the way
I've been in love with you
long before I knew it
we've always been more
Alice Oct 2020
I know it seems kind of silly
but I want you to know
I feel safe enough to fall asleep
on the couch next to you

it doesn't seem like much
but really
its the only language I have
to tell you how much you mean to me
I never learned how to say I love you
Alice Oct 2020
and I can't blame you, really
the gods too, were envious
you were never meant to stay
Oct 2020 · 382
on almost's
Alice Oct 2020
I am sitting in a pool of my own confliction
wondering if losing you
is worth gaining the love I desperately crave

I've spent so long
debating on taking the leap that
I haven't noticed the water
has reached my mouth

now I am drowning
and unable to say anything at all
we could have been extraordinary
Oct 2020 · 698
anxiously awaiting
Alice Oct 2020
I am terrified you'll disappear
I know I shouldn't rely so
heavily on you
but I can't go back to how I was before

not when you gave me a reason
not when you are my reason
Oct 2020 · 286
determinate
Alice Oct 2020
it seems to be the quiet moments
the unspoken actions
that build the foundation
of who we are

it is only the time behind
closed doors and drawn curtains
that prove you to be
whatever you may be
Sep 2020 · 920
inherit
Alice Sep 2020
i am my fathers child

i never learned how to
accept the love i was given

these hands
so much like his

refuse to remain open
curling into fists at the
suggestion i am enough

i’ve never allowed myself
to need anyone

i am my fathers child
I always did take after him
Sep 2020 · 396
selfish
Alice Sep 2020
someday i too, will
be nothing more than
a faded memory

nothing more than a
name on the tip of your
tongue or
a brief second glance
in a shop-store window

and although i knew
this was ill-fated
at conception

still, i needed to love you,
needed to know i tried my
best to make you feel

anything
Sep 2020 · 252
all I ask of you
Alice Sep 2020
before you break me
say my name
catch the torment in your throat,
just for a moment.
look into my eyes
commit the feeling to memory.
say my name
place humanity into the punching bag
before you take the final swing.
please
say my name
before you break me
you've already taken everything else.
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