I want to opt out
No one knows this because no one understands this.
This is not a suicide note
I've been there before

This is different.
I want to just opt out of the simulation
Exit the program.
Deactivate.

I can't,
Wouldn't?
Shouldn't!
****.

I cannot write fancy rhymes anymore
I long for my poet days before
But here I am for another try
Hoping this time I'll do it right
I feel a constant ache in my chest
It's impossible to ignore
Once in a while I burst into tears but I push them back
Far down where I hope I can feel no more
But it doesn't seem to work
I unlock my phone and your face is the staring at me
Like you're so close I can almost grasp you
Yet so far my heart feels a million miles away
You will be okay little dove
You will be okay.

****.
I'm here again
I always try to run
But depression is an Olympic sprinter
I'm never far enough, never fast enough, never strong enough
It gets me
Every **** time it gets me
Is this life?
Is this really life?
Questions I ask myself while trying to numb myself
Force it all down can't let myself feel anything,
Well, bad anythings.
It's funny cuz I used to hurt myself to feel something
Now I feel everything,
It's not better
It's all the same ****
Everyday,
Every ******* day
And you ask me why I want to leave
But I can't leave you to greave
I wish I could
I don't know if I would
Suicide.
Shouldn't or should?

Sigh.
You little *****.
You little ****.
I hate you yunno?
Sigh.
Maybe one day I'll learn
But for now I can't help it
You're still my sunshine
Whether you believe it or not
You're still the love of my life
Whether you think it's true or not
I guess this washed up poet still has some rhymes in her
About the boy who lit a flame and gave her warmth
Little dove, little dove
You really are in love
With that little **** boy
Whose love comes from up above
Because this isn't normal
This isn't mortal
This is real love
And maybe someday you'll lose him
And definitely be broken
But for now a new you he has awoken
It would be a sin for you to keep quiet
For love like this deserves to be spoken

I wish I could call you my happiness
I wish I could say you're my joy
I wish when people asked for my weakness
I'd say "that's the boy"
The love of my life
My sun, my moon, my stars and my sky
My universe surrounding and always expanding
My home, my safety, my sunshine
My everything.
My heart, my strength
Now, forever, always.
I don't understand
I can't understand
What do you think they were???
What do you think you were???
Just some words I thought fit nice together
Or some exaggeration I couldn't possibly mean
Empty sentiments
Empty words
Like the empty person who writes them
I'm disappointed in you.
I'm hurt but I'm oh so disappointed
The washed up poet?
You lit a flame and brought light back into her heart
And with the new found warmth, she wrote.
She wrote at 2AM and at 4
She wrote when she was with you and when she was not
She wrote about love because that's what she felt
That's how much she felt it
How much she felt about you
And then you tell her it isn't true
You're not the love of her life just the best love she knew
How dare you?
How dare you turn all the beautiful things I said about you and meant it into empty sentiments?
How dare you turn my hard work to make you know I love you into just words?
How dare you???
How dare you tell me this???
How dare you.
How dare you make all of it so irrelevant
You've done some **** things
But this?
This one stings.

A day is enough to miss you
A week is enough to want to kiss you
A month is enough to make me crave your hugs
And anything more than that is too much time away from you my love

Sad sad girl
When will you smile?
Sad sad girl
When will you laugh?
Sad sad girl
Does your cheek not crinkle?
Do your lips not widen?
Do your eyes not wrinkle?
Sad sad girl
Are you not tired?
Are you not done?
Is it not enough?
Sad sad girl
Do you not miss being happy?
Is your heart not tired?
Is your mind not uneasy?
Sad sad girl
Is he worth it?
"Yes"
Are you sure?
"Yes"
Okay then
Sad sad girl
I hope you'll be fine
I hope you'll smile
I hope you'll laugh
Sad sad girl
Chin up
Wipe your tears
Pretend to be fine
No one will know the difference
And maybe one day you'll believe it too
And you'll be fine

With all the stars in the sky
And all the planets in our galaxy,
In the cold depth of space
And in the heat of volcanoes
I will choose you
In the depths of cruel despair
And the ecstacy of joy
I will choose you
In hell or in heaven
Whether here or there
No matter where pancake
I will choose you
I will choose you now
I will choose you later
From now to forever
I will always choose you

Sad, sad girl
When will you smile?
Sad, sad girl
When will you laugh?
Sad, sad girl
Does your cheek not crinkle?
Do your lips not widen?
Do your eyes not wrinkle?
Sad, sad girl
Are you not tired?
Are you not done?
Is it not enough?
Sad, sad girl
Do you not miss being happy?
Is your heart not tired?
Is your mind not uneasy?
Sad, sad girl
Is he worth it?
"Yes"
Are you sure?
"Yes"
Okay then
Sad, sad girl
I hope you'll be fine
I hope you'll smile
I hope you'll laugh
Sad, sad girl
Chin up
Wipe your tears
Pretend to be fine
No one will know the difference
And maybe one day you'll believe it too
And you'll be fine

I love this boy
I really do love this boy
Nothing and no one can tell me I don't
Nothing and no one can tell me I can't
Oh how good it feels to be in love
Not just the beginning mushy part
The parts that matter
The happy parts
The sad parts
Just being in your arms is wonderful
It's beautiful
It's home...

I think I like to be sad
That's very hard to explain
I know I like to be happy
And I think I'm insane
Yemi I love you and I'm sorry this patch is rough
I'm sorry being alive right now seems a little tough
Maybe this is one of them stories you see online
Of broken girl meets broken guy and they love each other for a while
I never put names in poems and I think that's kinda weird
But I'm happy you have honour of being the first love I've shared (with the world)
I can't wait to see you today
And hold you and kiss you and well be with you all day
I hope somehow I fill your face with glee
I hope somehow you're really happy with being with me

I sit here at 2AM looking for quotes to say I love you
But none of them are just quite right
So how about something from a washed up poet who decided to try tonight
I'm usually good with words but you make my mind jumble
You make my heart race and make my words fumble
When I'm with you, I can't be sad
You always make me so happy even when you're the reason I'm mad
Silences are never awkward and cuddles are devine
You brighten my dark places, you're my sunshine
Love like this doesn't just happen, it has to be God's design... Right?
Me and you? We're one of a kind
Like our fates are somehow intertwined
This isn't perfect but I hope when you see it you'll smile, at the words of a washed up poet who can't get you out of her mind

And my new love broke my new heart

Don't love me for my picture perfect days
For that is not who I truly am
Don't love me for the days my hair looks flawless
For that isn't really me
Don't crave me for the days my makeup is done perfectly
For I am full of flaws
Love me for me
Love the me that has acne on her skin
And face wrinkles when she grins
And struggles to grow eyebrows
Love the me who's face goes puffy when she cries
And the me who has stretch marks on her thighs
Love the me that gets too emotional about her favourite films
Love the me that rolls out of bed in the morning, tired eyed, scattered hair and all
Love that me
For I am not my picture perfect days
I am a girl who's full of flaws
Love me that way and I will love you without pause
For I am perfect in my imperfect way
I hope you see my flaws and decide to stay

I want to drown myself in a bottle of whiskey
Or maybe a lot of scotch
Or a pound of leaves
Or a little blue pill
Something, anything
I don't care
I just want something strong enough to let me forget
I just want something strong enough to let me pretend
I just want something strong enough to allow me to go on
I can't look myself in the mirror anymore
Hearing "I love you" feels like a hundred knives
I guess there's still a little of me left inside
I guess I'm not so lost after all
But oh how I'd love to drown me away
Oh how I'd love to make these feelings go away

How do you still tell me you love me
How can you be so selfless
How do you forgive without even thinking
This is what unconditional love is like
But baby don't love me that way
I don't deserve it
No, I'm not worth it
I can't say it was a mistake because I was aware
I can't say I didn't know it'd hurt you because that was so clear
I can't pretend like I'm blameless because this blame I cannot share
You betrayed my trust but I had something to hide
I made you crazy
I made you cry
But you didn't walk away
You didn't even try
This is what unconditional love is
But baby don't love me that way
I can blame it on the fact that I'm only human
But that wouldn't hold
Because I'll do it again
And leave you out in the cold
This is not who I am
This is not who I wanted to be
But that's what love does
Love unconditionally
I will try my hardest to do right by you this time
I'll try to be who I used to be
I will stick by you this time
I hope I don't waver
Maybe if I try hard enough I'll be worth your love

Too many people are too quick to wish 'forever' with a person. I'm not saying planning a future with someone is a bad thing, all I'm saying is know the person, really know the person, know who they actually are on the inside, when all the doors are closed and all the weight of the world is gone, know who they are at that moment. Don't plan a future with someone you don't know because if it doesn't work out then you set yourself up for heartbreak. If it ends, not only did you lose the person you love but you also lost your future, your plans, who you thought you'd be and you become lost. Again, I'm not saying don't plan a future with someone you love because it's a beautiful thing and you really should, all I'm saying is don't plan a future with someone who you don't know their views of life, their intentions (especially towards you), their beliefs, what they'd die for, who they'd cry for, who they want to be and how they invision their life. Everyone is wishing for fairytales and happily ever after but you are not Cinderella and one night and a glass slipper won't guarantee forever (or happiness). Happily ever after is earned, you know the person and you love the person and you have gone through **** with the person and you would pick them on their bad days and their good. You would pick them on cheerful days and on days where they're curled up in a ball, crying and feeling like their whole life is falling apart. If you aren't willing to go through hell for a person, no questions asked then save yourself the heartbreak and don't plan anything. Some people are meant to be in your life short term, they're only there to help you learn and grow into the person you're meant to become, they're there to help mold your heart into the perfect shape so it fits just right into your happily ever after's. Not everyone should and would be in your life forever. Learn the difference and prioritise appropriately.

You complete me
You're my other half
You make me happy
You make me smile
You make time stop
Just for a while
You aren't perfect
You are flawed
But I love your imperfections and your quirks
I love your smile and your stupid laugh
I love your nerdiness and sometimes your pride
You are my sunshine
I don't know where life is going to take me,
But I hope it's somewhere beautiful with you

Maybe I'm just a black hole
Constantly trying to be filled with love, happiness and friendship
But somehow, at 2am,
I find myself just as empty.
Just as unhappy.
And just as alone.

You told me you still loved me today
My heart stopped
Not because I wanted you to
But because I hoped you didn't
You told me you still loved me today
My head spun
Not because I still think about us
But because I hoped you didn't
You told me you still loved me today
I went silent
Not because I didn't know what to say
But because I remember the days I begged for your love and you left me with only disappointment
You told me you still loved me today
I was sad
Not because I haven't moved on
But because I don't want you to chase after someone who doesn't love you
You told me you still loved me today
I paused
For I was in the arms of another.

I don't feel as alone with him
I don't feel as sad or depressed
The grasp of the darkness is weakening
I am having a taste of sunlight
And I am blossoming
I see the world in colors now
The grass looks greener
The sky looks bluer
The sun shines brighter
The birds sing sweeter
And my life seems better
Maybe my soul isn't black after all

Dear little dove,
It's been a while now since it all ended
Your scars have healed
Your heart is fixed
Time was indeed your friend
Dear little dove,
I warned you not to love again
I warned you love wasn't your friend
But your heart didn't listen
He makes you happy
He makes you smile
He makes time stop
Just for a while
You feel fuzzy and mushy and moist and in love
You try and try but can't make it stop
Dear little dove,
I hope he treats you right
And cradles your heart oh so tight
I hope you never feel alone at night
For you are brave little dove
For choosing to love

Gaze into my eyes
Pull me close
Touch me
Inhale
Kiss me
Inhale
Bite me
Inhale
Hearts pounding
Sweat dripping
Knees trembling
******

Broken, battered, hardened nails
Tears that hold such hidden tales
Of broken promises and injured hearts
Forgiveness can't even fix my scars
I'm sorry, I mean it, you know it's true
I love you
I hope you love me too.

Sticks and stones may break your bones
But love will always hurt you

Dear self,
I'm sorry you got hurt
I'm sorry he broke your heart
I'm sorry you're empty
I know you loved him with everything you had
I know he was your everything
I know how much you needed him
And how much you loved him
I know how much you want him back
But he's not coming back
Please stop crying
I know your heart is breaking and you can't do anything about it
But sit there
And feel it
I'm sorry you're going through this
I'm sorry he left
I'm sorry you feel this way
I'm sorry for everything
Please little dove
Never fall in love again

I hope flowers grow in the darkest parts of you.
Daisies in your sadness,
Roses in your despair,
Carnations in you anguish,
Dandelions your anxiety,
And orchids in your depression
I hope flowers fill every hole where you have been hurt
So when you look at the wounds this cruel world has dealt you
You only see beauty
And if I'm lucky, they'll remind you of me

May you never be the cause of your pain

I need someone, something, anything to come fix my soul
It’s dark in here...

When our bones are aching
And our bodies are tired
And we've said all that can be said
I'll roll over to your side of the bed
And hug you in utter silence
And give a sweet smile
As you envelope me in utter silence
Until we disappear into dust
And become lost in time
And our love story, a legend for generations to tell.

There's something about sadness that feels like home.

I am the flower that didn't bloom,
The broken record, out of tune,
Oh won't you love me, please hear my plight,
Because you're the thing my mind plays at night,
A rich symphony in your right,
I give into you without a fight,
You fill my lungs with much needed air,
You can't go,
Don't even dare,
For without you, I fall apart,
And that unbloomed flower, left, with a broken heart.