These nights I stay awake are killing me
These lies I start to say are filling me
Up with depression and it’s peeling me
Down to my most hated self and it’s stripping me
To my darkest self with my darkest thoughts
What would you do if you were really me?
Would you make better decisions than silly me?
Or would you stay in the darkness where it’s hard to breathe?
Would you hold the light like comfort when it’s hard to sleep?
Or would you let the darkness take you
I want to opt out
No one knows this because no one understands this.
This is not a suicide note
I've been there before
This is different.
I want to just opt out of the simulation
Exit the program.
I cannot write fancy rhymes anymore
I long for my poet days before
But here I am for another try
Hoping this time I'll do it right
I feel a constant ache in my chest
It's impossible to ignore
Once in a while I burst into tears but I push them back
Far down where I hope I can feel no more
But it doesn't seem to work
I unlock my phone and your face is the staring at me
Like you're so close I can almost grasp you
Yet so far my heart feels a million miles away
You will be okay little dove
You will be okay.
In the quiet of my sadness
I used to feel like home
Till you took it away and it became a distant memory
If only it could've been forever
But I'm back and now it feels strange
It feels foreign like I don't belong here
I guess I should thank you,
It was inevitable to return this this dammed place
But at least now I can't bask in the sadness
Or maybe that's a bad thing because now it hits harder
It feels heavier
I don't even know how to write about it anymore
I guess I will just wait here, in the quiet, hoping the sadness goes away
I'm here again
I always try to run
But depression is an Olympic sprinter
I'm never far enough, never fast enough, never strong enough
It gets me
Every **** time it gets me
Is this life?
Is this really life?
Questions I ask myself while trying to numb myself
Force it all down can't let myself feel anything,
Well, bad anythings.
It's funny cuz I used to hurt myself to feel something
Now I feel everything,
It's not better
It's all the same ****
Every ******* day
And you ask me why I want to leave
But I can't leave you to greave
I wish I could
I don't know if I would
Shouldn't or should?
Don't you just love being deranged?
You little *****.
You little ****.
I hate you yunno?
Maybe one day I'll learn
But for now I can't help it
You're still my sunshine
Whether you believe it or not
You're still the love of my life
Whether you think it's true or not
I guess this washed up poet still has some rhymes in her
About the boy who lit a flame and gave her warmth
Little dove, little dove
You really are in love
With that little **** boy
Whose love comes from up above
Because this isn't normal
This isn't mortal
This is real love
And maybe someday you'll lose him
And definitely be broken
But for now a new you he has awoken
It would be a sin for you to keep quiet
For love like this deserves to be spoken
What can I say, he has my heart :)
I wish I could call you my happiness
I wish I could say you're my joy
I wish when people asked for my weakness
I'd say "that's the boy"
The love of my life
My sun, my moon, my stars and my sky
My universe surrounding and always expanding
My home, my safety, my sunshine
My heart, my strength
Now, forever, always.
I don't understand
I can't understand
What do you think they were???
What do you think you were???
Just some words I thought fit nice together
Or some exaggeration I couldn't possibly mean
Like the empty person who writes them
I'm disappointed in you.
I'm hurt but I'm oh so disappointed
The washed up poet?
You lit a flame and brought light back into her heart
And with the new found warmth, she wrote.
She wrote at 2AM and at 4
She wrote when she was with you and when she was not
She wrote about love because that's what she felt
That's how much she felt it
How much she felt about you
And then you tell her it isn't true
You're not the love of her life just the best love she knew
How dare you?
How dare you turn all the beautiful things I said about you and meant it into empty sentiments?
How dare you turn my hard work to make you know I love you into just words?
How dare you???
How dare you tell me this???
How dare you.
How dare you make all of it so irrelevant
You've done some **** things
This one stings.
*******. I'm ****** as hell you little *****. Ugh!!!