and no one could tell us that we were wrong,
because we were happy, and we were strong.
We were possibly stupid, because all thoughts were gone.
Lost in something that seemed like magic,
we also lost ourselves,
only a little bit but a little bit nevertheless.
​

​It's not where you come from
It's not where you've been
It's not your bad choices
Nor the guilt that flushes in

It's not the people staring
Nor the thoughts in your head
It's not the voices saying
That you're better off dead.

It's the people that's around you
The people that you know
It's the songs that's on repeat
And the poems you read alone

It's the sun rising in the morning
And it's the raindrops splashing to the ground
It's the love that which surrounds you
And the home that you have found.

They always ask me what I wanna do
Then they use the big words
"Future" and "happy", sometimes "passion".
Almost always in the same sentence.

What do I wanna do?
"Good question", I say.
Then my thoughts wander on
Mostly they go something like; I want to scream.

I want to scream my lungs out,
Scream until the air is gone,
My insides punctured,
and my breath is lost.

I know some people know partly what their answer is.
But I don't. How am I supposed to know
How am I supposed to have any idea what my future is going to look like
When my present, my today is so lost.

When I am so lost.

I have no interest in
hearing your apologizing words,
seeing your sorry eyes,
feeling your hand on my shoulder.

You had no interest in
showing me compassion,
thinking twice or
leaving your backstabbing knife alone.

So I'm leaving my poetic words at home,
there's really just two words that fit:

********.

Who knew
That we would end up like this
A giant rollercoaster that for a while only went up
I’ve never felt so high
I’ve never felt so good

Who knew
This rollercoaster suddenly would turn
I guess,
Everything that goes up has to come down
Every high has a come down

Who knew
That one year ago
One month ago
I was in love with you
I still am
But now I’m not even your second choice
Your B-team

Who knew
We would end up like this
Damaged, broken, ****** up

Once upon a time we were good
We were great, to be honest
Who knew…

It aches,
It hurts,
And it breaks my heart and soul,
To see your face,
hear your voice,
Turn around and realise to my despair,
That you arent there,
Not anymore.

The waves of guilt and pain,
That comes washing in,
Sometimes makes me numb,
Sometimes almost, dare I say,
Finishes me off.

When I think of you,
Your being,
Your smile,
I feel lost,
I feel regret,
I feel sorrow.
And may I say, even though it’s too late
I’m sorry

They say the eyes are the gates to the soul, to the heart
But when I look into your eyes, I only drown
They're a mystery, an ocean
You're a mystery
Your soul is secret, you heart is hidden
And I only drown in the beauty that is you

What am I to do,
when the painful storms in my head,
my heart,
my life,
controls me?

I don't think I understand
the concept of friends
the concept of loved ones
the face you can talk to in hard times
the place you can call home
the home which lies in a person

I don't think I understand
what it is to have a home
because whenever I find it
whenever my heart starts to heal

I always seem to run away

I am just like a comet
Flying, soaring, crashing down
Not caring about my direction
The burning fire in the back is my crown
I'm a distraction
Some say disaster
I say faster
I say free
I say
I am a comet
And if you're lucky you'll be one of the stars in my path
Before I crash, burn, die.

What's the difference between existing,
and living?
Which one am I doing?

School never taught you how to react or cope with death
Especially not deaths of dear ones
They just die, dissapear, leave, and you're there left
Left alone, alone, alone, alone
It hurts you know,
And the world keeps spinning
And the world moves on
I'm sitting there clenching my heart and head
Wondering how
Do
I
Move
On?

the fingertips hurt
the best kind of pain
beautiful music in my ears
the guitar strings vibrate

word come wobbling out of my mouth
sometimes they make sense
and sometimes they do not
sometimes they're nonsense

feelings have no reason
just wants to be expressed
comes and goes with the seasons
makes me feel both sad and blessed

To remember where I was
Just a few years ago
Feels like moments

To think of how I were
How I felt
What I believed
The forbidden way of thinking
The forbidden way of speaking
The forbidden me, in secret
****** up, not showing
'Cause feeling is weakness
Feeling is wrong
And therapy was never a friend

That is my past
It's done, and I'm reborn
Even though clinging on to something done is wrong
Not smart, not good nor healthy
I try not to remember
Try to leave it
But the past is like a shadow
It's always behind you
If you turn, you'll notice
It's lurking in the dark
I'm scared it'll drag me down

I'm thinking again
Feeling again
Thinking too much
Feeling too much

I feel like a storm,
A hurricane,
My mind is...
Collapsing

I don't understand
But in the end,
I never have
I never will

I'm just trying to understand
Something my eyes see
That my heart doesn't
A new story,
My mind is making,
To make sense of it all

You are a firework,
Big, colorful, beauty, bright.

The only problem with fireworks,
Is that they always fade to soon.

don't fade away, please

Little did they how important they were,
How much they were needed,
How lost I am without,
How alone I am.
Little did they know,
Little did they understand,

Little.

Sometimes you have to draw a l
                                                        i
                                                        n
                                                        e in the sand.

you're an oasis stream,
running through my empty wasteland

And the world looked down at her and laughed. It laughed, and laughed, and laughed, the world started crying, and the raindrops then hit her head. And all Autumn felt was now loneliness, sadness and despair. Even though she was surrounded by people that loved her, and that she loved, she had never felt lonelier. And it struck her like a lightning that maybe the world hated her, and she hated it, and maybe it was best for the both of them that she disappeared. Because that was how everything felt at the moment, or the last months. She had never cried herself to sleep that often, she had never felt more pains in her chest, and heart. She had never felt more hopeless, she had never felt more stupid and like a waste of space. And then the world stopped laughing, so the rain stopped, and she felt the earth move. That was maybe the earth’s way to say; yes.

So she climbed up on the top of the building, looked down, and then the earth started laughing, bringing the tears. Autumn felt the rain in her hair, her face, her hands, she was soaked. And then she looked down from the edge, and the earth stopped again. She could feel it spinning, she felt dizzy, she felt sad, she felt hopeless, she felt… lonely. She put one step on the edge, and then she flew away. Like a little bird reaching for the sky, only that Autumn was going the other way.

So many stories are alike,
With only a few small differences to count them apart.
Still they are far from the same.
My story may sound like yours,
But we've got different chapters in between.
And the ending's not settled.

Silence,
so calm.
Surrounding it, surrounding me.
Just staying there, silently.
Like a feather swirling slowly downwards,
with no sound.

I am so breathtakingly in love with you.
The mere thought of you make me shiver,
And your images flashing through my mind makes me smile.
I can feel it in every muscle, cell and in my veins that when you're near,
I have no fear or doubt or regrets. I'm in love with you.
And my every living cell knows it too. I know that the sun will rise again,
the rain is falling,
I know that one day the earth will surrender and we will all die.
And I know that I am breathtakingly, beautifully, wonderfully in love with you.

You take my breath away,
You leave me speechless.
And like that wasn’t enough,
I’m here with no words left.
Come what will come may,
But right now, I’m in love.
With no words left for you to say.

They are talking
Together
But the words
Are going
In two
Different directions

He is beauty
like the stars that glow in the night sky,
he shines as bright.
Because whenever I’m with him,
The day is never gloom
Because whenever I’m with him
He doesn’t just hold the light that guides me,
He is the light.
And light is always the better, light defeats the darkness.
Just as the good defeat the evil
He is the better, he makes me better
whenever I’m with him,
He makes me a better person
He is beauty.
Not only because of the way he is,
But also what he makes me.
To make someone feel better, be better, and do better
Is beauty to me.