Alias Nov 2016

​It's not where you come from
It's not where you've been
It's not your bad choices
Nor the guilt that flushes in

It's not the people staring
Nor the thoughts in your head
It's not the voices saying
That you're better off dead.

It's the people that's around you
The people that you know
It's the songs that's on repeat
And the poems you read alone

It's the sun rising in the morning
And it's the raindrops splashing to the ground
It's the love that which surrounds you
And the home that you have found.

I found a home. It's not a place, it's not a "somewhere", it's someone.
Alias Nov 2016

They always ask me what I wanna do
Then they use the big words
"Future" and "happy", sometimes "passion".
Almost always in the same sentence.

What do I wanna do?
"Good question", I say.
Then my thoughts wander on
Mostly they go something like; I want to scream.

I want to scream my lungs out,
Scream until the air is gone,
My insides punctured,
and my breath is lost.

I know some people know partly what their answer is.
But I don't. How am I supposed to know
How am I supposed to have any idea what my future is going to look like
When my present, my today is so lost.

When I am so lost.

I don't think I've ever felt more lost
Alias Oct 2016

I have no interest in
hearing your apologizing words,
seeing your sorry eyes,
feeling your hand on my shoulder.

You had no interest in
showing me compassion,
thinking twice or
leaving your backstabbing knife alone.

So I'm leaving my poetic words at home,
there's really just two words that fit:

fuck you.

Alias Sep 2016

Who knew
That we would end up like this
A giant rollercoaster that for a while only went up
I’ve never felt so high
I’ve never felt so good

Who knew
This rollercoaster suddenly would turn
I guess,
Everything that goes up has to come down
Every high has a come down

Who knew
That one year ago
One month ago
I was in love with you
I still am
But now I’m not even your second choice
Your B-team

Who knew
We would end up like this
Damaged, broken, fucked up

Once upon a time we were good
We were great, to be honest
Who knew…

I don't know what happened, but now I'm his last solution and it hurts. It was a good relationship, now it's poisonous but I don't want to end it. I don't want to say goodbye.
Alias Jul 2016

It aches,
It hurts,
And it breaks my heart and soul,
To see your face,
hear your voice,
Turn around and realise to my despair,
That you arent there,
Not anymore.

The waves of guilt and pain,
That comes washing in,
Sometimes makes me numb,
Sometimes almost, dare I say,
Finishes me off.

When I think of you,
Your being,
Your smile,
I feel lost,
I feel regret,
I feel sorrow.
And may I say, even though it’s too late
I’m sorry

my mother killed herself 6 months ago, and I still see her face and hear her voice sometimes...
  Jul 2016 Alias
complexify
mad

i'm mad at myself
for not changing to who i should be.

i'm mad at myself
for trusting people
whenever they say "trust me".

i'm mad at myself
for bleeding
when people stab my back
with their deceiving knives.

i'm mad at myself
for hiding my feelings
for pushing people away
when i needed them the most.

i'm mad at myself
for not being me
i changed a lot
i don't even know what's real.

i'm mad at myself
for being heartless
i used to be so sensitive
but i just cannot feel any less.

i know i'm not the only one, but this hurts.
Alias May 2016

They say the eyes are the gates to the soul, to the heart
But when I look into your eyes, I only drown
They're a mystery, an ocean
You're a mystery
Your soul is secret, you heart is hidden
And I only drown in the beauty that is you

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