I am not at fault.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Why am I being treated as though I did?

Stop it with the pity and the shame.
I am not ashamed. I don't need pity.
Especially not yours.

Life is messed up, but I am not.

One in five. one in five. ONE IN FIVE
One in five LGBTQ+ people have been mistreated because of their ****** orientation. It's not that hard to find these statistics. Look it up. Look up anything about LGBTQ+ people and I'm sure you'll find mistreatment.
I'm sure you'll find harm.
I'm sure you'll find that they harm themselves.
Because they feel at fault.
It's not their fault that they feel a common emotion towards another person you, selfish, close-minded..
mmm.

No.
Four in five. four in five. FOUR IN FIVE
Don't talk about it.
The way they were mistreated.
If you don't really get that
If you can't  really fathom that
Almost all of them
Almost every single one of these people that have been mistreated don't even talk about it they don't reach out they don't tell
anyone

NEARLY HALF
of LGBTQ+ people in school are bullied
Are mistreated
Are hurt
Are mocked
Are called names
***
******
***.
In school.
Yeah, bullying happens all the time over stupid ****. All the time. Wearing glasses, looking different, being gay.
I get it.
It happens.
Whatever.
Nearly half.

"72 countries criminalise same-*** relationships ...
The death penalty is either ‘allowed’, or evidence of its existence occurs, in 8 countries
In more than half the world, LGBT people may not be protected from discrimination by workplace law
Most governments deny trans people the right to legally change their name and gender from those that were assigned to them at birth
Between 2008 and 2014, there were 1,612 trans people were murdered across 62 countries - equivalent to a killing every two days
A quarter of the world’s population believes that being LGBT should be a crime"

Oh hey, just some statistics. Isn't that interesting. Isn't it cool to take a step back and check that out. That's pretty crazy huh? Pretty outrageous. But, you know, maybe if you weren't such a
***.

I did nothing
wrong.
I tried to stop it.
I tried.
But how can you stop
Doing
What
Is
Natural.

People are hurting
People are dying
People are being killed
People are killing themselves

Stop it with the pity and the shame.

We are not to blame.

How is it
You leave me
So breathless?

Such an
Odd
Way
To ******.

No breath
In my lungs
Leaves me room
In my mind
To imagine
The things
We could do.

Trying to find a place to cry.
How pathetic is that.

Not my house,
My family will ask.
Not my dorm,
My roommate will wonder.
Can't park in my car,
People will pull over.
(People are so ******* kind in that way).

So I'll drive.
And I'll cry.
Like a child
Who didn't get his way.
Which,
In a way,
Is fairly accurate.

But I need to cry somewhere.
The pressure is building up
In my head
In my heart
In the pit of my stomach.
Waiting there
To make its debut.

So I'll drive.
And I'll cry.
And I'll let it all out.
Because I want you
But he has you
And I didn't get my way.
And on second thought no,
Not like a child.  
A child is much more
Mature.

Because I won't apologize
For throwing a fit.
Because I still want you.
So I'll just drive for awhile.
And let it all out
On the road.
Throwing a fit
In my '91 Chevy.

Nothing compares to a kiss on the lips.
You can brush your lips up against her temple
And you can kiss him on the cheek,
But all those kisses pale in comparison
To a kiss on the lips.

See there's a sort of passion and commitment
That can only be found when lips collide.
You can share a moment with his neck
And give her love on the small of her back
But all those kisses pale in comparison
To a kiss on the lips.

Because while our lips are making small talk in the space between our cheeks we share in a sort of connection that only lips can provide. A sort of understanding that this is more than just a moment of lust, or a second of seduction. This is a sort of connection that holds its ground. Because even if love fails, lips are remembered. Lips don't forget. Lips are forever.

Relax.
Everything's
Gunna be
Alright.
Relax now.
Deep breaths.
Inhale. Exhale.
Now remember all the
Good times.
Yeah, you'll be alright.
Only a few more deep breaths,
Until all things work out again.

Good days come and pass,
But bad days stop all time.
They bring about
Tears of spite
They darken every rhyme.
I hate bad days
They ruin me,
They take from me my joy.
And sweep away all thoughts of peace
With their malicious ploy.

She tucks her hair
Behind her ear
Just to have it slip down
Once more.

Can you blame it?
Her hair.
For ever wanting
To caress her cheek
Once more.

There once was a father antelope
Who loved fruit salad
As well as his one and only
Antelope daughter.

One day
A young boy antelope
Came sauntering over
And took a liking to
The daughter.

So he asked the father antelope,
"May I marry your daughter?"
And father antelope said,
"No."

And oh the young boy antelope
Begged and
Begged and
Begged
The father for his daughter's
Hand in marriage.
But he refused.

But you see,
The daughter antelope
Loved the young boy antelope
And she wanted so badly to marry him.

So she made up her father's
Favorite dish,
A fruit salad
With all the fruits you could
Think of.

There was
Strawberries
And
Blueberries
And
Cantaloupe
And
Watermelon
And
Every
Single
Fruit.

She knew this was the way to her father's heart
So she brought it to him
That very day
And she said,
"Please oh please father.
Let me marry the young boy antelope."
And her father said,
"No."
And she
Begged and
Begged and
Begged
Him to let her marry him.
But all he would say was,
"No."

So she brought out her special weapon,
She showed him the salad made from
Every fruit imaginable,
Like
Strawberries
And
Blueberries
And
Cantaloupe
And
Watermelon
And
Every
Single
Fruit.

And she told him,
"If you will not let me marry him,
Then we will run away together
And get married far far away
Without your permission."

And the father looked deep into the fruit salad.
He looked long and hard.
He looked at the
Strawberries
And
Blueberries
And
Cantaloupe
And
Watermelon
And
Every
Single
Fruit.

And without looking up
Without breaking his gaze
With that lovely fruit salad
He said to her,
"No.
Antelope
Cantaloupe."

The end.

I'm tired of hiding
Behind playful banter
And casual laughter.

I'm bisexual.
And I'm so **** tired
Of pretending that I'm not.

Why does it matter really
If I'm so willing to love?
This is a thing that should be praised,
Not hidden away.

If it's what's on the inside
That matters the most,
Then why are we so concerned
About what sort of genitalia
Someone has
In order
To love them.

The boy was young
The girl was sweet
And their love made
The sun speak.

And their love grew
And life broke forth,
A child
Who'll make
Your knees weak.

She grips her sides with laughter
He kisses her through his smile.
She looks into his eyes at once
And they radiate his joy.

She comes around the corner
Just moments ago she was nothing,
But when she glances at them
She becomes all things at once.

She cannot let this show now,
To him or her or others.
They have something together,
So does she.

So she goes off to her lover
And they share some time together,
With all the laughter and the kisses
Those two shared.

But every chance she gets
She will peer around the corner
To catch another glimpse of them
To covet their true love.

And then one day they spot her.
They catch her hand in passing
And hold on to her breath
Till morning comes.

They all share in this feeling,
With him and her and her.
They're caught up in emotion
When the sunrise light breaks forth.

And she leaves her magic slipper
Like a modern Cinderella,
But as they hold it in their hands
It is her heart.

So she goes off to her lover
And they share some time together.
With all the laughter and the kisses
Those three shared.

His soothing eyes
And his carefree smile
Are all I need
In the midst
Of such
Uncertainty.

My house is a closet
And I spend my days peeking through the cracks
In the door.

Trying to get out
While you cling to the keys
And lock me inside.

Music has started
To physically move me
In ways
I never knew
Could be.

All things sweet
Once stood for taste,
Now have all roots in you.
This and that and all these things find their way to your lips.
They spill out when you speak to me and take up root inside my heart.
All these things never need to hold water with time.

They may fade,
And that's alright.
These things they come and go.
But nothing will take them from my memories.
They live there forever.
Taking root.

She's in her clothes
And on her lips
Her kiss is there forever.

He takes her in
With all his love
And brings her all together.

She smells so sweet
And tastes of lust
And true love for another.

He's in her mind
And on her tongue
He says she's oh so clever.

Her scent is on her shirt now.
The one he now slips under.
Her fingers through her hair now.
His mind is on no other.
She's puling her in close now.
His lips upon her collar.
She smells just oh so sweet now.
He whispers oh so clever.

"Why don't you come home more often?"
"Why don't you bring that nice boy of yours over anymore?"
"Why don't we get to meet this friend that you talk about so much?"

You ask
So many
Questions.

And I just shut down
And you just get mad
Because I have nothing to say
That will please you.

Why don't I come home more often?
Because this place no longer feels like home.
Home is where you are accepted
Not judged.
Home is where you are safe
Not targeted.
Home is where you feel loved
And I don't feel loved here
Anymore.

Why do I no longer bring my boyfriend around?
Because he can smell plastic people
From a mile away
And he turned into a greyhound
The moment he caught wind of your *******.
He isn't as courteous as I am
And I envy him greatly for that.
He won't paint his skin to match your plastic shine
Just to be called one of your own.
I wish I could do the same.

Why don't you get to meet my friend?
Because I'm in love with her.
And my bisexuality is the only thing I have left
That you cannot
Judge
Or
Taint
Or
****.
You can be as homophobic as you want about my friend
Because he likes boys
And you can change the channel
When you see two girls kiss
But you can't see what's right in front of your face.
You created the very thing
You despise.
So I won't bring her over
Because my kiss is still on her lips
And my boyfriend holds my hand
Through it all
Because he knows
That I need this.

You made three perfect children.
All married.
One grandchild
One on the way.
Two girls and one boy
Living out your dreams.
A scientist and a nurse and an aspiring policeman.

But don't you forget
That you also made me.
Your little
Outgoing
Antisocial
Loving
Bitter
Bisexual
Baby.
The youngest of four.
The "oops" of the litter.
You made me.
But that doesn't mean you
Own me.
And that doesn't mean you
Define me.
And that doesn't mean you
Need to accept me.
Because I don't need your acceptance.
I don't need you at all.

So
"I won't be back home for awhile."
"Alright. We love you."
"If only."

I told.
Someone.
I told them.
Who I am.
How I feel.
About you I mean.

That's right.
You don't know.
That's okay.
Let's just leave it.
That way.

I fell in love with a girl.
That's all there is to it.
Nothing fancy.
I just
Fell in love.

You say
I have

K i n d. E y e s.

I say
"Wait till you
Get me to

C l o s e. T h e m."

I'd isolate myself and sit for hours if I could
Paying little mind to the things I know I should.
I'm slowly losing interest,
I feel misunderstood.
If I could fix these problems in a heartbeat then I would.

Your body is a work of art.
And I have just recently become
A connoisseur.

I will forever try
To show you
Your worth
Again.

fly me far from here
send my heart back home
a sickness in my gut
don't leave me here alone.

We don't like to fight
So we just go to sleep
We pretend it's all a dream
And we don't wake up until we
Believe it.

Your scent is on my clothes.
Or is it on my skin?
Never matter where it is,
It may as well be everywhere.
It's all I can think about.

I want to catch up all the sunlight
And give it to you.
And yes, people will be upset,
Because I took their sun away,
But they will understand
Once they see your face.

Because there is no truer thing
Than the obvious chemistry
Between you
And all things
Light.

Color on your skin,
I know you'll let me in
With a smile on your lips
And swing upon your hips.

I'd rather risk her knowing the truth
Than lose her.

It seems I've let my insecurities take control of me.
It's true what they say,
that people hurt other people because they are hurt within themselves. That's really what it's all about.
Us.
We did something that we aren't proud of
and instead of accepting that and learning,
we find it in someone else and we blame them.
It's time to take charge of our faults.
It's time for me to blame myself.
It's time.

I care far less
About what people think of me
And far more
About what I think of myself.

Don't act as though my opinion
Matters to you
At all.

Grant me the words
"I don't care."

So that I don't waste my precious thoughts
On your unworthy ears.

Her movements
Are so fluid
There is no reason
To alter the specifics
To make them more appealing
When transferring them to words.

No need for analogies
Or symbolism.

She dips her head back
And lets it slip from
One shoulder
To the other.
Resting on each one
Ever so slightly
To greet them both
The same.

Her hand
Puppeteers her arm upward
To swipe her fingers
Across her brow.
A gentle kiss of reassurance
That morning has at last
Arrived.

Her thumbs lead the way
For her hands to follow
As they slip behind her ears
And make their way down to the ends
Of her hair.
But before they finish their descent,
They meet together
Her smooth hair stops them from making
Total impact.
The right stays put, creating ******* for the hair that is left behind.
The left guides the remaining strands around her shoulder
To rest there
As her hand continues down her chest.
Something that she only allows her own kind
To do.

Her actions alone are pure poetry.
From turning her head,
To stretching her arms,
To simply putting up her hair.
It is all poetic
To witness
To experience
To love.

I get lost in your eyes
In the purest of ways,
Like being lost on the beach
On the sunniest days.

And I'm caught by your touch,
So smooth and so sure,
I'm caught altogether
In all that we were.

The look
The lips
The way
The moves
Defeat me

And her kisses were fading,
They were growing ever slower
As they moved away from her
Over to him.

And she always saw it coming,
They were never truly lovers,
But it hit her in the stomach
Just the same.

And now that she has left her
And she went off to her other,
She doesn't really know
Just how to feel.

Because while she may have her other,
As her never lover did,
The loss she feels
Is ever just the same.

So simple
So sadistic.
Satirical and
Sad.

A storm of emotions it
Seems I'm going mad.

I'd have to live
In a dark,
Dull world
To have any chance of
Forgetting you.

You were everything beautiful and bright.

If you are reading this, I apologize.
I didn't want you to discover me in this way.
I didn't want you to discover me at all.

I thought that I could go on lying to myself,
To continue with this facade,
But I just can't do it anymore.

And I don't know how to 'come out'
In the way that I should
And I'm not even sure if I want to.

But if you're reading this
Then I suppose you already know.
I am who I am, and I can't change that.

Milk
is weird right?
Like why
How did we even
Anyway.
That's not important
I actually love you
HAH
Like.
A lot.
But really milk?
Just hop on under that cow and
How do you always smell so nice GOD it's infuriating
And your eyes make me want to
And then we drink it?! Like what come on
That's just ridiculous.
Can you imagine the guy who was the first one to even TRY
to hold your hand. God I'd love to. But I can't. Because
It had to weird out some people honestly this can't just be me who's out here thinking about when on earth did we start just drinking cow's milk. Was someone just like "Well when I was younger my mother
And then you smile.
Oh my god I can't breathe and you ask me something.
****.
**** what did you say.
I was watching your mouth move and you said something now your eyes your eyes they're looking at me and I don't know what you said so I just say
***** milk I guess whatever though.

She sends me snippets of her body in photographs. If I was meant to forget her then why would she torture me so? Her hands and her hair. Her eyes and neck and lips. So vivid in a glimpse, I can taste her. Not so innocent when she's unzipping her top in this shot. Not so sweet as she sends me her bare hips.
Photographs.
Are such.
A tease.

Every time I close my eyes
It hurts a little more.

Because I know I'm one night closer
To you being gone.

How is it that a sin
That is worthy of death
Can be something
That some cannot
Control.

Granted,
I may not have come out of my mother
Telling her that
I like
Boys
And
Girls.
But that doesn't mean it's not true now.

How was I to know
That after 19 years
Of waiting for a man
To sweep me off my feet,
I would catch her eye
And feel something new.

Something that I had felt before
But different.
Like when I hold his hand
Or when he kissed my cheek
Just how she holds my gaze
And makes my knees go weak.

You can't just tell me to stop.
No matter how many times you say it's wrong.
I've read that Bible through and through
From Genesis to Isaiah to the book of Matthew.
I was raised in the church
And in a Christian school
So don't you tell me what I know
To be "true."
Because I can't help this.

It's like when you stop a wildfire from spreading.
You may have extinguished its flame
But that doesn't mean it didn't burn.
And if you find it humorous
To judge a fire
For not just burning the grass,
But also the trees,
Then how equally ridiculous is it
For you to judge me
For not just loving the birds,
But also the bees.

The wildfire
Didn't set out to ****
It was simply doing
What it felt was right.
And you can extinguish it,
Yeah you can put it out.
But that doesn't change the fact
That it happened.
And that doesn't change the fact
That I love her.
And that doesn't change the fact
That I love him
Too.

You have no idea what it does to me
When you call my name.
When you look my way
When you put that smile
On your face.

You have no idea.
Have no idea.
No idea.
What you do.

I bite my lip
And it leaves a mark,
Anything to take you off my mind.

Yeah I bite my lip
In hopes of blood
In hopes of pain
To feel something else
To take you off my mind.
Like a
"Squeeze my hand and the shot won't hurt."
Or a
"Rip off the bandaid real quick."
But it doesn't work.

So I bite my lip
To think of something else
To take you off my mind.

So imagine my surprise
When I bite my lip
And instead of pain
I get memories.
Of you slipping your lip
Between your teeth
And biting down ever so slightly
Ever so sultry
Ever so ****
HOW DO YOU DO THAT.

You're the last thing that I need
But you're the first thing on my mind
And I don't mind no I don't mind
You filling up all of my head.
But see I have another who should be there,
Filling up my thoughts and taking claim of my heart.
Yeah and they rightfully earned their place there.
Oh but you just slipped in
(you sneaky **** *******)
Just the way your lip slips between your teeth.

So I can't bite my lip
I can't make myself bleed
Because I only taste you
In my mouth.
And I only feel you
On my tongue.
And I only want you
In my thoughts.
And I can't take you
Off my mind.

Why is it that
Young and love
Are thought with such
Disdain?

As though there is
No chance or way
For that love to
Remain.

And people frown
Upon all love
That their minds can't
Explain.

Yet young's a love
That all minds hope
They one day may
Attain.

Her beautiful, beautiful
Breath.
From her beautiful, beautiful
Mouth.
Onto my desperate, desperate
Skin.
And I'm always, always
Wanting.
More
More
More.

Sometimes
I catch my eye
In the mirror.

I catch myself
Looking at me
And I give a wink
And a smile.

I ask me
How I'm getting along
And
If I'm doing well.

And then I part ways
With my mirror self
Because for some reason
All I can get
From mirror me
Is responses
That are made up
Of the very same
Questions
That I had asked myself.

And I just cannot handle
The kind of pressure
That those loaded questions
Hold.

I've been subjected
To far too much
Of your *******.

One
Two
Three.
Each have their equal.

Makes a
Two
Four
Six.
All married in the squeal.

Make a movie from this *******.
Write a trilogy for youth.
Paste the pictures on a portrait.
Turn the ******* into truth.

Truth.
What's the
Truth.
Lately I don't give a
****.

Where is God
Where is Allah
Where is Buddha
Where is man.

They're all out there to
Protect us
To give us a glimmer of
Hope.
But I don't feel protected
Not in all of this
*******.

You can't tell me that I matter
With a straight face.
And how funny it is
That you expect me to believe you
When you say it'll be "alright"
And you whisper
"baby please don't
fright"
Baby baby please don't
Frighten the children
With your talk of
Failing kingdoms
And your thoughts of
Desperation.
Baby baby please
Keep it to yourself.

Do you see it yet?
Can you taste it?
All the
*******.
So readily available
For us to take.
To inhale
To pop down
To drink
To inject
To "respect your authority"
To "mother knows best"

Don't let it swallow you up.
When one turns to two
And two turns to four
And then three turns to six
And you're the last one left
To pick up the sticks
Of your crumpling family tree.

Maybe if your two sisters and your brother
All got married and went off with their
New little families
You would understand
Just what I'm going through.
This failing family I'm asked to
Hold together with old band aids
That were used to cover the
Scars in this unit we shared.
Those scars that we swept under the rug
Those "let's not talk about it"
Those "she'll be alright."
I'm sure she just got overwhelmed
By this single moment.
There can't be anything
That we're missing.
There can't be a question
We didn't ask.

It's all *******.

How much longer must I paint on my face
Each morning
To maintain this facade
That I'm not broken inside.
That I'm not so
God
****
Alone.

Drowning
Down
Down
Down
In all of this
*******.

Trying to reach the surface
Trying to let you know that I'm
Not okay.
And that I'm no longer sure that
I will be.

How much longer must I
Stay here.
Hearing you all sing
"Baby baby it'll be alright
Don't you worry don't you fright
It's just a phase
It's just a feeling
It'll pass
It'll pass."
Well let me tell you what.
Let's pretend you care for a minute
And hear me out one last time.
Then I'll shut up and you can go on
Drinking down your ******* with a painted on smile.

Sometimes people are not okay.
Sometimes people are suicidal.
Sometimes people are struggling.
Sometimes people fail.
And sometimes people don't need a doctor
Or a pill off some prescription
To be okay again.
Sometimes they need you
To break through the *******
And to stop caring about
Politics and what your mother and father taught you
To be right.
Sometime you need to forget it all for a friend.
Tear away the stigmas and the stereotypes and all of the
*******
And just hear them out.
Hold them close and tell them
"Baby baby it's okay
To not be okay
All of the time."

Sometimes we just need a break
From the *******.
So please,
Just give me some space.
I'll be okay.
I'm sure I just got overwhelmed
By this single moment.
It's just a phase
It's just a feeling
It'll pass.
It'll pass.