You went on your fishing trip
Caught a big one this time,
You said.
This one's a bit heavy,
Weighed down.
With a sharp tug on the pole,
You finally retrieved your catch.
Well, what is it?,
You asked.
You held something in your hand
Pulsing and black.
Whatever it is,
It's not worth it.
You threw it back into the water,
Back into the dark depths.
Let's keep on fishing.
I wanna catch a big bass.

They say there's plenty of fish in the sea
But you didn't even notice,
When you caught my heart.
Sure,
It was beaten
Almost unrecognizable.
But it only took you a second,
To judge my darkness
As impairment,
And toss me back to a personal hell
You reeled in my heart,
And you didn't even know.

I'm sorry I can't be
**The catch of the day.

An empty chair
In the center of a dark room
Filled with tormented souls
Thinking of the ******
The lost
The forgotten.
The empty chair
There to remind them
Of all their loss
All of their grief
An empty chair
That used to be occupied
In a bright room
Filled with lively souls
Thinking of futures
Of universes
Of stars
An empty chair that once held hope.

Sadness was only a muse
And now it has gone away

Anger came in second
And it no longer has use

I'm left without muses
In my new happy, little world

Nothing to write about
No hurt, no pain

I thought I'd be happy
To see happiness again

And that is the conundrum,
My friends.

A poet thrives on it,
The sadness, the anger.

They love writing about the hurt and the pain
What do they do when it has left?

Why should I be afraid
Of the dark?
It accepts me into its shadows,
It comforts me in the night.
It allows me to be unseen.
I have become friends with the boogeyman,
And the monster under my bed.
Why should I be afraid
Of the dark?
When I have lived here
For years?

He said,
"It's not you, it's me."
And I agreed.

There's always that one girl.
So used to dealing with horrors
That she's learned to smile through it
She never cries
She always listens
Everyone thinks she is a great friend
But one day she will die.

She will drown in the tears
Of the people she tried to help

No one will realize,
That the girl who had helped them
Broke piece by piece
Because although she listened to everyone,
No one ever listened
To her silent pleas

It is becoming more difficult
It seems;
To hide behind the walls
I built years ago.
The dark cages behind my eyes.
The pain that I trapped,
Hoping it would never escape.
But there is a crack in my walls,
And I am vulnerable.
From the hammer
To which
Only you hold.

She started off-
As they all do,
Following the path,
As told by her elders.

She was told to find her purpose-
Her place in this world.
She began a journey,
Ready for the adventure.

She discovered the stars,
And danced in the moonlight.
She climbed many mountains,
And came face to face with a god.

She unearthed wonderful elixirs,
That allowed her to converse with many.
She became one with these people,
They helped her understand humanity.

She ran through the streets,
Of many foreign places,
For the adventure,
To meet so many new faces.

She needed to find her purpose,
Her one final stop.
But no one ever told her the truth.
There was no final stop.

She convinced herself the journey was over.
She fell in love with a wonderful man,
And got to work,
She assumed her purpose would come-

Some day.

Where do you find the light
When they have snuffed the flame out of you
I look to others
But the flame is gone in them too
Nobody knows warmth anymore
Where is the light
Is it truly gone

I remember when the sun shone on us all
Perhaps
We are learning to exist in the dark

She looked everywhere-
For passion,
For whatever meaning to life-
Happiness.

And yet,
She lost who she was
In the journey
Of finding herself.

It was her smile
That could light up a room
But a single frown
That could shatter everyone near her
She wore the crown
Encrusted in jewels
And even then
We all shattered more than we shined.
A lonely life on the throne
Catches up
To even the greatest of rulers

It was her illness
But it was everyone else
Who suffered

Constantly running a race
That involves everyone
Indescribable and painful obstacles
That we must overcome.
Hurrying as fast as possible
To get to an unknown destination;
Places we only hear about
Places we've never seen.
People have fallen behind me
Lost in this race,
And it's only a matter of time
Before I trip,
And get trampled by millions.

There was me-
The girl who listened
And watched,
The girl who never did,
But never told.
The box of secrets
I held inside
Bursting at the latch
Never tell what's not mine to tell
But never admit to my own endeavors
I am the girl who has seen it all
In my short life
Without saying a word
Without anything to prove
Without trying to be
Like everyone else.

You grabbed the rule book
And ripped it in half
Then you blamed
The other players of the game
For your own misery

You never did like rules.
You created your own as you went
But when things didn't go your way,
It was the fault of others.
And now you're alone.

Cheaters never win the game.

She gracefully walked into the ocean
Her dress flowing behind her
Welcoming the waves,
It seemed,
As an old friend.
She looked to the horizon-
Smiling,
As she dipped below the surface.

When she disappeared,
Some questioned whether she had drowned,
But no,
The Selkie had simply
Returned to her home
In the depths of the sea.

There is a dark shadow
In the corner of my room.
I did not notice it at first,
But I think it has been there for months-
Growing-
And growing-
And snuffing out the light.

I only realize its presence now-
As half of the room
Is shrouded in darkness.

It has become hard to see.

In the silence,
I find every broken piece of myself
Their sharp edges cut me until I bleed
Forcing me to drop them to the floor-
The pain too much to bear.
Perhaps it is not worth it
To repair the shattered remains of my past.
The pieces on the floor
Taunt me to try again.

The silence here is deafening,
And still I do not whisper for aid.

It was the summer of us.
Dumb decisions
We needed to learn from
Drunken nights
We barely remember
Life seemed simple
But the impending future
Glared at us with icy eyes
We tried to grasp every moment
Spend time with each other
Meaningless arguments
Deep discussions
Hidden loves
Because the fear of leaving
We knew no attraction would ever work
Some friends we have lost
We know the ending
We'll all lose touch eventually
What was the point behind all those years?
Fighting our way to the top
Only to be back on the bottom
The fear was deep within us
Make new friends
Make a new life
We were afraid to leave each other
Came to know each others tendencies
The most common phrase being
Let's make sure we keep in touch
We all know that's a lie.
Kisses behind barns
And parties in pastures
We know some will never leave this town
But we pretend to know our own futures
We all talk about out different paths
Our fears
Our hidden excitement
We really don't want to leave,
But we really really do.
Our goodbyes are coming
And we'll all cry when they do
But for now let's just pretend
We're all happy in our uncomplicated lives
Because we know our new lives begin
When we separate from each other
So let's be dumb
Stay up too late with some whiskey
Just talk about our fears
Because we are in the same boat
Live a little and have some flings
Let's make some bad decisions
Because this is our last summer
Before our lives begin,
And we want to remember it.

The sun is never afraid to rise,
So why am I?
To shed my skin in a fiery blaze-
Like a phoenix opening her wings.
To become anew.

But the fear is always there.
A fear of future possibilities.
I hide in the dark,
Prowling in the moonlight,
Waiting for the sun to rise by itself.

But I need to become the sun.
I need to rise.
I need to try.
Or I risk living in the darkness forever.

And the tower I built
Standing strong for many years
Went tumbling down
And I was falling
I was falling

Hit the ground broken and ******
I don't know how
To put myself back together
Pieces of my life strewn everywhere
Where do I begin?
*How do I rebuild my tower?

We didn't realize how broken we were
Until they told us to be apart
Alone with only the home we have built.

The hospitals overflowing
Doctors deciding who lives and who dies
Some don't go because they can't afford to

There are those who can't pay rent
And those who can't buy basic necessities
The elderly, immunocompromised, and the poor

Significant others have realized that they love their person,
Or that they simply cannot be in the same room.
Online searches of divorce are rising

There are people who don't listen,
Don't take it too seriously.
Their mistake is killing grandparents.

And yet we still need to make money,
But some have lost their jobs.
And others are making minimum wage to be exposed.

This world is broken,
And the cracks are showing,
In this massive earthquake.

How long will this go on-
Humanity craves social interaction
And we deserve a world that works.

Be very careful
With your flaws.
They can be something
To love about yourself
Or they can be something
People hate you for.
Your destruction.
Be very careful.

When I was little,
A year seemed like infinity.
I had time to run around
And do what I wanted.
But now,
I am older.
And a year from now,
I will face new challenges.
But I'm not ready.
The time is going by too fast.
And I just can't seem
To run fast enough.

Time has lapsed
Things aren't any different from before
But I am.
Do you want to see me now
Now that I'm not with the new
Because now I tell the truth?

*I'm not the same
But you play the same game
This world is unchanged
I hear different music now
Even though the same song still plays
I can't even count how many days
Things have been this way
How long have I been different?

Time to stop running
It's time for me to face the truth.
Look away from my reflected hate
Forget all the painful loss
Realize that-
Nothing is ever going to work out for me,
But it's the same for most people
So hell,
I might as well try
To live a decent life.

And in all my life
I thought about
How wonderful it would be
To be a bird
To fly gracefully above the world
Above all the seas
Traveling with many companions
All the world questioning my adventures
To die a beautiful short life
But a meaningful one,
Without my knowledge of time.

To be a poet is more than-
Fancy words,
Alliteration,
Onomatopoeia,
Stanzas and rhythms,
Or even an excellent metaphor.

I believe a true poet-
Is honest.

Today was just another day.
Except I was alone,
And you weren't there.

Today was different.
As will tomorrow
And the many other todays.
I don't like today anymore.

I miss the mornings,
When I woke up
And thought, today will be great.
Today isn't great.
Not without you.

The music inside my head
Never goes away
Sometimes it's a lovely melody
Sometimes it's in disarray

I never quiet my mind
Because that is where she lives-
My creative self,
Her home for all these years.

But lately she has been silent,
And I do not know why.
I wonder if she's broken,
If she's still alive.

I miss her everday,
Every beautiful moment.
She's been with me forever,
My own special poet.

I hope she will return,
She made me feel alive.
To my creative self-
You don't need to hide.

I want to feel alive again,
Writing poem after poem
She had all the words for me,
She made my mind a home.

This one's for you.
My free spirit up in the sky,
I know you are watching me.
My toes in the sand
My eyes on the crashing waves
Beer in my hand
As the jazz blares in the background.

So this one's for you
Because I know that if you could be,
You'd be here too.

Gotta try harder
Have to stop failing.
But it's hard,
You know?
Life allows room for too much mistake.
Mistakes make us stronger
Because we learn from them.
But also,
They can destroy us.
Make us question ourselves,
Our values.
How can we live to perfection?
It isn't possible.
But the thought that we can,
Disappoints us
When we mess up.
I disappoint myself everyday,
So I tell myself
I gotta try harder
Have to stop failing.

It will be interesting to see-
The end of days.
When the sun is blocked out of the sky
And havoc will encompass the earth,
Will I be the one trying to find the light?
Or will I be the bacteria
Thriving in the darkness?

Toxic lies
Coming out of your mouth
Your toxic love
Covering me in faux happiness
The toxic substances
I've had to consume
To get your toxic personality
Out of my head

6 months
It said.
A trial run.
If you don't like it,
You can send it back.

I guess our love was kind of like that.

Have you ever danced
By yourself
Under a moonlit sky?
Completely out of your mind-
But the wind and birds and bugs
Create a background song
To life.
The grass under your feet
Makes you feel
Complete with nature.
And you dance-
You dance for the trees-
The stars-
Nature-
And for yourself.

It truly is an experience.

You're just as important to me
As I am to you.
So don't downplay yourself
As if you're nothing.
You are my everything.
You are the face
That I want to see when I wake up.
The voice that I want to hear say,
"Good morning, beautiful."
I listen to everyone's problems,
But yours are the only ones
That don't annoy me
Because they are my problems too
And I guess I just accepted
That I want to be with you
For a long long time
And I love that idea
Of us

As Halloween nears,
I think back to that Valentines Day
In February 2011,
My dad died.

As Halloween nears,
I think back to the pain I felt
Losing my father at such a young age,
My coach.

As Halloween nears,
I think back on my family
And how I had to be the strong one,
Still hurts

As Halloween nears,
I think about how much I hate death
How much I hate Valentines Day,
But I'm not alone.

Your father died today.
As Halloween nears for the years to come,
You will understand,
Why I hate Valentines Day so much.

Waiting on the beach
For the ship to come back.
Waiting for years
For a mythical life
The time I have waited
For your ship to return,
But you saw your way home
And I am in denial
You are never coming back

Food runs scarce
And fresh water is hard to find
I shall die before I realize,
I can make my own boat to survive.

I tried walking in the light
But I couldn't see.
The blinding light clouded my judgment
Everything shined
Everything was perfect.

I tried walking in the shadows
So that I could see.
In the darkness, my vision cleared
I could see dullness in others faces
The fake facade of all my favorite places
Everything was dark
Nothing is perfect.

You see,
The thing is,
I'm standing on an abandoned road
That goes two directions.
I can only choose to go one way
Because the distances are so far.
I need to find my direction
And go that way.
But,
I have no car
No bike.
I must walk.

The walls have never been taller,
But we are at war
Are you friend or foe?
Are you something more?
I only ask because-

The way your eyes shine
When you talk to me,
Fills me with a happiness I've never felt-
A sense of fullness-
A feast of butterflies.

The goofy smile you make
After you make a dumb joke,
Causes me to smile even harder-
But the laughter truly ensues,
When you laugh at my dumb jokes.

The ruffled hair look you have
When you've been working,
Makes me notice you even more.
A goofy smile on a good-looking guy
Another feast of butterflies.

So, tell me,
Are you friend or foe?
Because these tall walls
Are slowly coming down

Wanderer,
Where are you going?

Are you making a home here,
Or will you explore the world?

Will you stay and tend the fire,
Or will you fly too close to the sun?

Do you wish to sit idly as time passes,
Or will you run with the bulls?

Is a life of no change what you want,
Or will you seek a great perhaps?

Wanderer,
Were you meant for this life?
Were you not meant to be free?

We use our pens and pencils
As a way to fight the injustices of this world-
It is our biggest weapon.

People will read,
They will understand,
But they will not do.

I will write,
Because I understand,
Because it is the only thing I can do.

What else can I do-
When high society plans against us?
Pitting us against each other.

They watch us fight
They watch us suffer.
As they sit upon their thrones.

To my friends-
Please read,
Please write,
Please fight.

We need to count on each other to win this war.

Tonight I am 26
At a concert
Standing so close to the girl in front of me
I can smell her perfume
And coconut shampoo-
I am swaying with the crowd
And the person next to me
Has an expression of pure joy across her face
Vibrant lights race across the room
Revealing hundreds of people
Who are feeling what I am feeling.
We throw our hands in the air
And allow ourselves to escape reality
For just one night.

Tonight-
I am alive.
We are alive.

It only takes a split second
We are not invincible
Fate decides
The turns we take
The bad moments to look at our phones
Fate decides
Whether we see tomorrow's sunrise.
See our family one last time.

A young life taken
A mother is shaken
My eyes have opened
It could have been me
It could have been any of us.
But 18 years young
Lost to the world
Because
Fate decides.

Oh life
Is a beautiful, devastating mess
In a wonderful, insane world
With terrible, lovely people
With deadly, lively personalities

Because our lives
Can't be described by one word.
We are too complex
We, humans,
Are amazing and awful
All at once.

I found myself
Getting lost in your eyes
The same way
I've looked at the stars
Since I was 7

And every second
Feeling like a million years
Heavy with time
I sink deeper and deeper
While you raise me up

I found myself
In your eyes
Through your darkening gaze
This must be love-
This intoxicating feeling.

Don't forget my smile,
Especially on my rough days,
Don't forget my laugh,
When we were being rowdy,
Don't forget my friendliness,
Even when people didn't deserve it,
Don't forget my quirky habits,
That I always found fault in,
Don't forget how I chose my words,
And how I made every sentence count,
Don't forget how I wrote,
The flow of words on paper,
Don't forget my favorite things,
All the colors and my jersey numbers,
Don't forget my obsessions,
The many hours of reading,
Don't forget my love for others,
And how I was fascinated with other lives.
Don't forget my love for food,
The way I would criticize everything,
Don't forget my life,
Don't forget how much I lived,
Don't forget me,
When I'm gone.

See that bed?
That's where he had his heart attack
When my dad was alive.

See that hospital?
That's where he was
When my dad was alive.

See those chairs?
We sat there waiting
When my dad was alive.

See those double doors?
I walked through those
When my dad was alive.

See that fountain?
I used to see it everyday
When my dad was alive.

See that cafeteria booth?
That's where me and my family ate
When my dad was alive.

See that nurse?
I think she might recognize me from
When my dad was alive.

See that couch?
That's where I sat
When I learned
That my dad had died.