It's the darkest of words we are most related to.

She is my lifeline; my tether to the living world.

She is the wave that breaks down my rock wall.

A Soldiers worst nightmare, is death by his own hand.

This happiness is a drop in my ocean of contempt.

I thought I changed into another person,
But I hadn't.
I had just become a better version.

She is my escape from reality; my gift of joy.

My anger is my nuclear fallout
It's what is killing me and choking me out
It's not only sabotaging who I am
But all those around me have faced the slam

The concussion blast of this vicious mood
Unable to control myself, only to know I'm *******
I can only sit and watch like a movie on display
What actions I take and the horrific things I say

These words reach out to those I have wronged
To those situations I only prolonged
These words are not a justification
These words are for you to have relation

This is my apology for what I could not control
I have gotten better and will never let this take me whole.

May the pain we feel, be the growth we reveal.

I'm in complete disarray.
My life is in shambles and there is no return I say.
I'm a wanderer of my own cataclysmic oblivion.
Though I see all the doors, but escape is one in a million.
I'm pulverized by my past mistakes.
My soul is burdened and morose, are there any retakes?
But life is not a quiz, but a lesson to learn.
If you can gather the knowledge, will happiness return?
I'm in a constant state of bewildered frustration.
I need another dose and a recalibration.
Someday I will escape from my own mind.
But it's the answers and hopes that are scattered within, that I must find.

I find myself drowned in the wretched sorrows of my past.
I lay here dying and suffocating ever so slowly, never fast.
My mind has become a war zone to the most atrocious of thought.
Lash out physically at the unseen, my wake people hurt, the ones I fought.
I'm defective, broken and torn.
I'm used, battered and worn.
I find it harder each day to find a reason to fight.
I see my world being slowly consumed by darkness, where is my light?
I am growing sick of the constant pain.
Timeless, everlasting catastrophe of emotion I can't contain.
I feel my hearts will to beat beginning to fade.
I should just give in to the call, let myself die and in my sorrows, my lifeless body will wade.

My defeat will be the lies I fail to deceit.

My minds weaponized thoughts will be my downfall and suicide.

Don't let your halo become the noose that chokes you.

True anger is just the release of your inner madness.

I didn't look to find a little of me in you.
I looked to see if I could find a bit of you in me.

Our love is like a match.
It's a burst of love and life,
That finds a steady pace.
Until death comes along,
And wins the race.

It's you in which I'm infatuated,
It's what we have that can't be debated.
I need you by one of my sides,
Because in your hands is where my soul resides.
I found it to be the safest place,
Just like how it is with my lips to your face.
You are a glimmering soul,
That I need to be with no matter the toll.
The cost cannot compare,
To the feeling of your hand in my hair.
I love the being you have helped create in me,
I have never thought this could be.
I love harder than before,
I do right down to your core.
My old anger is but a myth,
Forged into something greater by my inner blacksmith.
You are the only one who appreciates who I am,
Even at my worse you didn't give a ****.
For this and your existence I'm forever knelt,
Because this is by far the best hand I've ever been dealt.

Stars show their absolute beauty, in the aftermath of destruction.

In the midst of sadness, the only solace is anger.

I had the stars to gaze upon
To escape to when I feel I have not won
An endless beauty one can soak in for hours
Within the nature as the wind rustles the trees and flowers

Then life changed and I could not see my stars
I could only see lights and the sound of the cars
I lost my escape and fell into a abyss
Where all I could do is see the stars when I reminisce

Then I met a woman with that glimmer
A glimmer that I knew and my spine let out a shiver
In time I saw her soul
And in her soul, I found them shinning and whole

I found the black canvas in her eyes
I found the colors in her beauty
I found the shine in her soul

She and only she became my new escape
Where I can always see my stars

*I can even see them with the lights and cars

From the start, it was you.
It's always been you.
The difference is, this time I found you.

In the absence of hope, despair is the true King.

I'll lie down for hours in my bed
You think I'm asleep but I caged in my head
I'm getting tortured from the inside out
I'm getting thrown and tossed about

I'm a prisoner to my own thought
I am forced to remember ever ounce of pain I fought
It is a never ending reel of self-inflicted pain
I have no scars to show or retain

It's screaming and blood lust in my mind
On the outside quiet and peace, is what you find
I'm getting weak with every passing night
I'm slipping away losing might

I'm still a prisoner to my ******* brain
I think It's time, I step out of that lane

I have run out of thread to stitch my wounds.

For you, I will peel back my hearts callused layers.

I surrounded myself
in the walls
of her
heart

and suffocated

You are a high that I want to keep forever
I need to keep smoking in your soul
Taking you in, my past you sever
Never have I reached such an ecstasy of feeling so whole

I wait each moment to take the next hit
To take in something new
Something I can never forget
Never again will I feel so blue

In my galaxy you are such a perfect arrangement
Of flawless stardust from the most fascinating fire
You are simply a being of pure astonishment
It's your love and being that has only taken me higher

It was your **** eyes alone that recreated my universe.

I love so hard that 'Love' seems just so bland.

Its time to lay waste to my past
I will attempt to make this my last
Its time to move on from my attempts that failed
Along with my life that completely derailed

I will do this to write a new past with you
Remembering every detail and word of what we do
I'm at my happiest with you at my side
And in my heart you will always reside

I am grateful for your beating heart
You fixed in me what fell apart
I am grateful for the person you simply are
And I will wait for you to be by me again, near or far

Strap me up in a bullet proofless vest.
Empty the clip and let the lead to the rest.
I want to hear my bones break and see my skin rip.
I can hear my last exhale and ****** drip.

Cleaning the gun knowing you will use it anyway
Putting it back together like the life you wish you could say
Taking the cold lead and pressing it into the mag
Looking at your smoke taking your last stress free drag

Shaking and Screaming as you fight yourself for control
Anger and depression take hold
Feeling the cold barrel press it's steel lips to your skull
Finger shaking on trigger waiting to take your life whole

But you drop the gun and it clatters to the floor
and at that moment you are grateful you didn't close that door.

I was saved by myself when I wanted to die.

"I won't ***** you over."

For once in my life,
I need this to be real.
You know my past and present
understand how it might feel.
I know your situation
and I know it in and out
But despite it all I can't help but feel
That I'm only around from partial desperation.
I mean not this so harsh
But it's the bold reality
I'm so scared that you could leave a permanent laceration.
You can tear me apart
Without using your hands
You can take control of me
With such simple demands
I am scared that I might end up the puppet
and not the puppeteer
So please don't let me down
I have given you it all
If you choose to fail me,
Just simply let me drown.

Love,
Fortunate,
Cheerful,
Happy,
Excited,
Enthralled,
Ecstatic,
­Fantastic,
and Fascinated.
Are the list of words
That are so bland
In comparison to how I feel,
when I take your hand.