My one wish? *To have met you so much sooner.

This drug that I can't stop soaking in
After the first dose, I watched my universe change from within
It was a feeling that sent me to oblivion
Every emotion mashed in a massive collision

I am addicted and only want more
of this truly fascinating feeling
I look into my life and it seems like everything but poor
Everything else is so bland in the dealing

I crave this drug everyday
Every single hour and minute
with this to say
You are this drug, and I need it.

There is something you must know
That every minute and every place I go
I am battling my past and it's brutality
Getting so beaten I seemingly forget this reality

I want to so badly forget this somehow
This is where I say I really need you now
You will see my scars and feel my pain
Unforgotten memories I don't want to retain

Beaten for no reason
Forgotten by family as if committed and unknown treason
Called names with no proper ground
I've lost so much, with nothing found

This is where I really need you
This one thing I ask of you to do
Please accept me for my painful past
Hold me close and help me forget these memories at last

"Once again, someone proved my ideal of love completely wrong."

Let me face your fears,
Let me soak in your tears,
Let me stitch your open heart,
Let you live within me,
I will then show you what true happiness can be.

I find the moments you aren't here, the absolute worst.

Time is of no essence for two that are unstoppable.

I've been chewed up and spit out
Dropped like a bad habit and slapped with doubt
I went inside myself to rid me of shame
Yet I'm looked at and easily blamed

My past forever left a burn
Melted and scared away, with no more places to turn
So I dove inside myself and threw out the key
Hoping that no one will ever hurt me

In that time all I needed was someone to try
To gather my shattered remains and rid the tears I cry
I longed for someone who could bring me to my feet
and bring back my dying heartbeat

I don't want to stay here anymore
Please find that key and open the door
Tell me that I'm truly needed with no doubt
and teach me what life is really about

"I hate everyone, you just have to prove yourself otherwise."

Let's go with nothing planned
Just me and you hand in hand
Let's enjoy the little things now
Just us being the way we know how

Let's go on an adventure
Get lost then, for sure
Let's take over the world one city at a time
Get cheap things for a penny and a dime

Let's not let a moment slip past
No moment can be the last
Let's do what others are scared too
Conquer it all just us two

Let's be that team no one can beat
Because you know, we are pretty neat.

Why is it you can't see
That when you leave and don't talk to me
I fall into a personal oblivion
My personal hells dominion

It drives me to a dark sadness
That in turn becomes absolute madness
I get lost in the darkest of thoughts
Trapped in a tangle of emotional knots

I forget what way is upright
I find myself on the ground giving up the fight
All I ask is to hear your voice
Though it is all your choice

Just know that when you leave
Destroying me is all you achieve
Lay me to waste
With only myself to embrace

But I finally convinced my demons I'm one of them.

You asked what is in my mind
and I told you that you will not like what you find
Yet you insisted I show you around
At first you thought peace and love is what you found

When all of a sudden it began to rain down
and you started crying because you can see my pain now
The struggles I've witnessed and undergone
  Manifested and alive in a row leading on

Welcome to my oblivion I say
and I try to lead you away
But you instead to turned to me and gave me a kiss
Which has always been a sweet bliss

I said what was that for
You stated that there will be many more
To kiss away all my pain
In that moment everything stopped
and so did the rain

How do I escape my own hell
there is no way out that I can tell
I'm lost in the torment of fear
The roars of my demons is all I hear

I don't know how to get out
All I do is get lost about
Til I crumple to the ground
Giving up because there is no hope to be found

This hell of mine is claiming me whole
I will eventually take the toll
They will soon catch up to me
My demons face to face with me

I am close to caving in to their demands
Lost is this land
Of my own personal hell
Though reality and this have no difference as far as I can tell

There are things you need to understand
That when you said you loved me and took my hand
In that moment I gave you my fear
In that moment I told you everything dear

Yet, there are things you must find alone
Things that I can never atone
Hidden scars that are carved into me
Scars that only you can see

I hope that when they become visible to the eye
That you don’t run and leave me to die
These scars are slowly killing me
Slowly destroying who I used to be

So please don’t run away
Help me heal day by day
You are the only one that can lift me above
You are the only one I love

I'm lost within the dangers of my mind
I'm unable to escape, scared as to what I will find
Stuck in an oblivion of hatred and fear
How did I end up here

Why is it I feel this way
Why can't I seem to make it go away
I am now unable to move stuck in place
It's then I realize me and my demon are face to face

Wretched and horrid the face of my fear
It stares at me hungry, knowing I don't belong here
but before this demon could take me away
I heard your voice so soft and loving say

*"I love you darling, you are going the wrong way"

Some say words can't hurt me
For those there is something you don't see
That words are communication
and can leave emotional laceration

They can decimate who you are
Either in your face or from afar
Words can be picked and chosen
To become a deadly poison

Don't underestimate the pen
Because the time you do is when
You will face the fire
That can only get hotter and higher

I lie to myself more then I have to everyone.

In the darkest of times, memories light up the darkness.

I regret a decision I have made
In these consequences I will wade
She gone now without a thought
Thinking of all the battles we fought

The thing is we are only human
We made decision on what we feel within
Sometimes they are good sometimes they are bad
This one was terrible, and I'm missing what I had.

That night I did not sleep
All I did was profusely weep
I realized what I had lost
and now I suffer the cost

When you left you took my words
You took my heart
I no longer hear the birds
I sit alone in darkness bitter and ****

I regret what I have done
Can you forgive me and admit you won
You blocked major contact
so how is my daughter? but I can't get that fact

I love you with no doubt
You are what living was about
I cry and your name I shout
but my voice has gone out

Please forgive this choice
I need to hear your voice
And to feel your touch
I can't stand this reality, I miss you too  much

I think I'm insane.
I keep trying to Love
Only to get hurt.

Just to try again.

It's amazing how I can show myself to the world,
without the fear of being hurt.

My heart tried to write something happy
My brain trashed it as fallacy

I am definitely living
I just don't feel very alive

You know you are someone that lives in your mind,
when words can paint a better picture
then a drawing.

Almost nothing can compare
to the feeling, of someone
who is capable of repairing your heart
by just being next to you.

One of the most hardest,
Yet most rewarding things
Is to go to the one who hurt you the most
Look them in the eyes
and say
"I Forgive you"

Not only do you free them,
You free yourself from your own restraint

I remember the day we met
How our feelings in stone were set
They were the happiest moments that we did share
Even though our arguments had me ripping out hair

You were so beautiful a kind
You were something I thought I could never find
Your lips sent a shock down my spine
Your touch let me know we would shine

Seeing you was something I looked forward too
Your smile could end war
Your laugh I wanted to hear more
With that I easily fell for you

You.

You became everything in my world
Anything in our path we hurled
Out of the way
To make us better the next day

I began to think you were the one
You were my Moon and Sun
Then out of nowhere you cut the ties
You admitted all the lies

My world crashed onto my face
Scarred with disgrace
My thoughts shut down
My face stamped with a permanent frown

Now all I do is write poems to say
How the one thing I needed in life got away

Despite it all there is something I will always do…


*“I Forgive you.”

I think the worst pain is when your heart is reaching out for someone's who isn't reaching back