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Lauren Leal Apr 2016
She is my lifeline; my tether to the living world.
Finding a reason to live in someone else other than you.
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
You know you are someone that lives in your mind,
when words can paint a better picture
then a drawing.
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
The current does not absolve you of your past.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
There is this feeling.
             That you know you are in love when,
                             That person you want to be with,
                                                           ­ Says, “I’m leaving you”.

In that instant, a weight slams your chest, you think of all that you and that person have done.

The Adventures.
            The Moments.
                         The Minutes.

It leaves you
                     Shaken, and Speechless.

It’s when you try to look into the future, but it’s blank or blurred.

This is because your heart doesn’t want to see a future without them.

In return, that feeling creates a fire in your heart. One that is willing to change you for the better.

*A fire that should never be underestimated or taken for granted.
Something I experienced recently. Something I felt the need to share.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
You showed no mercy with your decision
When you made the first incision
You took my heart and you ripped it out
you taped my mouth to muffle my shout

You drove me to insanity
because of the loss of your humanity
You were loving with with entry
When me and you was We

Now you are deranged
Your love is mixed with hate and rearranged
I don't know what brought this upon you
This just isn't what the old you would do

Now I'm lying here fading in and out
You've taken a huge piece of me, no doubt
I now forget what I lived for
Constantly wondering why you never came back through the door
When you are left behind, faster than you can process without a reason
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
That moment when your brain betrays your heart

It happens in slow motion

*and all you can do is watch
These moments are not easily forgotten
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I sit here stitching myself back together
Wondering if this time too, it'll break
or finally last forever."
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
"I'm okay"* the biggest most well known lie.

                   That no one seems to notice.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Accept Love, don't fight it. Fighting it would be as if trying to **** Cerberus with an old wooden sword.
I made that mistake and I lost.
Lauren Leal Dec 2015
This drug that I can't stop soaking in
After the first dose, I watched my universe change from within
It was a feeling that sent me to oblivion
Every emotion mashed in a massive collision

I am addicted and only want more
of this truly fascinating feeling
I look into my life and it seems like everything but poor
Everything else is so bland in the dealing

I crave this drug everyday
Every single hour and minute
with this to say
You are this drug, and I need it.
That one person, that effortlessly succumbs you to their being.
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
I think I'm insane.
I keep trying to Love
Only to get hurt.

Just to try again.
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
"It's at your side, that I should not have left."
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
I’m alone
In a cold dark room sitting by a unplugged phone
Waiting for your voice to bring me to you
So that you can hold me like you used too
So that I can feel the calm
And your hand in my palm
I’m alone
In a cold dark room wanting to hear your loving tone
Lay down with you and hear your heartbeat
Like a melody, the sounds so neat
I do really need this
It’s you I want to be with
I’m alone
In a cold dark room listening to the moan
Of the person I used to be withering away
Thinking of you every passing day
I need you by my side
I hope we haven’t died
I’m alone
In a cold dark room where I roam
Waiting for you to come back
And fill my heart with what it may lack
I miss your every touch
So, so very much
I’m alone
In a cold dark room which is my only home
I need you to come back and save me
I’m falling to oblivion, can’t you see
These trials I know we can beat
For you are my light and heat,
I’m alone…
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
You want me to be alone
No one on the phone
To hear me when I start to cry
Starting to think oh why oh why
Is it that I'm so sad and want to die
I don't need a bed I need a coffin in which to lie
What do I do in the silence of this
It's always someone I miss
That I so badly want to be with
Being alone is simply a myth
Anger then fills the void
Making my feelings what I avoid
I choke it down saying I'm better
Like I received a graduation letter
but I'm still alone
I panic as my thoughts roam
I can't even write a single poem
I think I'm losing, I think I have lost
My heart feels laced with frost
All I do is see my actions and feel the cost
Into the tomb of insecurities I get tossed
I can't I can't I won't I won't win
I just want to scream and give in
Because I'm not titanium, I am tin
Basically, just close the curtain, Fin.
From anothers eyes.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Love is getting stabbed on purpose and the person whom did it gives you a band-aid.
Lauren Leal Jan 2016
Strap me up in a bullet proofless vest.
Empty the clip and let the lead to the rest.
I want to hear my bones break and see my skin rip.
I can hear my last exhale and ****** drip.
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
Don't assume Love is all light,
                            For it can create some of the darkest demons.
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
"Would I be lying if I said no in bed?*"
Lauren Leal Dec 2016
My life is the grey area between happiness and depression.
Just some sadness I need to write out happily.
Lauren Leal Jun 22
There's a void in my soul
That makes me bitter with no control
Not to anyone just to me
Disgusted in what I see

Not just what's outside of me
But everything I'm to be
Angered at every step I take
As if each second is wasted awake

I'd rather game til my eyes bleed
Or sleep like it's my only need
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Curled up in a ball tears falling in darkness
                 arm stretched out reaching through nothingness
                                            hoping to once more touch your face

I quickly draw back my arm
                  remembering that you had left this place
                                            when you gave yourself a shove


**God, If only you had landed in my arms love
An old Memory that decided to show face.
Lauren Leal Jun 2016
I'm used to the dark, because she was my light.
When you lose that one that seemed to bring you up from the depths.
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
Isn't it ironic,
       That my pen bleeds black and blue.

Simply to symbolize,
        That I'm falling away from you.
When you find yourself only writing when the worst is happening.
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I met a demon with the heart of an angel."
Lauren Leal Nov 2016
My mind is a warping blackhole
My heart is taking the toll
****** into my minds abyss
Where all my sorrows I reminisce
Where my sadness is my strongest feeling
I'm at a loss to the dealing
I'm just going to just take this dose
Of my hearts pain, so morose
As the light fades to black
My nightmares welcome me back.
Lauren Leal Dec 2015
and Fascinated.
Are the list of words
That are so bland
In comparison to how I feel,
when I take your hand.
The need of a new word to describe said feeling.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
There is a flower
blooming in my heart
waiting for the one
to pick it so gently
for now they hold
who I am now
their love is it's life.
but mine is still here
cold and alone
It waits for your warm hands to hold
So many times have I let it get picked only to be forgotten. A flower can't simply be re planted. It will always retain past injury, but it still always waits, it still tries to live.
Lauren Leal Mar 2016
They say you have a heart of gold.
I say you have a heart of dirt,
Because your heart is the soil I need to grow.
Finding someone whom lets you grow.
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
Two bottles down
Tonight, I choose to drown
Come on mind, what do you have to say?
I mean it has to happen someday

You seem so quiet tonight
You're not yelling, there's no fight
But I feel fright
It's not a goodnight

There's no will to be dead
So why is it in my head
It's the Angel with the lead
And the Demon with the bed

Where I know I shouldn't sleep
But I can stay and weep
Is this really how I feel
So certain it has the King's seal

I'll just let myself drown
Tonight I crown a fragile frown
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
"I know why writers drink, to find peace to think"
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
"I'm Insane" Is merely the brain trying to name itself.
Random 10W
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
You know you loved someone,
                           When as they leave you,
                                            You can literally feel the ties break in your heart.
No words.
Lauren Leal Dec 2015
I'm getting lost within you.
Mind, body,
and soul.
I keep breathing you in
entirely whole.
Taking in every,
imperfection and flaw.
That makes you so perfect,
Opening the door.
To me only wanting
so much more.
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
Stop acting like you're in a Broadway
So listen to what I have to say
That I know what and who you are
I learned that the first day
In the the passenger seat of your car
Stop trying to play the Angel in human skin
Obviously by how ****** you are you won't win
You need to find that you with something to give
I think it'll change your will to live
Stop trying to find people to compare
Like you do when you dye your hair
Thus begins the cycle all over
You truly represent my tattooed four leaf clover
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
There is almost nothing more calming
When the one you love
kisses you on the forehead
when they think you are asleep
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
I just seem to have caught my flow
Here is all I know
That I'm caught up in the dust
Not blood in my lungs but rust
From my severe lack of trust
To obtain, you made a must
Now I pay for the cost
For all that was lost
Both in promise and fear
No wonder we ended up here
Lost in constant self doubt
You can't know love if you're always looking about
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
This happiness is a drop in my ocean of contempt.
When happiness seems to only come in small moments.
Lauren Leal Apr 2016
I thought I changed into another person,
But I hadn't.
I had just become a better version.
When you realize you are growing as a person.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
All I want in life is to live, laugh and love
To simply look to the blue skies above
and have no worries, even for just a day
but life keeps taking close people from me away

I'm surrounded by death and loss
people tell me to turn to the cross
but that can't heal this pain
only time can help it not to remain

I'm coming to my last breath
inches from what I feel is death
it's just merely my heart crying
wondering why so many are dying

one, two, three, four, five
I count less close people that are alive
It's such a burden to contain
No matter how much I pass on, I'm always in the rain.

I wait for the day for that person to cross my path
That can calm my darkness's wrath
To simply hold me close to their heart
and to see the sun and the rain clouds rip apart.
I've lost many people that were close to me. It's a weight difficult to carry. I hope by sharing this is takes a piece off, even if it's just for a little bit.
Lauren Leal Jul 2015
It's funny
          how the day
   I realized I could write,
                        Was the day
                                       she left.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
The darkness my home
It's the place I roam
It's nothing new to me
It's something I always see

The darkness in my mind
to the world I'm blind
I'm in a bind
My life to it I signed

Then she appeared
She the Darkness feared
She knelt down to me
and spoke so softly

'Come out of the Dark'
Her lips on my cheek left a mark
My heart jumped and burned like fire
The light around her grew higher

I shut my eyes to the burning rays
I'm not used to the goodness it portrays
Then I open my eyes after awhile
My world wrapped in light, I see her smile

I blink hard to see if this is reality
then I realize this is where I'm meant to be
To the one who can do this.
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
So what's behind this door
What? Could there be more?
**** it lets see what's there
Every once in awhile I'll pull your hair
Out of the waters that you drown with no care
Hmm walking talking waiting for the next call
Leading us to the lair
Like we don't know at all
That there's a miscommunication
But we'll treat it like a simulation
We'll keep working in the dealings
Finding another reason to deal with the feelings
Lauren Leal Nov 2015
Why is it you can't see
That when you leave and don't talk to me
I fall into a personal oblivion
My personal hells dominion

It drives me to a dark sadness
That in turn becomes absolute madness
I get lost in the darkest of thoughts
Trapped in a tangle of emotional knots

I forget what way is upright
I find myself on the ground giving up the fight
All I ask is to hear your voice
Though it is all your choice

Just know that when you leave
Destroying me is all you achieve
Lay me to waste
With only myself to embrace
Some thoughts I had
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
Much Contained
Blown Wide.
Simply so much on my mind.
Lauren Leal Sep 2017
Here I am knowing that this is all wrong
That there is just not a chance to get along
but I sit here with you in mind
No one around, no one to find
Wondering if things could rewind
To the time where love got left behind
But what would we have done different
That didn't have us so spent
Living off toxic fumes from the past
It's no wonder we couldn't last
Let's dye our hair and lie saying we don't care
That life ***** and isn't fair
But you're stuck on the objective to compare
If you want your hands through his or my hair
Swimming in the shallow of demise
I simply know it's not wise
But it's different when you realize
That your tainted feelings are real
I'll use this drink to soothe how I feel
I know it's the last time I'll kneel
To help someone that saw me as a meal
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
           even in Darkness,
                               you can still find the most beautiful of things.

*It's just a matter of finding the courage to walk through such Darkness.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
The Darkness follows my every step
Making me remember each tear I wept
I can't seem to let it go
It's the only thing I seem to know
It consumes me every passing day
With my life I'll pay
I need you to grasp my palm
Pull me to your calm
Don't let me slip away
In your arms I wish to stay
Whisper to me things will be alright
and maybe this Darkness I can fight
But you are too far to see
I just needed you to save me
The Darkness so black and cold
The only thing my hand can hold
I stay alive with the fire in my heart
That your love got to start
I await your warm touch
Which I long for so much
May you forgive me for what I've done
But I believe the Darkness has won
This is in relation to all the things I have experienced in life. Most people who I date, I get very attached to for their ability to pull me out of my own thoughts. So when that person leaves(Especially without a reason) I fall into my old self, which is very, very lonely.
Lauren Leal Jun 2015
The dusk to darkness
I've seen so much
Nothing good, only bad and such
It has taken me to a place
Hanging my head of much disgrace
I have nowhere to turn
The flame this skin it will burn
The razor's edge dripped in crimson
Bullet from the chamber as it leaps in
The crackling, The slicing, The roar
A knock,
                              At the door

A stranger at this door
for some reason you are drawn to more and more
they incorperate themselves with you
Helping with what you must do
Then you realize that you must not waver
do yourself and family a favor
To keep on living on
From dusk to dawn
The door
                             It shuts

The stranger has gone
There is light, now from Darkness to Dawn.
Recently inspired to write this. I find it so amazing how sometimes a single person can change who you are. They can come in flip your world around and walk away, some people don't even notice what they do for others. Good or Bad
Lauren Leal Oct 2017
"I don't remember what it's like to wake up anymore."
To clarify: This was inspired by my own habits, I smoke, I drink, I smoke ***, and I drink coffee like a God. Always needing a stimulant, a surfacing symptom of depression.
Lauren Leal Jun 22
Its day in day out Lofi
Reminding my feelings on how to lie
To those around me who care
But I hold that dead stare

As if I'm imitating how my heart feels
Down, dumped, and kick by her high heels
Lonely, hurt, forgotten and scared

Life's a group project

and Death is to whom I'm paired
Mood. Expression for decompression.
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