My minds weaponized thoughts will be my downfall and suicide.
When your thoughts turn on you for the worst.
Can you hear the cry
of my inner self sentenced to die?
I'm shouting your name
I'm was glad you came
Save me from my own hell
It's taking me, can't you tell!
I can't keep doing this
I can no longer swing my fist
I feel weak
a constant losing streak
I need to see you darling
Your love so startling
But you have walked away
Leaving with no words to say
I think it's time to take
The demons hand, and never awake
*This was real. Someone special left me without a reason, and I learned to except much of the negativity in my life. In turn, making me feel "dead" par-say.*
"I'm Insane" Is merely the brain trying to name itself.
It's so painful.
Because to forget something,
You must first remember.
Actions speak louder than words,
You wonder why I'm speechless.
It was you,
That made my wall**
*crumble to dust.
So few people know who I really am.
But I finally convinced my demons I'm one of them.
Your words make me sad
Your words make me so mad
All you have are lies
Trying to not break the ties
Did you not think I would find out?
That you speak with complete doubt
About where you were
You don't sound very sure
I fell for them once to
Because I had faith in you
That you could stop being fake
but your words are dead at the bottom of the lake
So I walk away
Hoping you will learn to stop the lies someday
Sometimes the only way to teach a liar not to lie to your face is the hard way.
This language is quiet, truthful,
Though nothing to be heard.
A quiet language.
I'm waiting for something
I just don't know what it is
I sit here all day
Just wasting away
I'm waiting for something
I just can't figure it out
I sit here all night
Searching for the light
I'm waiting for something
I think I know
I'm waiting for my moment to thrive
My moment to feel alive
Sometimes the best way to find something is to stop searching.
Are the list of words
That are so bland
In comparison to how I feel,
when I take your hand.
The need of a new word to describe said feeling.
I love so hard that 'Love' seems just so bland.
Don't let your halo become the noose that chokes you.
When you overcome something don't be blinded by it. Remember the wake you left in the process.
My hand shakes gripping the quill
Shaping and warping words at will
The ink is the blood of my heart
for it is where the fire for my poems start
I cut and carve my life in rhyme
blotched on the paper trapped in time
Life Death Loss and Love
Spilling and splashing to the paper, all of the above
The heart dances as the fire rages
The quill scratches and drips as words come alive off the pages
Throwing you into the realm of my mind
You will exit leaving nothing behind
For poetry is a passion
I am not of any fashion
I merely feed the fire
That my heart will forever desire.
For every poem you read
Is what my heart is willing to bleed
One of the most hardest,
Yet most rewarding things
Is to go to the one who hurt you the most
Look them in the eyes
"I Forgive you"
Not only do you free them,
You free yourself from your own restraint
Something I did recently.
Let me go to fade away
Just like I did in your mind today
Let me go to release the pain
So happiness we can obtain
Let me go to so I can understand
Why I was unable to be your man
Let me go so we can be free
Though I always think of you and me
Let me go...
So I can walk back around
To let you know...
*"I love you Darling, take my other hand"
Sometimes through the thick and thin, all you need is a second chance to truly be you in a relationship.
It was your **** eyes alone that recreated my universe.
You asked what is in my mind
and I told you that you will not like what you find
Yet you insisted I show you around
At first you thought peace and love is what you found
When all of a sudden it began to rain down
and you started crying because you can see my pain now
The struggles I've witnessed and undergone
Manifested and alive in a row leading on
Welcome to my oblivion I say
and I try to lead you away
But you instead to turned to me and gave me a kiss
Which has always been a sweet bliss
I said what was that for
You stated that there will be many more
To kiss away all my pain
In that moment everything stopped
and so did the rain
I ponder my life
as I sit at my desk
My pen the knife
The paper the bread
To feed my mind
what is needs
but my hand is in a bind
I can't seem to move
I need to write these words
A blank letter
Open window singing of the birds
Paper so bright white
These words I must cut
onto the paper
climb out of this rut
onto the paper
'I Love You'
But the person it is too
is someone I do not know
for they have changed into someone new
Once more I ponder my life
My pen the knife...
When someone close changes to drastically, you don't recognize them anymore.
My mind is a warping blackhole
My heart is taking the toll
****** into my minds abyss
Where all my sorrows I reminisce
Where my sadness is my strongest feeling
I'm at a loss to the dealing
I'm just going to just take this dose
Of my hearts pain, so morose
As the light fades to black
My nightmares welcome me back.
My thoughts are stretched and hazy
Driving me absolutely crazy
Without you here I feel so alone
My world is quiet, just a steady tone
The melody we would create
that started on our first date
is slowly going out of tune
Don't be gone too long, come back soon
I have nowhere to go
except the only place I know
That is inside
The only true place anyone can hide
The habit of hiding inside myself when things get too rough.
In the midst of sadness, the only solace is anger.
To those who are sad, I understand your anger.
My one wish? *To have met you so much sooner.
To answer a question.
Take my hand and let’s go on an adventure
Get lost in the stars and explore the future
Take my hand and climb into my mind
Where you will see my world and words outlined
Take my hand and climb into my heart
You will find that it’s not so bitter and ****
Take my hand
Let’s walk on the sun
Take my hand
Your journey has begun
Just don’t let go
Because if you do, my mind, my pen will lose its flow
In the process of living only the dead have won.
"You have not done everything in life until you have died." -Evan Powell
Something a friend came up with and wanted to share.
That moment when your brain betrays your heart
It happens in slow motion
*and all you can do is watch
These moments are not easily forgotten
My mind is a vast universe
With words and rhymes and so diverse
Which galaxy will I traverse
Must go forward not in reverse
I shall find and collaborate
the right words to elaborate
The message I wish to divulge
For hungery minds to indulge
But these words are spread afar
Dancing and gleaming off every star
But some get lost and forgotten
My rhymes misbegotten
But with all the time and space
I must build my base
and slowly weave these words with grace
With a piece of my heart to trace
Me trying to peice together who I am with the woven words of my poems found in the mass universe of my mind.
I rely upon the smile to deceit
For every person it's a repeat.
They talk to the smile and it replies
While I watch, as they eat the lies.
They compliment and gesture
The mask smiles and responds, so pure.
No one sees the face from under the mask
With the flawless smile seemingly everlast.
It takes a person with the same painted smile so see the darkness behind.
As it brings upon the pain that will make your thoughts rewind.
It takes the same smile to know what has to be done.
To remove each other's mask and say that you have won.
I sit here and re-read what I have written down.
My smile agrees, but with a frown.
For you, I will peel back my hearts callused layers.
The saddest thing I ever saw,
Was a woman who couldn't see her mans efforts.
Especially when I watched him rip his heart out,
and she got mad that he got blood everywhere.
The writing speaks for itself. This can also be interpreted the other way.
Saw Death today, oddly looked a lot like my wife.
To a friend in a Happy pranking Marriage.
My poems are the life of me
They are who I choose to be
and if you read them you will find
the keyhole view into my mind
You will be lost in rhymes
hearing the ticking and chimes
of my life translated into word
with nothing obscure or blurred
You will see my imagination
overworked with frustration
It's an art of the mind
Twisting and unraveling refined
If you read enough of them
You will find the gem
That will tie them all you see
At that moment, you will know I better than me.
I had the stars to gaze upon
To escape to when I feel I have not won
An endless beauty one can soak in for hours
Within the nature as the wind rustles the trees and flowers
Then life changed and I could not see my stars
I could only see lights and the sound of the cars
I lost my escape and fell into a abyss
Where all I could do is see the stars when I reminisce
Then I met a woman with that glimmer
A glimmer that I knew and my spine let out a shiver
In time I saw her soul
And in her soul, I found them shinning and whole
I found the black canvas in her eyes
I found the colors in her beauty
I found the shine in her soul
She and only she became my new escape
Where I can always see my stars
*I can even see them with the lights and cars
To my love who I know I can turn to at my worst. Accepting with open arms and an open soul. I love you.
I surrounded myself
in the walls
Not necessarily bad, but when you can love someone so much you wrap yourself in it, and in a sense suffocate happily. Yet at the same time, it could hurt you in return.
I am definitely living
I just don't feel very alive
I can't seem to find who I am meant to be
Who is this inside of me
My mind is torn in two
It can't make up what to do
The real one I do not know
The real one I want to show
I'm lost in this limbo
Of scattered pieces of me falling slow
I need to find the real me
and make that the reality
that I must be
For people to see
But I'm lost in this scattered place
All of me gone, without a trace
What is it I have become now
I don't think I can ever change, but maybe somehow
When something so drastic happens in life, it completely changes you. So much in fact when you see yourself, you wonder if it's really you.
Our love is like a match.
It's a burst of love and life,
That finds a steady pace.
Until death comes along,
And wins the race.
To my love.
Why is it you can't see
That when you leave and don't talk to me
I fall into a personal oblivion
My personal hells dominion
It drives me to a dark sadness
That in turn becomes absolute madness
I get lost in the darkest of thoughts
Trapped in a tangle of emotional knots
I forget what way is upright
I find myself on the ground giving up the fight
All I ask is to hear your voice
Though it is all your choice
Just know that when you leave
Destroying me is all you achieve
Lay me to waste
With only myself to embrace
Some thoughts I had
A Soldiers worst nightmare, is death by his own hand.
There are things you need to understand
That when you said you loved me and took my hand
In that moment I gave you my fear
In that moment I told you everything dear
Yet, there are things you must find alone
Things that I can never atone
Hidden scars that are carved into me
Scars that only you can see
I hope that when they become visible to the eye
That you don’t run and leave me to die
These scars are slowly killing me
Slowly destroying who I used to be
So please don’t run away
Help me heal day by day
You are the only one that can lift me above
You are the only one I love
This drug that I can't stop soaking in
After the first dose, I watched my universe change from within
It was a feeling that sent me to oblivion
Every emotion mashed in a massive collision
I am addicted and only want more
of this truly fascinating feeling
I look into my life and it seems like everything but poor
Everything else is so bland in the dealing
I crave this drug everyday
Every single hour and minute
with this to say
You are this drug, and I need it.
That one person, that effortlessly succumbs you to their being.
For Her my heart feels
With Her my heart heals
The pains washed away
Leaving my horrid past to decay
With Her I feel alive
For Her I will strive
But I am still
For Her to arrive
I have run out of thread to stitch my wounds.
I wrote this as not all wounds can be healed by such trivial means, something greater must be put forth for it to actually heal.
"I'm okay"* the biggest most well known lie.
That no one seems to notice.
If my life was to be taken away
All I would want my tombstone to say,
knowing this for sure,
Is that **"I got to meet her."
The one person who can and ever will know me for me and understand it all at the same time.
She is my lifeline; my tether to the living world.
Finding a reason to live in someone else other than you.
These destructive thoughts are a calamity
Driving my mind to the brink of insanity
Oops, excuse the profanity
But this is the last of this thing called sanity
I can no longer be part of humanity
I am now so far from sane
My thoughts are simply not humane
Not quite sure what made things this way
Maybe the RedBull made my brain grow wings and it flew away
I don't really have much to say
This poem really has no point anyway
Maybe it's to clear my mind out
I am the most sane inhumane insane humane person, no doubt.
My anger is my nuclear fallout
It's what is killing me and choking me out
It's not only sabotaging who I am
But all those around me have faced the slam
The concussion blast of this vicious mood
Unable to control myself, only to know I'm *******
I can only sit and watch like a movie on display
What actions I take and the horrific things I say
These words reach out to those I have wronged
To those situations I only prolonged
These words are not a justification
These words are for you to have relation
This is my apology for what I could not control
I have gotten better and will never let this take me whole.
Anger, can be the most blind emotion alongside love.
I feel like my words are failing me
My thoughts are simply not there
What I write is not what I want it to be
My mind has become blank and bare
I'm lost in this nothingness
Feeling empty with nothing to confess
My fire becomes less and less
These words and rhymes are more a mess
No matter how hard I try
to put down my pen
I always look back
and lift it again
I must gather myself and collaborate
Look at my words and rhymes and elaborate
Make them more in depth and intricate
Expand my heart and make it infinite
I must become the words I scribe
Using them on my demons as a bribe
To break a piece off my existence
To incorporate it into my poems with persistence
I must truly write how I actually feel
nothing obscured, it must appeal
To the minds and hearts of the readers who care
hoping to cause a spark, arc and a flare
I will open my mind and dig in the dark
All the Words and Rhymes
On new journey I will embark
Digging to places I rarely go within myself.
I'll lie down for hours in my bed
You think I'm asleep but I caged in my head
I'm getting tortured from the inside out
I'm getting thrown and tossed about
I'm a prisoner to my own thought
I am forced to remember ever ounce of pain I fought
It is a never ending reel of self-inflicted pain
I have no scars to show or retain
It's screaming and blood lust in my mind
On the outside quiet and peace, is what you find
I'm getting weak with every passing night
I'm slipping away losing might
I'm still a prisoner to my ******* brain
I think It's time, I step out of that lane
Always thinking of the worst, but being so good at hiding the visual pains that cross my thoughts. Only to keep moving with the will to live.