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Lauren Leal Jan 10
Viper eyes and maggot flies
Making up my headspace
Suicide, it's a dead space
No truth and all lies

Siren song and I'm drowning
Unlimited pain
I'm immune to frowning
Crashed down in my own lane

Rotten flesh and a leech
Making up my heart
Fading away from the breach
of emotion that tore me apart

No ground to be gained
No feelings are to be remained
Just the memories to be pained
My death repeatedly feigned

Into this carnivorous oblivion I lapse
No direction and no grasp
I'll fall away blind
The real me you can't find
Lauren Leal Aug 2020
I can't just simply love
Simple words mean nothing appealing
When there is an absolute depth
To how I am really feeling

I love you like the first bloom in Spring
The singing of birds
The chatter of the bugs
I love you like picnic hugs

I love you like Summer's first heat
The blazing sun and a giant pool
The sweet repeat
The charcoal grill with searing meat

I love you like the first fallen leaf of Fall
You are the crunch of the leaves beneath my toes
You are the blanket
You are the first chill breeze that tickles my nose

I love you like the first Winter snowfall
Pure white, with footprint flaws
You are the snowflake upon my finger
Unique among them all, but here with me you've come to fall

To fall with you is what I'll do
I don't love in simplicity
I love in pictures and feelings
This is just a glimpse of what you mean to me
For you.
Lauren Leal May 2020
"We quote the good, but are poetic of the bad."
Lauren Leal May 2020
I thought I found the best
A god among the rest
But it was just a test
It's just a jest

A joke to show me I'm not real
To show me I'll never truly feel
How to love in life
Without the strife

Without the pain of past
Showing me it can't last
A fist full of lies
Punching the inner me as it dies

I'm on my last bump of hope
As if it's a form of dope
Thinking I'm gonna be alright
Without the will to fight

I just lie here and frown
I'll wear my smiling painted mask
And I'll drown
In enough liquor to fill an endless flask
Lauren Leal May 2020
I'm wrapped up in my head
Through that forest fogged with dread
Congrats to my demons you won
I'm tired and numb

You've convinced me my fears are real
That I've lost and made a deal
Trapped in rewind
The same emotions are what I find

It's too good to be true
Now I wonder what to do
I'm angry and morose
Taking in depression like a drug overdose

I hate my own reflection
I'm always trying a new deflection
To pretend that I can't feel pain
In my forest, it begins to rain

I'll choose to die inside
I'll choke on my pride
***** what we call life
Next time, stab me with a real knife
It's beginning to hurt because of what I see, to what I know.
Lauren Leal Apr 2020
My hearts under arrest
From things I detest
Barely able to find the word
Nothing to speak, nothing heard

Hell is real
It's all in my head
I struck a deal
With depression in bed

My feelings don't want to give
They don't want to take
They don't care to live
If it'll protect them from what's fake

I'm at a standstill, I've hit my wall
I remember it all
The pains of the past
That lead to my near curtain call

The problem you see
Is that it's all up to me

To leave the walls I so easily hopped in
To leave what is now my coffin
Expression for decompression.
Lauren Leal Apr 2020
I have fear in my heart
Of being torn apart
Or watching the past
Come to pass

I know I've done well
to cope with my loss
with my patience to sell
With no anger, not cross

I fear I won't be understood
I fear you truly aren't that good
I fear what I've seen hide beneath
A devil with gnarled teeth

My heart has been bruised and burned
I feel like I always learned
Only to find it all again
Now that I'm here,
It's a matter of when

I'm full of the anticipation of failure
That I won't be the best for her
and the pattern will show it's face
With my heart being put in it's place

I know I must learn to give
I know it's the only way to live
But
This fear drives me insane
Thinking of the pain, from my own brain

Clawing the back of my mind
A deadly poison making me blind
I'm lost in an unknown sense of feeling
But I can't see the hands I'm dealing

I need to be understood
Help me if you would
For this fear is a truth so bold
and
These outcomes of my life are getting old
Expression for decompression
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