We celebrated on a ship abroad in a coffee shop.
We took our order to go, the view of the street clear.
The people smiled and adored their conversation.
A debate of what to try.
What to order.
This delicious smell.
Brewed dark, served light.
Foam covered lips.
A slited cap to release steam.
And here we are merely afloat.
We blend into the flavor.
I don't think I'll find a place as great.
An iceberg has sunken our ship.
Stirred around until all has dissolved.
This sailboat of ours coming to an end.
Crashing against our lips.
Directly against our tastebuds.
With us the remains of sweet rummage and cream

She caught me running
Out the faucet
She caught me between
Her fingers,
She caught me between
her toes.
Turning the **** slightly
To the left.
She eased herself down in the tub
And I became a million and one
Bubbles,
Learning to rise & float.
She was the peninsula that taught
Me to dream
I long to be nowhere else.

& when I rush to get home,
Before I lay my keys down.
You’ll put your arms around me
& fill me with so much joy.
You give me a feeling that’s both
Happy & ecstatic.
I don’t want to have to miss you
Then wait forever to kiss you.
The sort of thing that happens
When least expected.
It’s always easier than it sounds.
But seeing you smile always
Puts things in perfect perspective.
When I rush to get home
I’ll yell out that I am here &
When I do, my mind will ask my heart
Why am I so loud.
When it does I’ll reply that I’ve
Filled all the empty space
Around with pieces of her.
& when I yell out I am easily reminded,
Before she is seen
Before she is heard.
That she is completely safe.
That she is comprised of all the small things
That make life worthwhile.
The smallest patter of feet &
Being attacked by the gentlest thing
Such as a hug.
It really is easy to take for granted
When I rush to get home,
I am going to crawl into the bed
Of her arms & sleep for as long
As she allows me to

All I ask is that you hold on to me.
Right now I feel that I am out of control,
With no sense of control. A projectile flying through the windshield.
Not knowing what to do besides brace myself for the impact.
The thought of losing control. Feeling that things are way out of hand.
When in reality things may be fine, seeking assurance of a firm hold
To calm the thoughts that run rampant.
The feeling of being tossed through the air without steady balance.
In these moments it is you that I seek for reassurance.
If only for a moment, grab me as tight as you can.
Show me that things are not as they seem.
Ease the feeling of insecurity in the times when thoughts get the better of me.
That I am flying face forward through the windshield without knowing how to properly brace myself.
In the midst of these thoughts, I am glad that you are my safe belt.
Even if it's the slightest tug, I appreciate you for always being there.
For being by my side even when you don't have to,
Thank you for being the miracle that has saved my life so many times

Sometimes I miss you.
The music from the speakers the only thing to fill the blanks of a rotating fan.
The rhythm to ease the silence.
Remembrance of how you sound,
Sometimes I miss you.
Negating myself with quick tugs & pulls.
I hang at your leisure.
Drawn to life at the rise of your head
I am lost without you

You are like the sea,
Truth be told there is no other way to put it.
The sound of silence covered in repeated sigh.
A total embodiment of things placed of collective wonderment.
What shall triumph the noise of wave overlapping wave.
Of all things calm you spread your presence,
Drowning in the bliss of serenity.
You and only you could create the quiet hush dreams are made of.
Although
Some tides are bigger than most, 
Of all times, not all are escapable.
Splashing against the shore in a bipolar like disorder.
Crushing everything it touches, selfish in nature.
For every action there is a natural reaction that displaces the initial action.
A need for finding peace in the eye of discord.
This is where your heart becomes a walking representation of the sea itself.
And I the jagged coast, cleansed of any disbelief that things won't get any better outside of the moment.
Pieces of myself lost in you. A constant movement no longer stagnant in thought. 
This is where I consider you the sea, the depth of your eyes covering everything it touches.
And I the boat lost in mid drift, without a care in the world.
A means of transportation exploring a depth of things I never knew to exist.
The things you keep hidden.
Far from the hindsight of eyes, your habits, things you reveal to be true given enough time.
The constant change that happens every moment of every minute.
Still it doesn't take away from it's beauty, the things kept hidden.
You are like the sea, 
A profound way of expression.
And I, the sailor. 
Watching the truth reveal, bit by bit.

A large percentage of my favorite dreams end too soon.
My eyes open and I regret the moment I open them.
A large percentage of my favorite dreams ending too soon.
While I lay there unable to find my way back.
A large portion of my life spent unaware of my surrounding
until I wake up.
The reality that I'll never find my way back.
Some of my best smiles, favorite memories of what could have been.
Discovered while I leave everything behind
And close my eyes for seconds longer
This unexpected moment I close my eyes & begin to dream.
My eyes skipping through every smile.
To see where I end up, the faces I haven't seen in a long time
Re-Living a moment of peace.
When my eyes open
It's not completely the dream I resent why I open my eyes.
It's the complete and utter feeling of not knowing what could have been.
Known that you were the sweetest dream I could have fallen into
Stumbling in and out of every laugh.
Known the sweetest kiss I could have ever dreamed
Came from you

Put me to sleep
I says put me back to sleep
and lock the door


I got some place to be
Got someones to see.


You can't understand
You surely can't understand


I needs to dream my same dream
I needs to dream my same dream I says


This old life does me no good
My eyes, they need to be closed I says.


Finds me a woman I met sometime last night


No madder how I tell it,
You can't understand this thang I know fo' certain.


I says put me back to sleep
I says put me back to sleep
Can't you see
I got some place to be
Got someones to see

She grabbed me by my collar
& told me come quick.
The view of the moon was
Perfect, especially from this close.
Our combustion, our compulsion
I felt small compared to her
Sailing in a small metal boat
She grabbed me by the collar
To stop me from falling
The only best thing I could've done.
Defying the laws of gravity
I'd never been this high up
Reluctant to play make believe.
Falling and bumping my head
On a star.
She hooked me with the lure
Of her eye
And like a fish I'd evaporate
From a blue and green possibility
Into a rocket lure;
& hurled off into an unknown
Eternity of stars.
Skipped across the sky
Until out of sight

I love being with you,
Staring into those big brown eyes.
You don't know the effect they have on me,
The way they lure me in as only you can.
With the slightest touch I melt.
All with the simplicity of a smile.
I feel it imperative that you know.
These moments with you I crave.
Every song heard with you instantly becomes my favorite.
The background that increases intensely,
With my tongue against your neck.
You moan heavily in my ear.
Openly expressing more, more.
It's these moments with you
I savor,
Where thought becomes more than reality.
We connect in ultimate ******, both together you & I.
The tremble of your voice breaks the stare, your eyes gazed deep in mine.

Our bodies crave more.
The contour of your back wrapped tight in my arms.

The contour of silhouettes seen through low-cut eyes.
At the slightest touch your deepest desire screaming more
Cradled fast to sleep,
You in my arms

I love you because I can not love myself the way that I love you.
Put bluntly,
I cannot otherwise do the things that I do to you to myself.
Everything has a beginning, My loving you started the first day I gave my eyes to you.
Whether you know it or not. What came to be was a product of me no longer belonging to myself.
Granted I'd like to think there was a reason you happened to be standing there at that specific time and place 
honestly I had nothing better to do than to sit and wait for that exact moment,   you just so happened to look up and vola.
I honestly could not tell you what drew my eyes to you.
Persuading my legs to turn my feet and walk in your direction.
In a sense there was an inferno taking place inside me and you held a pail of water.
A thing not to be taken lightly, this inferno.
As it devours everything it meets, so happen there was a lot of you.
Not that you seemed to mind. Else I'd ask why you were holding a bucket of water.
Eliminating the eyes totally, relying on instinct alone
I love you because you didn't have anything better to do than say okay

I was a shirt filed with straw and rags.
Pants that hang loose. Jeans cuffed pinned uncomfortably.
Nothing to think of; a hat filled with straw.
The inability to walk. Pinned to a board.
Hickory oak.
Chest disproportionate to a small waist.
Sleeves flung in the wind.
Left standing still; a face motionless.
Pinned to hickory oak.
A shadow left in an empty field, the boundaries of a checkerboard shirt.
The insecurity of straw hands.
Pickett fences to the feet of crows,
Still she'd visit often.
Distance cut short by dark heavy wings.
She'd caw in my silence,
Not knowing the ability to smile I stood against purpose.
She refused to run, poking fun at my hat.
The clothes that hung loosely in the wind, scurf tied tightly around my neck.
Feeling her ***** the strings of my chest.
Strands of straw filled by her need to find a home.
Was there anything there at all before that moment.
Becoming shelter to the way she pried.

Take me on a plane to your heart.
I want to get out & celebrate
Your hand in mine.
Time steadily ticks down, our emotions
Attentive streamers and banners
That shout welcome.
I stayed up all night like a child.
Anticipating the feel of something new,
The rush of being around you.
My fearless dream of you,
Curiously you.
Take me on a plane to your heart.
Your peace of mind, your cloud in the sky.
Somewhere that I’ve never been.
I feel so small when I am next to you,
But not in an insurmountable way.
I get a chance to see how much of a difference
That you’ve made.
Next time that you go,
Or at least consider.
Take me with you in the experience
That no one will know but you & I.
To be happy and belong to a part
Of you always & discover how many
Times I’ve looked at you and deeply
Appreciate the parts of you I am just now seeing.
How beautifully breathtaking,
No matter how big, there is still plenty
To discover & plenty of flights we could schedule.
No matter where we journey,
No matter how small.
Take me on a plane to your heart,
I only ask, that we take the scenic route

It's crazy how someone
Can come into your life
And crack you open,
Like an egg on the edge
Of the counter.
Everything that you thought was
Perfect,
Leaking out from the edges
Of what you knew.

You find out how much of yourself
Spreads out and fills the empty space
What you felt, what you feel.
The pain of change.
They love you fully,
Even the shell of who you were
Before they came in.
They whisk you around
And show you how beautiful life
Can truly be.
Their love, the salt and pepper,
Sprinkled across the fried edges
Of your soul.

It's crazy how someone can come
Into your life,
And you lie helpless on the skillet
Of their heart.
The most important thing to remember
Are the memories.
Loving them with everything you gave

I searched high for you,
I lost hope.
I buried my heart deep.

Last night I had a dream
I dreamt that I set sail on an ocean that I couldn't tell where the sky began and it ended.
Everything was so dark; The sound of the water crashing against the hull.
Beading against the deck
I knew I was  no longer was in the same dream
Searching for the same light that lulled me to sleep
Soft shadows against the wall
Eyes now closed searching for that same light
Then it happened
I saw a light come out of seemingly nowhere
Spread wide growing narrow the closer I got
She was my light in the dark

My heart is your second home.
Waiting for you to get home after a long day of work.
Drive up the pathway of eyes and park.
I'll be looking behind the blinds.
Talking to you the whole while.
Pass the trees of every heart throb.
The sun inching further down.
Our moods the opening of the door.
I am hoping that you take tomorrow off.
You've had a long day and I completely understand.
Even if you have to leave, don't forget you always have a home here.
Where you are always welcome.
Where there are no bills, no worldly stress.
The depth of how we communicate.
Always there to welcome you back

love is a roller coaster.
filled with highs and lows,
the anticipation builds, your hand in mine.
nervous about the drop ahead.
rough times designed to bring us
closer than we are.
Sometimes it feels like we're stuck in a whirl.
looping around and around.
face full of wind. trying to be brave in front of each other.
knowing that we're both afraid of heights.
Our throats touch the bottom of our stomach.
our necks **** coming out of every bend.
racing in what feels like two hundred miles an hour.
laughing and screaming. a terrifyingly good time.
the wind sometimes stealing the sound.
hold on to me tight. The end is near.
throw your hands above your head.
let out your loudest scream.
our hearts almost beating out of our chest.
the last drop is just ahead. soon to slow down
then stop.
Admitting that we're afraid was the first step.
Though we had no choice but to let go of our ego,
It was fun.
the second time around won't be so bad.
you're here with me, gliding to the end.
on second thought.
maybe we should sit for a minute
when the ride stops

In the form of love she held me close.
Shaping the pieces of her heart into pills.
Without the proper prescription she advised that I take one once a day.
How foolish of me to exceed the dosage.
Unable to differentiate what was real.
Small sips of water, dilated pupils.
The mood swings felt between night and day.
The chemicals of her heart seen loud and clear.
Withdrawing myself from what I pictured the perfect love.
Moving from twice a day to as many as was needed.
Falling fast asleep. Waking up with sharp pains.
This was how fast my heart began to beat.
Swallowing each pill to ease the pain. Having gone so long without such embrace. 
I medicated myself in the hopes of staying alive.
A mass communion of pills gathered in the palm of my hand.
Easing her body into my mouth.
Swallowing her heart in an entirety of fragments.
This was how I came to overdose in a fantasy that wasn't meant for me

I am waiting on an angel.
I’ve paced around in wait
and feel no closer to when I first started
pacing.
no call, no signs of anything that smells like perfume.
she promised she'd be here.
maybe she's stuck in traffic,
or maybe she's the kind of angel
that doesn’t keep promises.

the last time I prayed I asked for a roof
over my head.
it took a while. it took an awfully long time.
my hands were shaking.
just when I was about to give up.
I got my house.
I have that same feeling.
god knows that I am waiting,
no matter how bad my hands are shaking.

still, I wait.
I don’t know how wings feel against skin,
or how soft they are,
but somehow, I believe she is near.
if she is not.
I do believe that something beautiful is possible.
even if angels have a sense of humor

Having to forget you is a misconception.
I understand that things happen and these things we often have no control over.
Consequence.
Watching the boat leave it's pier is one of the most beautiful things.
My honest opinion.
The beginning of new experience.
The sensation of watching the odds disperse wave after wave.
Love happens.
It hurts a bit.
Being gone so long.
Docking other places, under different lights.
Finding that every city has a different sound.
A different smell.
It hurts knowing that you've docked somewhere new.
The same flow of emotion parted by the hull of your coming.
A new home.
A new place to rest your fears.
It takes courage to open up.
Thick ropes tied in knots.
An ever changing world.
More advances made in the world of travel.
How we get from point A to B.
It doesn't mean that I don't miss you.
Leaving my rope on the dock of the harbor.
Free to come and go as you please.
Having to watch my boat sail away.
The chance of knowing you may never return.
The same intimacy we shared given to someone else.
It's the same understanding that hurts tenfold.
Knowing these changes must be made in order to progress.
Going out on the town to find myself back here waiting for your return.
Relating to the tears of the ocean.
A new experience we both separately share.
The nights spent alone in wait.
The pier lined up with different ships and boats.
None of which are never you.
It's impossible not to miss you.
Holding on to your beauty, grace.
Waiting for my ship to return.
Knowing that it will never happen

Under the thick of loves thumb
I found a boxing glove
Short of that I found a bruise
Trying it on, following an angular shadow
The blues of chewing with a bruised jaw
Two left feet
Taking a seat rubbing my brow
Her how didn't add up to the purpose,
Another shadow appearing
brow now endowed with a pulsating throb
The blues of chewing with a bruised jaw
The pain of loves boxing glove

She fed my soul with the
Kindest of hands.
Revealing a hunger I didn't know.
I ate from her hands,
Knowing the pieces that she gave
Were near & dear.
I ate expecting her to stop.
Seeing past her body,
These beautiful hands.
I'd wave my hand to stop
But instead she smiled and continue to give more.
She gave pieces of her soul.
Her hands like spoons,
Blowing the pieces that were too hot.
Easing them into my mouth.
Her hands like home
The heartbeat I knew with in.
Warm, comforting.

She Is home for me.
Anywhere she goes my heart is sure to follow.
The comfort that brings about the biggest smile.
Home being the first place I fell in love with.
Maturing into the memory I'll always know.
A place of acceptance no matter how crazy things get.
This feel good feeling that erupts soon as she is near.
The faster I approach.
The driveway in view.
To tell everyone where I am from.
Where I am going.
Being home is beautiful.
This loving feeling, knowing that I exist inside of you.
Appearing in thought, lounging around.
The beginning of life spent in a warm place.
You are with me every where I go.
My city, my home, my warm embrace.
For me, she is home

She showed me that being strong willed was hardly enough in the midst of her disaster, I've watched buildings falter beneath her steps only for her to then smile like nothings happened

I loved the way she felt.
Wearing her like a shirt.
Soft and snug.
I wrapped her arms around me, safeguarding her just as shes safeguarded me.
Her essence following me everywhere I went.
She was the perfect size.
The way she wrapped around me.
I buttoned her up, feeling the caress of her back.
The deep dimple that ensued.
Covering me with all of her.
I blushed at the warmth she provided.
When the time came, I hated to have to take her off.
The fear of washing away the stain of memories we have created.

What we have together is complicated.
It very well may be toxic.
But I am glad it happened.
I ask if you love me.
The physical representation of thirst.
You curve my appetite in so many ways.
I am full in knowing that you complete me.
Such a sensual smell.
My mouth burnt by the hot.
My taste buds go insane each time you are near.
Watering at the mouth.
I've eaten too much but know you fulfill my every need.
I often picture a life together with you.
Seasonal aroma, stirred and mixed.
Following your lead.
We grow older.
At times you upset my stomach.
I regret the decision of going to find you.
But this is the same reason I am drawn towards you.
Licking the corners on my mouth.
You fill what hunger I have and I love it.
Because I love you.
We may have our spats but that's anyone that confuses misunderstanding.
I am sincere in the way I am reminded.
Yet selfish in the way I am spoiled.
I love you because you always commit with purpose.
One spoon at a time.
To wake up and have you here with me.
I wouldn't trade anything for it.
To wake up and have you beside me, 
To wake up and ask is that Shrimp Fried Rice on your breath

She was a small town, swollen with life.
A miniature seed spread wide in the palm of her hand.
There is no place I'd rather be than here.
Her face motioning a smile. Flat eyebrows.
She opened her hand sharing a piece of her town with me.
This small town rooted in the palm of her hand.
A commotion coming loud from the center of her palm.
Mid-traffic jams in steady motion.
She promised that it wouldn't last long, this commotion.
That everyone travels at one time or another.
That she stumbled across this place and never left.
Leaving it just the way it was.
Allowing the tourist to take as many pictures as they'd like.
This small town covered with music and lights.
She motioned the band to play something mellow.
This small town of hers, welcoming me to sit closer and listen.
Motioning them to play something a bit slower.
Long tones of rhythm and blues.
This was how she was.
The lights dimming a bit lower in her eye.
I saw people gather at tables, taking their seat to watch the band.
The pupils of her eyes wide and full.
Comfortable in their skin.
This was her perception.
Of course I on the outside still I heard the sound.
Coming to a complete stop, I grasped her hand tighter.
Holding on to every moment fearing that it would end.
The instruments, the vocals of long tones played by steady fingers, paused lips.
We wandered in The parking lot of open hands.
Hearing the music, walking somewhere where it wasn't so crowded.
We witnessed a wedding. The coming of grins coming together closed mouth.
Actions spoke louder in the reassurance of promise.
She wouldn't have it any other way. 
Promising the town in a night of closed hands.
She too stood on the outside.
Waiting on the bridge to lower, crossing over to my side of town

This feeling only exists when I am with her.
This vibrant, pixelated world.
Filled with her attention.
When I am with her
I am lost for hours on in, exploring every inch of her.
My favorite escape, determined to prove myself.
Alone in a world filled with her,
I've fallen in love with every click of the button rapidly pressed.
If any of the cords should come undone,
I'll loose my mind.
Her heart ever so elusive.
Scrolling screen after screen
Yet I continue to scroll.
Lost in the only feeling that exists when she's around.
Unraveling my controller, plugging it into her heart

She took me sight seeing
The city of her heart-
My hand clinched tight in hers.
A celebration of eyes held tight.
Our smiles bright,
Navigating the twist & turns of the street.
Champagne & beige buildings.
The wind snapping between our faces.
It was beautiful
Seeing colors and shapes this way.
A moment filled with pedestrian eyes.
Our steps the very throb of the city.
Of all the streets
There was one rough patch.
Of all the buildings, all the pretty lights.
This one rough patch in the center of the street was my favorite.
Though she hated it.
It was my favorite part.
To be honest I don't know what or why I was drawn to it.
To me it just felt real.
Night or day
It reminded me of home

The letters I never sent still sit and collect dust.
An novels worth of thoughts filled with you.
The time taken, conveying something not so easily read aloud.
If by the time I do send these letters your thought will still be present.
Sealed with the accordance that I imagined your lips before licking and sealing it shut.
Of course not every letter is of a serious tone.
There has to be some silliness somewhere.
Smiles scribbled to and from the end of the flap.
Letters nicely tucked, a hint of cologne still lingering about.
Words floating from one page to the next.
Hoping you see my face in every line in the letters I never sent.
Simplifying the significance of how much I thought of you.
Facing a blank sheet of paper soon to be filled.
Attempting a million and one ways to confess all the unique and special
things that make you, well.
You.
No one is you.
Remember that, as by the end of this letter I'll imagine placing my lips against your forehead.
That's enough for me.
As the letters I've never sent will soon become a novel devoted to the many times I've sat and thought of you

And like my favorite song
You've been on my mind since I heard you.
Escalating into the next time I hear you.
Out of the blue into my life.
The rumble of thunder.
A silent lightening.
The way you strike.
That word like food with fondest memory.
Too soon.
Defenseless to sudden strike.
Everything around shook in heavy appetite.
The way you've come in my life.
Flashing.
Revisiting everywhere you've been.
Until I see you again.
Flashing into my life
Sharp and silent.
In unending storm

The gospel of us starts where you begin and the night is no longer blind
Finding it's way to light
Lending our lips to the horizon
There is nothing slanderous about such union
An ***** that follows a choir of voices
The amount of steps before kneeling in complete submission
The morale of breathing you with every breath
The grief of if you ever thought of me
As I've thought of you
Kneeling in the comfort you provide.
A complete submission
Feeding myself from the very well your thought begins
Meeting again in the realm of the stars
The clasp of hands dedicated to love
The outline of each stare enclosed in the constellation of a blink
An eclipse of your head overlapping my chest,
Should I ever be condemned for such assumption
Made in each others image
Meeting you in such a way
Caring to heal myself for the betterment of you
The lullaby of your heart
A nursery to joyous ears
Falling deep into prayer
Leaning ourselves to each other's hand
Remedy to the sick child inside us
Selfish
Throwing tantrum
Selfish
Reverting back to singular praise
Kicking, screaming
Caution thrown to the wind
Still optimistic in faith
That no matter how childish we act
It is that sick child that will save us both
Balance
The Renaissance of something so simple

When you look at me
I can't help but think, how much
I want to bite you

Most things you read are dedicated  
To the bride or wife to be,  
With everyone and everything
else included,  
But I wanted to do something different.  
After all, you're a part of this too.  

To my almost sister-in-law,  
How fun it would have been  
To see you and your sister  
In the dresses you've always dreamed of wearing, all of us side by side.
Feeding a child, a continuation of
Building the life of your dreams.  
Not to say that you won’t,  
I just won’t be included in the affair.  
That’s fine, just know I think of you both.  

If I had my way,  
I’d marry your sister and have you  
As my sister too.
Someone strong, someone real.  
If not for you,  
I wouldn’t have these fond memories  
Of you and your sister,  
Starting at the first night
Where you called my name  
And thought I was nice enough  
To introduce us, me and your sister.

We’ve always agreed on things,  
Not seeing things like most do,  
The same old, same old.  
If you’re somewhere,  
Just taking up space,  
Know this is for you  
And all the future sisters-in-law.  
Not to steal the shine  
From the bride to be,  
But imagining her at the altar,  
With you at her side as maid of honor,  
Would've been dope to see.  

If you see this,  
You both are still part of my life,  
And I, hopefully, a part of yours.  
I sit idle,  
Taking up space,  
Thinking of you both,  
Writing something for sisters  
And soon to be sister in laws
To read as a toast,  
Then smile at the bride.
If they can't think of something
silly to say.
If by chance you come across this
And that is the case.
Here is something to toast to

I want a love of that seen on
TV shows and romantic comedies
Without the overdrawn scripts
Or interruption of subliminal commercials that go on and on
A love filled with the visit of random outburst
An award winning Assemble
Which displays overcoming harsh realities
Crazed neighbors that have no idea when to go home
barging in making themselves at home.
Morals and manner
The latter of spontaneity without control of volition
The latest trend of comebacks played prime time Every Thursday
Late night reruns that bring a smile to your face
Not just when there's nothing else on TV
I want a love of that seen on
TV shows and romantic comedies
Without the anxiety of overdrawn scripts

An emotional attachment premiered during every episode

The ego that accompanies relationships 

The ups and downs
Beautifully understanding,

Introducing ourselves to a deeper notion 
The beautiful curvature your mouth makes during improvised motion.
Typically I never found myself that goofy
Except when it's was funny

Identifying with whats felt inside
The serious situations that occur and end all in the same hour,
A simple template in the whelm of a moment

Cast with the kiss of the rolling credits
Best understood by the various themes played at the beginning and end,
Eliminating the distance of alone time spent while the cameras are off

In the question of reassurance.
The single solemn response cannot always end with one that causes
the most anxiety.
The involvement of social media, random dm's, the arrangement of severed ties mended with one thing in mind.
For these reasons insecurity deepens.
Eventually things fall apart.
It's not always about opening your mouth.
There are other ways to be vocal.
Silence becomes deafening.
Defeating the purpose of awareness.
Tempers quickly raise and often the things that aren't meant to be said come out.
Echoing the loudest.
Petty arguments, the excuses that lead us into the messages we're quick to hide.
Despite how much time we've invested, the easiest thing to do is walk away.
Anxiety becoming the fear that pushes us the furthest into ourselves.
It's not always easy.
Opening up,
vocalizing a single woe that begins the journey of a thousand,
if not more.
If forced, we too begin to shut down and contemplate the single best thing.
Being seen as selfish, self-centered.
Quick burst that justifies wrongful intent with one that's right.
It's all about support.
Care & understanding.
The saving grace that bonds the realization that either of us are perfect.
That there are deeper issues at hand that seep far beyond. 
the way we see ourselves, whether we are too big.
Too small, the things we find often too late, said behind our back.

outside of everything else do you truly understand the quality of reassurance.

the equivalent to the moment everything seems to come crashing down.

The times any slight movement brings us down the most.

Equally we both seek the same.

The response reflects the moment.
To defy standard and move to something meaningful.
At a point, the question deserves an answer.

Going in one ear, quickly coming out the other.

To vocalize seemingly in one direction unless the role is reversed

She gave him life in the whim of passion.
Drawing lines of pleasure. All of her pain that she's felt over the years.
The very existence of all she's ever dreamed.
All in the hopes that he'd never do the same.
He and he alone would stand the test of time.
The portrayal of locking eyes, deep shades of gray.
Drawn and retraced.
A homesickness suffered from the gift of tender eyes.
She remembers the nights the rain wouldn't cease.
The creases her face made in grief.

In the end. All she had was the sketch pad that never left her side.
He alone took each tear and rested his head beside them.

Her sketch pad.

This vigorous sketch that stared off into the distance.
She screamed of warning to the oncoming flood.
The beads of blue that traced every drop of rain.
Blending bright and dark hues to the paper of her pad.
Wool combs of hair colored in, blending into the background.
She thought long and hard.
First filling his hands with roses then taking them away.

Deep marks left behind from a couple of flicks of her wrist.
An eroding eraser.
The blossoming of a new sketch, a tremble of thought.
The rain came back even harder.
More fierce the next sketch she made.
Paved and coated over and over again.
A fear that she would never become the recipient of all she's dreamed.
Someone that would love her for all that she keeps hidden.
She reacted to the woes of thunder and lightning.
A tear made deep then covered.
Resistant to all shes felt.
A deep pain struck against the burrow of her heart.
Every flower in the valley of her screamed in anguish to the water that continuously fell.
The valley becoming a gutter in front of the driveway she drew.
Blue and gray hues crosshatched across the page.
Surrounding him in the background.
Here he stood outside in the rain for hours in front of an empty house.
His heart replacing the roses that filled his hands.
Within the confines of her sketch pad she illustrated her best friend.
The best friend she's ever known.
Someone that she could trust.
Made her feel whole.
Here within the confines of her sketch pad.
she illustrated how he made her feel.
She drew breath into his lungs in true fear.
Knowing that somethings aren't meant to happen.
Of all things that she loved. She loved herself the most.
Promising that she would never feel this hurt again.
The torment of having something precious ripped away.
A homesickness suffered from the gift of tender eyes.
She remembers the nights the rain wouldn't cease.
The creases her face made in grief.
It was that night she made the promise never again.
She drew her best friend in a world.
Cold and alone.
All within the confines of her sketch pad.
Where she felt she could be herself.
Illustrating the exact way he made her feel

Particularly the application of beauty fades,
Unless applied skin deep.
Products brought in vain.
A practice that follows as is.
A thoughtful perception of truth.
A light that shines each time she smiles

I miss ******* 
you, your lips pressed against mine
The feel of your skin

I am in love with the infinite space that you provide.
The calm found after each second anxiety ceases to exist,  revealing that all will be fine.
An invisible duct of constant wonder.
You never cease to amaze me.
Your unpredictablely shy.
First appearing, then disappearing.  Mere clouds following the sound of your voice.
Revealing more and more about yourself, not knowing where to end.
I love that about you.
The fountain of youth found in the dimple of your smile.
Forever found in the throb of my heart.
Tucking me into a blanket of complete comfort.
Leaving everything out in the open the loose strings and fabric.
Tucking me in, never minding the weather.
Dividing your goodnight kiss across my head.

You are my sky and with you I plan to do nothing but fall.

What I am trying to say is that
Everything else can wait.
Give beauty a chance to flourish,
A budding seed split between you and I,
Planted still in undeniable
truth.
Watching your eyes wake after a deep sleep;
Laying beside you watching your chest rise then slowly lower
Exchanging your breath for mine. Comprising who we once were, into two totally different people we never knew existed.
Pieces of me given to you and vice versa, the transfer of beating hearts echoing through still sheets.
Lifted through the self conscious thought of being aware,
This enticing sensation of
laying beside each other, hands entwined against the thought of being fulfilled. Though awake,
Bodies lay in rest, searching for one another, this fear of being lost. The constant Roaming in our sleep,the patting of empty spaces beside us.
A subspace that ventures forth as dreaming in parallel.
The inevitable change of being next to someone you truly love.
Realizing that there is something much bigger than yourself.
The world starts to fade, each revolution diminishes a bit.
No longer caring to be seen.
Slowly starting to figure that I am not as selfish as I thought.
Placing myself within your reach,
Looking to feel your hand reach for me.
Realizing that
Everything outside of this perfect moment between you and I can wait.

I try to make you laugh as much as I can.
Still you sleep.
I have trouble dozing off.
To catch the part of my dream you laugh the hardest.
Soon as I am out good.
I wake right back up.
Aware that there is no such sleep.
Still I try

Growth takes time.
Not every seed takes off running.
Every now & then
Even seeds can trip over their shoes.
It makes the difference when you
Can take the time to stop & notice
As well as continue to walk
Until falling face first.
I've never known a man to die from
Tripping over their shoes.
But I've known men to improvise
Until they learned to tie their shoes
However,
I've also known men to tie knots in their shoes
and still can't get them loose
No matter how hard they try

At that moment fingers rushed in an ooze of excitement,
A lake confronted in foam.
The smell of you cleansing everything it touches.
Could you image that,
Placing you in a bottle dispensing you little by little.
A thick lather filling the gasps of fingers.
How could you make a simple shampoo smell that much better.
How is that possible, I mean who on earth does that.
The slogan itself would be perfect
I mean Absolute genius
It would simply read
You
Possibly a picture of a deranged bunny on the front of the label.
A fluff for hair, One eye caught in mid blink.
Chipmunk like jaws.
The essence itself would be breathtaking.
I could see it now.
Placing you on the cosmetic isle in a bunny shaped bottle.
There is only one problem however,
How could we begin to bottle up something so precious

On the day I met you
I woke up to find it a dream
I saved all the best parts
Revealing that I still felt empty.
I was truly convinced without a shadow of a doubt
The silence of a single moment
Forever captured
Forever changed
Perhaps a slip of the unconscious tongue
The realization that there is no you
Force feeding habit
The weakness that ends after each hello
Pretending not to see reality for what it really is
For what purpose
The hug of dreams
Resonating what open eyes cannot see
Were you ever afraid
The surprise of disappointment
I fought to keep my eyes closed
Only for them to open

I remember you
The day we met dreams came true
Thanks to you I smile

She was the smoke that arose from the tip of my cigarette,
Covering me with her essence.
Insisting that I wrap my lips around her.
I held her tight,
Staining my fingers with her.
Not once did she have to prove what was seen as clear she as could have indicated.
That she was mine just as much as I was hers.
A film of smoke dancing between us both,
I knew the damage that she caused internally.

Eternally. None of that mattered as our communication was silent.
Knowing what we both sought in each other.
Replacing my need with her very embrace.
Not once was it hard to breathe. Staining my lips with desire.
Thumping the layers of where we stood off into the wind.
Enticing me with the bright spark that set her ablaze.
The thrill of her knowing that I craved her.
******* her with my eyes.
Granting me the clarification of a moments peace.
I wrapped my lips around her,
Blowing her back out as the smoke that filled my lungs.
A lukewarm kiss, her lips pressed against mine.
We accepted each other as we were.
Standing in solace.
We no longer belonged to ourselves but each other

She brought comfort,
The few minutes granted by the press of the snooze button.
The shutter of eye lids reaching the corner of rem.
Choosing instead to sleep rather than face the reality of being away from her.
The hesitation of opening eyes, a morbid reality.
Waking up, coming to the realization that the only perk life has is when your truly unconscious.
Lost in a soft dream. Inhabiting a space somewhere in time that feels like eternity.
An ethereal experience. Filling my lungs in a universe filled with her.
A place containing a medium that dilates pupils behind closed eyes.
Fearing that any moment might be the last.
A unexplainable language, depicted as a snore. The circulation of bliss.
Smiling in a state of sleep.
Interrupted by the sound of an alarm, signifying that our time will be cut short.
Annoyed by the sound of reality blaring it's alarm.
Half opened eyes feeling around to silence the light of a phone.
Modernized alarm. Made convent.
Lost in the sheets.
All made possible by the 10 minute break of the snooze button.
Picking back up were we left off, for 10 long minutes that seem like a lifetime.
All thanks to the press of a snooze button

The forecast projected snow and immediately I thought of her,
Not necessarily in a way that a blanket provides warmth, although she is quite warm and that would be the perfect reason to stay in come to think about it.
Upon hearing the forecast, I thought of her in the most spontaneous way that snow falls.
Giving all of itself asking for nothing in return.
That in a world of premeditated notion, she is one of the only things
that falls freely.
Giving a glimpse of how beautiful she truly is.
Sprinkling bits of herself in a way not thought possible.
Without care to where and when she falls, she was a free spirit.
Leaving a piece of herself everywhere she stepped.
Her powdered steps turning slick, a quick glimpse of how silly she is.
That slip and fall that makes you resent the ice.
Last Winter I slipped constantly, finding myself falling deeper each and every time she fell.
Maybe it was the thrill, knowing that she was there to catch me.
All is fair in love and war, but the touch of cold hands after taking forever to get warm is never fun.
Probably best I buy her a blanket this Christmas