Why do we breathe
When at death
We have to stop breathing?

Why do we smile
When the happiness,
Fades away as we fall in darkness
As all we have to face is sadness?

Why do we laugh
When the next moment
We only have to cry?

Why do we feel
When at last, in haste,
We're sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste?
We feel nothing
But the last beat
When our heart stops beating.

Why do we refrain to sweat,
To remove our odor with fake scent,
With fake scent we illumine,
But at last we smell like a human.

Why do we dress like gentlemen?
And why do we spend on make-up
When at last we'll all be corpses of men
When at last all coffins identically shape-up
Like a friend's or a fiend's,
When you'll be just another ash or body buried beneath
When you'll look just as dead
No matter how good you look now instead.

Why do we earn?
Why do we live for money?
When it lives because of us
For if we weren't there
You won't have seen any printed face with a number
On just a piece of paper
When we won't take it away with us
When we would leave everything
Why do we built all these huge houses?

Why do we learn?
When we don't learn to love
It's rare that everyone knows you
Even when you know enough
And with you your mind buries in your grave.

All we do is forever scorn
I wonder why no one thought, that
Why are we even born?
When we are destined to have a grave, become ashes, hath,
She been beautiful, nothing like that matters,
Doth they love thou?
It's something they only know
It's burnt with them
It's buried with them
Beside all their fellow mates
Some were merchants, some beggars,
They all went through the heaven's gate.

Why are we living?
Why do we adhere?
To the norms of life
Why are we even here?
Why are we moving ahead so fast?
When it all end at last.

Purple thoughts of sprinting mind
Beautiful, loving, a shade of pink
Wandering, stressing out too much
The thoughts blotting my mind like a permanent ink
I want to say it to him
But I don't know how to think
Of something to spread smile across that face from grim
I don't know how to speak out my heart
I don't know if I do then would we be apart
Or closer than I never thought?

I want to burst out those words
In a simple manner
But simple seems more difficult
Difficult which makes me less saner.

So soon I would
Flush out those feelings
Into a void
A
   N
D
     I
WOULD
     FEEL  
   LONELY
TO
     BE
ALIVE,
Bury the thoughts and revive my sadness
Like I did it yesterday.

The only subject in the world
That enlightens you about the importance and beauty
Of all the other subjects around us
is History.

And you say we should forget the past?

Although
I love to talk
I love to have my words expressed
But when I blurt out the word,
I don't know why my words make me depressed.

Although,
I love to write and make curves on the paper with my ink,
Imagination pouring out of mind
Creating my world in some little corner of this world,
I cannot fathom how to express this world,
Creating it outside my mind
So it can be visible to all.

Although
My thoughts aren't that clustered
My words aren't obscene
I figure out how to blow away everyone
Everyone from my life's messed up scenes.

Although**
I have friends
I love to be with them
But somehow I manage make my own boundaries
And seclude myself from everyone,
Taking no advice from the infinite wisdom trees
I am surrounded by
Who try to make sure
I have a happy life
But happiness is not something which allures
Me, and I repel every positive charge with my negativity.

Just think of rain as my tears
At first the sound of lightening
Is what you hear
Then the it starts drizzling
    Drop  by drop
The clouds turning black
Refraining from letting it out at first
Trying to remain intact
Far above in the sky.

The sobbing starts with a  roar
The lightening somethig I once adored
Now becoming a part of me
Something that I hate.

Then suddenly the clouds can't hold it in
It bursts all the pain it had within
Shedding down the rain of tears
Croaking to those who can hear
Some wear a raincoat
And some a get an umbrella
Others run away
But some drench themselves
In my own pain
And feel the tears on their own skins
They kiss the tears
And quench their thusts
And when they do,
There's a cloud burst
*The black sky turns blue again.

There are times when someone else's  words
Feel just as familiar as if they were your own
That you can't help falling in love with it
Happy to know
You're not all alone.

What is the point of living
When you have boundaries hindering on your way,
When freedom has been snatched away,
When your wings have been cut off
When you can't fly.

What is the point of living
When you have to hide
In your lonely burrow
When you can't keep your past aside,
Or move on to another direction,
When you fake happiness
Just live life with simple deception?

What is the point of living
When you don't go out to search
Search for happiness
'Cause it doesn't come to meet you
You have to reach it
It won't take you by the hand
And propose to you
You have to stop bending knees
In front of the gloom
And do the same to tranquility
For then your heart will bloom.

What is the point of living
When you die with that heavy weight in you?
It's better to start forgiving
Yourself
'Cause you've lived your past once
Don't let it ruin you
By thinking about it infinite times
Instead,
Just think about the future
Think about how the world will look like
When everything's changed
Think about how you will see life
With the eyes or your parents
Think about how twisted the path can be
When you continue to move on it
And how these twist have changed you
And how you won't regret it.

I remember to breathe
Whenever I think of him
It’s possible to take one’s breath
And give them the reason to breathe
At the same time.

I remember to live,
Even when I give up,
I live for him,
Every breath I take
I take each one for him.

She wishes the pain was enough to consume her,
Little by little,
Atom by atom
Flesh by flesh,
That her heart obliterates just as soon
As it reaches the brink,
The peak of all the miseries.

She wishes to merge with the mist
And never be found again.

It was a gloomy day
When my past was recalled
By my forgetful mind
It was like a riddle solved
As I thought for days
If what was happening was deja vu
Or if it was true in some way
That something happened with me.

I tightly closed my eyes
And pictures started to appear
All the lies
I always hear
Were justified
By the truth told by my mind.

I got lost in my world of happiness:
Past was all it mattered for me
Uncovering all the shelves,
Ensconced in oblivion
Blowing away the layers of dust,
Pulling out the obsidian
Made by vague memories
Of childhood, love and happiness
My heart skipped a beat
As if it was love I found
As love is an euphoric sickness.

All the memories flashed
In front of my forgetful mind
The day I walked between the crowd
With a balloon in my hand,
The day I cried out loud,
And decided not to sit but stand
Without moving, to fulfill my demand
Or else roll down and cry
For a pretty doll I held in hand.

I jumped around nonchalantly,
Without thinking about future
I long to live in the now
Because somehow
Our thoughts are limited
To think more about life
And not about now.

I opened the windows
To let the past's golden ray
Come in and stay
To remind me what I forgot.

I forgot my childhood
But it's not too late
I should
Open my eyes
And look at the beauty of life
Through my younger soul's vision
Because it's time I should know
That beauty is in the eyes of a child
And that being oblivious to gloomy facts
Makes life more magical and less wild.

Just one word from your beautiful lips
Could make my day
Just one smile, just one glimpse
Could make me gay
Somehow, oh lord, I am attracted
God knows if you get to know would you be repelled?
Or would you disappear from to a far away land?

I am a beast
And I know how bad a I am for you
Yet to make you smile is the least
I can do to make my dreams come true
I haven't changed yet
But soon will
If you don't go away
If you stand here still
Just see me smile as you do,
It's an addicting pill.


I don't know how to encounter your thoughts
I wish I could read minds
But if it was possible for everyone to feel these hots
In me, then I would have killed myself
If you hadn't accepted me.

I am no princess of this kingdom you belong to
I am no Queen beside the throne you hang on to
A mere beggar, you call me that
Only begging for your smile full of love, for the fact
If even if you throw me out of your kingdom
I won't be cross because a beast knows her appearance
Your beauty is what I would forever hum
Just for once give me clearance
If you feel the same magic or not
Or if this spell hasn't reached you yet
I would go away on the boat
To a voyage for myself I long ago set.

Your approval will reverse my travel
Say hi or goodbye
Let these twisted secret feelings in our hearts unravel
Just for once, be my guide.

I am bound by heavy chains,
Chains of broken swings
The dark room I am in,
Broke my healthy wings.
It has clasped me
In its fierce claws
And now I can't see
Even if there are anymore laws.

The heaviness,
Oh, it's hard to bear
I try choking my breath
But I promised
I will take care,
I won't wreak the life I'll miss
Even if someone already did.

I fall on my knees,
Giving up after
All the pain I felt
And had to bear
While struggling in vain
For something,
But no one cares.

Just then,
A speck of light
Creeps through a crack
The dusty ray,
Falls on my feet, now slack
Calling me by my name
Trying to lift me up,
From this gloomy game.

Taking the warm hand,
I get up with high hopes
But then I realise
I am bound by ropes
Of the tight and heavy chains.

The warmth tells me
Not to stop,
"But I can't move," I say.
"Don't lose hope,
Please come this way."

Clasping his hand,
I move forward
Wishing I could elope
With him from this place
And I won't give up,
If I'm still in this race
I would walk faster,
Increasing my pace.

Suddenly, the chains crack,
Its cracking lullaby
Echoes in this hollow rack.

My feet lift,
Taking a bigger step,
And they rift
The ground that kept
My strength away from me
It's my turn now
To make marks on it
And I somehow
Stab my feet in it
Making it feel the pain I felt
When I was known to be a misfit.

The warmth of his hands,
Supporting when I fall
The warmth of his hand
Bringing me up
When I crawl.

Another step I take,
Not my biggest mistake
Because then,
The chains finally break.

I look up at the sky,
At the dancing auroras
Waving me goodbye,
Singing their fake silent lullaby.

Another step forward,
And my heart will prance
Under the lovely light,
My feet will dance,
Embracing me in
A whole new trance,

*Embracing me in
A whole new trance.

Written words,

Never spoken by lips,

Pour as much soul

Out of me.



When blushed secrets,

Burn within,

An ink can quench

The fires above the sea.

A dangerous song
The soul tangles up in
A rhythm, a tune
Plays incessantly
An addiction, lust,
It traps everything you have within its hold
And dances like a ghost
Possessing the body whole.

The soul is caged,
Vulnerable to this mysterious music,
Addicted like a hippie singing Hare Krishna,
With the perfect cadence
Chanting the lover’s name,
Exasperated and confused,
It looks for reasons
To decipher its meaning.

Is this love?

There is that tunnel I see

A reflection of my own soul

At the edge of it I stand with my trembling feet

And shiver under my sweat with fear of darkness.



"Hello?" I call out.

The darkness grumbles like

A hungry beggar's stomach

And mumbles out a deep

"Hello?"



"Who are you?" the dud lips speak.

"Who are you?" the tunnel of my conscience

Echoes a little late.



A pain in my chest shrieks out a

"I don't know!"



And my feet shuffle away

Into a quick sprint

Away from the tunnel

Of my dark dark soul



Away from everything

As if

Running could make

A shattered heart

Whole.

Come up, up and see the light
Breaking all the shadows at night
Let me out and hear me cry
I would never want to see this time

Just listen to me and
Mark my words
Like ashes I leave my dirt
Here and move with the flying smoke
All the weight on me gets lifted
I make my move swifted
I leave this place
And fly away.

Spreading my broken wings,
Dropping my golden ring
I lighten my heart and take a flight
Just for once hold on tight
And see me fly.

Come up, up and see the light
Breaking all thw shadows at night
Let me out and hear me cry
I would never want to see this time.

The sour taste of misery
Mingles in my tongue
The thoughts of my history
Which were forever unsung
And became a mystery
Have been regurgitated.

My tongue a while ago
Was ***** and span
But now I abhor
The taste that plans
To sit on the buds
Making my taste bitter.

I try to spit
But it won't go
The taste that fits
Would forever be sore.

I try to speak
But my tongue is numb
When I try to refuse
That my life is glum.

The winds won't listen
To my tongue
They just whistle
What had just rung.

The bitter taste
Is now forever ensconced
And I won't wash it off
Even if they see
The bitterness I have
That inhabits me in glee
Because that's my past
And my past is me.

Dear poetry,
You are still here aren't you
Why haven't you left me?
When I only ever wrote you gloomy,
Only so I feel better expressing myself to anyone who reads it
And discards it in their short term memory, left abandoned to be forgotten,
Why haven't you left me?
You're only there to display my grieves to those
Who look at you one second and look at someone else the other
Why haven't you left me?
When I rant on you, play with words on your belly to make an impact and point to the world
That my world isn't a happy place, that I am the biggest fault in my world
And you are the support which obscures all my faults
As they only see the calligraphy of words and mosaics I make out of you. They all seek beauty and heart touching sentences out of you and pluck them out like with their silly fingers and adore them. Cause why does anyone want to know about gloom? There is plenty in their world I bet.
While you over there materialise yourself for me and only me, open yourself to any other person who passes by and close down when they are done plucking out your beauty.
Why oh why, after all this are you with me?
Maybe because I have tied you to me
Maybe because I don't want you to leave.

The answer by my lips-


Yes, I am

Don't you think so?

Don't you see me smiling?

Don't you see my eyes crinkle?

Don't you notice my lips and heart reconciling,

Finally merely coordinating with one another?



I am laughing so much!

What a stupid question!

How can I not be happy?

Have you ever seen me cry?

I am not insinuating you

Into believing me

These tears are rolling down

Just because something went in my eye

Don't worry,

I am not going to let you drown

In this pool of tears.



I am laughing

Because I am crying

I am crying because

I am laughing.



Oh, I sound crazy right now?

It's not unusual

I am like that.

If they want Him to be the reflection of their father,
Then why don't they expect him
To make the same mistakes?

....
...............
...............................
I wish to visit the unknown
Which was created the day I was born
for me
Which has been waiting since the day my words shone
for me
Which was there dying to feel me from the day I started to move on
*for me

when it's dark enough
for the stars to be invisible
and my eyes still open wide
don't shut, don't dream
i feel like i'm falling
in the bottomless pit
where the darkness embraces me
and i can't tear out of it
but shiver uncontrollably
unstoppable, i look for the sharp
edge of the frindly enemy
in the drawer
inside the cupboard,
and I know, it's my short term memory,
Cannot find it,
panic,
heavy breaths,
anger,
tears,
anguish,
unlucky for the day,
unlucky, no scars,
yet.

She doesn't need your 'love' to survive
Your 'love' meaning providing her with sufficient funds
Or giving her a roof above her head
Then calling her your wife
She doesn't need your sympathies  by buying her food and clothing
Or by doing the formalities of saying one word or two per day, like 'Do this' or 'Hmm'
She has seen a lot like you
No she doesn't need your 'love' and sympathy
She needs Love, real love
Which means, if you know how to read a dictionary,
Caring and being affectionate,
Not lashing whip at her for every single mistake she makes,
Understanding and encouraging,
Not blaming her for every single **** thing you did wrong in your messed up life.
Oh you want a fair lady, the fairest of all?
Before pushing her in front of the magic mirror
Dare to present yourself in front of it
Listen what it tells about you and your messed up grey matter
And compare who is being fairer.

I don't have

a heartless soul,

a fearless mind,

But there's something

Which will always be mine.


Locked up in a dark place

Deep inside

The labyrinth of my mind

There lies my secret

And you have forever been blind

Not to see what I hide.


I blind you more

With my secret illusions

But my heart gets sore

Because it's my delusion

That I will be content

By hiding everything.


The letters of secrets

Fly out of the box

Hovering over my head

Hovering around me

Burying me deep into the ground.


I took hold of my secrets

But now it takes hold of me

And climbs on my back

To stay forever with me.



Your eyes delve into mine,

Finding answers ,

My secret is my history

Implanted in my heart

I'm sorry I can't tell you

Something which is beloved to me.



But sometimes

Wounds are opened again

And it starts to bleed out

The poisonous blood that didn't drain

Out of your soul,

Trapped inside,

Gulping all your tranquility.



I have to be rigid,

But it's hard

I have to be strong,

But I'm not

I have to keep a secret,

But I'm not God.



There's no point in hiding now

I give all my secrets

And you give all your love

Or else I would be buried beneath

Under all the secrets

That I've always kept with me.



But it's time now

To give up all I had,

To give up my history

And to solve the mystery

Which entangled your mind



Now the answers are with you

The answer is my secret

Which I just told you.

If you find me laughing
Then know I'm sad
My laughter is an illusion
As I've always hidden the sadness I've had
Inside my heart.

If you find me smiling,
Then know I'm depressed
That I just want you to see me happy
That I just want you know
That my life is not that gloomy.

If you see me cry,
Then know that I want to
Express my emotions to you
How I feel every time
And then burst it all out for once in a while.

If you even understand me
Then talk to me like you did
The first day we met
When you hid
Your true self so that you don't get
People running away from you.

If you see my eyes crinkle
Then know that I'm really happy
Like I was a few weeks back
When you didn't show your true self
When you didn't lack
The potential to be a true friend.

All I want to say is
If you meet me again,
It would be a bliss
That you know me better.

The mild ticking of clock,
Counting your every second
It's calm hands stop for a while
But there is one which doesn't.

It runs the race
Of our life
It doesn't get exhausted,
It would tick even afterlife.

The sound which runs our feet
And makes beads of sweat roll down
Our tensed skin
The sound which would never stop
And if it does,
Then our time will too.

The sound is calm
But hard to bear
When the time passes by
And you're just standing here,
Thinking about something
But not about time.
You miss all the hours
And stay quite like a mime,
Not budging at all.

But the time won't stop,
It keeps on ticking,
It slowly chops
Away the hours of your living.

It's up to you
To react in time
Or you would too
Drown yourself
Like everyone who ignored time





Soft whispers,
Wet soul,
The silver threads
Making a complete whole,
In this awkward silence,
Like a puzzle piece found