What you've heard
is not fact
but an opinion
What you've seen
is not the truth
but a perception

सुर्ख़ियों में रहता था उनका नाम
आज बो चंद अल्फाज बन गए
खयालों में उनका बसेरा सजाके
आज हम देवदास बन गए

It's been a while
since I've felt her felt tip
scratch through the surface
Deep into my soul
to take me out of hiding

-x-

I remember how we parted
I regret not saying goodbye
And in a text back to a midnight apology
She had promised that she would write

She left an empty canvas
and a naive head full of dreams
and thoughts she never coloured
that festered deep within

I tried to draw her contours,
the little hat she used to wear
and beneath it, to recollect
the texture of her hair

But her pencils betray me
They don't want me to tell her tale
or mine if ever I was part of it
So I chose these words instead

Reams of paper in my cabinet
Meant for her delicate brushes
Black and blue stains of poetry adorn them
Like scars of sin on skin, permanent.

A million Gods to pray to
You'd think I was spoilt for choice
For my devotion was never aimed at them,
perhaps they do not heed my voice

-x-

It's been a while
since I've felt a felt tip
scratch through the surface
That provoked my senses
to come start fighting

I'm hanging on.. I'm hanging on..
But for how long?

How will the vain
who love the noises of their own voices
gather the patience to listen?
Common sense has gone missing

They wield weapons
blunt and loud like a demagogue's growl
that defiles civil notions
Tools to toy with emotions

-X-

Glaring, with nostrils flaring,
at a divorce of nib and ink
My words, forming furiously -
Sharpen them more, rethink!

My words, they will cut deep -
They will pierce the thickest of skins
And find their way into dark hearts
to remind them what it is to bleed.

I can't move my wings
I can't move my feet
Stuck and suffocated
under a slowly closing lid

My ignorance invokes my ruin
I have been so stupid
If that justifies this punishment
then yes, devour me

-X-

हमारी मोहब्बत पे यकीन ना आया उन्हें
वो समझीं बस हमारी नादानी है

लकीर ए सियाही से इजहार जो फरमाएं
मालूम हुआ वो किसी और की दीवानी है

कीड़ा किताबी, अब बन गया शराबी
रगों में खून नहीं, जाम और पानी है

मगर दर्द की चादर में लिपटने का क्या फायदा
सिर्फ हमारी नहीं, ये तो हर शायर की ज़ुबानी है

वही पुरानी कहानी है

nothing made you happy
nothing gave me peace
yet now we found
the heading to where
we will be nothing soon

hold my hands
a final time
if only for a while
we will soon reach
the wake of our being

hear the music
that traveled before
in silence between us
let us fill in the lyrics
with what we wanted to hear

see the sun set
over the roads
we leave behind today
may new roots take shelter
and bloom tomorrow


and when the days to come
are gone by
if a fading memory intrudes upon
the happiness you find

may you pardon
with kindness or abandon
or interrupt my peace in turn
with fresh flowers
or old conversation


-x-

I know the love you feel for me
"And I know
I don’t
deserve it"

Out to hurt because I’m hurting
"And I know
You don’t
deserve this"

So let me take my leave
Before the night is done
While you still will be dreaming
Of what we could become

I’ll tell myself
That I was too afraid
To take another step
Towards you

I’ll tell myself
That my mind is gonna let
me think I’d not regret
Losing you

...

You’re trying to make me heal
"And I know
I don’t
deserve it"

I’m ashamed of living in my skin
"And I know
You don’t
deserve this"

So let me take my leave
Before the stars are dead
While you still will be willing
To fall for someone else

I’ll tell myself
That I was too afraid
To take another step
Towards you

I’ll tell myself
That my mind is gonna let
me think I’d not regret
Losing you

...

A world of fantasy
where you’re chasing your dreams
trying to make me a part of it

And I’m struggling
to get back what I lost to another
trying to get back a part of me

I’ve forgotten how to love, how to feel..

"Oh I know,
You don’t
deserve this"

So let me take my leave
Before the sun can shine
Before the spring can blossom
And our fates are intertwined

I’ll tell myself
That I was too afraid
To take another step
Towards you

I’ll tell myself
That my mind is gonna let
me think I’d not regret
Losing you

-x-

I would like to fly
to the far ends of the Earth
in your trail-

(But these wings were clipped so freshly
torn so frightfully, ripped so ferally
Alas! How cruel is destiny..)

-yet with
ichor and remembrance,
I shall have to be content

Your skin honeydew smooth
I shudder at the touch
From the break of dawn I crave you
With an abnormal lust
I know I shouldn't, yet I must..

I breathe you into me
With every kiss I place
Hoping that it lasts forever
But I know you'll never stay
All I'll be left with is the aftertaste..

You race within my veins
And run across my soul
Enticing me, exciting me
Till the sweat exudes through my pores
I never want to let you go..

-X-

I turn a blind eye to your poison
Although you're killing me
For my heart obsesses like a fanatic
And my mind reasons like a devotee

अल्फाजों में गुमनाम को
दाखिला दिलाएं कौन
महफ़िल तो रोज़ सजे पर
कल से उसे सजाए कौन

बहार तो बस मौसम है
दिल को ये समझाएं कौन
बदलते रहें पर ये ना बदले
कल यादों से बेहलाएं कौन

ना पता चूक हुई है किनसे
और फिर भूल दोहराएं कौन
के हर गलती ना होती गुनाह
कल हमें य याद दिलाएं कौन

-x-

The nameless in these words
Who shall grant them entry?
We are entertained everyday
But come tomorrow, who will be at it's centre?

Spring is just a season
Who will explain that to the heart?
They keep changing but it will not
Tomorrow who will coax it with memories?

I don't know who is at blame
And who is going to repeat their mistakes?
That not every mistake is a crime
Tomorrow who will make me realise that?