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3.2k · Mar 2019
A pledge to women
chitragupta Mar 2019
I know today the world celebrates you
But in my heart, your festival plays all season
To craft songs in your praise is honour
And this wordsmith is honorable aplenty

I know I'll never know the pain
The way societies have pushed you when
You blinded them with your radiance
Now enlightened they can only apologise

Justice is the cry!
Tell me it is not my lone heart
I do not strive to appease,
it is just what every woman deserves
Even if I lend my hand to
just the ones close to my heart
They say intelligence comes from one's experience,
and wisdom from those of others'
Wise I have become,
so I pledge to be better than my fathers
Happy women's day, world.
As we celebrate the day, let us pledge to make a woman's life easier at work, school or at home.
And lend them our courage and support whenever we see institutionalised gender injustice.
Those little drops of individual effort can create oceans collectively even if governments are unable to.
2.8k · May 2019
Tsunami
chitragupta May 2019
You may have seen me
like leaves green of a summer tree
Never cared to understand
the roots that grew beneath

You may have heard me
like the noise of a falling pin
For in your ears, naught but
your own voice is sweet melody

You may have known me
like gentle waves atop the sea-
Ignored the raging maelstrom,
but can you escape the tsunami?
We become selfless by caring for others,
yet we become careless by caring for others.
chitragupta Mar 2019
What genre of music do you like?

Mind:
What to declare
My love for soulful old melodies
Or pragmatic modern beats?
For there is no room for error here

Heart:
I am but a simpleton
As far as I am concerned
There exists just two genres -
The one I love and the one I don't.
When you are asked as a socially awkward person about your musical taste, a war in your mind to make a good impression, to avoid being charged with oddity in your taste but then, you like what you like, you hate what you hate.

PS. Sorry for the looooooooooooong title, but the heart gets the better of the mind this time :)
847 · Mar 2019
हुस्न
chitragupta Mar 2019
क्या कहूं उनके हुस्न के बारे में
क्या तारीफ करू उनके आंखो की
क्या तौसीफ करू उनके जुल्फों की

हसीन तो उनकी बातें है
हसीन तो उनकी यादें है
जिनकी वजह से ना गुजरते ये रातें है
What should I say about her beauty?
Should I praise her eyes?
Should I admire her hair?

The beauty is in her words
The beauty is in her memories
Because of which these nights are unspent
788 · Mar 2019
Permanence?
chitragupta Mar 2019
I am usually an amnesiac
Which is why there is always
cheap stationery in my pockets

- "An inexpensive set from Faber-Castell"

I look to my scribbles when I'm lost
unless an unexpected shower
has been tasked to ruin them

- "Pages stuck together, smudged and stained"


Three monsoons have come and went
I don't carry an umbrella or run for cover anymore
I stand in the middle of the downpour, drenched
But I guess some inks are just too hard to wash away
Use the sharpie on the whiteboard at your own peril, fans of irony.
736 · Apr 2019
If only I could stop Time
chitragupta Apr 2019
It is a respite
to forget for a while
that the number of candles grow
and birthday cakes shrink in size
gradually, each time

Curse this dream!
The doors kept on shaking
And all my strength was not enough
against His brute ferocity
But alas! Not enough to wake me

Must I live in bed
these moments of her death?
When indeed He comes for her,
I wish I can broker a trade -
to take me instead

Sigh..
If only I could stop Time.
Subconscious delivers a reality check. Happy birthday, Ma.
729 · Mar 2019
Green
chitragupta Mar 2019
Furnished rooms, refined cooling
An angry Sun, a helpless ozone layer
Lavish resorts, palatial homes
The Ents are silent in their prayers
Roaring turbines, whirring motors
****** waters, crying to be set free
Clicks and clacks, a touch and a swipe
Birds fall to the alien magnetic field
Travel the world, not fast enough
Dig and mine, crashing harbour wave
Fossils spent, air wears the smoke
Dinner is served on the tectonic plates

Every day the water becomes a little fuller to the brim
Every day the air becomes a little less thin
Every day the world becomes a little too big
Every day the land becomes a little less green
My second favourite colour next to blue.
But you've guessed what this is about haven't you?
710 · Jun 2019
Bookmark
chitragupta Jun 2019
There it lay forgotten,
in the shelf gathering dust -
A chapter that had once been opened,
and halfway through shut.

Maybe some day,
in the future near or far
Another may wipe the cover
and with love pick it up

They might turn the pages,
might even read to the end
So don't expect your bookmark
to stay on the same page.
Just another idea of masking thoughts behind realities.
696 · Aug 2019
Untitled
chitragupta Aug 2019
ना कभी आपसे हम ये जहां मांगे थें
ना ही कभी एक मुट्ठी आसमान मांगे थें
सिर्फ धड़कते दिल के तड़पते अल्फाजों से
आपके चेहरे पे मुस्कान मांगे थें

Never asked the world of you
Nor a handful of the sky -
Just wished that the struggling words of my beating heart
Could put on your face, a smile
655 · Feb 2019
Ode to Kolkata
chitragupta Feb 2019
I miss the Norwesters
I miss the heavy rains
I miss hurrying to catch a bus
Completely drenched

Oh Kolkata!
Without you I am
Like a fish out of water

I miss the olden buildings
I miss the bustling streets
I miss riding the tramway
With a song playing on repeat

Oh Kolkata!
Without you I am
But a fish out of water

I miss the winter sunsets
I miss evenings by the lake
I miss Maharaja's kachoris
And jalebis on a steel plate

Oh Kolkata!
Without you I am
Just a fish out of water

I miss the yellow taxis
I miss the hawkers' stalls
I miss the political graffiti
Adorning the walls

Oh Kolkata!
Without you I am
Still a fish out of water

Now I'm so far
But yet so near
My heart can't shelter
These hopes and fears
Rejection, reduction
I feel choked once again
Within your walls of nostalgia
Maybe I'll be safe

Oh Kolkata!
Show me a way
To return to the water
Homesick. That's all folks.
649 · Mar 2019
Untitled
chitragupta Mar 2019
Again the winds have shifted
The light swings another side
The shadows start dancing
Abandoning me in plain sight

-X-
swing :)
|
swing >:(
|
seek solitude
629 · Mar 2019
Misunderstood
chitragupta Mar 2019
We are all misunderstood
The only thing that changed
is that I care
no more to explain myself
I'd rather remain misjudged
And far, far away.
Yesterday I would have consciously raised my voice as a result of unconsciously raising my temper - to prove to you that you're wrong in what you perceive.
Today, I just want to leave things as they are.
I just want to leave.
600 · Mar 2019
Mistake
chitragupta Mar 2019
I admit
I made
a mistake
But the only one I owe
an apology to
is myself
So there's no reason
for you
to wait
If I said
I'm sorry
that's not how I felt
580 · Apr 2019
Sometime after supper..
chitragupta Apr 2019
Every night
I wait till 4 AM
when the moon comes
to my part of the sky
and illuminates my windowsill
with her silver light

Lunar radiance
lulls me slowly
I listen to the soft song
with closed eyes
sung by the southern breeze
like gentle wind chimes

The dead letters of Sleep
finally arrive at my postbox desolate
but not long before the neon dial starts screaming,
"IT'S TOO LATE! IT'S TOO LATE!"

It's too late..
On team insomnia we don't believe in sleep.
570 · Jul 2019
{insert her name}
chitragupta Jul 2019
When she takes the hairpin out
and the darkness of the night flows down
Sparks of fire in those streaks of brown
And in that ocean tranquil, I wish to drown

When she rolls her eyes in annoyance
the world stops it's pitiful rotation
Time realises it's gross subjugation
And I relish that helping of frozen frustration

When she arches her brows inward
I pray that her temples don't fall for my error
A silent earthquake which may devour me forever
And in my heart held hostage, I feel it's tremors

When she twists the corners of her lips in a smile
the Sun starts peeking out from the clouds
Spectral drums in my heart beat aloud
And for this petty victory, I feel so proud

When she speaks into my ears
I lose all grasp on language and grammar
In her divine symphony composed of glamour
I cannot help but lose myself, feel enamored

-x-

As the clock keeps ticking, I ask but of her
these moments priceless
Knowing well that she may love these lines,
but not the man who writes them
Been really inspired by Gurudev Rabindranath Tagore this week. I remember I wasn't too fond of his work growing up, but now I realise what a fool I've been.
557 · Mar 2019
Snap!
chitragupta Mar 2019
Her bright red sweater
surrounded by the yellow of the sunflowers
Captured is the heart
it seems - though the lens has failed to focus

The bend took me away.
- Snap!
Ever felt your heart race faster than the shutter of a camera?
Or maybe my camera is defective.
Either one of those.
chitragupta May 2019
कैसे समझाऊं की कितना नादान है तू
अपने ही हालत से अनजान है तू
सच्चा है तो सच क्यूं बोल ना पाए
ए दिल, कितना बेईमान है तू

कभी होंठों पे हसी का इनाम है तू
कभी पलकों में सावन का पैग़ाम है तू
गिरगिट भी हैरान तेरे बदलते रंगो से
ए दिल, कितना बेईमान है तू

सोचता था कि सतरंगी आसमान है तू
पर अब लगता है मौसम ए तूफान है तू
ज़ंजीरों से है शिकायत पर तोड़ना भी ना चाहे
ए दिल, कितना बेईमान है तू


How to make you understand how naive are you
Your own feelings are unknown to you
If you're truthful why can't you speak the truth
O heart, so dishonest are you

Sometimes a prize of a smile at the lips are you
Sometimes the message of monsoon in the eyes are you
Even a chameleon is dumbfounded by your changing colours
O heart, so dishonest are you

I thought a rainbow-filled sky were you
But now I feel a raging storm are you
You complain about your chains yet don't want to break them
O heart, so dishonest are you
The heart wants what it wants.
But what if it doesn't know what it wants?

Will add a translation soon..
chitragupta Mar 2019
है अयसे ये लब्ज़ जो उनसे में केह नहीं सकता
फिर किस लिए ये खामोशी में सेह नहीं सकता
These words are such that I cannot utter to her
Then why cannot I bear this silence, I wonder?
499 · Mar 2019
Colours
chitragupta Mar 2019
Colour me in your mind
Am I vermillion red
or prussian blue?
Maybe a mix of the two?
Or just a hue
Of simple forest green
No wait, aquamarine
like an underwater scene
Deep and darkness within
Yet maybe you enjoy shades
that are bright
and they look so
under the sunlight
But true colours show
only under the grayest skies
to the most observant eyes
You only get to know a person truly when they are at their darkest moments.
Oh, happy Holi from a Norman Gortsby ;)
492 · Mar 2019
Letter to Grandma
chitragupta Mar 2019
Dear Granny,

I saw someone
a week ago,
In the streets
on my way back home..

Her wrinkled skin burnt by the Sun
Her attire frayed and patched with dust
An empty oil can of crumpled tin
A humble sum peeks shyly from within
Her hand stretched, a cup formed from her palms
It shakes too furiously to beg for alms
She speaks a language alien to me
Yet her eyes tell me a universal story
A tale of a debt that was never paid
Kindness was dealt a hand of apathy instead
And the care with which a seedling grows
Was not returned as winter crept close
Because fall came and went, and the old leaves are spent
Shed across the city streets, with none to speak for the dead

Like the world around me I know not
why I should care
Her face is that of a stranger to me
Yet I keep waking up
on account of these dreams
A similar picture, a similar scene
And at the heart of it
The face is yours,
Granny.

Love,
Soham
Do not neglect the old. As you wouldn't be neglected as the young.
The golden rule.
476 · Mar 2019
The sunset by the sea
chitragupta Mar 2019
The sunset by the sea
My feet naked, embedded
in the sand
As the waves greet me with ferocity

Punching back with clenched fists
Saltwater foam, elegant comb
through my hair
The ocean with all its depth condescending

All the colours of the universe in
a sky tainted, so gloriously painted
like a fresco
Of an olden cathedral I'd never seen

Sweat and salt and sand in my clothes
My eyes swollen, their whites stolen
unconsciously
Innocent are not the tears of the sea
---

Slow as the waves recede
with the retreating tide
So does the venom in my veins
and come loose the nails in my head
The shore sprayed with new hope
The night sky of a new moon arrives
Darkness heralds doubt
Yet I'm relieved to be
in the absence of the light
that seeked to
blind me last night
Went to my grandma's place by the sea.
Needed a little headspace, and a lot of grandma's cooking :)
I feel light after spending an afternoon at the beach, letting the waves hit me.
And all this without a single smoke!
459 · May 2019
Farewell
chitragupta May 2019
I do not have hearty anecdotes to share,
for I was never more than garnish on the plate
But do not think that silence is indifference,
It is necessary to keep my anguish contained

Come tomorrow, we will get to see
A new dawn for you, and a new one for me
For better or for worse I know not - I will be
without your jests and laughter for company

I know,
There will be a little less sunshine
O friend, philosopher, and guide
So I'll try my best to force a smile
But this is where we say goodbye.
Speak.
Speak.
SPEAK.

piano solo.
Cry rivers for an inkling. Is that a fair trade.
I am only as sad as how your God made.
423 · Mar 2019
Volcano
chitragupta Mar 2019
My extinction
is your biggest
misapprehension
Liquid rage crackles like
the snores of an inferno
slumbering deep within
Do you want to
pelt another stone,
drill another hole?
But then,
you'd best run home
and run for your life
for I shall emerge
from dormancy
to bring forth hot tears
across your cheeks

So halt your assault
Cease your trials
The fire burns
too close to my skin
I feel my restraint rapidly diminish -
it is the last wall
that stands in between
Run.
416 · Feb 2019
Her
chitragupta Feb 2019
Her
Her hair is fire
Her face the summer sun

Warmth to the world
But scalding to one

Her eyes are ebony
With a seldom shine

That awaken tremors in
Fragile heart of mine


On the bridge between
Fantasy and reality

My thoughts shape
Hope and sanctuary

I gaze down at
The chasm underneath

Hoping to escape
Wishful thinking


On one end
A faint shadow stands

On the other
An absurd fairyland

Edicts of silence
Echo through my spine

What am I waiting for?
Maybe her voice divine..
415 · Mar 2019
Gravity
chitragupta Mar 2019
Love is a phenomenon
Not dissimilar to gravity
Like an ignoramus
The stoic heart denies it

Until it falls.
My dear friends,
should you fall,
I hope the surface is soft.
chitragupta Mar 2019
Is it not a wonder
how your emotions
stitch these words together
Like a well knitted sweater

Is it not inspiring
how your sadness
strengthens the ones reading
But you're still bleeding

Poets should fall
in love with
poets
Leave the rest to
appreciate their
poems

Is it not beautiful
the way your mind
crafts and creates imagery
Marrying imagination and reality

Is it not intelligent
the way your words
coalesce together
Your journals, chests of treasure

Poets should fall
in love with
poets
Leave the rest to
appreciate their
poems

Is it not charming
that you aim to
be different than the indifferent
societies past and present

Is it not valorous
that you strive to
rebel with just a pen
Deep within the lion's den

Your emotions deep, your heart is true
They read your writing but fail to read you

I reaffirm,
Poets should fall
in love with
poets
And
Leave the rest to
appreciate their
poems
403 · Apr 2019
Friday ritual
chitragupta Apr 2019
I walk home under a red sky
back to my dingy apartment
I strip off the garb of the trade
and fall on the inviting single bed
Walls close in, but I'm thankful
for the large window beside my head
To watch the trees
To watch the birds return to their nests

Old coats seem like hanged convicts
From the jagged cupboard hooks
The only thing that is new
is the mountain of books
On my bedside, yet to read
I shall pick one up on the morrow
To feel coin well spent
To feel the surprise - will it be thrill, joy, or sorrow?

I place my blue hardback journal
on a makeshift table of cardboard box
I ensure the fluorescent sleeps
so I do not suffer unexpected knocks
Under a tungsten fire, with royal blue dye
I strike the pages with a fountain pen
To mark the week as done
To breathe back life into the poet again
I am thankful for all of you on hellopoetry for your inspiration, encouragement, critique -

I love to write, and I am bettered by your communion
So here I am, sharing with you, my Friday night ritual
402 · Feb 2019
डर लगता है
chitragupta Feb 2019
डर लगता है उनसे नज़रें मिलाने में
के दिल घायल ना हो जाए अनजाने में
भुगतते हुए साजाए मोहब्बत
बेखुदी की हदें पार कर दी इस दीवाने ने
Pardon any errors in spelling. Hindi is not my first language
Literal translation:
I feel scared to look at her eyes
What if my heart gets wounded unknowingly
Suffering from the sickness of love
This fanatic has crossed the limits of senselessness
391 · Jul 2019
Sweets
chitragupta Jul 2019
I remember walking back from school
the tenner for the bus ride in my pocket
There would be a row over why I had taken so long
But I'd gulp the sondesh down, and it'd be forgotten

The grey haired proprietor of the sweetmeat store
wore a perennial smile on his face
And sometimes I wondered if he had ever been sad
How could he with those sweets on his silver trays?

I learned to grasp the concept of gravity
when a piece of sweetmeat went down my throat
And then a lesson on quick mathematics
when the shopkeeper stretched his palm for what I owed

But sadly the chemistry book had no formula for me
to turn sugar and milk to that special treat
The report card was skewed, and the scolding that ensued
Was only remediated by my favourite sweet
Throwback to college days when I used to miss home :(

My love for sweets hasn't faded all this time
I'll just cross my fingers and hope you like this rhyme
chitragupta May 2019
हो चाहत में इतनी शिद्दत, के कोई ताकत सामना कर ना सके
हो दिल में इतनी मोहब्बत, के नफरत भी मुकाबला कर ना सके

Let my desire have such intensity that no power dare face it
Let my heart bear such love that no hatred can ever match it
The sure way to **** temptation is to face it.
again and again.
and once more.
or twice.

Titled प्रेम पुजारी - translates to 'Priest of love'
383 · Feb 2019
दो पल
chitragupta Feb 2019
दो पल रुक जाओ
गुफ्तगू अभी बाकी है
दिल में कई ख्याल है
मन में कई सवाल है
उन्हें शब्दों में कहने तो दो

न जाओ इतनी जल्दबाजी में
अब बेबसी में ही मज़ा है
और इनाम में भी सजा है
इश्क़ जो हुआ है हमें
उसका दर्द सेहने तो दो
350 · Mar 2019
Kashmir
chitragupta Mar 2019
They left to
defend your honor
They left to
defend your shrine
The false promise
of your heaven
In their juvenile minds
Armed with evil
heavier than
their own weight
God,
Tell me why the snow is red
Tell me why my brothers are dead

They left to
defend our mothers
They left to
defend our wives
The passion burns
in their blood
To protect the last child
Shouldered with
the burden that
the uniform dictates
Minister,
Tell me why the snow is red
Tell me why my brothers are dead

There is a strange
turbulence in the air
The wind reeks
of wanton violence
I feel the same rage,
I feel the same pain
I yearn for peace
and risk your hate
With your answer
my mind might change
So,
Tell me why the snow is red
Tell me why my brothers are dead
This is not a political position. This is a humanistic position. I have tried my best not to be misunderstood. So please try your best not to misunderstand me.
349 · Mar 2019
Mirrors
chitragupta Mar 2019
Mirrors reflect the truth
sans embellishment
Built with fragile glass
So easily shunned,
so easily shattered

A lone mirror
hung up on a wall
to serve the pleasures of the vain
But when two
face each other
and manage to hit the right angle
Limitless images are formed
Miracle and magic! alone no more
You need two people for a party.  Finding that second person is the challenge.

Inception for this was largely inspired by this:
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3060509/rainy-day-activties/
chitragupta Aug 2019
नज़रों से, इशारों से हमें घायल करने वाली
कभी बातों से, मुलाकातों से मरहम तो लगा

हमारे दिल ओ जान में घर बसाने वाली
कभी अपने में भी दे हमें थोड़ी सी जगह?
Translation:
You, who would wound me by your eyes, your gestures!
Heal me with your words, heal me with your contact

You, who have built an empire amidst my heart-
Could you ever carve a little crevice for me in yours?
345 · Feb 2019
Inflection
chitragupta Feb 2019
Now that
I have
learnt my place
It is time
To teach
Them theirs
I finally feel what I've been trying to feel.
This makes things easier.
This moment. Is the point of inflection.
chitragupta May 2019
बदन पे बरसात की बूंदे गिरे,
तो ना जाने क्यों जलता हूं में।

शाम का जाम तो बस बहाना है,
मीठी ज़हर निगलता हूं में।

तकदीर बदलना कोई खेल तो नहीं,
अब हिम्मत करने से भी डरता हूं में।

जीना तो तूने ही सिखाया है मुझे,
तो ना जाने तुझपे क्यों मरता हूं में।

दुनिया चले, तू भी चली,
बस पत्थर की तरह रुका हूं में।

आंखो में नींद आए ना जब की
मोहब्बत करने से थक चुका हूं में।
When drops of rain fall on the skin,
who knows why it feels aflame

The evening spirits is just an excuse,
Sweet poison I gulp into myself

To twist the threads of fate is no easy game,
Now to muster courage, I feel fearful

You taught me how to live,
so who knows why I die for you

The world moves on, and you did too,
But like a rock, I'm standing still

There is no sleep in these eyes even though
I'm tired of loving you
331 · Mar 2019
Cloudy
chitragupta Mar 2019
I would
Gladly open
The windows
Of my heart
But I'm afraid
The weather
Is too cloudy
For your liking
chitragupta Mar 2019
Heart:
Wise one! Hearken to me,
for I need enlightening
-there stands a tree
in a part of me
once where flowers of love blossomed
and sparrows used to sing
to the mornings of eternal spring
Now the flowers have wilted
the birds have flown from their nests
yet the branches continue to grow
and the roots still run deep
I have not the courage
to task myself with its rearing
My memories of springtime
are still fresh, still endearing

Mind:
I'm afraid there is
but one cure for this disease
Along with the soil
that so graciously hosts it,
You must uproot this tree
and spend the rest of your life
as an amputee
The heart is too kind to fell a tree.
So the mind added an axe to the shopping list.
317 · Apr 2019
Adulting
chitragupta Apr 2019
Adults fight all the time,
like children -
So I should take the charge and grow up already!
How might I do that exactly?
Should I start by sipping a cup o' tea?
Or take a swig from the bottle of whisky?
Grow some hair on my face maybe?

But I still fancy chocolate milk
on the side of animal-shaped biscuits
while I plug my earphones in
to cut out the domestic horror story
Don't fight in the presence of children.
They will learn what they see.
Or worse, turn out like me.
310 · Mar 2019
Game over
chitragupta Mar 2019
Time is stagnant
I have tried
pushing all the buttons

It hasn't changed
for all my efforts -
this period tiresome

Gray skies
Not a drop of rain
Not a hint of the sun

This life is
too overwhelming
I'm ready for the next one
Exploring the psyche of a mind diseased by depression.
The individual thinks he/she is inside a video game that isn't playing out to their liking and he/she wants it to end and retry with a spare "life"
303 · Mar 2019
Lies
chitragupta Mar 2019
What you've heard
is not fact
but an opinion
What you've seen
is not the truth
but a perception
Welcome to the generation of fake news
303 · Jul 2019
Autumn
chitragupta Jul 2019
Leaves shed
as she leaves behind
Those worn old faces and troubled minds
to a distant land
Her brave heart is fuelled by freedom

I walk alone
over graves gold and red
Rustle and crunch! complain the dead
With a grimace,
I bid welcome to my favourite season

The northwest breeze
shares a smoke with me
As I solicit the shade of a leafless tree
The dust gathers
around my feet, around my life uneven

A golden sky
when the red sun sets
A cloud floats by that resembles her face
with the colours
that make Autumn, to me, so appealing
Fall is the season to fall out of love. C'mon little sparrow. Fly.
295 · Mar 2019
Dialogue I : Mind and Heart
chitragupta Mar 2019
Mind:
Why must you always reconcile?
Do you not have a sense of self-respect?

Heart:
You see, wise one,
I used to believe that
I'm not the only one who cared.
I know the heart is but a poetic device. These conversations all happen in my head. But a well rounded conversation is more fun than a superb speech.
All in my opinion.
293 · Feb 2020
Sachet
chitragupta Feb 2020
Rip, rip, rip!
Red glazed paper
Cling, cling, cling!
The falling sugar
Whirr, whirr, whirr!
Grinding of the beans
Stir, stir, stir!
Till the surface gleams
Drip, drip, drip!
Dripping black ocean
Sip, sip, sip!
The bitter decoction

Sweetheart
Ain't it sweet enough
To believe there's someone we're made for
But it's never enough sugar
in that sachet
Why does love last as long as it's paid for?
Happy Valentine's day, poets.
chitragupta Mar 2020
It's been a while
since I've felt her felt tip
scratch through the surface
Deep into my soul
to take me out of hiding

-x-

I remember how we parted
I regret not saying goodbye
And in a text back to a midnight apology
She had promised that she would write

She left an empty canvas
and a naive head full of dreams
and thoughts she never coloured
that festered deep within

I tried to draw her contours,
the little hat she used to wear
and beneath it, to recollect
the texture of her hair

But her pencils betray me
They don't want me to tell her tale
or mine if ever I was part of it
So I chose these words instead

Reams of paper in my cabinet
Meant for her delicate brushes
Black and blue stains of poetry adorn them
Like scars of sin on skin, permanent.

A million Gods to pray to
You'd think I was spoilt for choice
For my devotion was never aimed at them,
perhaps they do not heed my voice

-x-

It's been a while
since I've felt a felt tip
scratch through the surface
That provoked my senses
to come start fighting

I'm hanging on.. I'm hanging on..
But for how long?
The mind is fragile. Thoughts start yet do not finish before others come take their place.
It's chaos.
It's wonderful.

But just not as wonderful as she.
285 · Jul 2019
Untitled
chitragupta Jul 2019
I'm calling her name,
even though I've run out of things to say.
But because the clock is ticking,
I do not want this conversation to end.

If my words bear insignificance,
then I shall in patient silence, listen.
But I may never relive, re-love;
So tonight, let not her voice fade.
My silence is poetry. Hers is an assassin.
284 · Mar 2019
Fever
chitragupta Mar 2019
I shiver
and
I writhe
The temperature
continues
to rise
Pain pushes
tears out
of my eyes
Fever came
to visit me
last night
And She
didn't leave
this time
And I never stopped to wonder why.

Body broken
Paralysed is
the mind
Ears tired
of the
preacher's advice
Eyes crave
a shield from
the sunshine
A hand to
caress beneath
the hairline
A pledge
of healing
from inside
Oh, you fool. You are so naive.


Vanquished by
the collective
apathy of reality
Imprisoned,
I swallow these
chemicals with servility
I shelter them
In the bloodstream
Treat the symptoms
Not the disease
I know
She will return again
someday with a surprise
And even though I am
Terrified
I will just take a pill
and tell Her I am fine.
Brrr, the chills of fever always inspire.
chitragupta May 2019
Heart:
I have a book of songs,
a collection of antique emotions,
carefully crafted for someone
Like how seedlings germinate
inside the womb of the good green Earth
feeling the warmth of a watchful Sun

Yet I pick up another,
a chronicle sans embellishments,
A tale every bit pure, every bit unspun
A familiar fear grips me -
clouds me, maims me, ****** me
as I open it with glum expectations

But I feel myself break,
to know of my absence from this tome,
with each page I anxiously turn
Did I not deserve
a chapter, a line, atleast a word?
Maybe I will find a footnote - none!

Mind:
Oh my dear heart,
Do not expect in return something better
because you've surrendered to her memories
Equivalence is just, but justice is not a quality

How do you plan to **** the one
whom you've already granted immortality?
At the price of a pun, get a paradox free.
277 · Feb 2019
Untitled
chitragupta Feb 2019
They said
Feelings do not matter
But facts do
What if it is fact
The way I feel
For you?

What new Hell
Have I
gotten myself into?
Making up my mind. Not always as easy as it sounds. Am i right?
268 · Oct 2019
all roads lead to Rome.
chitragupta Oct 2019
Dear Mama,

I've felt a darkness in me
Something not of your inheritance
But a teaching of this world

I know you've felt it too
You've feared it enough to think
one day I'll have my shoulders turned


Blood binds us in ways,
your love in others
These bonds are not so easily shattered

I know I've never said enough
But words serve demagogues,
To us, they do little matter


I trusted you
to put me on my two feet
I ask of your trust in me to walk

Your strength inspires more
than you have ever known
I might surprise you if I choose to run


You're always so wary
of the storm I'm weathering
But it's nothing that I can't take

I may have strayed from
the path you set me on
But I promise not to lose my way.
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