A fire in my belly roars
****** cringe for dinner
If I finish
    all the dishes
        am I still a sinner?

Can’t pick your poison
In a usurper’s market
You’re scrolling
    through the trolling
        of the disregarded

Climbing down
from this energy
to make you a final appeal..

Can you hear
the sound of rebellion?
One in a million
Drowning in the distance

Take my hand
before it’s too late to carry on
and we’re off to oblivion
Tonight’s our last dance

                    ...

‘Become anti-fragile!’
The new prophet says
When you type
    ‘wanna die’
        on the internet

Strip till your soul is naked!
Why’s no one listening??
There’s no purpose
    to this service
        that’s on offering

Climbing down
from this energy
to make you a final appeal..

Can you hear
the sound of rebellion?
One in a million
Drowning in the distance

Take my hand
before it’s too late to carry on
and we’re off to oblivion
Tonight’s our last dance

                     ...

                Underneath,
Lost inside a sea of darkness
                   Finally,
I might be seeing a ray of sunshine
             I’m reaching out
   Amidst all the background
                      So..

Burn the book of faces
Hunt the little blue birds
Break the lenses
    of the senseless
        little micro cult

Taste the steel and stone
Past the trigger warnings
Past the snipes
    and the swipes
        of mock-up darlings

Climbing down
from this energy
to make you a final appeal..

Can you hear
the sound of rebellion?
One in a million
Drowning in the distance

Take my hand
before it’s too late to carry on
and we’re off to oblivion
Tonight’s our last dance

Our last chance.

-x-

"Promise you'll remember me?"
You asked that eve
As the dark grew over the twilight
    and the stars peeped from behind
        the cotton-candies of the sky

My reply was curt silence
Born out of the terror of promises un-kept
Yet you began this dance of give-and-take
As the neons lit up the cityscape

Alas it were not to last
And I keep pondering on the past -
Back to that vivid eve,
that promise you asked of me
I realise you never had cause to worry,
nor need for insurance -
With all the scars you leave me with,

How could I ever forget?

-x-

I am the taste of water
Kept to wet your beak again
While you thirst for the flavour of another
And soon as you’re left high and dry
You come back to me, for,
I am the taste of water

It is a new moon, outside
The bat’s wing-beat
And the bandicoot’s screech
Make for the symphony of the night

Red rivers dry up around the whites
Scrolling through the app
Nervous fingers tap
Waiting for unsent replies

In the darkness, the only light
The screen of the handheld device
Yet caged inside
An illusion of happiness
I have an app for modern medicine
Just not true peace of mind

-x-

To judge, to write
to scribble in the daylight
and crumple at midnight
To account for placid instincts
with the strength of an eagle's sight
The blue ink, the golden pen,
and the satchel white
That is all my birth-right

✒️

She speaks to me
And I tell her things
That normally shut most people out
And others, well they're not listening

Her eyes sparkle sometimes in photographs
Mine tired, always bloodshot
And I think it's a relief to see her smile
But those thoughts remain.. thoughts

Friend? No I don't think so..
But neither am I all round the year
But we talk on blue moons and Mondays
Silly secrets, dumb decisions and foolish fears

We've given each other little spaces,
little places to go to
But the roads to take us there have long been gone
And we end up failing to get through.

Secret plots and whispered conversations
They've drawn down their lines in the sand

My limbs and legs dance in painted mirth
For the strings are in their hands

But a part of mine has escaped their eyes
The smouldering flame, the closet arsonist

Parched with a desire, to set the world on fire
Tired and old, tied in a fold, the soul begins to resist

I know,
They'll come with sharpened claws
and hardened steel
But like a snake, I'll escape,
I will shed my skin
I'll crawl through the crevice
that they've never seen
They can't stop me forever
Yes - I'll be free!


The smell of incense and the sound of bells
do not appeal to the senses any longer

For the messengers swoop down like vultures
and I sense I am outnumbered

They're all cut from the same cloth,
Gloating authority and feigning wisdom

Unnecessary absolution awaits in their arms
should the sinner kneel before their Gods

I know,
They'll come with righteous preachment
and medicine
But like a rebel in defiance
I'll bathe in sin
They will pray, say, everyday -
that I am sick
They can't stop me forever
Oh I'll be free!


My pen does not understand the pangs of hunger
It does not feel the need to be polite
It dances to the tune of the chaos in my mind
It moves like a runaway kite

You know,
They want a people of marionettes,
to make promises they never keep
They want to keep us in separate boxes,
So that we may never meet -
They will try to take our languages,
Censor the truths we speak
But they can not stop us forever
This world is ours, and we'll be free.

Just you see.

Rip, rip, rip!
Red glazed paper
Cling, cling, cling!
The falling sugar
Whirr, whirr, whirr!
Grinding of the beans
Stir, stir, stir!
Till the surface gleams
Drip, drip, drip!
Dripping black ocean
Sip, sip, sip!
The bitter decoction

Sweetheart
Ain't it sweet enough
To believe there's someone we're made for
But it's never enough sugar
in that sachet
Why does love last as long as it's paid for?

*** soaked letters go here and there
cooking curious conspiracies
Your charcoal lips command me
to get aboard the time machine

I close my eyes and comply
And instantly - Your arms are around me
Your heels help your lips up to my ears
Whispering things that sound heavenly

Then I pull you towards me
In dangerous territory
Maybe it was the whiskey
Could've been the psychedelic music

And the curtains drop
Over dark circles and cold sweats
As memories try to escape the strongbox
That we had swore to protect

I put the lid on the box of secrets;
Dawn arrives, as if to say that chapter's over
But your words still ring my ears
Would you've said them if you were sober?

The man
The untidy one
Hunger his mistress
She likes to watch him suffer, lament
Till he drops at the feet of Mother Pavement.

The wife
Fed up by life
For there's nothing else to feed her
There is no lamp in the city
that can lighten up her Diwali

The child
All bone and skin
clutching on to the alphabet
His coos of learning A, B, C
Drowned by the cacophony of G, D, P

आपको भुला पाने का इल्म हासिल हो जिससे
काश हमारे पास कोई ऐसी किताब होती
आपका नशा जो चढ़ा है, उसे भी फीका कर दे
काश हमारे पास कोई ऐसी शराब होती

आवाज़ आपकी जिससे टकराके ना गूंजे
काश हमारा दिल कोई ऐसा पहाड़ होता
के कातिल यादों से दिल को महफूज़ कर पाऊं
काश हमारे पास कोई ऐसा हथियार होता

नज़रों से, इशारों से हमें घायल करने वाली
कभी बातों से, मुलाकातों से मरहम तो लगा

हमारे दिल ओ जान में घर बसाने वाली
कभी अपने में भी दे हमें थोड़ी सी जगह?

ना कभी आपसे हम ये जहां मांगे थें
ना ही कभी एक मुट्ठी आसमान मांगे थें
सिर्फ धड़कते दिल के तड़पते अल्फाजों से
आपके चेहरे पे मुस्कान मांगे थें

Never asked the world of you
Nor a handful of the sky -
Just wished that the struggling words of my beating heart
Could put on your face, a smile

Heart:
Look at her
and tell me-
is there anything more beautiful?

Mind:
Maybe a smile
that would have drowned in a sea of tears
but to the surface, managed to paddle through-
A smile without compromise,
that reveals for a moment, all of you

I'm calling her name,
even though I've run out of things to say.
But because the clock is ticking,
I do not want this conversation to end.

If my words bear insignificance,
then I shall in patient silence, listen.
But I may never relive, re-love;
So tonight, let not her voice fade.

I remember walking back from school
the tenner for the bus ride in my pocket
There would be a row over why I had taken so long
But I'd gulp the sondesh down, and it'd be forgotten

The grey haired proprietor of the sweetmeat store
wore a perennial smile on his face
And sometimes I wondered if he had ever been sad
How could he with those sweets on his silver trays?

I learned to grasp the concept of gravity
when a piece of sweetmeat went down my throat
And then a lesson on quick mathematics
when the shopkeeper stretched his palm for what I owed

But sadly the chemistry book had no formula for me
to turn sugar and milk to that special treat
The report card was skewed, and the scolding that ensued
Was only remediated by my favourite sweet

Leaves shed
as she leaves behind
Those worn old faces and troubled minds
to a distant land
Her brave heart is fuelled by freedom

I walk alone
over graves gold and red
Rustle and crunch! complain the dead
With a grimace,
I bid welcome to my favourite season

The northwest breeze
shares a smoke with me
As I solicit the shade of a leafless tree
The dust gathers
around my feet, around my life uneven

A golden sky
when the red sun sets
A cloud floats by that resembles her face
with the colours
that make Autumn, to me, so appealing

There it lay forgotten,
in the shelf gathering dust -
A chapter that had once been opened,
and halfway through shut.

Maybe some day,
in the future near or far
Another may wipe the cover
and with love pick it up

They might turn the pages,
might even read to the end
So don't expect your bookmark
to stay on the same page.

I'm stealing glances,
trying to hide behind
useless conversation

I'm taking my chances,
trying to conceal all my
misappropriations

Am I hurting or am I healing?
I'm not yet sure of what I'm feeling
I just sense your magic run through me
Like a thousand volts of ecstasy

I'm counting the seconds,
trying to delay the
pull-down of the curtains

I look to the heavens,
trying to beseech
the God that never listened

Am I hurting or am I healing?
I'm not yet sure of what I'm feeling
I just sense your abandon stagger me
Like a thousand volts of misery

Oh, you.
when I think of you,
it's as if sparks start flying above my head
when I look at you,
drums of arrhythmia keep beating in my chest

Am I hurting or am I healing?
I'm not yet sure of what I'm feeling..
Am I hurting or am I healing?
I'm not yet sure of what I'm feeling..

Time is money
And all my money is spent
On the letters I typed in
and pressed delete instead of send

Wasted my recesses
on machine made black coffee,
That was as devoid of sweetness
as the empty chair opposite me

All those hours
of thinking may have been in vain
For now I crave just a minute
to gaze upon your face again

Heart:
I have a book of songs,
a collection of antique emotions,
carefully crafted for someone
Like how seedlings germinate
inside the womb of the good green Earth
feeling the warmth of a watchful Sun

Yet I pick up another,
a chronicle sans embellishments,
A tale every bit pure, every bit unspun
A familiar fear grips me -
clouds me, maims me, ****** me
as I open it with glum expectations

But I feel myself break,
to know of my absence from this tome,
with each page I anxiously turn
Did I not deserve
a chapter, a line, atleast a word?
Maybe I will find a footnote - none!

Mind:
Oh my dear heart,
Do not expect in return something better
because you've surrendered to her memories
Equivalence is just, but justice is not a quality

How do you plan to **** the one
whom you've already granted immortality?

I do not have hearty anecdotes to share,
for I was never more than garnish on the plate
But do not think that silence is indifference,
It is necessary to keep my anguish contained

Come tomorrow, we will get to see
A new dawn for you, and a new one for me
For better or for worse I know not - I will be
without your jests and laughter for company

I know,
There will be a little less sunshine
O friend, philosopher, and guide
So I'll try my best to force a smile
But this is where we say goodbye.

कैसे समझाऊं की कितना नादान है तू
अपने ही हालत से अनजान है तू
सच्चा है तो सच क्यूं बोल ना पाए
ए दिल, कितना बेईमान है तू

कभी होंठों पे हसी का इनाम है तू
कभी पलकों में सावन का पैग़ाम है तू
गिरगिट भी हैरान तेरे बदलते रंगो से
ए दिल, कितना बेईमान है तू

सोचता था कि सतरंगी आसमान है तू
पर अब लगता है मौसम ए तूफान है तू
ज़ंजीरों से है शिकायत पर तोड़ना भी ना चाहे
ए दिल, कितना बेईमान है तू


How to make you understand how naive are you
Your own feelings are unknown to you
If you're truthful why can't you speak the truth
O heart, so dishonest are you

Sometimes a prize of a smile at the lips are you
Sometimes the message of monsoon in the eyes are you
Even a chameleon is dumbfounded by your changing colours
O heart, so dishonest are you

I thought a rainbow-filled sky were you
But now I feel a raging storm are you
You complain about your chains yet don't want to break them
O heart, so dishonest are you

हो चाहत में इतनी शिद्दत, के कोई ताकत सामना कर ना सके
हो दिल में इतनी मोहब्बत, के नफरत भी मुकाबला कर ना सके

Let my desire have such intensity that no power dare face it
Let my heart bear such love that no hatred can ever match it

You may have seen me
like leaves green of a summer tree
Never cared to understand
the roots that grew beneath

You may have heard me
like the noise of a falling pin
For in your ears, naught but
your own voice is sweet melody

You may have known me
like gentle waves atop the sea-
Ignored the raging maelstrom,
but can you escape the tsunami?

My soul hunts cheap justice
Over the plains of carpeted floors
Beyond the savannah of desk chairs
Away from the huts of curious minds
and the shine of polished nameplates

My eyes seek cheap justice
Looking to the sea of masked faces
A mountain of guilt stands in between
An avalanche of shame crashes down
Forcing me back to my silent retreat

My heart finds cheap justice
in a kind word, or maybe four?
Or in an arm around the shoulder -
Maybe a smile as wide as the Amazon.
Priceless for me, an expense of your gesture.

If your Gods were just,
you would be the one penning this

And I would be blind
And I would be deaf
And I would be numb
To your flavour of bitter bliss

Honestly, I was never your enemy
Sadly, you were never my friend
Foolishly, I placed my trust in someone
For whom I was a means to an end

बदन पे बरसात की बूंदे गिरे,
तो ना जाने क्यों जलता हूं में।

शाम का जाम तो बस बहाना है,
मीठी ज़हर निगलता हूं में।

तकदीर बदलना कोई खेल तो नहीं,
अब हिम्मत करने से भी डरता हूं में।

जीना तो तूने ही सिखाया है मुझे,
तो ना जाने तुझपे क्यों मरता हूं में।

दुनिया चले, तू भी चली,
बस पत्थर की तरह रुका हूं में।

आंखो में नींद आए ना जब की
मोहब्बत करने से थक चुका हूं में।

Beware the ides of March, they said,
But I had fallen heels over head
It was but the seventh day of January
and March looked a spot, far away

Aware of my own reality, I was-
But caught in her fantasy, too, I was-
So I spent February melancholy
With pens and journals, bottles and drugs

Alas the day came, lifted was the mist
of reverence and awe, and again I could see
The stab wounds slowly clotted and closed
Left scars of love etched in heart and skin

It is a respite
to forget for a while
that the number of candles grow
and birthday cakes shrink in size
gradually, each time

Curse this dream!
The doors kept on shaking
And all my strength was not enough
against His brute ferocity
But alas! Not enough to wake me

Must I live in bed
these moments of her death?
When indeed He comes for her,
I wish I can broker a trade -
to take me instead

Sigh..
If only I could stop Time.

I walk home under a red sky
back to my dingy apartment
I strip off the garb of the trade
and fall on the inviting single bed
Walls close in, but I'm thankful
for the large window beside my head
To watch the trees
To watch the birds return to their nests

Old coats seem like hanged convicts
From the jagged cupboard hooks
The only thing that is new
is the mountain of books
On my bedside, yet to read
I shall pick one up on the morrow
To feel coin well spent
To feel the surprise - will it be thrill, joy, or sorrow?

I place my blue hardback journal
on a makeshift table of cardboard box
I ensure the fluorescent sleeps
so I do not suffer unexpected knocks
Under a tungsten fire, with royal blue dye
I strike the pages with a fountain pen
To mark the week as done
To breathe back life into the poet again

Every night
I wait till 4 AM
when the moon comes
to my part of the sky
and illuminates my windowsill
with her silver light

Lunar radiance
lulls me slowly
I listen to the soft song
with closed eyes
sung by the southern breeze
like gentle wind chimes

The dead letters of Sleep
finally arrive at my postbox desolate
but not long before the neon dial starts screaming,
"IT'S TOO LATE! IT'S TOO LATE!"

It's too late..

Adults fight all the time,
like children -
So I should take the charge and grow up already!
How might I do that exactly?
Should I start by sipping a cup o' tea?
Or take a swig from the bottle of whisky?
Grow some hair on my face maybe?

But I still fancy chocolate milk
on the side of animal-shaped biscuits
while I plug my earphones in
to cut out the domestic horror story

I'm a ship without a captain
I sail wherever the wind takes me
I have seen troubled waters, but
I always feel powerless to turn

I'm a navigator without a compass
I don't know where my heading is
I cannot find the North Star, but
I don't need to in these doldrums


I'd rather remain here
Hear my wish!
O shooting star -
Bless me with an eternal tonight
So I can forever gaze at the stellar sky