Your fatigue disguised as longing
My beautiful optimistic friend
Your well-meant foolishness
Kills me
You ridiculous thing
How real are you?
You are like
A mythical creature
With four hearts
Lined up behind each other
Too kind
Too giving
I just might cage you up to change you
For don't you realize
freedom is full of limits?
You're magical, subject to
someone else's cruelties
Unless you dominate us
And make us your children

There is a string of things hung with ideas as clothes pins
They take off the ideas and the string can't hold the thing
Memories are strands that if you pull it will never stop unwinding
The common person sees something in the little he won in life
The rest are rather useful than pleasant
Nobody received flowers or fame
If you could see now I'm dying to drown in flames
The love I've been placed through has to be the stuff of myth
It seems to hold back until the graze
The way it holds by taking
The way you hold by cradling
There's so much in me that you already know
I have a bit of wrinkles and the acne scars too
The whole of society sees me as living the dream
But the parts of me that people think are hidden are on the internet
See what the world knows
I should be aware of all the rules I've broken to be here
Then no purposeful ignorance can be said of me
There has to be someone who can point out the crumb on my lower lip
Rather than speak without the relevance of politeness
There's something about the way you hold me
That says you're trying me on
There is no transaction taking place
Treasure is most found on the map of my slow heartbeat
The calm before the storm siphons its way into my blood cells
Making me believe in the little I know as well
You have to be well read to read someone else's biography
You have no language if you only understand yourself
Take a bit off

Salt is the taste of skin on skin
Peaches are not sweet as sin
Rotting apples are not eaten
But pickled mango never goes bad

We all need alone time
To read books that matter to us
Alone time, in order to make things that don't matter
Solitude at a certain time of day when we need to say
"Hello, me. Talk to me. What has been going through my mind these days? Tell me all about it, and let's work it out."
It's never easy
It's always tough
Sometime in a future, that may not exist, I may learn to live through the plough
To steady myself when the Earth's core rocks
To become One with Energy
To have the insight of a young Dalai Lama
I am never 12 anymore I am only older
I get bigger than those I want to converse with
So I crouch myself down to their level
To see the world through their eyes
It's a wonderful world down here

every day I try to think of original thoughts
They always visit me like a good friend visits their dying friend
As if I am going to need them
Because I do

I need my thoughts to be springy and fast
elastic and strong
my emotions won't stand for anything else
My eyes guide me to the light
Where my thoughts form in the different hues
In the shadows of eyes
I squint in thought
And see a whole new world
Braver and more true
I am possibly more in love
With the thought that shows me the different version
Of the world I knew

My worth is not seen by the harrowing nature of my own eyes
I have seen too many lives pass before me
They are wilted
Jilted by an unrequited dream
Lives that are my own because I always place myself inside your heart
If I could take the next bus home it would be toward that time when
I was 10
I hugged my Papa so tight because he was at my birthday party
That would both be the sad and happy time for me
Only to experience great loss and great gain and great forgetfulness
The fear of neglect is so close to my heart
That when I feel any sort of bird born in my cages
It is also a trap to set it free
There is a song sung before it flies away:

"Premature maturity
The never ending running man
In one place is a rot on my mind
Until it dies of nothing
Because my body is where ideas come to grow and die and bear fruit
My body is where I am alive for the new roots to plant itself in my skull
To listen to the whisper of the woman in my ear
She says she is my mother
There is nothing to fear"

But why Mama did you leave us?
To grow in a place where nobody knows us
To belong in a world where you are rejected
Your children feeling nothing but loneliness

The back of my head is haunted by a man looking over my shoulder
He sees everything I have searched for
I find nothing
But he finds me without fail
He knows everything

That man inside this cage of mine
His nose is broken, his grin is crooked like a hunger inside him is restless
There is a dark pit I cannot find
If I find it I might just get lost in thought
Pondering on an idea I can't quite remember
My mind treads unto idea upon idea
Until the stores have closed
It's nothing short of a shame
I don't mind your sorries
I only mind the explanations

If you could only find me my father again

Accept that only the good die young
And the rest of us are here to stay
I think I can cry in public
Make you see me cry
Whole and free you can tuck me in
Your shirt pocket is my home
You can place down the picture of my brother
While we don't know how to love
I take it off too quickly
For you I would refrain from mistakes
I would become what you make of me
Style and sauce from my lips
Hell and fury is our friend and fortune-maker
Sorry for being your good girl
They say that mistakes are meant to be lessons
I'm learning how fun they are to repeat
I'm still learning how to kick it
Swinging like a child
I don't know how to be right
Just a single shot thrown back at my life

Nobody will leave unscathed
I am all-consuming fire
You are not safe from harm
You will wish for sleep eternal
Lest you be awoke when you cross me
There is pit of hell-fire that I visit boldly
It makes me brave to face every demon-goblin
When I mine these pits, it’s your caverns I seek
The ****** mess on the operating table makes me yearn you
Your red warm life must become a dry well
Then I am satisfied to make your seams heal

I'm so sure you woke up next to your wrong side and said
"Nah, I'm gonna win today because you're not my partner in crime today"
It's efficient the way I can change perspectives to what I need at the moment
It's a chance I need to take in order to make believe I can make it.

No matter the consequences
It's about how much I can win today
Before the air in my lungs give out
And the skip in my feet give in

I hope you know how much I care, because you were always there
Your presence is always around
It made me believe in the right ideas
It made me believe I can do no wrong
I know I can be cruel sometimes
But I can be a good person
When the day comes that I don't try
Please remind me with a gentler nudge
Gentler than the way my mouth is quick
And my hands are heavy
Kinder that the daggers in my eyes
When I judge every boy who is in love
Meeker than a toddler going up to an elder brother
Asking him to help fix any precious moment he has left in this stage of his life
I can't help but see the light of day in the most bleak moment
It's everything I ever wanted
It's everything I ever hoped for
It's not the light at the end of the battle
It's the light every moment continued to become alive for
Hope is not a jousting contest
Where the truth fights with the facts
It's about something that you need cultivated
It's about something you need to promise
Make that pact with yourself
You cannot be wise
If you cannot admit to not knowing.
Make believe in the truth about yourself
That you can be carefree, with responsibility.
I love you
I hope you never lose the ability to be loving
Loving others with the light and strength that you know needs to be worked on
Be a light for others
Be a light that blind in strength
A light that blinds out complacency
A light that grows plants
And creates life

I'm going to go that way
Don't wait for me
Tomorrow I'm touring
The country
You said was boring
I'm not waiting for you
I'm searching for my next heartache
Under the rock
I'll find it
Then we can make amends
My friend
Don't mock me
Until then we can never get along
There's a fork at the end of my road
Nobody tell me where to go
I don't intend to listen now

You are most disappointed when I say--with eyes downcast
---"You were right about me..."
So much loss in what you put on the betting table
Prejudiced words are powerful
You can't believe you said that about me
If only you could take it back
And all I see is your pained expression trying so bad to be disguised as a smug mug
There is no winning when you expect people to be defined by what you think of them
God's eye can see your thoughts
I hope He gives you more

My dream house would be filled on all sides with big windows
It would let all the sunshine in
It would allow to view the storm
It would show all the colors the world offers
It would make me yearn for what's outside
It would protect me from the windy day
And make me appreciate all that I see
My dream house would breath easy with these big windows
No secrets in my house
Only clarity and certainty
I would invest in great big windows
And a house with a view up high

Backspace means nobody will see
Paper tears bit by bit with erasures
but on MS Word there are no consequences
My poems are full of backspaces
There was one right when I types backsapce
When you don[t backspqace notjng makes sense
Bu t what is life withoiut mistakes?
Silence is a life without any sound
Did I stutter? Then sing with me
Beautiful babies are something mistaken
Mother's are sometimes mistaken
Blasphemies are sometimes mistaken
The flat earth is something mistaken
I can be mistaken

Bad influences
Something about you that I like
Comforting meanness
I'm usually honest
My point is blunt
The point faces me
Bad influences
Something about you that I'd hike
Could be your tall frame
Your face is seamless
I'm usually brash
My point uncalled for
I called myself out

I thought I had a plan
You taught and then swam
Towards the edge of the world
Cause I could never get there

Ignorance of the good
Sadly is just food
Empty bread no man can eat
Empty words no man can ****

There's a problem with my components
They're all separate and won't fit each other
I wish all my chemicals would create something original
But they refuse to mix
Like oil and water I'm unresolved
There is no solution

Open the bottles carefully
Pour a measured amount into my orifices
Try to mix them perfectly
But you added something malevolent
And now I'm all explosive
And imbalanced
Unstick the ideas
Unmix the chemicals
Let's try again

Strength is not hardness
A stone is not strong
Hardness is weakness
It hurts others
Weakness is brokenness
And is seen without value
Strength lays in the ability to be a monolith
Lay the stone atop another stone
Unmoving, changing with the passage of time
Boundary is value
Worn but ever-constant
Character is sacrifice
Structures are built
You cannot throw a wall
You must evolve
Walls are meant to be torn down
You must not hide
There is strength in breaking what you've built
History is not waiting for you
Your bare hands must build anew
Time will happen upon your flesh
Death will defeat time
This stone you stand before
Is a taste of what is to come

This place is tired
I'm tired bored
I want to be done with it
I also know your mouth moving doesn't matter

It's a moment before you start
The pause after you've finished
The continuation after the pause
It's reviewing yourself in the goal you have in mind
Making it toward the line that means you made it
Make it everyday
Start it
Pause
Continue the next item
Review
Disobedience to the list ensures no outcomes
Obedience is an A for Effort and a satisfying day done efficiently
Follow it to the letter
This is the founding of civilisations
Rituals, Manners, Habits
Let yourself follow
In order to follow through

Spread your wings

feel you up

by the swings

keep your shirt

snowfall dirt

By the bench

keep the *****

heal your heart

it's all in French

Most are days

Sunny yays

moistened lips

Myster slips

he's got blood

on his shirt

most of all

a bit of dirt

quite a fall

down the drain

sunny days

no more pain

pitch that tent

keep your heart

quite intent

to imagine

heaven sent him

for a break in

make or break it

It's my time

I think I'll make it

Most of all

try your best

It's all you're worth

Just this pile

It's how I satisfy

Just don't tell me

I can't fly

In 2 years

With a smile

There's a saying that goes like a pipedream
Solitary Scream in your mouth
In your bedroom without a doubt
You're convulsing conversations
Time's up
How about your hold on my hand?
How about I give up my will to you always
And then we can hold each others' cheek
Your hair is so nice to my finger gaps
Pray deeply
I don't know much about out loud
But it's the feeling that's real anyhow
How about you go this way
How about we stay the same
The room is closing as the door opens
And nothing has changed
We're still living in a really big cage
I scream as half my body is out the window
And music is playing out the stereo
How about you hold me so I don't fall
How about you accept this ride I'm offering you
I'm learning how to bike
And you're beside me
Suddenly it's reckless nature taking over
The legs are kicking
Pedal down, pedal down
The stationary bike
Taught me better than you did
But nothing taught me a better lesson than you did
The bike is washed up
Rusty, dusty, crusty
And still my heart won't give out
Help yourself until then

Progressive lipstick
for the standstill
woman

She slips into
people

Sleepless nights because of magical awakenings
I like the stars and watching them
Why can't we sleep with them inside our eyes?
If we couldn't dream,  give me more stars in exchange

Are my mistakes causing rushed thoughts?
Am I making a mistake?
Is my mind in the wrong place?
Too many questions
Too much thinking
Too much sinking
I feel rushed
Smushed
Pushed
Hushed
Discussion is long
I don't feel the love
I have been doing the bad thing
I have been mixing the wrong things
Taking daily medicine
To cure my ill
I have shame to deal with
I rush and mumble my songs
And shake and tremble my paragraphs
I'm afraid I won't stop talking
I'm afraid I won't stop hallucinating
Fantasizing
Criticizing
Rationalizing
Always stroking myself
Others
Stroking
I love that band
Maybe they're stroking my pain
I'm in so much pain
I can't even feel any of the pain
I just think I feel it
But it's not really felt
I'm jumping from one idea to another
I know
I verbalize
I narrate
Every breath I intake
I suggest
Salivate
Enunciate
***
***
***
***

I just want you to know

That even if I don't want to

I will fight you

And that even if I want to

I won't die

I just want you to know

Even if I want to

I can't forget you

Even if I try

I just want you to know

Even if I have to

Of course I want to

I want to feel alive

There is no tiresome poem
Where your eyes rest on something
And the mind finds it appealing to its health
The heart however yearns for more
And discipline must make a play for you
Stopping your slow descent
As you digest the skeleton in your rib cage
I have met and desired many
Although little have reciprocated
I am a study in reaction
This makes me wonder
If it angers me
Or challenges my expression
Be I truthful?
Be I a mask?
Be I strong-willed?
Or be myself?
I am made to measure in the gradually sized spoons of domestication
And however much I dream about a sliding door instead of a shower curtain
There are days where I find that not being affordable is a ruse unto my dreams
My desires are not of the world
The journey this child seeks is not a price of a plane ticket
But a long life that seeks to be with life
A tray of warm things
A table of flowers
To wilt and change
A dishcloth
Waiting out in the sun
A rolled up garden hose
A comfortable dream
That aches when it ends

Act as though
No experience, trauma, story
Is sacred
In my eyes
They are just tools
Used barbarically
For our benefit
My thinking is backwards
But then so is time travel
How to get over a trauma
Without losing your mind
When I think about it
I realize
I've sold my soul
For a mind

So I said
Continue
I'm scared of mistakes
This is me
Everyone I know
Has me figured out
Except I
Julie Delpy
Spirit-animal
Soul of ****
In the ***** of her holiness
Whole
I pride in the mystery of mischief
I can hold my breath
As I hold your hand
I can handstand in the face of death
I can die laughing at myself
Who am I?
You have me figured out
Why not tell me what you see?

I am dressing up like I want to be Johnny Depp's girlfriend
Helvetica is not the font I am looking for
There is a little shame in being trendy
There's no shame in wearing a little Fendi
My hair cut short like I don't care
Dark lips
Daisy dukes
A plain white tee
Little tattoos to speckle my body like stars on a glazey galaxy
My glass slippers make my want to break into a dance
Everything is an emotion
The air is thick with the stickiness of sexiness
I am a Professional
But being a model isn't my job
My favourite age is 22
I'm not yours to keep
I am me to be mine
I am not ready
I am already
I shine
I am a millennial
I look a million bucks
I am worth it

The water in the glass is clear as a pool
It cools my throat in relief
I have been dying of thirst
Without even knowing
What it is like to drink water
Playing in puddles of mud and moss
I never thought to search for higher ground
Keeping like a child
Stuck on the earth's surface
Feet planted on the sticky stuck
When the discovery of the body of water
Led me to clean out my bucket of shells
In this cave from which water is falling from Wilderness'
Fresh water springs from his mouth
Nothing tastes cleaner than that

I'm learning to respect my strength
I used to be spiteful of it
As a woman, I am expected to be feminine, distressed, graceful, always right
I am not sure how it came to be but I have not respected the order of things
I have not seen that in this spiteful way I have regarded my willfulness
It has also become my saving grace in times of malcontent
My truth is clear
I am not strong because I am
I am strong because I was made by strong stuff
My mother stubborn, smart, sensual
My father intellect, humor, heart
God
I am not credited for anything that I am
But I am graced with the empowerment of women
That would not be difficult today
I cannot stop fighting even if it's easily given
Because it is a battle not a gift

I am not going anywhere
I have the path ahead
It still seems to be threadbare
This old way is where I'm lost
Under the stars I navigate
Hope has been my surrogate
Then when hope bore a child of fear
Reality became something clear
It has a cord I cut from home
It has a cry I have heard before
I have known this path ahead
I still imagine I can take this road
This pavement made with utopian soil
It cements itself in the soles of these red shoes
There are no places I can go
So elsewhere from the path is where I'm to

I used to have a voice
In my head
Telling me the reason
Why I do things

Now I despise that voice
Even though it is the
Voice of Reason

When you only listen
To the sadness
Anger and malice
In the voice
Of others
You end up
Below the empty well

How can I be helped?
Is there a way back up
From the dark well?
How does someone
Help herself
Trapped only with
The wrong voices
Inside her head?

Day by day
I will lose a fingernail
Climbing out
Of the silent well
I had sorrowfully
dropped my mind into
But I will gain what I have lost
And if hope will allow
Grow back my jaw
And you will hear
The solution
To fill the well inside of you

The way you hold my hand is like a warm blanket reminding me of home
There is a seriousness to the way you play with my fingers
And the way you look at me, that I have to look away
I know that you're afraid that I might be a trick of the light
Even lightning that might strike twice
Something that you cannot grasp
Although I tell you my blood looks for solid stuff
I myself am made of wisp and air
Here is me being in your lungs as least

There is something about the way
The calendar changes months
The leaves fall on the grass
The wrinkles in your face
The beauty of a space
That's slowly turning yellow from white
That sepia tone over the phone
As we talk about that friend of ours
There is something about the way I smile
So confident
Assured
Practiced
It's a beautiful day when I see a familiar face
And once a again
Youth spreads its wings over me
Like a pelican
It's scoops me up
As though I am fish
I pray that you never lose the spritely skip in your heart
When you do a brave thing
I pray that a grin takes a hurdle to make
And that a giggle is taken forcibly out of you
I hope you brave the storms of sadness
By fighting with your entire body
To laugh at the face of The Great One
And to hold in your arms
The love of your lifetimes
"Efforts were made" you can say
"To make this moment bliss."

Ink spills unto my lips
Perfume from the curve of my throat
We speak like matchsticks that won't ignite
Striking and striking. We dull each other down
Striking and striking
We strike just to touch
Striking. Touching
Once ignited, burned out too soon.

I smell the faint smell of the sampaguita sold to my father
It makes me think about the poor
Whenever we buy this chain of white flowers it is a bookmark in the senses
Poverty
Remember poverty
Smell the pleasantness in your automobile and don't forget poverty.
Who sold it to you? A homeless child.
"It comes from a place I know not where it came from, I forgot"
A life made of lies
We buy this truth but live a lie
We are not happy about the situation
We are not happy that we are happy and they are in shambles
When it rains we praise the clean billboards of the aftermath
But poverty, is not washed or clean
I am not sure what to do with this poverty of kindness
I m lacking in kindliness and gentleness
So what can there be to give to a poor child?
I desire to live benevolently
Desire does not mean I am so
But to desire makes me righteous toward the bad
And hopeful too

I'm translated in your arms
I'm sufficient in your bed
So much to see in your eyes
Our ennui doesn't gather dust
I love you or I hate you
The end it's just you and me
Despise me or berate you
I know It's always you and me

You are my lust
You are my lust
You are my lust
You are my lust
Translated into love

Let me in your arms
To Stay

I love you or I hate you
The end it's just you and me

Think of the right words
In the right moment
make believe
You are impenetrable

So much to look forward to
If I knew the password

How much time does it take
Before I forget again?
How much tries does it take
Before I'm locked out?

Try to keep the access closed
To friends and family
But you know when someone human comes along
It's all amnesia from this point
Too many passcodes
Too many characters
Too weak
Too common
Uniqueness is strength
In this game of entering
Realms await
If only you can penetrate
The wall of encryption

Help yourself
And give it away
I did
And now I never forget
How to get to my emails
Hate mail
It's easy
Just pay a $1.99!
And pray the spam folder empties no love letters
From your one true love
Secrets all revealed
Until you have nothing left
But exposure
Now the fame has come
Everyone is scandalized
Nobody cares about the secrets you keep
Only the secrets you reveal
And a password is one of them

Hope you change it
Before it does

Your face is an illusion
It tells me you aren't mine
An intrusion, that keeps offering inebriation
It keeps painting expensive art
Eyes have expression because of you

I have many parts
The rest of my heart wants you
If this is what it means to be alive
Then living isn't easy
If I have to wait then let me go, to you
There's a distance that we have to fill
For our presence wholly becoming still
The moment permanent in time
We have no other moment but now

Your face is an illusion
It tells me to go do this
Then I have done it and surprise, surprise
I don't regret this
I have only this, now
Having your attention is plenty

I have many parts
There are parts of my heart that wants you
The rest just wants to be with you
If you are not with me
Then how can my war be won?
If you are away
Then I have to wait on my own
Waiting is easy when you are the sun
I can count on you, darling
To rise when it's time for dawn

Your face is an illusion
It tells of the flourishes in my penmanship
With a smirk you make my patience grow thin
I don't have forever
I just wish you were forever
When you look away the light leaves

Shifting into many forms
The parts of your personality have me on my toes
Every angle is making me dizzy
More than your face, I see who you can be
If nothing is easy, then let me call this nothing "life"
If everything is given, then I can have nothing to do with you
I am incapable of lying
I am poor man masquerading wealth

Your face is an illusion that makes me want to cry out
"Your skin is a gun!"
"Your smile is a bullet!"
"Your touch is the finger on the trigger!"
Your breath is steady as you aim.
I wish the target were these hands
I'd brush your hair back,
This ended with a bang

Taking the bus to work
Beside the most tense man
Telling myself to look out the rainy window
And focus on my future
Ordering my mind to become what it should become

Independence Day happened a day before
The rain affects nothing in my country
Always a smile or a laughing worker
In a bright tie dyed tshirt
Underneath the gray colored sky
He brightens the world around him
That is the way the day is made
By your mere existence
Selecting your emotions
Carefully dancing your smiles
My tea in my hands
Warms me
My countrymen
Warms my heart
Lowering my head into a nodding rest
I smile as I wake

To sooth the mind with planted thoughts
That are in soil that let roots grow
Mighty aging healthy tree
Whose seeds which we continue to spread
On earth that mighty men do tread

I hope for what you would have done for me
You would have given the world just to be with me
Now I would give myself
For the graze of your lips
And for the sound of your laughter
You kept with me a reminder
That I am a good person
I want never to forget

Lately my whole life has been about my right hand
I have two hands
Whatever happened to the left?
Why is she so forgotten
How am I supposed to be fair?
So much of this life is lived with two hands
I need to care for the both of them
I know that most people only have 1 major hand
But there is something important about the fact that one does most of the work
While there is so much potential for the other unused hand
Stay golden, hands.

Sad songs make me beautiful
I listen to you and you hear it when you speak
Some moments are about breaking the body
So the spirit can soar
It's about how we discipline ourselves
In order to be free
In this gilded frame we live in
The picture is not yet totally finished
God continues to paint
Everyday is a color
Are you listening?
It's feeling that shouldn't go away
It's a moment that will pass away
This life is temporary as the clouds in the sky
My life has nothing
I am complete

I'm not tired
There is time
For friendship and love
To coexist
In this sphere
Where the last thing you say is
"Take care"
Every night
With consistency and feeling
Waiting for the right moment
When there will be no more waiting
There is a dream in my heart
That I didn't realise existed
When the truth became my priority
And hearing my real voice
Without pretensions
And hearing laughter
As acceptance, not condescension
Hopeful creatures that we are
There is a place for love
And friendship
There are no real endings
Only wonder
And excitement

Hidden treasure inside my chest
Sadness is easy to wear
It's ugly and invisible
It blends into the grey cement wall
I wear sadness from ear to ear
Nothing calms me more than an unfortunate event
"I've been expecting you"
And I will smile unfortunately at the orderly chaos
The formula is this
Expect the worst out of every situation
But be there for it
Because you long to prepare your body
To harden it for the sharp slap across your face
Telling you "Wake up"
But you will just laugh
As though in a good dream

I see your picture
Up on the Wall
It's clearly your best shot
At breaking my heart
It's as though I couldn't
Fit you in a frame
When you told me
Your sister died
Of suicide
So please excuse me
For bowing out
It's just---
I must battle some demons for you babe

I won't pull the trigger back
My finger is on it
Your beauty
Is so intoxicating
I forgot why I had the gun
Loaded dice
Is what I am
Always landing
On the thought of your mouth
Sensually breathing
Your words into my ear
I usually say 'No'
But you're saying the worst things

The crushed night sky with foliage deep within it seems like a troubled place to sleep underneath
A nomad's roof is bare and unseen with the wasted moon of every earth
Why warily waste away the sweetened caress of each breeze?
Wondering when we will wind up binding our hands around the trees
Freckles on each cheek like stardust upon the brow of Zeus
Sleep is a journey you will reach despite the torrid jungle of your mind
The treasure that you are burying is a breath for each life you have been reincarnated into
Who can say it is a fault to desire less when riches are a foolish goal?
Around you lay a long-haired grass, your feet barely touch the ground
You must think that the woman fears no predator
To sleep so soundly while she roars

The place I'm staying in is my body
She makes my decisions
She rolls my eyes
Every dress I wear is hers
Having a body means nothing is really mine on the inside
Hardly out of my mother yet and my cries don't belong to me
My credit card is food to make my body stay still
But that puts me in debt
And she wants to run because she needs me to pay rent
My body has issues with me that I don't understand
What's the problem if I don't want to move? I think. If I want to smoke why can't I? If I want to thrash around my room and break her.
Why can't I?
Why does she love so easily?
Why does she want to be alive so badly?
The bodies around me own their tenants
Their tenants are owned by other bodies
Our bodies are like children who cry when hungry
There are some things that need to be articulated
There are no more lives left to live and my body is grasping on to me like a lifeline
At the same time she's trying to stop me from drowning
She needs me to feel immortal
Even though I already am