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Oct 2015 · 461
B M Clark Oct 2015
Today I found you,
Between the pages of a favorite book.

Today I saw you,
Peering up from between the lines.

Today it hurt me,
To remember how I wanted to fix you


Yesterday you fell to pieces,
And I spent my past picking them up.

Yesterday I used pieces of myself,
To put you back together.

Yesterday I believed you,
I trusted the earnest compliments.

You lied.

And today when I found you,
Between the pages of a favorite book.

Today when I saw you,
Peering up from between the lines.

You're face looked so earnest,
And I closed the book.
Oct 2015 · 285
B M Clark Oct 2015
I remember
The sound of my mother's piano playing
To wake me up on each Sunday morning

I remember
Laying with my dad, eyes closed, listening,
To his favorite classical music

I remember
My sister's favorite TV shows
The sharp smell of salt & vinegar chips

I remember
My brother, full of jokes
Giggling at his ridiculousness

They remember
Small me, afraid of the world
Distracted and half dressed

We remember
But do are we open?
Can we accept the new?

I see my mother
She can't play piano anymore
She listens to my playing now

I see my father
He stood up from the sidelines
He picked up a guitar, and I listen

I see my sister
Rarely, and she doesn't see me
She still sees a teenager

I don't see my brother
Maybe twice a year
He still sees a toddler

But I remember.
Apr 2015 · 4.8k
Body Image Sucks
B M Clark Apr 2015
Body image *****.

Let me tell you something,
It may surprise you but I hope not.
Body image *****.
For everyone.

Not just big girls,
Hell not even just girls,
Everyone feel this.

I weigh 140 lbs.
I. Feel. Too. Fat.
When I weighed 115 lbs.
I. Felt. Too. Thin.

Body image *****.
We need to feel pretty again.
Apr 2015 · 1.4k
Too nice for your own good
B M Clark Apr 2015
We are too nice for our own good

You said "We should have a nice race,
But I would let you go first"
I laughed, fingers crossed my keyboard
"Yeah but I would throw the race."
I replied grinning ear to ear.

No one's talked to me like this in ages
I often stare at empty pages
When they discover I have a husband
Conversations often get bland.

I assumed it's because I'm unavailable
Why invest the time?
Perhaps it's because I'm unavailable
They don't want to cross a line.

Charisma plus 5
Charm is a crit. Success
Why do I want you to think I'm pretty?
Is that why I wore this dress?

I don't want an affair,
It's just a girly crush
On the man finally brave enough
To be too nice for his own good.
Apr 2015 · 3.2k
The Crush
B M Clark Apr 2015
When I met you
You exploded
Shattering my comfort
Opening my world

You dragged my out
Stood me up
Directed my eyes to the blinding sun
And reminded me what it's like
To have a crush on someone.

I understand it won't be.
I don't love you like him.
He is my hug,
Soft, safe, and warm.

But I had forgotten the thrill,
Of feeling these things.
Of butterflies and swooning,
But I know that it's false.

Time will fade this,
Feelings will mellow.
Until you are just you,
And I'm still with him.

But in the mean time write poems,
Embrace the strong moments.
Feel deeply, experience lost feelings,
But remember to love Matt
And never turn back.
B M Clark Sep 2014
Today I feel broken.
I'm carving up pieces of myself
offering them to everyone in an attempt
to make myself forget and help them

Today I'm getting smaller.
As I offer more pieces and he,
Who usually puts them back,
Takes them without question

Today I am sad without reason
Today I want him to know that
Today I cannot seem to show it
Never am I able to say it

Today I am a closed book
I expect him to read me
I cannot seem to yield my pages
I cannot open myself

Today I am a closed book
Today I am sad without reason
Today I am getting smaller
Today I feel broken

Today... depression.
Aug 2014 · 420
Complete Moments
B M Clark Aug 2014
There are little things;
Herbal Tea Lattes,
The full sound of my Mother's piano,
Long, waining summer days,
The way his brow creases when I let go.

Things so fully beautiful;
The colour of the sunset on a smokey summer night,
The filtered warmth of a walk through the trees,
The words of my soul printed in black and white,
The look in his eyes when I'm all he sees.

That all it takes is a moment;
The warmth of his skin on mine,
The sound of a poem smooth on your tongue,
The truth of emotion you feel with each line,
The whisper of air words pull from his lungs.

There are little things,
Things so fully beautiful,
That all it takes is a moment,
To fall in love completely.

It only took a moment,
To love you this completely
~ B. M. Clark
May 2014 · 346
B M Clark May 2014
The words tumble
Pouring, Floating, Drifting
Off your tongue
Hovering in the air
Poisonous and vitriolic

Lies are the air
All I breathe around you
I breath lies and remnants
Vestiges of what was

Even when you leave
Lies are your parting gift
Probity is foreign to you
You live in obloquy

Lie or not
There is the door
You said
you wanted to leave

Take your haze
Of lies and distortion
With you
May 2014 · 450
B M Clark May 2014
Sunlight through Green Leaves
Life is Growing all around
Why am I so Dead?
May 2014 · 491
When Things Change
B M Clark May 2014
This is one of those times in your life when you think you're better, then you're reminded of why you cared and the tears pour down. Just when I start to feel like I'm worth something, something happens that leaves me alone again. So I'm back to feeling like the world would be better off without me. And maybe it would be, but personally, I hope you don't feel the same, because you are my world and I never want this world to go away. Sometimes you have to say good-bye, and those two words always leave me dying inside. The tears fall from my eyes, some for pain, some for longing, some for happiness. But it's just a small moment in time, later you meet someone new, or someone becomes new to you, an old friend brought back again. A new love, or love renewed. Both can fix the wounds inflicted by life. So push back you hair and say a small prayer, that you'll make it till things start getting better. Because when things change you'll see things differently. When things change you'll either take it in stride, or it will knock you off of your feet. The change comes from you, will you get back up and turn things around? Or will you let it keep you down? Don't lay on the ground, don't let this change make you give up. So look up at that clear blue sky, count to 10 and try again. Because it's not the end when things change
May 2014 · 607
Love & Hate
B M Clark May 2014
People will tell you
Love is great
You'll soon realize though
It's true that Love hurts more than Hate

Soon after Love has fled
You will find this great pain
Once your heart is dead
And you find yourself alone in the rain.
May 2014 · 581
A Word
B M Clark May 2014
A word already spoken cannot be taken back.
No matter how we wish or pray
"I'm sorry"
Is not enough. So I darest not speak it.
Though I feel it in my soul.
Until regret can fully be portrayed in my words
I will speak not
And hope it is not to late to recover a friend.
One cherished in my heart,
A friend I wish I had know to treat better.
"To early unknown and known to late"
May 2014 · 8.5k
Lost Memories
B M Clark May 2014
This is something only memories remain of,
it is lost forever,
for you and me.
Nothing but empty bitter pain remains,
but I cling desperately
to the memory
May 2014 · 3.3k
B M Clark May 2014
My mind heart and soul are all a prison to me now,
because they all belong to you,
but you won't take them.
And now I'm trapped
by my feelings.
May 2014 · 574
B M Clark May 2014
The moon smiles down on me
Stars winking with a unique light
The wind dances with my hair
And I feel alive again

My voice rises on the wind
I let the laughter in, as I dance around
Feeling so unlike me, and in the sound
I feel like I can live here forever

The up and down roller-coaster
It's loving every second you have
It's terrifying, exhilarating, intoxicating
It's the thrilling ride of life

It's like living a dream
It's like the sun shines just for me
It's terrifying, exhilarating, intoxicating
It's the thrilling ride of life

It's been so long since I've felt like this
I've been beat when I'm down
I feel like I've been pushed around too long
And I finally stopped taking the crap

I stood up, I'll shout out
Nothing you say can keep me down
You're not welcome anymore
If all you do is tell me where I fall short

I was passive, I was meek
I used to take all the crap
I never let my hurt show
I'm taking charge to let you know

I'm not that girl anymore
I'm finally finding me
She's strong, and unafraid
And I'm not going back to who I used to be
Because I love me.

The up and down roller-coaster
It's loving every second you have
It's terrifying, exhilarating, intoxicating
It's the thrilling ride of life

It's like living a dream
It's like the sun shines just for me
It's terrifying, exhilarating, intoxicating
It's the thrilling ride of life

And now that I've finally found me
I hope that you can hold on to her
Because if you can't she'll be gone
And after all this I hope you see

I'm me, and I love it
It's time that I show it
I love, and I know it
It's everything I ever want to be

And if you don't like me
Then go find someone new
This girl sure don't need you
I hope that's something you see

The up and down roller-coaster
It's loving every second you have
It's terrifying, exhilarating, intoxicating
It's the thrilling ride of life

It's like living a dream
It's like the sun shines just for me
It's terrifying, exhilarating, intoxicating
It's the thrilling ride of life

And the ride will move on
With or with you there
Because I'm me
May 2014 · 551
The Decision
B M Clark May 2014
Confusion clouds my mind
You're perfect and you love me
Why can't I love you?
I don't know who else to be

My heart yearns for the one
That knows without knowing
This boy that was a man even in youth
The ache in my heart still growing

I miss him, and I've tried to fill the hole
That was left when I pushed him away
But you aren't him, I can't love you the same
So I hold back everything I feel everyday

He said what I needed to hear
In his faults I find perfection
And I just can't let him go
But these lies are becoming an infection

I love him, the way I can't love you
I lie in hopes my heart will change
But I know I don't really want to change
Everything in my life I must rearrange

I wait and ponder why my heart is gone
My heart has not been mine for years now
But I finally feel the empty place there
When he's not in my life somehow

I made a promise to you
I shan't break it, but in the end
When my vow has been fulfilled
I am going to have to make a mend

Because that will be the end
Of the us of you and I
I will hold out for the one I love
And I'll never again say good-bye
I wrote this a long time ago, and for heavens sake the boy I loved back then was mentally abusive. I'm sorry to the recipient of this poem that I was too far manipulated to give you a fighting chance at my love.
May 2014 · 827
My Message
B M Clark May 2014
We live in a world of fear
A world where danger lurks too near
I'll still speak on

I speak to deaf ears
No one listens
no one hears

Peace Brother
No reason to fight
Peace Brother
A message of light

Put down your weapons
Let's figure this out
Don't start a fight again
You've no reason to shout

Guns fire
Explosions sound
People dying
look around

I speak behind
Telling them what to see
I speak to the blind
Can't tell them what to be

Peace Brother
No reason to fight
Peace Brother
A message of light

Put down your weapons
Let's work this out
Don't start a fight again
You've no reason to shout

The sound of war
It rings through time
A sound like none before
A well missed sign

We need to stop
The endless battle
The fight for the top
Like mindless cattle

We try to win it
We press on forward
With our bad habit
No one cares they just move onward

They shout and yell
The can't talk nice
And the children can tell
This habit is a vice

So Peace Brother
No reason to fight
Peace Brother
A message of light

Put down your weapons
Let's figure this out
Don't start a fight again
You've no reason to shout

Peace Brother
Don't fight, Don't shout
Peace Brother
Let's work it out

Peace Peace
My message of
May 2014 · 3.9k
Roses, Violets, and Tears
B M Clark May 2014
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I never knew love,
Until I met you.
You see my heart?
I'm giving it to you,
But you don't care,
You never cared did you?
You make jokes, smile, and laugh,
I hurt and cry and I'm dying too.
I miss you now & the way we were,
But things change, I'll never be with you.
May 2014 · 8.6k
B M Clark May 2014
You exploded in my life
like someone finally threw back the curtains
on my darkness

I remember that crooked grin
Knowing more than you said
And saying more than you knew

I never understood though
What I'd gotten myself into
When I fell for you

Nine years later I look back
Five and a half years I gave you
Do you realize that?

I kept my virginity
You still stole my innocence
When you made my mind your Playground

Then you left it broken
Forgotten and abandoned
A horror movie **Playground
May 2014 · 1.5k
Pennies in the Rain
B M Clark May 2014
Drops* on Copper  Leaves
                                          Wor­thless but for Luck we Need
Pennies in the *Rain
May 2014 · 6.5k
B M Clark May 2014
When we were first married
I used to count.
The lovely things you did
Just because you loved me.

A cup of my favourite tea when I wake up
Kiss on my nose
Morning laughter
You make me breakfast
I Love You

And then life knocks all that out of our routine.
You go to the bathroom
Cereal for you
Leave for work
I Still Love You

I miss the beginning.
I miss Tea in the morning
May 2014 · 1.4k
B M Clark May 2014
I see them in my mind
Count them as they fall
Glittering red jewels
Do not loose them all

Parents split
Mom doesn't understand
No one loves me
I hurt him
He devoured my innocence, I thought I loved him
It wasn't love, it was ****
I can't tell my friends
Judgement, if anyone knows
They all hate me
No one understands
Oh God
My mom finds me
She sees my rubies
Psych Ward
They ask questions at school
Twenty One
I need to see my rubies again
Twenty Two
They make beautiful pictures
Twenty Three
I told you, and him
Twenty Four
Your sad faces hurt me
Twenty Five
You make me throw my pretty friends in the river
Twenty Six
I stop
For Daija,
You are beautiful.
I miss you.
I hope you really did stop.
I tried to help.
May 2014 · 2.8k
Ignorance is a funny thing
B M Clark May 2014
Not knowing, ignorance, is a funny thing.
I use to see my past as either a treasure chest or a time bomb, I was never entirely sure which.
I use to see my past as a catalyst to some grand adventure, but I could only guess at how long it would last.
That's how it goes, everyone only guessing when their adventure ends. Some people know how, but no one knows exactly when.
For me though, there was more, A larger question mark, more X's in my equation. I knew less, and it always had me imagining.
You see I was adopted at birth, I never knew my life givers, my body makers, my me creators. I only knew they existed. That and the scraps of information gathered throughout years of questions like needles picked slowly and painfully while searching through the hay.
She played the flute, just like you.
He looked (to her at least) like Wayne Gretzky.
They were never married.
This was the story but it wasn't my treasure, it wasn't wasn't my bomb.
You see I have no idea what to expect at the end of the story, the place where I would meet them, my DNA combiners.
At the X on this treasure map would there be gold? Would I find a count-down on a bomb amidst my riches? Would there be, among the glittering joy, a hint at when this grand adventure would end?
Most importantly,
Did I want to know?
Curiosity has always burned in me like a forest fire raging far beyond my self control.
I wanted to know.
Would I find in the story of my life's creation more family to love, more people who matter?
Or not?
And if there was a bomb what would it be?

Do I want to know?
Do I want to see an expiry date on my young life?

This knowing is a gamble,
These dice cannot be loaded,
These cards cannot be cheated.

That is my choice, to live out an adventure short or long, and discover their story.

Discover my story.

Ignorance is a funny thing.
May 2014 · 363
For You
B M Clark May 2014
You say "I miss you, I want just one more day"

I want everyday,

I want laughing and talking.

I want being held, and being told I'm pretty,

Even when it isn't true.

I want happy and in love,

Holding hands, and hugging.

I want blue eyes locked on green.

Just Eskimo kisses and soft touches

I want you and me.
20 years old
May 2014 · 8.6k
B M Clark May 2014
Let the haunted emptiness
Let it take me away
Carry me into deep darkness
Lift me out of this day

Close my eyes with nights caress
And sleep enclose and unwind
For the relief of my stress
And I float in a dreaming mind

The morphing shadows of black
Swirl in terrifying scenes
In fear I try escape back
To such a place without dreams

Now listlessly awake I lay
Tired, but unable to rest
Sleeplessly caught in the sway
To far gone, drifting in grey
11th Grade
17 years old
May 2014 · 1.5k
The Picture
B M Clark May 2014
Paint a picture for me
Paint me the night
Paint the world as you see it
Paint it with love

Paint for me your hopes
Paint your dreams intertwined
Paint the thing you want most
Paint the best you can

You've painted all you want
And all you see
Paint now what you have
And what you love

Now you've done that
Step back, take a look
What have you created?
A master piece of you.

But do not gaze long
Do not gaze often and dream
Instead put it away
Go pursue the dreams you've created.

Nothing is worse,
No nothing hurts
More than a dream
You do not pursue
10th Grade
16 years old
May 2014 · 9.5k
Moonlight Girl
B M Clark May 2014
Her skin is pale
A wash of gentle light
Her hair silver
Glittering with starlight
The girl born of moon and star

Her eyes piercing blue
As the blanket of sky
Her face upturned
All the relaxed beauty of night
The girl shimmering with light and dust

The moonlight drapes over her
Clothing her in shimmering silver light
She dances with glittering grace
As the the dust of stars trails behind
The moonlight girl born for night

When god created this creature
He used his most precious gifts
Glittering stars, shimmering moonlight
And all the dreams of a sleeping world
Bring forth the daughter of night

Nyx herself would envy this girl
God saw the hearts of men break
Just her sight shattered them
Sympathy moved the mighty God
The silvery girl of the stars

God talked to his daughter of night
She agreed to leave this world
Some nights tinkling laughter echoes
From the distant world in the sky
The world of Moonlight Girl.
10th Grade
15 years old
May 2014 · 822
B M Clark May 2014
I sleep to dream, for it is the sweetest escape,
a time to live and experience your hearts true desires.
But the bitter loss when you awake in the morn
reminds you, what your heart wants, lies in forbidden fires.
9th Grade
15 years old
May 2014 · 2.8k
B M Clark May 2014
I'm surrounded by a sea of people,
But I'm all alone.
I've pretended for so many years,
No one's ever known.
I'm afraid to show them who I am,
And what I want to be.
I've done my best to fit in here,
But it hasn't worked for me.

Know me now, for who I am,
Not what I'm supposed to be.
Please see Courage, knowledge, kindness too,
When you look at me.

I'm tired of this mask I wear,
Of hiding, so you can't see.
Today I'm going to show the world
Who I want to be.
9th Grade
15 years old

— The End —