You can take the heart out of the girl,
.
.
.
And you can keep it.
You can stomp on it,
Break it into a million little, tiny pieces.
Do whatever you want.
She doesn't need it anymore.
She prefers to be dead inside.
Prefers to be numb.
Because feeling sad is overwhelming.
It's painful.
It's hard.
It's tiring.
She's tired.
So take it.
Take her heart,
Because it's too exhausting keeping it.

When I wake up after hours
I can't tell what I was dreaming
A taste in my mouth, so sour
'Cause all I remember is feelings

It's midnight
Dark outside
But the upside
Is the moonlight

But I'm awake
And I can't shake off the feeling
Of the pain
I felt when I was dreaming

It's midnight
But I won't go to sleep
Because I don't know
What I might feel

It's midnight
But I don't want to close my eyes.

i don't know anything
but i'm young
i have an excuse

you're older
you say you know better
but you know nothing
what's your excuse?

you say you know me better
but if you really did
then you'd never want to see me again

see, i don't know anything
because i'm young
so just excuse all of the above
i just told you my excuse

or so everyone says
when they justify what i do
what other young people do
then turn around and fault us for being young

i don't know if i like it
if i'm supposed to feel relieved or insulted
sometimes both

you see, there's the kind, comforting "you're young, you'll learn"

the exasperated, tired-of-you "oh my god, you're young"

the condescending, i-know-better-than-you "you're so young"

the i-wish-i-was-you, "i can't believe how young you are"

the unsolicited, let-me-give-you-some-advice "you're young right now"

and then the hesitant, i'm-not-qualified-for-this-and-i'm-bullshitting "you're young...you know..."

i might have missed some
let me know
i just know that ageism is a real plague to our society
it's time things change







Hahahaha I'm kidding. Maybe. Not really.

Call me young.
I am.
There's nothing I can do about it.
I'm going to stay young for as long as I am young.
What good comes out of growing up too fast?
So call me young.
Until I'm not.

I will use it as an excuse for as long as I can.

We know, but not enough.
We are happy, but not enough.
We are free, but not enough.
Humans have been trying for so long,
But I think we need to try a little harder.

There's no escape
From the prison that I made

It's in my own head
Just like that monster under the bed

I've got a maze for a mind
My mind is a maze

I don't know what you'll find
But you'll never find it again

It's so easy to get lost in the dark
When you don't have a light

I can't find my way out
I can barely put up a fight

I can't think with my head
I can't feel with my heart

I locked myself in
Yet I'm miles afar

A heavy feeling on my chest,
Almost like the pressure of water.
The pressure of sinking.
Then I'm drowning.
In my anxiety.
I begin breathing rapidly.
Short breaths.
Uneven.
Because I can't take it in.
I can't take in the oxygen.
It feels like it just bounces,
Back up.
I feel something.
Something like fear,
But not really.
It takes a while,
But then it hits.
I'm panicking.
Panic.
That's what I feel.

And it scares the crap out of me.

It's funny,
how when you read something
and realize that it basically
describes you and is talking
about you
and that there is a person
out there who relates to you,
and yet you still manage
to find a way to convince
yourself that no one
understands you
and you're just being dramatic.
Because this isn't fiction.
It's reality.
But apparently they're pretty similar
Sometimes.

Days like this
where I'm spinning
Figure 8s, pirouettes, I'm balancing on one leg
In the corner, I can see
you mocking my flexibility
Spin
Spin
Spin
You're getting closer
or maybe I am
Then I'm falling
Then I'm not
A hand reaches out to grab mine
one I've held a few times
I swear for a second, red flashed
before my eyes

So I lean in and whisper
"Let's pretend it's real"
We clutch the thread, so tightly in our hands
It tangles through our fingers, wraps around our wrists
and you use it to pull me up
or I'm pulling you down
It's one or the other
now I don't know which one of us is falling anymore
It started with me
but your smile says otherwise

I say "I miss you" cause I almost missed you
and you reply with another "I miss you"
and that glimmer in your eyes
just gets brighter
and you smile again
This time I mirror it, a smile for a smile
A laugh for a laugh
A nudge for a nudge
A glance for a glance
I see the way you look at me
I think that's the way I look at you
I feel the thread wrap tighter
I feel us fall faster
I'm pretty sure we're falling together
Slipping on ice
hurts like hell
but we don't seem to mind
since we're laughing again

I said "Push me off
not pull me up"
You say
"Pull me down
Don't push me away"

Then we're slipping on ice all over again

I thought I found a way out.
I thought that I could get away.
But you never disappear.

I thought you would chase after me.
I thought you would hunt me down,
But you just sat there, waiting.

I thought I wouldn't return.
I thought I left it all behind,
But you knew I would come back.

Somehow, I always came back.
I couldn't let you go.
Even though you ruined me.

I could run, but never hide.
But I could never run fast enough.
You always pulled me back.

I could run to the edge of the world,
You'd still find me.
My only escape is death.

But then again,
Jumping from the edge of a cliff
Seems like too much.

Learning to live with you
Is not an option.
I think I'm better off running.

Once.
Just once.
Tell me.
Show me that you care.
And maybe then I'll stop.
Stop saying that I don't.

Sometimes, I'm just lost in my head
Don't know what's real and what's not
I just might be living a fantasy
Or drowning, oh so slowly

I don't know what I'm writing
I don't know what I'm saying
I might be dreaming
But what am I doing?

Sometimes, I'm just afraid
Of what I have to face
It may be a hallucination
A result of my frustration

I don't know what I'm feeling
I don't know what I'm seeing
It's too confusing
What am I doing?

“You made me a promise
But you just broke it.
The tables have have turned
Don’t you get it?
It’s us against the world
Not you against I.
You promised to protect me
But you lied.”

“I made you a promise
And I didn’t break it.
The tables have turned
Believe me I get it.
It’s not us and the world
It’s only you and I”
I promised to protect you
And I’ll still try.”

My brain won't accept any more emotional stupidity.
It's literally NOT POSSIBLE.
It's taken in as much as it can.
Wanna know how I know?
I'm not feeling what I'm supposed to be feeling.
I can't.

Tallest tower
You fall off
Such a barbarous death
Because you didn't jump off

They told me
Someone's gonna hold me
And I believed them
But no one came
I waited
I waited in vain
They told me lies
And I believed them
But even though
They tell me nothing
I can still hear them
I see it their eyes
But it's all just lies
But I'm patient zero
They caught it from me
So when they're all gone
What'll be left of me

POETRY:
~
Evoking feelings one thought they couldn't possibly ever feel since, well, the beginning of time.
~

The rain is here, it's wet, please don't leave me.
It makes the world look dull, it light's up ours.
Thunder rumbles, it's cold, I need to breathe.
Sleepy, but free, I can stay up for hours.
It's too quiet, I want something better.
It rains all night, please let the clouds hang low,
Please let the trees dance, they will send letters.
Rain makes art, so does the sky, a faint glow.
It's real, but it looks fake, but I see the truth.
The sky is crying, the doors are creaking,
What about the pitter-patter on the roof?
We smile as it falls, the roof is leaking,
Now, but I don't care, I will fall asleep
To the sound and I will have soundless dreams

Being dead is better than being forgotten.
What's worse is being remembered by all your flaws.
I thought life was hard and death was easy.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe death isn't so easy after all.

I hate them,
'Cause sometimes
They drain me
Of all my
Energy.
Of all my
Loneliness,
Sadness,
Anxiety,
My worries.
I hate them,
'Cause sometimes
They take away
All of my
Friends.
Now that
We're all
Closer than before.

You are the sun and I am the moon.
Life is the sun and death is the moon.

You are a lie and I am the truth.
Life is a lie and death is the truth.

You are a plague and I am the cure.
Life is a plague and death is the cure.

You are the light and I am the dark,
But death is easy and life is hard.

Are we going to be
Dust?
Or shadows?

Will we be in the
Clouds?
Or the shallows?

Should we watch
From above?
Or below?

Will we fly
Or sink?

Will we laugh
And drink?

When the stars
Blink?

Will we cry
When they say goodbye?

Are we going to be
Cold?
Or just alone?

I want to know
When we die
Where do we go?

~

Chaos can be controlled.
Calm cannot.
So, the calm before the chaos
Is scarier than the chaos.

~

Take what you can get
Even if it's not what you want.

A shoulder to cry on.
A comforting hug.
A piece of advice.

Because sometimes what you want
Is not what you need.

What a delicate heart!
One touch and you'll shatter.
Treat yourself like fine art,
So the price won't matter.

What a sensitive heart!
I already see some of the cracks.
Such a bad start.
I hope we won't watch you collapse.

What a brave heart!
You act like you're getting stronger,
Yet you break down in the dark.
You can't take it any longer.

What a heart!
Delicate, sensitive and brave.
Promise me you won't break,
Even though it's what you crave.