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493 · Jan 2019
Mascara
Ruheen Jan 2019
Can't be seen
I'm all alone
My mascara's running
From the tears I let go

No point trying
I can't let go
My mascara's still running
Like it was before

My tears aren't drying
I don't know
Why my mascara's still running
I'm going in circles

Swinging
Back and forth
I can't be bothered
To let go

My mascara's still running
I don't know what for
But I'm not crying
Not anymore
I don't actually use mascara.
465 · Oct 2018
We All Bleed Red
Ruheen Oct 2018
We all make our own choices.
We all want different things.
But inside,
We are all the same.

We all hurt.
We all cry.
We all make mistakes.
We all forget.

We've all gotten hurt before
And we've all hurt someone.
We may seem different,
But we all bleed red.
We are all people. Even outcasts are human. I would know.
463 · Apr 25
Thank You
Ruheen Apr 25
Thank you for giving me nothing
'Cause if you had given me everything
I would have to
Give you
Everything back
And we both know
I'm too lazy for that.

Thank you for leaving
'Cause if you had stayed
I would have to
Stay too
And we both know
I'm too restless for that.

Thank you for hating me
'Cause if you had loved me
I would have to
Love you
Back
And we both know
I'm too selfish for that.

Thank you for giving up
When you had the chance
'Cause if you had tried
I would have
Never realized
How crazy I am.
Yeah, I'm gone.
I don't think this is about a person. I mean, there isn't anyone that I would want to say this too. So I don't think it's about a person.
I don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe I just haven't realized it yet.
I don't know.
438 · Jul 2019
A Mean Girl's Heart
Ruheen Jul 2019
You can take the heart out of the girl,
.
.
.
But she'll want it back.
Even after everything she's done,
She's still human.
She doesn't want to be cold.
She's just trying to be strong.
So, if there's so much as even a crack,
She'll come.
She's been through too much,
Changed too much,
To give up,
The only thing holding her together.
She did because she needed validation,
From all the wrong people.
Her heart can't break anymore.
So take it,
Take her heart,
But trust me, she'll come to get it back.
I was thinking.
You just have to see the other side.
423 · Feb 2019
not loose, not tight
Ruheen Feb 2019
lying on the cold hard ground
in a cold dark room
in a pool of my own blood
i can barely move

someone picks me up
and i'm on a stool
hanging by a thread
around my neck's a noose

i'm taking my own life
but i'm not
if they kick it out from under me
i'll be gone

it's not loose
but not tight
just terrible
terrible

the spotlight is on me
people are watching
watching me suffer
what are they doing

i have no control
i can't make decisions
it's all up to them
i'm stuck in a prison

i clench my eyes shut and
let out a silent scream
i'm praying to God
hoping that it's just a dream

it's not loose
but not tight
just terrible
terrible

they have no mercy
i'm not sorry
everything is gone
and so am i
i feel like i have no control. i can't do anything and if i even move, something terrible will happen, and everything will just disappear. maybe even me.
423 · May 2019
Reasons
Ruheen May 2019
It took you long enough
To finally realize
That I don't like you.
Not because you did something
Or because you are you,
But just because.
When you don't like someone, but you don't have any reason to NOT like them.
That feeling you get from a person you don't like.
You don't know why.
You just don't like them.
405 · Apr 19
Ugh
Ruheen Apr 19
Ugh
I think I'm good at it,
And I am for a while,
But then I see a problem
And I just can't figure it out.
I don't know what to do.
So then I realize maybe
I'm not that good at it.
I'm not that smart maybe.
And then I wonder
Is it just me?
It is everyone?
Or am I just stupid?
Because I used to be good at it.
It used to be easy,
But now, I never know what to do.
It's so hard.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I hate Math.
Did I get you? I was talking about Math the entire time. :)
391 · Mar 22
Will of God
Ruheen Mar 22
Even the prettiest of flowers have to die.
It is, after all, the will of God.
Nature can try its hardest, but God seems adamant.
Nature will meet death.
It will die slowly,
Which seems the most painful.
Unfair, isn't it?
...If COVID-19 takes out the entire human population....then God only has Nature left. He'll get bored. :)
378 · Sep 2019
What If I Fall?
Ruheen Sep 2019
What if the sky climbs higher?
And everything falls faster than me?

What if the rivers get angry?
And decide not to catch me?

If I fall, will I fall with grace?
Or with fear?

What if I fall?
And I can't be caught?

What if I fall?
And I don't get back up?

What if I fall?
...
377 · Apr 2019
Numb
Ruheen Apr 2019
It hurts.
I know it does.
But I'm devoid of emotion,
So I can't feel it.
I think that's a good thing.
Isn't it?
I'd rather be dead, but still, I wish I was numb.
372 · Jun 2019
A Lonely Girl's Heart
Ruheen Jun 2019
You can take the heart out of the girl,
.
.
.
But please give it back.
She needs it.
She needs it to feel.
Without it,
How can she love?
How can she be loved?
It's been so long,
Since she felt something real.
Since she was surrounded by people.
People who cared.
She can't do it alone anymore.
She's waiting for her one day.
So take it.
Take her heart,
But please, I'm begging you to give it back.
Said I would do more of these.
Now it's a very lonely burst of inspiration ;)
365 · Apr 2019
Down
Ruheen Apr 2019
Down                                                                 I trusted you, but -
          D                                                               You promised me, but -
               O
                   W                    I fall from the sky, and -
                        N                You let me fall, and -
                          down
                                 DON'T                                 I didn't jump, and -
                                      L                              You pushed me over, but-
                                       E
                                       T                     I'm disappointed, but -
                                         ME              You're disappointing, and -
                                               d
                                                  o
                                                     w
                                                         n
You let me down
Well. Read it, however. I don't know. I don't care. It just is.
363 · Feb 2019
Falling
Ruheen Feb 2019
"I haven't fallen yet."
Is what I would say
If I was still flying.
Now, I'm just wondering
How badly I'll get hurt
When I land.
Oh well, only time will tell.
360 · Apr 2019
You Told Me What If...
Ruheen Apr 2019
You told me to trust myself
But what if I hurt myself?

You told me to have faith,
But what if it's all a game?

You told me it's wrong or right,
But what if that's a lie?

You told me it's one or the other,
But what if it turns out to be neither?

You told me it wouldn't be so hard,
But what if I fall apart?

You told me life was a riddle,
But what if I can't meet you in the middle?

You told me,
But what if
What you told me,
Was just a what if?
This happened by accident. The best ones always do.
What if you told me?
You told me what if.
357 · Jul 13
Standing In God's Tears
Ruheen Jul 13
I can't tell if the stinging in my eyes
Is from my tears
Or from keeping my eyes
Open in the rain
Too long.
Both end up blurring my vision anyway.
I don't mind though.
Because if there is a God,
And he's up there,
Then at least I know
He's as frustrated as I am.
And he deserves to be.
...
357 · Nov 2018
Suffocating
Ruheen Nov 2018
I'm so tired
Of the pressure and stress.
I don't want to do more.
I need to do less.

I'm suffocating,
In my own head.
School's just getting to me.
356 · Apr 2019
Fading
Ruheen Apr 2019
Watch me
             Fade away
                       Into nothing.
Fading...
              Fading...
                      ­      Fading...
                                          3, 2, 1...
                                                      Here I go...
                                                           ­             I'm gone.
I'm tired.
356 · Aug 2018
Shadow
Ruheen Aug 2018
It showed me the way
I just followed
I didn’t think about it
I just went where it went

Didn’t know who it was
Who was hiding behind this disguise
I didn’t mean to do it
But I did what it did

I was the puppet on it’s string
I made mistakes
I didn’t want to do it
I hurt who it hurt

All I did was what it told me to do
I became what it wanted me to
In the end, I became

It’s shadow.
Shadows seem innocent, but sometimes they are just pure evil.
352 · Aug 2018
Escape
Ruheen Aug 2018
I want to get out.
Out of this place.
But I can't right now.
I have too much to face.
I want to run.
Run far away.
But there's so much I've done.
So much in the way.
I want to escape.
Escape reality.
Escape everything
That's chasing after me.
349 · Mar 30
Loop
Ruheen Mar 30
People are staring

I'm not moving

Maybe that's why

I'm not moving

Cause they're staring

And they're staring

Cause I'm not moving

And I don't know why

We're stuck in this loop

No difference

With eyes that stare

All around me

People are pushing

Too much pressure

I'm still not moving

The loop continues

But now, I'm alone.
I don't know. I was already messed up. Quarantine's making it worse.
346 · Jun 2019
Beauty
Ruheen Jun 2019
There's beauty in pain
In tears
In scars
In fear

There's beauty in love
In war
In hope
In soul

There's beauty in woes
In sorrow
In smiles
In tomorrow

There's beauty in flaws
In mistakes
In glory
In fakes

There's beauty in Night
In Day
In you
Every single way

There's beauty in everything
Because everything is beautiful.
Sorry for disappearing. Stuff happened. I cried. You know, the usual :)
342 · Dec 2018
2019 - New Year
Ruheen Dec 2018
It's a new year,
So new beginnings.
I'm still here,
But things will be different.

In with the new,
Out with the old.
My only resolution:
Stay warm when cold.

Who knows?
Maybe this year'll be fun?
Happy new year,
To everyone!
Happy New Year! Things don't feel different, but I'm gonna make sure they will be. Enjoy your year!
Also, I have a question. See if you can answer it. What did I mean when I said: Stay warm when cold???
339 · May 30
Bite
Ruheen May 30
I don't bite...
Hell.
These days
I don't even bark.

No bite, no bark, nothing.

Being tired tires you.

Plus.

I got nothing to bite.
Exam week. Ugh.
330 · Dec 2019
Intentions
Ruheen Dec 2019
If the road to hell is paved with good intentions,
Then what's the point of having them?

It's not like bad intentions are going to get you
A free, one-way ticket to heaven.

We have to do good deeds,
But easier said than done.

Bad leads to hell, and so does good.
Which means, most humans, if not all,
Are ending up there.

Lucifer and his demon friends
Must be having one hell of a party.
A very crowded one, too.
I just had a thought. And then I played around with it. Came up with this.
Yes, I know it means we can't just have the intentions to do something good, we must act upon that intention. But if you did something wrong even while having good intentions, that shouldn't make you a bad person.
This whole heaven and hell system is incredibly discriminating.
Ruheen Jan 4
They
Say too much
But do
Even less.
It's enough
Though.
To make
Me hate
Whatever
They do
But I know,
They hate
Whatever
They do
Too.
They
Mean everything
And everything
And more.
But they
Mean nothing
To me,
Even less
Than before.
Because they
Are sinking
In my eyes
They are drowning
Me
In a pool
As shallow
As their souls.
They.
Them.
Everyone else.
But me.
As well as a few other select people.
It's not really everyone else. Just mostly the people around me.
I honestly don't know. It's late. I'm tired.
Goodnight.
327 · Sep 2019
Chess - The Queen
Ruheen Sep 2019
Looks like she has more power than the king,
But the king rules all,
She's just a doll.
Sit there, look pretty,
When he asks for it, lie.
Sit there, look pretty,
When they come for him, die.
She has more freedom than the king,
As well as less protection,
She's just a decoration.
Stand tall, talk short,
Let him make all the decisions.
Stand tall, talk short,
Wait for him to close the curtains.
Bound by her duty.
Can't escape the ruling.
By his side, or by his feet.
Doesn't matter, it's just meant to be.
She's going to sit there, look pretty,
She's going to stand tall, talk short,
But she's going to fight for them, walk freely,
Because she knows it's all for her to keep.
Said I would make more. And I did.
This one's longer.
326 · Oct 2019
Walls
Ruheen Oct 2019
Shadows dancing on the walls
Whispers creeping through the walls
Doors rattling by the walls
People laughing behind the walls

Closed off quarters
But water seeps through
It's likely torture
When it reaches you

Shadows dancing on the walls
Whispers creeping through the walls
Doors rattling by the walls
People laughing behind the walls

Stuck between walls
Neither far nor near
They start closing in
I don't want to die in here

Shadows dancing
Whispers creeping
Doors rattling
People laughing

All in the walls.
Walls can be creepy. When you're alone and it's dark and when the walls are all you can see.
324 · Aug 2019
Crown of Blood
Ruheen Aug 2019
~

Let there be light.
Let there be blood.
No black or white,
Just a heavy thud,

From your crown
Hitting the ground.
Cause you couldn't
Bear the weight of it.

Let there be light.
Let there be blood.
Can I survive?
Or should I run?

From your secret.
I'd never keep it,
Cause I couldn't
Bear the weight of it.

Let there be light.
Red as the dawn.
I will rise,
Thicker than blood.

No black or white.
The crown is gone.
Colours unite,
Gray lives on.

Let there be light
Because there will be blood.


~
I read a book. Red Queen. Interesting.
Why not?
312 · Oct 2019
Good Morning
Ruheen Oct 2019
Why?
There's nothing good about it.
I say that to everyone. Literally every day.
I am not a morning person.
310 · Jul 22
In Between
Ruheen Jul 22
Just because you don't want to live
Doesn't mean you want to die.

It's a pity there's no in-between.

It's one or the other.
You're either dead or alive.

Nothing in-between.
...
308 · Jun 2019
Family Blood
Ruheen Jun 2019
Blood may be thicker than water
But family isn't always blood
                                                                                And loyalty runs deeper
                                                              - Deeper than the red in your veins
Well, it's kinda true.
307 · Aug 2019
Broken Record
Ruheen Aug 2019
Like a melody
On repeat
I hear everything but you

A broken piece
You never need
Maybe I don't want to

A musical whim
One I can't sing
Tell me it's true

I want to know if you're worth it
Tell that you deserve it
Help me believe you

I really want to.
You know how a broken record repeats everything? In this case, I'm a broken record. I keep repeating my mistakes. Can't seem to get rid of them.
297 · Mar 2019
Afraid
Ruheen Mar 2019
Everything is cold.
I'm cold.
And scared.
I just don't know what to do.
Those words broke me,
Pieces.
That's all I am.
And I'm afraid that's all I'll ever be.
...
296 · Dec 2018
Christmas (10W)
Ruheen Dec 2018
It's Christmas.
I should be happy today.
Just this once.
Merry Christmas! Enjoy your day! And....I'll try to enjoy mine. This is going to be hard.
296 · Sep 2019
YOU
Ruheen Sep 2019
YOU
Take the Y out of YOU.
And all you're left with is
YOU.

Stop doubting your every step
Can't believe your existence
Talk it down like it's nothing
Won't look back, you'll keep running

Take the Y out of YOU.
And all you're left with is
YOU.
Not talking about the letter here....more like the question.
294 · Jun 2019
A Sad Girl's Heart
Ruheen Jun 2019
You can take the heart out of the girl,
.
.
.
And you can keep it.
You can stomp on it,
Break it into a million little, tiny pieces.
Do whatever you want.
She doesn't need it anymore.
She prefers to be dead inside.
Prefers to be numb.
Because feeling sad is overwhelming.
It's painful.
It's hard.
It's tiring.
She's tired.
So take it.
Take her heart,
Because it's too exhausting keeping it.
Might make more of these.
A burst of very sad inspiration.
293 · May 2019
Freedom
Ruheen May 2019
I want the freedom to make mistakes.
The freedom to learn from my mistakes.
I want the freedom to fail.
The freedom to fall.
Just so I can get back up again.
On my own.
...
292 · May 2019
Ideas Of The Enlightenment
Ruheen May 2019
We know, but not enough.
We are happy, but not enough.
We are free, but not enough.
Humans have been trying for so long,
But I think we need to try a little harder.
Learning about this at school. Really smart, but really stupid, if you ask me.
291 · Jul 2018
The Promise
Ruheen Jul 2018
“You made me a promise
But you just broke it.
The tables have have turned
Don’t you get it?
It’s us against the world
Not you against I.
You promised to protect me
But you lied.”

“I made you a promise
And I didn’t break it.
The tables have turned
Believe me I get it.
It’s not us and the world
It’s only you and I”
I promised to protect you
And I’ll still try.”
290 · Sep 2018
What Am I Doing?
Ruheen Sep 2018
Sometimes, I'm just lost in my head
Don't know what's real and what's not
I just might be living a fantasy
Or drowning, oh so slowly

I don't know what I'm writing
I don't know what I'm saying
I might be dreaming
But what am I doing?

Sometimes, I'm just afraid
Of what I have to face
It may be a hallucination
A result of my frustration

I don't know what I'm feeling
I don't know what I'm seeing
It's too confusing
What am I doing?
I've got a lot going on and I'm just really tired. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I feel so lost
288 · Oct 2019
Hello Hellfire
Ruheen Oct 2019
Hello hellfire
I cannot feel lighter
Then the air I became
A poison left astray

Hello hellfire
The sun rose higher
Burning all in sight
Satan's blight

Hello hellfire
Demons walk quieter
Devil's trap, heaven's plight
Angel's song, hell's fight
hehe....I don't know
281 · Sep 2019
Chess - The Pawn
Ruheen Sep 2019
The pawn
The soldier.
The warrior.
And the first to die.
Used by his king.
Killed by his enemies.
Remembered by no one.
In a kingdom,
Where the royals prevail,
There is no room
For a measly soldier.
Rougher than a knight.
Weaker than a bishop.
Shorter than a rook.
And powerless against all.
The pawn protects,
Everyone but himself.
Such wasted talent.
276 · May 2019
Too High To Stop
Ruheen May 2019
Tallest tower
You fall off
Such a barbarous death
Because you didn't jump off
Figure out what the title means.
276 · Jan 28
Because
Ruheen Jan 28
I don't care enough about me
Because they don't care at all about me
Because I laugh too much when it hurts
And I cry too much when it doesn't
But they don't see it
Maybe because they don't want to see it
Because I'm too much to handle
Because they think I'm crazy
Just because.
...
273 · Sep 2019
Universal Chess Board
Ruheen Sep 2019
Our board is too small,
Our moves are a mess.
We are pawns in a much more complicated game than chess.
Yet somehow, we mean even less.
It's like I'm obsessed with the idea of chess.
272 · Jul 2019
Half a Mask
Ruheen Jul 2019
Split right down the middle
A mask of tears
No longer crys

Split right down the middle
A mask of smiles
No longer laughs

Split right down the middle
A mask of words
No longer speaks

Split right down the middle
A mask of sleep
No longer dreams

Split right down the middle
A mask of hunger
No longer craves

Split right down the middle
A mask of agony
No longer aches

Split right down the middle
A mask of you
No longer you
Figure it out, I can’t.
271 · Jan 2019
On the Edge
Ruheen Jan 2019
I thought I found a way out.
I thought that I could get away.
But you never disappear.

I thought you would chase after me.
I thought you would hunt me down,
But you just sat there, waiting.

I thought I wouldn't return.
I thought I left it all behind,
But you knew I would come back.

Somehow, I always came back.
I couldn't let you go.
Even though you ruined me.

I could run, but never hide.
But I could never run fast enough.
You always pulled me back.

I could run to the edge of the world,
You'd still find me.
My only escape is death.

But then again,
Jumping from the edge of a cliff
Seems like too much.

Learning to live with you
Is not an option.
I think I'm better off running.
Figure out what I'm talking about.
On the edge of...every single thing.
Whatever this is can't seem to leave me alone.
I'm so done.
266 · Jun 2019
Rock Bottom
Ruheen Jun 2019
This ship
I've sailed for years
Watch it crumble

Watch me land on an island
In the distance
Far from home

There's nothing for miles
But shades of blue
Watch me lose myself

Watch me as I fall
In to deep waters
I can't get out of

I can't do it anymore
I can't breathe anymore
Watch me suffocate

Watch me wail
As I choke on
My own tears

Everything blends together
It is all the same
Watch me let go

Watch me as I sink
To the bottom
I've hit rock bottom
Had this idea for a while.
When the weight on your shoulders becomes too much...
You sink.
262 · Nov 2019
Patient Zero
Ruheen Nov 2019
They told me
Someone's gonna hold me
And I believed them
But no one came
I waited
I waited in vain
They told me lies
And I believed them
But even though
They tell me nothing
I can still hear them
I see it their eyes
But it's all just lies
But I'm patient zero
They caught it from me
So when they're all gone
What'll be left of me
Been a while.
261 · Dec 2018
Broken Ice
Ruheen Dec 2018
I'm as whole as my heart,
Even if it's frozen.
But I've got cracks on my surface.
That show you I'm broken.

But broken ice is still cold,
So broken people can be too.
Broken ice is still ice.............
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