may you find golden bars
in my silence.
if i were a thing, i'd probably be a puzzle.
the one wrapped in plastic,
and smells like a fresh one.
a puzzle that's always challenging,
the one that attracts people's interest
but not everyone could solve.
or maybe i don't want to be solved,
maybe i just want to be heard.
my hands aches to write,
but my heart says, "just cry it all out."
i was an ocean of emotions;
deep, wild, and uncontainable.
i used to think that i was cursed
to live in a small vessel
with such humongous core.
and i was.
who am i to wish for the moon
when i'm just a part of the crowd?
and you say aim high?
where'd they go?
your eyes have been as blue as the ocean,
with thoughts that could break the walls down.
with your feet wandering backwards,
your hands reached the ghosts
which you got rid of once.
your tongue coldly murmured the curse
with no exceptions for those you held close.
wanting the sun and the moon to transpose
with mind wishing for creatures of doubt.
i'm sorry but i'm building this wall around me,
so, the monsters can't get you, too.
you'll be safe.
the raging ocean,
which was undefeated,
gave up to the sun
so it can be closer
to the moon at night.
but the moon looks better without them floating in the sky.
the glass is neither half full, nor half empty.
it is rather full and overflowing.
it, then, creates
an ocean of images
of past lovers.
i kept those monsters locked in a cage,
so they couldn't get out.
i didn't know caging my heart cost me a lot.
it confuses me
every time people say
their monsters live in their head.
why do mine live in my heart?
i can't tame them.
i drowned myself in sorrow just to talk to you
but you were quiet.
anything hurts less than the quiet.
"write something about me," you said.
"i can't. i can only write when I'm sad," i explained.
"that's sad," you said,
"you won't be able to write for the rest of your life now that I'm here."
oh, only if you knew i wrote a lot about you, i could make a book.
didn't know you were fluent in lies.
your life must be interesting
that you can't control your beasts,
and you blame others.
I'm just a body
Who doesn't speak for itself.
I'm just a body
Who doesn't see the world as it is.
I'm just a body
Who doesn't know how much feelings is too much
Until it feels empty.
I'm just a body
Whose touch destroys what it touches.
I'm just a body
Who wanders the dark alleys
Whose soul left a long time ago.
i'm probably only an object for people to use.
these silhouettes strolled across, through the creaking bridge,
walked on it as if they didn't notice the noise,
stepped on it like they knew which path to take next,
but one thing they knew was that they had to cross over
without knowing it would break and took them down
and fed them to the raging waves below.
the traffic in your mind must have been so busy lately,
i couldn't even cross it and still can't.
guess i'll be late (again).
i wanted to say that you left me with nothing,
but i'd be wrong.
you forgot to take these feelings away with you.
are you willing to come back and take them with you?
The world is spinning,
The crickets are singing,
The sea salt is climbing—
What a beautiful morning.
i dropped your picture in between thorny vines
with not enough space for my hand to pick it up,
yet still i tried to pick you out of there
a million times.
Here I am;
With all these songs to dance along.
With the rain drenching the ground.
In the cemetery;
Should I sway along to the melody?
Should I mourn over the loss of the ideals I never had
With the ghosts watching in front of me?
I could just leave them alone with themselves,
Letting them rest in whatever state they are in.
Still, I am here;
I've been trying to erase you from my mind,
But I'm scared now that I almost accomplish my goal.
I miss seeing your face and hearing your voice.
I'm stuck in the past.
No, not 5 months ago nor 5 years ago,
But 5 hours ago.
Maybe you were right
That I was naive for thinking that
I could go days, weeks, months, years
Without your heavenly fingers
Dancing on the side of me I can't see.
i need you to always run your fingers on my body because i want to feel like i'm in heaven once.
how are you?
i want to say
that i'm sorry.
i know that
me telling you
that i'm sorry
wouldn't change anything.
but i haven't heard from you
since the last time we talked,
which was 2 months ago.
there were a lot of things
that reminded me of you.
i wanted to tell you right away,
but i knew i would just bother you.
i miss you.
please call me back.
Said you loved the moon,
But you always hid
Behind the walls you built
When the dark crept around.
So, how did you dote upon
The moon that shone for you
From inside the fort that you built?
"You are my moon
Which keeps me company
When I am alone
With my thoughts at night."
I remember your eyes lighted up when you said that.
I remember the feeling I felt the night you said that.
And I also remember
The days you turned into a cocoon.
The nights where I only focused
My lights for you; to keep you warm.
So you wouldn't feel no harm.
Then you came out of the shell that kept you hostage.
Right away, as you were free, you asked about your age.
I whispered that you weren't as old as you thought you were.
You sighed in blue, changed your color, and stopped your prayer.
But I am still the moon
Floating with my tune.
So don't reach me with your balloon,
Just stay there in your dune.
the thing about scars is that they will heal
if you stop scratching them.
I longed to feel the sun
Shining on my face,
It never happened.
"Why?" I asked the sun.
It simply replied,
"Who are you?"
I stood there
Couldn't even find a word
To tell the sun
Who I was.
said you craved the touch of my hands,
yet your body's carved by others'.
I lost faith in my feet.
For chasing shadows,
Which led them straight to a cliff.
I lost faith in my hands.
For holding your false hopes so tight,
That I forgot to get a hold of my life.
I lost faith in my eyes.
For giving their sights to you,
And all I saw was someone else.
I lost faith in my ears.
For hearing things that were beautiful,
But they were just a pack of lies.
I lost faith in my tongue.
For all it did was lying,
Saying things that I wasn't.
I lost faith in my heart.
For believing your empty words.
And for letting people drain myself to the core.
I was there
Throwing matches on the bridge
Without lighting them up.
Thinking whether or not
I could handle the fact that
I wouldn't be able to cross over if I did.
But as the fog cleared up
I could clearly see you
On the other side,
"Burn," I said,
So we could dance
Near the fire
On the long, cold night.
So, tell me, lover
Why did you
Choose the impossible
And walk away
After watering the grass,
Making them grow wild?
— The End —