Got a whole lot to prove,
steadily climbing up stairs.
Inside a headspace always challenging
everything that I do, everything I live with,
everything I keep inside of my head.
Trying to craft something,
something growing inside and I'm just
looking for the best outlet to let out
all of these monsters gnawing away at me,
sitting on my shoulders trying to take over
my name, my thoughts, my face,
my reputation I value more than anything.
A lot more feels at stake,
people coming and going at a steady rate
and I feel someday I won't have the
opportunities that are currently in front of me.
I've always done all I wanted,
giving back now-a-days for all I've taken.
That's why it's irritating that
this other part of me begs to keep waiting.
There's cost and risk in my habit of jumping
from this plane of despair onto an island of paradise.
I can't sleep, I can't keep these things inside.
With if paradise is out of reach?
I'd prefer that honestly because that would mean
work and strife would eventually run dry.
What's a life if your goals are empty?
I've always wore my heart on my sleeve,
I won't tolerate any fake friends reaching my ears.
All these characters in my head culminate
into this one guy who's nothing to no one, full of fear.
It's like I'm on the edge of this airplane with nothing
but death below me and the engine is failing
and a flame or two is growing inside the cockpit.
What does the jury charge me with? Am I truly the culprit?
A fresh face in wake of a bunch of zombies?
Guilty! Better lock 'em up and throw away the key!
It's your choice if you wanna listen,
if you wanna sit down here and look,
if you wanna peer into my soul
constantly treading new land every day.
This is all I've gotta say. Hate me?
That's a lot of waste. Change me?
Hope you got some time to wait
because I am more than a couple lines of code
you can just sit down and manipulate.
Is this the intro to my life or is this a fall from grace?
Speaking out at this rate could leave me with no trace
of peace or solace or honesty, what will happen to this heart?
What's looking for answers in a world ruled by a question mark?
Therapy was never meant for me because not a soul on this planet
no matter the title, no matter the prestige will understand
the complexities behind the mystery of the human man.
Contradictions on contradictions, a mesh of ideologies.
One side of this face is trying to **** the other,
these unfair expectations I create
for this weakness in me I also create,
my differing personalities will smother me one day.
Is this what duality is?
What is this for? Is this for you? Is this for them?
Is this all made for myself? I don't know.
These are just words on a website,
the passion is there but nothing here is practical.
I've done this for years, had plenty of practice.
It's time finally I find something to plug these words into,
but how can it be done when I'm comfortably glued in place?
What are words of motivation when you do the opposite?
I'm far behind the herd, I'm a failure,
I'm just a disgrace with no answers
about what the rest of this short life will be for me.
What's it feel like when every second you live
you think about your death and if this is the
time to quietly go before everything hits the fan?
I'm not proud of this, I'm not proud of this.
This is just imperfect me and all of my empty wishes.