I gave burnt flyers to this town
Ran so fast –could not be found
Left behind, only betrayal
I can't hear you criticise from here
Your lips are surely moving
But my strength has gotten so loud

Everything's the same, but everything's changing now
The sun, the moon, the stars
Shine brighter somehow

Anyone hardly knows who I really am
And for the first time it feels great
Outstanding —even when I fake
They said, "You'll yearn love."
Oh but love's a cage,
No feelings, no strings attached,
No worries about my heart being snatched

He called me a flower
A torn, dried flower
Ripped off from its roots
All the petals almost falling —not yet have fallen
I called him home
A home so empty, all the curtains down
Polished walls, ravishing roof, crushed floor
No light –all silent, no sound

Lying down in just a T-shirt
I can only hear myself breathe
In and out
In and out
Why did you always shout?

I swear I'm trying my best
It's been months since I've shed a tear
But tonight, I dry my eyes
Close my eyes
Sick of all your lies

These four walls witness my sobs
I don't want to keep it in anymore
I'm breaking down
Torn down
There's only silence, no sound

My mind goes numb when they say your name
My heart pounds, I can't breathe
Flying away,
I'm flying away
I can't feel my body –as I lay

Here you are, still won't admit your mistakes
My God! My hope fractures
No gravity
There's no gravity
I'm hanging in between —you and me

Your morning face is so pretty
That puffiness in your eyes
That little naive smile

And when you look at me
You make it seem so gentle
So wild but tender

It's not just obsession
It's not love
It's a taste –from heaven above

This is one love song
And I can write a million more for you
Because you're here to hear my truth

Champagne, pretty ugly laughter
I put on my dress you've never seen
Love how you're always too keen

You let me cry
I pour all my emotions in your hand
You sieve them –so easy —just like sand

I get it. I totally get it. I can finally see who you really are. You've been rejected so many times. You offered love in a tray fabricated with flowers and glitter and somebody threw it away. Yeah —I see it now. I see that look in your eyes. You're screaming inside. You want people to see the real you but at the same time you don't want to explain yourself to them anymore. Because you're tired. You're exhausted from all the mess life has put you through. People judge you for being the way you are but you're so desperate for them to realise it themselves —that the real you –that the real you is still capable of receiving love and giving love in return. But it's not happening. You're cursed by your own deep, dark thoughts and it's a cycle you can't escape from. Unless —unless someone good enough pulls you out of it.

I have a heart of stone
I love you but I'm not in love with you

I adore the way you stare
But I can't be yours, no matter what you do

I see desperation
I see more than what you show

We could have been lovers
But in a different time, with our high and lows

You and me
We could mean something together

I don't want to lie to you
But I want to be lonely forever

I have been looking around
For my life to have an impact

If I wasn't down for darkness
I could have worshipped you infact

Though —no matter where you go
You'll always be mine

Even if I am not keeping you
You're my Norse realm, all nine

Come closer, see what you want to see
Tonight we could just pretend
You can look at what a mess I am
For a while, you could be more than just a friend

You once said it takes courage to be who you are
And now I want to know what heaven feels like
You make me want to live more
Who cares what's wrong, what's right?


Give me your hand, feel my heart, will you?
I have been so broken and ugly
You realise that he tore my heart
Threw it away, but you want me out of my misery

You see underneath the fake game I play
From the ordinary girl to a self destructive soul
I am cold now –so cold and indifferent
And you say you want to be my home

Those eyes
Those ****** eyes
As much as I hate to admit
They give me butterflies

If I could
I would want you to stop existing
I am feeling all these emotions
But I swear I'm resisting

You're not even the last thing I want
Not someone I would trust
I have to stop thinking
I know that I must

Isn't it crazy?
To fall for someone who looks like a heartbreak
But you make me want you
My mind goes numb, my hands shake

I guess it's okay
To think about you sometimes
Just to make myself satisfied
I tell my heart all these lies

I can see it in your eyes
The wilderness speaking for itself
The assurance that you can get anything
Like a game, without any help

I really want you to know
Not everyone is easy to buy
I don't care how pretty you are
If behind my smile, you can't hear me cry

You're fire –a beautiful fire
And I'm not ready to burn
I am more than what you see
But I notice, it's none of your concern

I am not a victim
Of your broken glass
And I wonder how much more girls
You're going to harass

There's something
I want you to know
Pretty face and an ugly heart
Don't make a home

You spent days
Making me sure that I'm a sinner
But when they reward for the lies,
Honey, you're the winner

You like playing the "victim"
After bringing up the storm
You pulled me, twisted my arm
You meant no harm??

How easy is it for you
To be so disgusting?
All your filthy words
Are meaningless and rusting

In a way, I'm glad
That you're not mine
Who likes to keep wicked trash
Even for a dime?

It's really okay
If you don't plan to stay

I could go back
Lie down in my bed today

Have you ever starred at the midnight sky
Feeling as if it's pulling you out of a grave?

Why do we even expect?
For anyone to stick around anyway?

Maybe a month is enough
To say all that we want to say

Then we could go on with our lives,
Apart –no regrets, nothing to pay

After all, goodbyes should mean something
Only about joy —no tears, no hate

Hey
This is me
All naked in front of you

My scars are the battles
I lost many
But I won a few

What do you see?
When you look through me
Or to you, is it all blue?

I have craved your presence,
Like the sky needs the moon,
But do you have the slighest clue?

I've waited so you would say,
"I got you", for you could stay –
But none of it could ever be true

I have to tell you,
So I must tell you now,
It does not get any easier,
Life can **** "life" out of you
And there is nothing which you can do

Time after time,
Year after year,
Moment after a moment,
You will find yourself, right here
Not feeling a thing, desperate -in despair

There will be good days
And after a while
Your days will again be more like the night
As if someone has put you on hold
Nothing will seem real as you start to get old

And one becomes greedy,
Just to get to feel anything at all
So you might end up taking it to the extreme
Willing to do things -wild things on your own
Discovering yourself a bit more -each time you're alone

But it's a shame
When the intensity doesn't feed you anymore
You just have to live this way,
Feeling cold, more like a walking corpse,
Dead inside, no love, no remorse

When I was younger
My mother told me
"Some get it hard
Some get it easy."

My father would say
"Do not back off
Try until you must
And never stop."

As I grew older
I realised my mother was right
I was the one who got it hard
The one who was conflicted despite

My God, my Dear God
How many times do I have to fall
Lose my faith a billion times
And come back yet feeling so small?

Each day I fought a battle
Sometimes with my mind
Sometimes with my heart

Why do I, the most vulnerable
Feel like the whole weight
Is always on my feeble shoulder?

My brain is a wreck
My soul is an empty apartment
I must tell you
It does not feel good to be on this side of the door

You see -on this side of the door
I am never okay
But how must you see me as the weakest –
When you can't see what happens here

When I close the doors
I can finally be myself
The one with that heavy burden on a weak heart
Calming it down, I play my part
"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."


#But it's not okay..#

Look at us
Together again..

And as you're burning me down in ashes
For the last time you speak to me
Yet there is no more of "we"

This might be just a co-incidence
But while ending my existence, you smile
And I feel happy that I am still on your mind

This evening, it's romance in its rawest form
But the people out there think we're fighting a war,
You know they can't see -now we've come so far

When you walk away from my concluding lifetime
I ask you to walk like a hero
I know you broke me, but it takes courage to do so

I have this whole world within me
Speak to me
Take me as I am
Set me free

You say I exaggerate things
But what if
What if my emotion
Is itself exaggerated?

Have you ever
For even once, thought that
Maybe I were a speck
Coming close, flying away

Why won't you ever
Pull me close
Make me sway

Keep your eyes off me
Strange how you seem to find reasons
To stay close when you shouldn't
And you could stay here forever but you wouldn't

I don't really need you
I don't even crave you
Except some days

Yet if you ask me, will I be here?
I'll whisper
Always
Always
Always

Crazy to see
How many wish to die
Just to know
How many will miss them or cry

I do not need death
To show me if I'm needed
I disappear for a night
And my conscience is defeated

Funny what time can do
Bury us down
Pull us up
To make us feel lost and found

Been told I'm weak
Left after coming too close
Once or twice
Or maybe a hundred times

How is it that I'm still standing here?
All naked so you would see
The scars that won't heal
Someone that's just not me..

It starts with a stare
Not calling back -pretending at first
Then actually never care

Walk a thousand streets,
But that bridge is burning -I can see
And I'm not the one scorching in heat

Smile so much that it hurts
Not to please you this time
Glad I learnt to put myself first

This beautiful, dazzling night
Just to spend alone -be on my own
Relieved -I've got nothing to fight

Shook hands with "kind",
Cleansed up my head -a new person there is
And now I can speak of my mind

This -the art of hate
Squeezing my brain -till all ekes out
I'm learning ,hope I'm not too late?

Wait –
Don't you do it
Don't you dare
Sing that beating heart to sleep in your despair

Can you come with me?
Look into my eyes
See
Your existence, shining like a billion fireflies

Talk to me
Stay for the night
We'ld get high on caffeine
You can sob a little -I might

There's so much yet
For you to discover here
All the glorious things
You could unravel with your soul -all bare

Your grace, one day
Will shine brighter
If only you can see
You're not insignificant -but a fighter

You do not need anyone
Or anything at all
If only you could
Just stop waiting for that 'call'

We met in the dark light
Too many stars
But no spotlight

You told me I look good in color
Said "Your soul isn't dark"
So you came to see me in brown leather

Held my hand as if you'ld never leave
Broke every promise
Wasn't there a single one you could keep?

I told you once or maybe twice
I'm strong enough not to be needy
So you started off by playing nice

You had me looking like a fool
Made me think I'm weak
You say you care? Who??

My home is within me
Leave as if you were never here
I'm unbreakble, now can you see?

An ocean of inexplicable secrecy
I am,
I am right here,
In the atmosphere

Calling, squalling
So desperate and keen
So broken,
I am

I am in the tears you cry,
Even when I am shy,
I am
As long as you are

For you want me to,
As so I linger
Close to you,
Evermore, I am

Send me postcards if you can,
We can spend our days without a plan

Let's abandon what we should,
Run through narrow streets in Italy, if you could?

When you weep, I'll be here –I'll make you smile
You make my life, worth a while

I long to meet strangers with you,
Some old man having his coffee –in blue

So when it ends, you'll have something to remember
Because I won't be here after December

We know –life is anything but fair,
These memories will keep you sound –in case you're scared

I'm giving you this year, so say your goodbye,
But once I'm gone, please don't cry

Too cold to feel
Too hot to touch
Stay with me
But don't love me so much

I fear the fear
Of breaking you down
Making it rain
Smothering your howl

If it were simple
I wouldn't let you go
But I destroy everything
Burn it all slow

It might seem usual
But tell me -is it, really?
I guess we're only delusional
The way I see myself, is that how you see me?

This distance is your blessing
I'm the disguise
You wouldn't want to have me
If only you were wise

Bad things happen, but good things happen too,
Cruel to me -but always good for you

Nobody knows what happens every night,
A girl slit her wrists -when others are not in sight

I'll forever be hiding my scars,
You only hurt me -right from the start

What does it take to just not be sad?
I'm not asking for happiness -please now, don't be mad

Sometimes I wonder if I'm asking for too much?
When I'm asking for peace -there's no thing as such?

I'm young and obliviously unworldly,
I cry and plead on my knees,

There's a black cloud up in my air,
But I smile, despite all this despair,

I've been shattered and knocked down,
But I still walk -with a halo being my crown,

"It's not about happiness but the worst days" they said,
"When you will learn to fly and not mourn instead."

I'm a secret you're strangely thrilled for,
The old mystery which could never go forth,

They pulled me to the ground but I rose higher,
Whenever I walked out of my shelter, my eyes were drier,

I keep a scabbord which you can't see,
Filled with sobs, words and vengeful dreams