One hit followed by the other
Stop crying, you sang
A *****, that's my nickname
Love is your shield
Then
Forgive me, you plead
But
No more,
No more decorating
Our exclusive hell
No more bridges
You've burned them
When you choked me
And when you...
You
Hurt me,
Paint my face
With black and purple,
You
Throw me,
Into an endless pain

Now I can dance
Atop your fake apologies
And laugh at
Your abyss of misery
Cause I know
You are NOTHING
Without me

Can you sense
The longing I endure
Underneath the trees
Or starlights
You're passing by?
Do you understand
How vulnerable
I become
Not breathing you?
Will you be convinced
By the amount
Of love I pass on
To God
In every pray
About you?

One night
Your scent whispers
From the scarf you left
Then one day
Your voice appears
A lot like a fantasy
Later on
Your touch vividly
Caressing my reality
At midnight
In your absence
I crave for you
More than
I ever thought
Humanly possible

I am just a tiny girl
Who's afraid of height
But cannot help
To dream so high
I could recognize
Heaven on my finger
And he is everything
But an open door
With too many mysteries
Buried inside his mind
No one has able
To discover
Yet
I have the need
To know him
To revealed his colors
To understand his
Stunning thoughts
No matter how the fall
Will caused me chaos
Cause it's amazing
How annoying
His love could do
To cure me

Feels like surfing
On the ocean wave
Where I am free to play
Then folding inside
In a bizarre way
~
Is to appreciate trust
Rather than lies
Like brightened up
The moonshine in the sky
Even when starlight
Are impossible to hide
~
Is where your name
Taste like certainty
Blended with comfort
And strawberry
And all I notice
Is your arms
Encircle my hips
And your lips
Explaining a kiss
With infinity bliss

You ******* *****
How in the hell did you ever have
The dumbest thought that I am
Able to understand you in your
SILENCE?

Your stupid ego won't dry your tears
I will
Your idiot pride won't ease your fears
I will
So speak to me in clear sentence
And ask me to stay
Because *I WILL!

I don't want to speak
Nor to be alone
Therefore, I will sit
Amidst the crowd
Enjoying their laugh
Mixed with the blaring sound
From my playlist
Smelling the scent of coffee
And my earl grey tea

That way
Only that way, I'd be able
To hold the tears
From my aching heart
*That you caused

Yes, I am walking on the sidewalk
It is safer that way
I no longer grasping for your hand
It is out of my reach
I think I'm suffering from amnesia
Your face seems unknown
And I'm incapable to recognize love
Love itself is too elusive

No, it's okay
Just let me walk away
Don't feel bad
You only make me sad
And it's not like you've ever
*Demand me to stay

Fireworks doesn't captivate me
It lost its colors
Rain doesn't comfort me
It brings cold
Clown doesn't interest me
It doesn't look funny

And I

I don't fit you
Or
It's the other way around

Like east and west
Like ocean and city
Like life and death

We were told not to be together
And neither of us even bother
To work it out nor try harder
Yet, we simply surrender

I treated you like a King
But your heart refused to sing
I treated you like a star
So you took a step back far
I treated you like the sun
Then you said I am no fun

"You are too much,
I cannot handle too much"

Then I sit, inhale deep
And put my feelings
All my feelings for you
*To a deep sleep

Okay, you can shout
Maybe my sob was too loud
Fine, punch me to the wall
Maybe just a drop of blood will fall
Alright, kick me when I crawl
Maybe bruises won't make me sprawl
Sure, that was all my fault
Maybe I deserve this assault

Just remember to say sorry
*Cause, you know, I'll forgive you, baby

Waking up beside you
Will someday be
Something familiar to me
Just like how I drink my tea
Mornings will knock softly
As you whine,
"I'm still sleepy"
Then my dictionary
Will erase the word lonely

Maybe we both are cursed
By the mistaken time
Who cast a spell
And made us fell

In between the high grass
And the tall trees,
The love we share
Is a myth of unfair

Recall the sunrise
You brought for a gift
It's filling my eyes
With sunset adrift

I want you and
You want me
But that reason is never
Good enough to make us be

He used to repeat
His silly bed story
About a singing bunny
Before I fell asleep
He was as protective
As a fortress
But inside those walls
Flew hundreds of fireflies
And beautiful flowers
From sweat and broken bones
Made for his little princess
Needless to say
He is the only man
Who created permanent
Heartbreak
To my fragile heart

She hummed heaven's song
When the sun rose
And hushed her love
When the sun set
She was the best episode
Of my 20 years movie
She was the comforting shadow
Below the trees
She was my safe place
To any danger that might be
I always reminisce about her
In too many ways there are
If time could heal
Then I wish not to feel
Anymore tears
And the wound in my heart
Remain still
For it is half of my soul
She steals

Flame
Art
Jabberwockey
April
Rain
Kindness
Undeniable
Nights and days
Touches
Overwhelming
Rainbow
Oh, it's you

Laying down alone
Thinking about why you're gone
It's so quite here
My burning cigarette's all I hear

Hell, I loved silence
Loved
Cause after you came into my life,
Noise has become my best friend

Can I live by your haunting shadow?
This room feels so hollow
Even the smell of your skin
Staying like the words you spin

I should've realized it sooner
That you are the other half of me
Now you're gone, I'm just a stranded body
Trying to make peace with regret

I sigh, and of course you cannot hear
But I bet you are feeling it too
I am now, maybe always will,
Be missing you

*My heart belongs to you

The sound of our sweat
From the friction
The perpetual black and white
From the dark room

My breathing and yours
Echoes around
As you closing down on me
And I to you

Then I hear nothing
But a tender silence
While I rest my hand
To caress your cheek

Thinking, wishing,
I could just stop this moment
And repeat it for eternity
Little did I forgot

Time is count from good
*To gone

When you're absent from my mind
You never do

The doubt you ease
I can trust you

How I fall so hard for you
It happened in a flash

The amount of love I received from you
It's overflowing

Why you choose to stay with me
Clueless

The way you make me surrender myself
I just effortlessly do

What makes you, you
I am thankful for it

Who can be compared to you
No one is possibly better

Where we'd end
This, *I never want to know

You spread both my legs
Like preparing sandwich
Then you touch what's
Between my thighs
Until it's dripping
Oh, so wet
As you kiss my lips
Like sipping your
Morning tea
Until I forgot all the rest
Cause you eat me up
From my bottom
To my chest

I was told not to give away
My heart and devotion
For I've watched people
Got their heart crippled

But, love,
My dear love
Tell me what shall I do
When there's nothing else
I understand
Than being in love
With you?

Greed asks me to tell him
That he shall give me more
Pride pushes me to find
Someone worth more of my time
Insecurity leads me to think
That he's playing jokes on me
Experience warns me that
He's just another heartbreaker
Wrath yells,
"You are his biggest mistake!"

Then I see you looking at me
Feeling your hand brushing my hair

That is when I hear your heart whispers,
"I love you and I am trying my best"

And so
Everything
Simply
Fall
Into
*Place

Maybe he has reasons why
He's so in love with the forest,
Or rain and mountains

They bring solitude, like crystals
—A solid peace for his clouded mind

They don't nag nor make him
Feel like he needs to put on
His mask and play pretend
They’re just surrounding him,
Listening to his aching bones,
Prevailing chances of love,
Creating a longing sentiment
To return and stay

*Just like everything I hope I’d be

What I cannot understand is this;
I am addicted to the pain of suffocating
Like the thought of jumping off the cliff
Or hoping to get crashed by a car
Or drinking a glass of poison
I just need to have a taste on that dying moments
The urge to feel the ******* pain pulling me in
Then when I feel it, I’ll drown myself in it
I even ******* dive in it until I forgot
Which way is the surface
And when I finally got out,
I look for another pool of misery to dive into

I switch off the light
Trying to sleep off my tired heart
I listen to the same song
Over and over again
As if I'd play it on my death bed

And you
You're merely an illusion
Cause I have authentic proves.
A moving pictures.
That contains your laughs and
That you were happy
With me

Were

Then what happened?
You lost yourself
Why lost me too?

You said I deserve something
No, I deserve you

And I never, not even once
Ever asked you to love me
The way I love you
Cause I'm aware that it's impossible
For you to do so

My love for you has no limit

Why pushed me away?
Let me in
Ask me to stay

Can you hear me weeping?
Both my eyes are swollen by now

Darling,
Be cautious cause
If you continue
To keep me in the distance
I might as well
Be overly comfortable there

Please,
Grab me by the hand
Cause my feet is on the doorstep
Ready to take off

To your family,
You are the maestro
To your friends,
You are the safety net
To your co-workers,
You are the boss
But they can only see
What you pretend to be
While to you,
You are the lost one
~
There is a tenderness
Inside your soul
That's wide enough
To cover the hole
And I know because
I've seen it howl

That night, I nearly gave up on you
Just like how you nearly left me untrue
I nearly cried and pushed your limit
Just like how you nearly threw a *******
I nearly become a video game
Just like how you nearly played me like an arcade
I nearly turned into a clown
Just like how you nearly dissed my frown
I nearly took off your chances
Just like how you nearly burned your bridges
~
But to hurt and to cherish are on a par
In a trail we're trying to walk far
Under the bright moon and twinkling star
*To return to each other is what we are

Maybe, just maybe
All of us are lonely people
Gathered on the sea shore
With a hope that other grain of sand
Could keep us sane enough
To continue living
And that the rushing ocean
Will neither perishes us
Nor opens up the craters
Inside our thick skin

Some days he puts off the torch
And pushes me down the pit
Where I cannot seem to
Reach out for him
Then he runs so fast
When I am off guard and
All I can do is
Nothing
But to stay still
~
Some days he opens his eyelids
And shows me his heart
Like curtain in the morning
Sheds sunrise to the dark
Then he let me left my lipstick stain
On his cheek, creating chain
As we dance on "What If" refrain
Where the bad days
Don't make sense
And the good ones
Can never end

To him
I am just
A discolor forest
A vulnerable mountain
A singing bird
In the golden cage
To me
He is
The sweet venom
The tragic mystery
The universe
I can never get
Enough of
To discover

There was a time when words
Inside my head poured for you
They’re creating your form
Like beautiful constellations
But you said that you have dyslexia
And refuse to read them through and through
The next thing I know
I stopped writing for you
Now I am ripping those pages
Just like you tore your promises
I am now writing a new book
With his heart as the cover look

She wanted to take off her clothing
Like flower's petals falling
Until his underneath trembles
Like earthquake in December
She wanted to be rocked
And keep his thighs locked
Where he cannot kiss her
Cause she keeps biting her lip
Where his breathing gets loud
Cause she wanted some crowd
And she craved for his lust
Until she faints
Out of his hard thrusts

Another figure will come
To me—to change me
To love and be loved by me
To be the gasoline for my flame
To be the winner of my game
And he will let me write poetry
Inside his ripped blank pages
With pitch black ink as dark as
His deep lost eyes
And he will read and keep reading
Until he forgot to blink
Like my words and promises are
The alcohol he over drink

Please promise me
That you will embrace
The life you're having now;
The journey that creates
You

Please let me kiss you
Like raindrops when I am near
And listen to them speaking
"You're perfect for me"

Please feel how I wipe
Your weariness with giggles
And how I ******
Your flaws with my thumb

Please choose to remember
That I am in love with you
And that is the absolute truth
You could ever know

Sweetheart, remain calm, read this
Word by word

Walk in accordance with my footsteps
Glance at your shoulder where I am equal
Keep in mind that I am here
Neither to be followed nor to follow you

Grab my hand—reassure my consuming doubt
Cause I broke the mirror
When I saw worries and tiredness
Along my face lines to my Achilles heels

I am standing inside a tunnel
Where I can't see or hear
The compel you chant
To coaxed me into devotion

Sing louder so I’ll stop my tears
*Scream to me so I’ll understand

There are no word I can spell
To show you how deep I have fell
Only my bursting eyes can tell
I love you with my every cell
But time passes and so does your heart
Only it never changes mine
I really wish it did
Right the moment when
You stopped being sweet
Well, I should have known better
My mistake, I was hallucinating
To even trust your twist and turn words
Cause you were too perfect to be true
Guess I am not the perfect one for you
But hear this;
Do call me, find me
When you're not busy thinking about
Your pride or your ego
For I am always near
Make amends and I will forgive you
Make amends and I will take you back

Crap, I hate this
I can feel my ribs opening
—Turning into spider legs
My throat is burning
From screaming your name

Like a cigarette
You chose me, pick me out
You set me on fire
As you held me on your lips
Then you inhale me deep
But in the end you put my flame
When you point the blame
And you easily walk away
Like how you throw my ash
To the ashtray

Time with you is the time I'd stop
And repeat, over and over again

Like the time when I open my eyes to you
When you rest your head to my tummy
When we hold each other like Palomar knot
When you introduce me to your closest friends
When you kiss my lips like you're breathing me
When you take my hand in the crowd
When we slow dancing in your room
When you drive while gripping my hand
When you turn around after a back massage
When you stare at me followed by a smile

Those are the times I treasure
And always hope to be frozen

I'm done with love and its game
But for you my heart is tame
And if you ever feel the same,
Then let the vow be our aim

You are the true definition
Of an *******

Or was I the selfless *****?

The hell with it
You messed me up

Wait, I'm sorry
You never asked me
To gave you everything I had
But I did it anyway

Well on the bright side
I learned a lot from you

Look at me now
Happily loved and in love
With someone who is not you

I am a better person now
Thanks to me
Oh and for the record
No one will ever love you
Like I did

But, hey
It's your loss, not mine

As long as your beating heart
Is caused by mine
As wide as the Atlantic Ocean
That filled with salt water
As high as Mount Everest
Is impossible to compared
As far as the Sun to Pluto
That takes forever to explore

That is how I love you
And
I'd risk it all
Just for you

We lean on the bed altogether
Our fingers laying one upon the other
Time stops while we enjoy forever
As you sweep my arm like feather

This is the moment where clearly
You are passing your message in secrecy
"Your hug tells me you love me," I told
And you agreed by tightening your hold

My whole body is the blank canvas
And your soft tongue is the brush
Both of us wear nothing tonight
But moans and sighs

Our racing heartbeats
Create pleasure symphony
While the heat and our sweat
Echoes like trumpets

I barely hear Mocca sings
When you breathe louder
Than their guitar strings

Yet when we stick like glue
I can listen to your skin
Screaming 'I love you'

And on your back
My claws draw
Calligraphy and tattoo
Painting 'I love you too'

"I am leaving you"

Four simple words, one clear line
But it hit me harder than storm and thunder combined

He lied and tried his best to hide
When he said that,
I inhaled—deep—then I smiled
Even when tears started to blur away my sight
I dare him not to swerve his claws
And let me bleed until I bawl
Yet he said he'll take the blame
We were almost lover and that's a shame

Then I waited until the truth pour
When the next day he sat in front of my door
Head down facing the floor
I tasted regret on his lips up to his pore
He is all in—no more either or
He is now raining me with love down to my core
And soothe my worried minds like ocean rush to the shore
Cause I always know he wanted me forevermore

Unlike Bonnie and Clyde,
Our devils could dance together in sight
Unlike Jack and Sally,
We'll create nightmare on Christmas party
Unlike Orpheus and Eurydice,
Our yearning soul will never dies
Unlike Napoleon and Josephine,
We'll embrace each flaw on our skins

They might have loved so keen
But they all have their parting scene
Now, Darling, trust me this;
Our love is greater than they've ever been

Bad memories,
Your faults,
Our fights,
Taught me a lesson
Not to take you back
But the good ones,
Your sincerity,
Our laughs,
Is crushing my heart
Into scattered ashes

I am in love
With April
With its warm rain
And cold sun-ray
I am in love
Until I doubt that
I've ever loved
Anything else
Before April

To cherish every dark sides
To uphold your pride
To be kind in weakness
To smile in sadness
And to love very deeply
With every drop of blood
That runs within my veins

And I meant all of them in an equal measure

Fear crept into my sleep
I suffocate and bleed
I screamed for help
But no hand to held

I woke up with pain
My chest hurts, again
Nightmare followed me
To daylight I still see

The loss death caused
When it approached

"You don't know me", you told me once

You're probably right—I don't
I only know this;
You love to play your mind game
Cause I will keep on losing
You have a nicotine kiss
Cause I quit smoking for yours
You left then you come back
Cause you cannot deny me
You speak softly
Cause you always pull me close
You look beautiful asleep
Cause I'm attached to your sighs
You listen
Cause you keep things to yourself
You barely let me in
Cause you might change me

And you fond of me
Like I do you

No sound is needed
To hear you declaring your love
When your fingers are writing
Poetry on my naked back

No phrase is needed
To understand that you're missing me
When I can feel your presence
In the heat of the sun and rain

No sight is needed
To see how much you care
When it's my neck and cheek
You snuggle like reading braille

Iloveyou, baby
And I'm happy that we're happy