Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Boris Johnson is an unfunny clown
when I'm happy he makes me frown
an unelected fool but put in charge
of a country who also suffers Farage
with a UK in Brexit meltdown
A 2 ***** limerick ☺
Michael Hole Aug 23
Your blue blood veins,
red, white, blue stains,
mind closed just like your borders.

Despite the wars,
the foreign and poor,
are given their marching orders.

Diversity,
you just don't see,
is what makes the world so great.

'The futures white, see',
'In good old Blighty',
you bleat as you close the gates.
Stephen Moore Jul 27
Council coin counter padlocks the  door,
**** here no more they pronounce.

The lady Mayoress of 1952’s dreams are dead,
How she simpered,
Cutting the municipal ribbon,
Beckoning flys to open for her creation.

Now,
Coffeers in the red,
Fred from the chrome door plated department of the WC’s, bolts the whole fancy and flys zip back up.

Brexit ******* means no exit from our miserly mendacity in the face of civic decline.

“You can **** in your own home”, the local Wig proclaims,
Fiscal pressure means a motion that stops your motions mate.

The council bids your poohs adieu and asks you to refrain from complaint.
Feggyr Citack Jun 29
-faking breaking news

Hurray!
The United Kingdom will become the 51st state of the USA. This decision has not been officially announced yet, but it will soon be done, according to our informal source near Prime Minister dr. Farage. "A newly independent nation needs a strong arm to guide its steps towards prosperity, " our beloved PM recently stated, so this move should not come as a surprise.

Strong support
We all know dr. Farage's sympathy for a strong and straight approach, which has only increased during the past three years of versatile and energetic priority swapping. The tremendous successes of this period were achieved also by the practical and moral support of our American friends. Therefore we are convinced that the proud accession to this successful union of states will re-energise our traditional institutions, thus supplying new vigour to the independence we won in the glorious year 2019.

Just sign
It is expected that mr. Kushner, US secretary of foreign affairs and acting vice-president, will soon invite our beloved PM to sign the treaty. US officials made it clear to us there is no need for the UK to worry about the details.The terms of the treaty will be completely defined at Trump Super Tower; all the UK will have to do is sign. This will help the UK to seamlessly become a highly successful and inseparable part of the prosperous United States.

Highly valuable
The safety of the UK will be guaranteed by the permanent presence of the US navy at Scapa Flow, where joint operations will be performed with Russian or EU fleets. And the Irish will be happy: the Irish border will be effectively removed since many (if not most) Irish people have become Americans long ago, and for many years the Republic of Ireland has been successfully advised by great US-based privately owned firms. These firms, that are also active in the UK, will turn the UK into a highly valuable hub between Europe and the US. For the first time in history EU citizens will be able to reach the USA by car only, via Ireland or the Calais-Dover tunnel. This will also be the preferred access method since public transport, and public services in general, are expected to be dismantled - for the benefit of us all.
Let's make sure this little story will be fake news indeed in three years time.
Clive Blake May 19
Brexit means exit,
Brexit means exit.

It doesn’t mean:
Ignoring the masses who had their say,
Action replaced by incompetence and delay,
Having thirty-nine billion pounds to pay,
Giving our fishing waters away,
Compromising the borders of our precious UK,
Calls to vote again, the Brussels Mafia way,
Hope of a nation reduced to a faltering ray,
Democracy treated as if its had its day.

You promised,
You promised,
To implement what the people decided,
Those promises now watered down,
Refuted and then derided.

But most of all,
But most of all,
Mrs May,
Our vote to Leave,
Was definitely,
Was definitely,
Not a vote to stay!
Steve Page May 8
I've been
right in the thick of it
wanting to stick with it
just for the hell of it
up front and close to it.

But now
I've had my fill of it
done my fair share of it
time to slow down a bit
and exit before Brexit.
Enough of the politics already.
Isabel May 6
Two buzzards on a winter tree
Side by side, smart and efficient
Guardians of my countryside
They don't care about Brexit
They are not interested in all the silly politicians
Unless they were dead
In which case they'd eat them
And tidy up the place
I wrote this back in January. Now the trees are in leaf, but we're still in a mess.
May we not discuss long run dividend payments model today?
Student asks.
Can you suggest which Deal Model is suited for us?
Lecturer replies:
Deal or No deal
Posh eggs or humble eggs
were not at BREXIT hands
A voice of Saint chanting:  
Where there is a will there is always a deal.
Is this the best moment to have a silent choir class instead?
Lecturer announces.
By Angel. XJ/27/03/2019
Round and round and round we go
tapping heel and tapping toe
but this is no barn dance show
it's cardiac rehab, don't you know?

Stretching limbs for warming muscle
doing the Tuesday cardiac hustle
with our hesitant torsos we tussle
a hive of activity, movement and bustle

Gail and Sarah to guide our way
we're no strangers to a hospital stay
we don't talk Brexit or Theresa May
we don't need the drama of a Shakespeare play

Taking our pulse on a bicycle ride
curling our biceps with no place to hide
receiving instructions with arms by our side
letting the NHS be our mentor and guide

After the warm up comes the warm down
We're allowed to smile and fight off a frown
no place here to play the clown
no tears in which for us to drown

Rehab includes mental health self care
an issue of which we should all be aware
we arrived with a problem ticker to bear
but leave with happy memories to share
After suffering a "cardiac event" last year I recently successfully completed a cardiac rehab programme  so this poem is my take on the experience.
Next page