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5h · 46
Love
You became their puppet,
Their personal one of a kind show,
You subconsciously accepted playing by their rules,
Because you were conditioned from a young age
To fear speaking up, that it often came with a danger.

You voiced out your thoughts and feelings only to be met with Invalidation, anger, gaslighting, emotional immaturity
And toughening up this shell of a human being you were put in
So you learned to swallow your pain and emotions
Because it was safer for the child you once were.

You learned to walk on eggshells, to avoid conflicts,
You created a war within yourself to keep the peace,
You struggled and died in silence, always left alone
To pick up the pieces of the wreckage they leave behind
And try to put yourself back together once more.

Stomping on your heart and calling it "love",
Humiliating, masking insults as jokes
And name-calling behind closed doors,
Chipping away at your self-worth and confidence,
Deflecting when called out on bad behavior,
Making you doubt yourself, sanity and reality.

But love doesn't hurt, love doesn't cost you your voice,
Love heals, love truly listens, love appreciates all of your angles,
Love acknowledges its imperfections,
Love creates a safe space that holds with understanding,
Love doesn't run away from accountability.

Love? doesn't blame others for its own wrong doings,
Love isn't complex, we make it out to be,
Love isn't shaped by trauma and unhealed wounds,
Love just exists, without conditions,
Love costs nothing, it wants your happiness,
Love protects, doesn't force or steal,
Love sets you free, doesn't keep a hold on you.

Love doesn't control, love isn't power,
Love isn't superior vs inferior,
Love doesn't compare or asks to be matched,
Love, loves..in all the ways it knows the pain
Of existing without it.
9h · 121
Illusion
sometimes you will want things
that aren’t meant for you
that aren’t going to
bring you love,
safety and clarity,
they are most likely
to cause you more damage
and harm in the long run.
so don’t..and i beg you..
don’t trade
your peace of mind,
your health and heart
for a fleeting moment of
what is known to be
a masterfully
executed
illusion.
The more i gave
The more they took
The more i poured
The more i was ****** dry
The harder i loved
The more hurt, i got
The more i sacrificed
The more i lost
My peace of mind.
How can you set something free 
that doesn’t belong to you in the first place..
But what if that thing is so desperately wanting to be let go of?

I don’t own this body
I don’t own this face
I don’t own this heart
I don’t own this mind

Do i own my thoughts? 
Do i own my feelings? 
Do i own my energy? 
Do i own my decisions? 
..
Do i own anything 
that makes me, me?
Or am i just a vessel?
treading aimlessly..
Her hair chopped off, 
Unevenly..
Her bangs,
Messy..
As if she just woke up
Or got rediscovered 
From an old toy box 
Tucked away in the attic..
Her mascara’s smudged 
Under her dark puffy eyes,
As if she’d been asleep 
with leftover makeup 
For centuries..
Only for the heat of the summer 
To creep up on her 
And melt it off of her
Porcelain skin..
She looks drunk.. or high,
Like life’s been ****** 
Out of her eyes,
She’s not sure she’s alive,
She can barely walk properly 
As she’s been lying down, 
Half naked,
All this time,
Wondering where’s the rest 
Of her clothes 
And why her body’s 
Barely functioning..
She stumbles on her way to
The nearest mirror,
Takes a look at herself 
But doesn’t recognize her reflection 
Or what she’d become..
And she gets hit with this
Overwhelming sadness,
Wishes to go back to being
In deep slumber…
Wishes that whoever found her
Would put her right back 
Where she belongs..
In an old, isolated, 
Forgotten, toy box.
1d · 86
Hello Old Friend
i relapsed
after months
it was one of the two
that i was bound to reach out to
things that would harm me
in separate ways
one; makes me physically bleed
the other; will leave long-lasting,
unseen damage on my mind
one; will silence my mental agony
the other; will only find ways
to make me feel worse..
one; will heal with time
the other; is a wound that
keeps on bleeding..
both are familiar ways
i used to cope with my pain
but only one of them is
going to take advantage
of my vulnerable state
so it will be you, Blade
and if it comes to it again
i will bleed it out
because that’s how i always coped
there is no other way
that can take away the ache
even for a little while, a moment
it stops my world from spinning
and everything goes silent
i’m calm and relaxed
or too numb to think
what i can’t explain?
is that i don’t feel things
the way normal people do
i don’t feel grief the normal way
it’s ten times the amount
and seeing everyone else
around me feeling okay
only makes me think that
i’m absorbing everyone’s heartache
it is too much to bear
in one heart
in one body
it ***** me into the dark
where nothing but suicidal thoughts
circle around in the back of my head
it makes me want to disappear
it makes me want to
wake up from this nightmare
there is no switch off
so don’t tell me to “just stop”.
~when my grandpa passed away a week ago,
May his soul rests in peace.💙
1d · 118
Wingless Bird
they gave me freedom
only to trap me
and put me in a cage..
they taught me how to fly
only to clip away my wings..
they opened the door
and showed me the way
only for me to tremble and fall
letting them carry me
and bandage the harm
they have caused.
You will spill your guts
They will lick every drop of blood
While you tried to save them
You killed yourself
While you tried to be there for them
You abandoned yourself (who you are)
in the name of “Love”;
(conditional, sacrificial, transactional love)
Because you grew up seeing the danger
of fighting back for your life
You chose silence because
it kept you small,
it kept you safe.
You grew up watching mom tolerate pain
Mistreatment and disrespect
and you thought that was love
That it had to hurt,
not heal
That it was tough,
not soft
That it had to be painful
To be something endured
Otherwise it wouldn’t carry meaning
Because someone that brings stillness,
Stability and peace feels like “boredom”
If you weren’t intoxicated by the highs and lows
You feel nothing
Thinking that feeling something is better
You associate calmness with numbness
But it's only your body and nervous system
Coming out of survival-mode
You run towards the very thing
You should stay away from
Because it feels familiar
The inconsistencies, neglect,
Emotional unavailability,
Gaslighting, manipulation,
Love-bombing, affection withholding,
Silent treatment, blame shifting,
The ups and downs..
It was programmed in your little brain
That to earn love you had to suffer
Until one day you wake up
and realize that is not love
That is survival,
That is not love,
That is attachment,
That is not love,
That is trauma bond.
and now you have to rewire,
Reprogram your mind
As if you were a newborn
and what if i told you
That what you went through
Was the only way
That you would learn
What real, genuine, safe love
Looks like
or everything that it isn’t.
But healing doesn’t come with a manual
Nobody tells you how long it takes
nor the steps to get there
They only say:
“Healing isn’t linear”
That it could take months or years
But right now all that matters is that
You broke that vicious cycle
and you no longer hold on to old beliefs
You’re no longer trapped in the illusion of it all.
"In Dr. Orloffs book, The Empaths Survival Guide talks about the 7 types of energy vampires to be aware of if you’re an empath.
1. The Narcissist
2. The Rageaholic
3. The Victim
4. The Drama Queen or King
5. Controlling Critics
6. The Non-stop Talker
7. Passive Aggressive People
Energy vampires are attracted to the openness and loving hearts of empaths and this can leave us emotionally, mentally, and physically depleted. Take care of yourself and place boundaries when needed.

1. The narcissist
- acts as if the world revolves around them
- inflated sense of importance and entitlement
- need to be center of attention
- requires endless praise
- must compliment them to get their approval
- they use their intuition to manipulate and achieve their goals
- little to no capacity, for unconditional love
- if you disagree with them they become ice cold and withhold love, or will give silent treatments

2. The Rageaholic
- deals with conflict by accusing, attacking, and controlling
- will yell to make a point (empaths cant tolerate yelling)
- they behave poorly around loved ones
- Rageaholics traumatize empaths by beating down their positivity and self worth.

3. The victim
- energy vampires with a victim mentality drain empaths with their “the world is against me” attitude
- they don’t take responsibility for the problems that happened in their life
- other people are always the cause of their distress
- empaths fall into the compassionate caretaker role trying to solve all of the victims problems."

4. The drama queen or king
- overloading with nonstop dramas
- these dramas impose too much information and simulation for empaths to process
- drama is a drug they become addicted to
- they don’t get rewarded when we don’t react to their dramas.

5. Controlling Critics
- offer unsolicited opinions
- nitpick about the things you’re doing wrong
-ongoing nit picking can drain an empath.

6. The non stop talker
- endless verbal assault
- trap you to recount their life stories without pausing for a breath
- moves in on personal space while talking
*nonstop talkers don’t respond to your nonverbal cues. Simply looking impatient or restless doesn’t work. You must interrupt them as hard as this may be to do.

7. Passive aggressive people
- express their anger with a smile
- they sugar coat hostility
make excuses for why they can’t fulfill a commitment
- known for making sarcastic comments saying “can’t you take a joke?”
- they sulk when they don’t get what they want but claim nothing is wrong *these are confusing messages for empaths who are much more direct*
i’ve cut my chest wide open
as if i could burst out of myself
and leave this body behind
the blood never bothers me
the pain, i barely feel
compared to the weight of
everything i’m carrying
on the inside
it rarely helps
it rarely subsides
the aching emptiness
is only one of the many symptoms
though it makes you wonder
how can something
that doesn’t exist
feel so heavy..
Borderlines get it.
the peace, calm and
quietness terrifies me
when my soul is used to
getting ****** into
chaos, people’s
worlds and minds..
the unfamiliar feels
uncomfortable
to not constantly
await the inevitable
ups and downs,
pulls and push
that come with
being around those
kinds of people who thrive
on creating disorder..
to unlearn everything
i’ve ever been taught
every idea and thought
i’ve built myself on
to survive..to create
a world where i run
towards peace
and not from it
is all i want.
3d · 84
Untitled
sometimes i wish i was
anything but a human being
anything but a creature
that feels everything
on another level
either way too much
or not enough
i’m either on the edge
staring out the window
looking down
trying to run from the flames
and the fire around
or at the very bottom of a low
wondering when the next fall is due
but resting my head
for a moment or two
before it all starts to fall apart again
having to find a way through
to manage how imbalanced
my own coping mechanisms
don’t always work
they cause nothing but
more harm and damage
and yet i appear and show myself
not a single person can guess
what is wrong because
i never give them a reason to
or let them see what goes on
behind the stage
behind the scenes
of a raging storm
invisible enemies
and the battles i daily fight
i hoped that for once
someone would see me
the real me and choose to stay
like i always did with those
who never truly knew me
or cared enough more about me
than what they could get out of me
i still offered love and compassion
they were never worthy of i know
but through thinking i could save them
i was trying to save me
because i don’t know
how to pour all of that into myself
how to give me the very thing
i freely give away to others
not asking for in return..
sometimes i wish i had something
an alive object
that i can place down
all that love into
and watch grow
but it’s never the same as
pouring into another soul..
3d · 76
Untitled
You deserve someone
who sees you,
truly sees you.
Not someone who pretends to care,
Not someone who takes advantage of
your kindness, vulnerability and pure heart.
You deserve to be cherished
for who you are.
You deserve to know
that you’re
irreplaceable,
incomparable
And no one can ever
have a soul like yours.
A spirit
that is worthy
of love and compassion
beyond measure.
3d · 159
Dark Phoenix
No tears in her eyes now
Just a deadly, cold stare
That aims to ****,
A little smile forming
On the corner of her mouth
For she knew
She was strong enough to
Get back up on her feet
As she crawled out of Hell
For the millionth time..
She knew she wasn’t gonna let
Something like that
Easily take her out
Even when it felt like
She was going to bleed
To death..
Her last breath
Was hanging onto her lips
Yet she found the strength
To keep on going
To keep on moving
Than let herself burn
Over and over again..
For the price she had to pay
Of the poor choices she made..
Only to rise from the ashes
Followed by her shadows..
And who would’ve thought
That this time around
Her own demons
Would be the ones
Saving her life..
4d · 149
A Miracle
my heart aches
with hope
for a miracle,
for a safe, calm space
one that holds with care
one that welcomes with love
softness and a tender touch
one that sees behind the mask
one where there is no hiding
only acceptance and guiding
only freedom and flying
without expectations
without conditions
one that simply
lets me be.
Mar 2022 · 299
Free-falling
SableNocturne Mar 2022
Standing on the edge
One step away from
Falling into the unknown
One step away from
Losing control
One step away from
Letting go
One step away from
Not feeling anymore.
Mar 2022 · 140
Untitled
SableNocturne Mar 2022
Pretty face
Cursed eyes
Neglected heart
Drunk mind.
Mar 2022 · 427
Untitled
SableNocturne Mar 2022
The louder the music,
the less chances of hearing thoughts.
Mar 2022 · 157
Untitled
SableNocturne Mar 2022
I, can't let this happiness consume me
I, can't let myself be too happy
I, can't stand another heartbreak
I, can't let myself be disappointed again.
Feb 2022 · 51
Untitled
SableNocturne Feb 2022
if pretty is all you see
if brainless is all you're looking for
then you're looking in the wrong direction
before you devour me, get to know me
if you're only in it for the outside
then don't bother trying
masks, laughs, and acts
are all a costume we love to wear
but what really matters
is what's on the inside
what's the point of a body without a brain?
a beauty without a pure heart?
if you're in it for the outside
than you should look elsewhere.
Feb 2022 · 92
Underneath Your Skin
SableNocturne Feb 2022
𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚊 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚘𝚏
𝚐𝚊𝚕𝚊𝚡𝚒𝚎𝚜
𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚜
𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍.
Feb 2022 · 59
Untitled
SableNocturne Feb 2022
I know you're tired
I'm sorry life took such a toll on us
I'm sorry that you have to suffer
I know you're trying your best
you say you're fine but I know you're not
and it breaks my heart to see you like that
helpless yet you're still trying
I only ask of you
that you never stop, trying.
Feb 2022 · 248
Rejection
SableNocturne Feb 2022
I'm tired
I'm tired of caring
I'm tired of pretending like I don't care
I'm tired of pretending like it doesn't hurt
I'm tired of pretending like it doesn't matter
I'm tired of hiding how I truly feel
I'm tired of keeping it all in because of fear.
Feb 2022 · 85
Naked Truth
SableNocturne Feb 2022
I’m okay with knowing that no one
will ever truly understand me
Even if I screamed my truth
Even if I cried it out loud
Even if I teared open my chest
and said “this is who I really am”
Feb 2022 · 43
Untitled
SableNocturne Feb 2022
I pray that you find strength
even on the darkest of days
even when there's nothing left to hold onto
even when your world is falling apart
i pray that you continue to find hope
to find joy
in the little things
that bring you peace.
Feb 2022 · 88
Untitled
SableNocturne Feb 2022
I will do whatever it takes
To protect my mental peace.
Feb 2022 · 151
Untitled
SableNocturne Feb 2022
Hold on to yourself so tight
You can never allow it to fall apart.
Feb 2022 · 62
Untitled
SableNocturne Feb 2022
The more I’m staying, the more I’m slowly dying
Chocking on my own silence, my soul fading
Feb 2022 · 111
Be Kind
SableNocturne Feb 2022
you dont need to be pretty
to be likeable
you dont need to be rich
to be admirable
you dont need to be
a king, queen
to be respectable
just
be
kind.
Feb 2022 · 401
Untitled
SableNocturne Feb 2022
you've lived another day to put a smile on a person's face and sometimes that's more than enough reason to keep wanting to live.
Nov 2021 · 117
Untitled
SableNocturne Nov 2021
Does it ever go away?
Nov 2021 · 269
Untitled
SableNocturne Nov 2021
Ijustwannadisappear
Oct 2021 · 763
Untitled
SableNocturne Oct 2021
Idon’twannarememberanythinganymore
Oct 2021 · 696
Never Alone
SableNocturne Oct 2021
Are you too scared to be alone? Are you too scared to be with your thoughts? Are you too scared to listen to them? Are you too scared of finding out who you really are when no one’s watching? Are you too scared of never being normal again?
Oct 2021 · 554
It Hurts
SableNocturne Oct 2021
It hurts to breathe
It hurts to try
It hurts to fight
It hurts to hide
It hurts to lie
It hurts to live
It hurts to pretend
Oct 2021 · 552
Hang in There
SableNocturne Oct 2021
The countless sleepless nights,
The countless times you had to pick
yourself up off the bathroom floor,
The countless fake smiles
behind those sad weary eyes,
The countless silent “help” cries,
And the countless times you’ve held on,
trying not to lose yourself
in the midst of it all..
Oct 2021 · 603
Untitled
SableNocturne Oct 2021
I’m sorry,
I’ll try to be happy,
I’ll try to be normal,
I’ll try to not self-sabotage.
Apr 2021 · 1.2k
The Real Me
SableNocturne Apr 2021
Why is that i find refuge
When I’m consumed by solitude
In a complete stranger
I see once or twice a week
Do you see me?
Can you feel me?
I’m tired of hiding.
Apr 2021 · 416
Too Alive
SableNocturne Apr 2021
They wanna make you feel numb because you’re feeling too much
But is feeling nothing better than feeling something?
Mar 2021 · 88
Untitled
SableNocturne Mar 2021
Idon’twannaliveinmyheadanymore
SableNocturne Mar 2021
I tried to find you.
I’m still trying...
Mar 2021 · 455
Untitled
SableNocturne Mar 2021
I think the kind of love I crave doesn’t exist in this world,
I believe the kind of love I yearn for is out of this world,
and that’s probably why,
I stopped searching for it in people’s eyes,
what they see when they see me,
and in people’s hearts,
what they feel when they’re near me,
because honestly,
I’ll never know what’s real and what’s just a fantasy.
Jun 2020 · 265
Untitled
SableNocturne Jun 2020
I’m not scared of life after death,
I’m scared of life before death.
I’m not scared of dying,
I’m scared of not living.
It’s been a minute.
Haven’t written anything in a while.
Feb 2020 · 242
Wild Fire
SableNocturne Feb 2020
She breathes passion
She’s a wild fire
Overflowing with untamed emotion
Magic slips from her fingertips
Creating a masterpiece with words.
Feb 2020 · 102
What Hurts The Most
SableNocturne Feb 2020
I didn’t see you
until you saw me
and I didn’t love you
until you loved me
and you didn’t leave me
but I left you
and you don’t look heartbroken
but i do.
Feb 2020 · 125
In Love With...
SableNocturne Feb 2020
I’m in love with
What’s left of you
What’s left of us
Shadows in the rust
The rustiness in the dust
The faded taste of lust
Still lingers on my lips.
Jan 2020 · 106
The power of words
SableNocturne Jan 2020
A couple of words
can heal an aching soul
a hopeless heart
and a restless mind.
Jan 2020 · 127
She’s taking control..
SableNocturne Jan 2020
Once, he had the power,
Once, men had the power,
Over her,
Her heart,
Her feelings and thoughts.
But now,
She’s stronger,
Now, she’s wiser,
Now, she’s taking back the power.
Jan 2020 · 120
Untitled
SableNocturne Jan 2020
I keep finding myself
in the same circle of regrets
stuck in a loop of what ifs
and if things were different
what would’ve happened
and if we were different people
what would’ve happened
and if I hadn’t left
what would’ve happened
and if you hadn’t stayed
what would’ve happened
and if we tried to skip the past, pain and hurt
would we have made it?
Jan 2020 · 156
Home
SableNocturne Jan 2020
Poetry is my home
Poetry is where I belong
in words I live
in words I breathe
I run
I tremble
I fall
I sink in deep dark ink
I crawl
I hold onto words
I get up
and I start again
to live
to breathe
and break
through poetry.
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