There's alway this glass, this screen, this wall
I can still feel the call
Fearful of the fall

Still I fight on, trying to break through
As bearers grew
I act the fool
With myself always in a dual

So no matter who wins
I will remain penned
I will remain dead
For my soul holds nothing but dread

The liquor has taken over
I don't ever want to be sober
The view from this side is not the same
On this side everything looks sane
It takes a twisted view, to accepte this life
To have the strength to endure the strife
Just leave me on the steps of intoxication
It's the only way I can deal with my situation

You can't frighten a man with death, when his not afraid to die
So when your knifes and guns don't scare me know that is the reason why
There is nothing more dangerous than one that doesn't care
So you had better tread lightly, you better beware
There's nothing more dangerous than one not affraid of death
Unafraid to take that final breath
I'll have a smile when I walk the reapers way
So all you ******* go on and bray
About the beauty of life and all them lies
I have lived this life, it's only made me cry
And I am not affraid to die

Nyx my Goddess of the night
Why on me do you put such a plight
With your misty darkened veil brought up from the underworld
Why on me do you place such a scourge
Why do you send your son's of three fates sleep, death, strife and pain
What is it from me you have to gain
Why do you torture me so
Is it something about my soul
Why is it you want me to live this life
In the perpetual darkness of your night

My face is all swollen and red with the rage.
like a moster busting out of his cage
I enter the room with my Glock 25
Shoot them all dead leave no one alive
People will wonder how I got to this gate
With this twisted burning of concentrated hate
I was born into this world an innocent soul
But my innocence soon from me was stole
So now all of you ******* have got to go

Here inside me again they grow
I thought I'd taught them where they couldn't go
Not surprisingly again I faild
And again this razor I will wield
Long thin wounds I do inflict
I hope tonight I get rid of it
When my bright crimson blood hits the floor
In my brain they'll bore no more

Everyone has a dark side
A secret that they keep
Everyone has a dark side
One they hide so deep
Everyone has a dark side
So child you must seek
Cuz one day you just might reap
The Demons that they keep

Scary is the only way to describe these feelings
Scared that this sorry life has no meaning
Scared of living life all alone
Scared of all the hatred I've been shown
Scared that I will soon act on my thoughts
Scared my razor on my skin will soon slide across
Scared of all thats gone wrong
Scared to simply live on

If I die what does it matter
I am already scattered
My minds not here, my heart is shattered
All you see is an empty shell
That by the way has gone through hell

So you can judge on first glance
Before you know me, or give me a chance
I don't really care, they all do
It doesn't reflect on me but you

I know what I am, I'm deppresed and splintered
Upon this bed of torture I've been rendered
Countless times, by countless monsters
Thats how my madness was fostered

So judge my sadness if you want
Or why my face looks so gaunt
You've not been where I have been
And you've not seen what I have seen
True monsters walk this earth
And to me they have given birth

Looking for that single thread that binds me too this earth
Like an anbilicord to it's mom at a baby's birth
I've looked for years but can not find
That single thread that'll keep me entwined

Like a helium balloon without it's string
I just keep floating over things
Like cargo with out a net
One sharp turn could spell regret

I want to be tied and held safely down
As my agonizing world keeps on spinning around

I want a love to keep me here
But my years are growing short, and I fear
The time for love has passed me by
And every night I cry and cry

So there's no ties that bind
And no love that I could find
So I'm starting to unwind

There's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can say
I will always and forever feel this way
So go ahead and just turn the **** away
I'm condemned for eternity to stay
In the waltz of the darkest sway

Don't look in my face, don't look in my eyes
I'm trying so hard this part of me to disguise
When you look, I want you to see butterflies
Not the tracks of pain, confusion, and a trillion tears

Please don't speak, don't ask
Way to much of my skin has tasted the razors slash
Time for a soumate,true and undying love has endless centuries ago passed
Once upon a time, in a little girls life a die was cast

The cards where dealt, the wheel spun
There would be no time in her life for fun
Her future dim, no beaming sun
Only the frenzied moves of the insane trying to keep it together, as she constantly comes undone

It doesn't matter how the world sees you
For the world is quite subdued
It set's the limit of what is acceptable
What is regrettable
What is transposable
What is disposable

All that matters is how the people in your life view you
Are you loud, are you crude
Are you brazen,are you rude
Or are you the voice that soothes

Do you do your very best
To make other's feel blessed
Even though your more than stressed
With your own life a ****** up mess

Do they see your strength, does it show
Even through your hope was gone long ago
Do you still brave each day
Fighting there, in the gray

Can they find the hope you lost
Do they see you go on, no matter the cost
Do they love you anyway
Even when your in the hole, do they stay
Stand beside you night and day
Love you, even when you're in the sway

When depression takes your hand
Leads you to it's lonely land
By you then, do they still stand
Do they hold you close, do all they can

Or do they scatter
Leavening you to feel you don't matter
Making you out to be the Mad Hatter

Can you take off your disguise
Will they think you unwise
Not to continue your "happy" lie
Can they withstand the agony and sorrow in your eyes

If you do, and they can't
There will be no need to feel bad and rant

For when you drop your mask you'll find
You simply had friends of the wrong kind
Then you can leave the others far behind
As new friends start to unwind

Every day I put on armor
I do my best to be the snake charmer
But this world full of snakes
And very high are the stakes
They coil and strike
They do their damndest to bite
But everyday I put on even more
It's such a great chore
And under all this weight I'm starting to bend
And I can't move and I can't defend
So I'll take the venom, I'll let it sink in
I'll let it course through my veins
I'll let it flow to my brain
Let it deaden my limbs
Till the light in my eye's dims
My heart will stop it's beat
And the reaper I will greet

I always miss you, until your here.
Then I just want you to disappear
When your gone I dream about the good times we had
But when you come around, you just bring out the bad
So go away so my heart can miss you, please don't stay
I just so want you to go away
But in my mind, times with you are marvelous
And your always romantic, and spontaneous
When your actually here in my life
Your words just cut me like a knife

Standing on the ledge once again
Nothing and no one else around
Nothing to stop me from taking the plunge
Nothing but thoughts of you
Keep me on this side
So once again you saved my live
From the edge of the razors knife

Here I am on this hamster wheel, I'm running so fast and getting nowhere
Going round and round, like a ******* nightmare
I'm starting to choke on all this despair

Every day is exactly the same
No wonder I'm not sane
Over and over I go again
This is so very far from zen

Any day I'm not hard to find
I'm just here amongst the grind
Forever running this rat race
Everyday it's always in my face

Running, and running on my wheel
Until one day over I just keel
Yes every day you'll find me here
Running on my hamster wheel

On the verge of suicide
Who would really care if I died
No one thats who
I just want to be through
A few might cry reflecting on there own lifes
But no tears for me, I was just a passerby
If I just disappeared would anybody notice
I'm counted among the hopeless
So very friendless
My life is meaningless
This life plays on my weakness
I am no longer fearless
I live in constant darkness
I'm sinking into the great abyss
And this tattered life I will not miss
So swallow down these pills I might
I'm really tired of this fight
The demons are gonna win this one
The voices I couldn't over come
It's to hard to fight them off alone
So the darkness has just grown
It was companionship that I craved
Don't leave any flowers on my grave

Here I set in my room
Realizing the longer I hold on the worse it's all becoming
My heart is heavy, no one wants to love the broken
After all what's broken should just be thrown away
No one for days as spoken to me, it's easier to not think of me and all of my issues
My spirt has turned to stone it will never fly again
I'm so ******* alone I don't want to live this way
I thought by now my tears would dry up but they don't
They just keep on falling
I've not been held in years and now I think I'd cring if someone touched me
My skin is not used to that kind of thing any more
But desperately longs for it
I care about everyone I meet, but the feelings never returned
Why the **** am I still here
Just for people to use I guess
I'm done I'm thru I just don't know what to do
I think I'll set and drown in my pool of tears
And pray tomorrow never comes

The cage is full
Now what will I do
I think I'm *******
Their busting through
My fear it grew
My lifes askew
They will ensue
can I get a redo

Have you seen the sky outside
It's turned an awesome shade of green
It's so beautiful I want to cry
It's the rearest sight I've ever seen
I wonder if we're gonna die
It's looking awful mean
I hope the rain starts soon
I love the pitter patter
And the thunder when it booms
I guess it really don't matter
I'm gonna lie here on the ground
And close my eyes real tight
And hope the lightening strikes me down
With the tornado I wont put up a fight
I hope it ***** my body up, so I'm never found
Maybe this time I'll get it right

I just took a wrong turn going to church
Ended up down by the old white birch
So I decided to sit down there at it's roots
And up to my shoulder scurried a little newt
I liked the little fellow
Until in my ear it started to bellow
Why are you doing that I asked
He said not a thing just pulled out his flask
He motioned for me to drink
And before I could think
I took a big swig
And before I knew it I was dancing a jig
The swirling and twirling brought me down to my knees
The limbs in the tree moved with the breeze
And before long I started to wheeze
What Mr. Newt what have you done
Don't worry dear with us you are becoming one
So scurry on up here and sit on the branch
By day we watch at night we dance
None of this has happened by chance
You wished for it, now it is so
Back to your life you no longer have to go

Would you rather
Be you
Or make yourself a new
Whould you rather
Live beside a ocean
Or in a city with all of the commotion
Would you rather
Be happy
Or always feel crapy
Would you rather
Go to heaven
Or face armmagad
Would you rather
Love yourself
Or somebody else
Would you rather
Die
Or learn to fly
Would you rather
Be lonely
Or be someone's only
Would you rather
Tell the truth
Or tell lies to the roof

Whatever choice you make
You sculpt yourself
Even if you choose not to choosechocand set upon a shelf

I was ******* when I heard the fire
I was ******* in your attire
I was ******* I am all you desire
I was ******* I was your live wire
I was ******* you made me moan like a choir
I was ******* when you started that bush fire

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow may not come
Lets go out and have some fun, come on and get you some
It is no relationship, just the here and now
We should live it up, I'm a monster on the prowl

Why am I doomed to live in the dark
Without even a single spark
Not even the light of fireflies to soften the night
There is no way I'll win this fight

I can not see my demons, or when they do attack
So how can I fight back
Can't see a hand in front of your face, not in this inky black

The light will never find me in this I have no doubt
Some times I want to cut, and let it all bleed out

My eye's are so a custom
I'm sure the light would blind them
So reside myself to being a creature of the night
And only roam around when there is no moonlight

So I guess it was just your demons talking
Or was it YOU that was mocking
With my emotions you played
To you I was just prey
You knew that I was broken
But still those awful words were spoken
I LOVE YOU
But of course none of it was true
Why did you want to Make me blue
Why did you want to leave another scar
Is that really who you are
Another deceiver
Another meat cleaver
To chop parts of me away
Was I your dragon you had to slay
I'm in awe of why you done it
Guess you really didn't give a ****
I was already broken
Guess you just wanted a token

I want to tell you of a great friend of mine
We use to be togeather all the time
We were soul connected hard to define
And something even harder to find
We both battled depression in it was one of the ties that bind

One day I told him I just couldn't go on
He told me I'll be your diamond you can lean upon
Because he knew rocks cracked so he would be the strongest that he could
And the love we shared we both understood

He called me up one afternoon and said, this might be the day
I replied hold on I'm already on my way
We just sit there in silence in his darkened room
He said you can't fix me, in his voice I heard that doom
I said I know that dear
That's not why I am hear
I'm here to sit beside you
Till this patch of darkness you get through

A bullet he would of took for me and I for him
We loved each other to the brim
Friends forever him and I would always be
For there was no other friendship like ours through out the centuries

One day he could hold on no longer in the darkness and the pain
He never called me, he just stood in front of that **** train

He left a note just for me, I'm sorry *** your diamond finally cracked
And there's no turning back
But please forgive me and promise me to be strong
And instead of dying for me you must live on

So I silently promised him I'd do the best I could
Because I knew what he ment he had to go, I truly understood
I didn't know how I'd ever live without him but every day I'd try
And at least once a day I still break down and cry

It's been a few years now but I'll never get over the loss of my soul connected friend
But I count my self lucky I still get a glips of him in his son's face when he gets that crooked grin

Walking on a sheet of glass
Each step brings spider web cracks
How much longer will it hold
Just how far will it let me go
Some days I tread lightly
Hoping it will crack just slightly
But days like today I jump
Ready to test out my luck
Really hoping it will shatter
So on the rocks below I splatter
But of course it held
So I'll just stand and yell
Till someone hears my cry
And rescues me form the sky
And my growing wish to die

Here at the gates of hell again looking down
I don't want to ever be found
I'm so lost and alone
My friend their true feelings they've shown
They got to much of their own to bear
And they just want me out of their hair
I totally understand their view
So I silently take their cue
But I'm so sad I don't know what to do
There's a weight on my chest and I can't breath
And every pour in my body just grives
The agony in my heart seems so unbearable
I'd just go to sleep if I was able
But insteed I'll just lay here staring at the ceiling
Wish I wasn't alone with every fibre of my being

I want to feel the blood flow down my fingertips
I want to watch it drip on to the floor
And pool under my hand
I want to feel the warmth flow from my throat
And down my chest.
I want to wear a coat of red

A zebra can never change it's stripes
Nor leopard change it's spots
One will always be the prey
Just like you and I

They're rapping at my window, howling at my door
They're clawing at my carpet, banging on my walls
They're rattling my door ****, flickering my lights
They're looking thru the key hole, shouting thru the cracks

They're crashing thru my window, breaking down my door
They're tearing up the carpet, knocking down my walls
They're ripping off my door ****, busting all my bulbs
They're coming thru the keyhole, screaming by my head

They're entering my mind, there's nothing I can do
They're crawling into my fleash, controlling my every move
They're examining all my fears, making sure they all come true
They've finally taken over, now I truly am insane

You are a living lie and your vile words you spew
Thinking all your lies will surely save you
But don't think you can use your deceit on me
For I can see the truth and it can set you free

A person who wants nothing never can be bought
A person who won't fight never can be fought
A person who doesn't lie never can be caught
A person who won't play the game never can be used
A person who dosen't cheat will always pay his dues
A persons who never thinks can never have any views
A person who dosen't care what you think will never leave you confused
A person who has nothing they will never lose
So never judge another until you step into his shoes

I chased away my demons and my Angel died
Now all I can do is sit and cry
I didn't know he needed them to survive
I'm so very empty now neither ones inside
I'll welcome back my demons so my death they can ensue
My beautiful Angel is dead so there is nothing else to do

I drown in your tears every night
Nothing I can do will make it all right
Your scars are to deep
And you weep and weep

I drown in you tears every night
You believe you're just a blight
Every time I hear you put yourself down
Or I see on that gorgeous face a frown

I drown in my tears every night
Because unthinkable, thoughts leaves a fright
That one day you'll succeed
With that awful, horrible deed

I drown in my tears every night
Knowing one day your soul will take flight
You'll never see another day
And I too soon, would be on my way

I drown in your tears every night
Your just so tired of the fight
Even tho in me, love you've found
It might not be enough to keep you around

In you I've found my one true love
We fit togeather like a hand and glove
So I'll hold on to you with all my might
As I drown in your tears every night

Demons walk this house of mine
They do it at night from time to time
They frighten my guests
And startle my pet's
My cat just sits and stares
My dog her teeth she bears
They just push her aside
She runs and hides

They walk last night again my floors
So I got up and shut the bedroom door
Of course they do what they alway do
My door they pass right through
I tried to ignore them as on my bed I sat
But not tonight they would have none of that
They were there to chat

What do you want, I asked with disgust
They spoke with the tongues of cosmic dust
We are here to watch and savor
Your situation will soon be much graver

Three shadow men in front of me stood
Glowing eyes stared out from under their darkened hood
One pointed at the table, one at the razor, one at my hand
Time it slowed, the hourglass lost it's sand

Then they said, we are here for you our dear friend
My hand started to shake, and then extend
I gave them a determined look
And pulled my hand back although it shook

You can make me cut, you have many times before
I know it's the smell and taste of my blood you adore
You can even make me take my life
They laughed so hard at that, We only want to bring you strife
You silly human child
It's not you blood we desire

Although we do like to watch your blood flow
What we want is the pain to grow
It's just a plus to make you bleed
But it's on your human soul we feed
And your agony makes it all the more sweeter
So your life we make sure it's so much bleaker

I ordered them out of my room
I demanded they take their gloom
They swiftly moved, pinned me down and entered my head
And now I'm wishing that I was not food but dead!

Headlights dimmed by sheets of rain
Driving in this is just not sane
Water stands on pavement like glass
Tries slicing through with a splash
Hydroplane.....a tree is hit
Maybe they'll think it was an accident

Lifes blood ebbs away
I'm sorry I could not stay
But life will go on
I was no longer strong
Even a diamond can crack
And no one had my back

Don't cry for me
Just because my body you can't see
I leave you memories, and love
And now this agony I'm gonna be free of

I've written it down the best I could
And maybe by some I'll be understood
My poems capture my life and torment
Put into this world for Gods enjoyment

With all this pain and remorse
I took this way out, of course
It's not the easy way out, as they say
I thought it through for days and days

My thoughts have formed a noose
And more pain made sure it wasn't lose
So now all I need is to step off this chair
And become so  unaware........

I live in a world now where legend and nightmares are abound
And screeching and screaming are the only sound
Buried alive I don't think I'll survive
Please don't resuscitate don't revive
Please don't look, turn around just leave me to die
Everything in my life has gone awry
I think this my friend could be my final goodbye

Last night I watched the storm
The flashing of lightning that lit up the sky
The rumbling of thunder that shook my floor
Then every softly at first the beat of the rain
like the rhythm of a drum
It grew more intense, the wind joined in
So much lightning made my room look like day
The rain was so deafening like the drums of mad men
It was all so beautifully violent
I couldn't help but look on in awe
The chaos of it all pulled at my being
Till I had no choice but to go out and join in
The wind driven rain penetrated my skin
The lightning and thunder electorfied my soul
For a few split secounds I was alive again

I quit dying today
Because I quit trying to live
I will no longer search for happiness
So the pain of not finding it will slowly melt away
The not caring of what happens and robotic motions
Will get me through the day
This world has finally done it,
Although it's broke my heart to many times to count
This time it was my spirit that shattered into pieces
And there is no fixing that
So with vacant eyes you'll see me carry on the day
No emotion on my face
No emotion in my heart
I never got to live but.....
Today is the day I quit dying
now I'll just exist

Like a flint rock
You where my spark
And illuminated the dark
But I was blinded by the light
When I got you in my sight
And I could not see
What you where doing to me
I was caught up in the glow
Your pretty word's that flow
So you burned me up
You were so corrupt
So now I am just ashes

I'm not everyone's cup of tea
Then again I'm whisky!!!!!

I wrestled with my demons last night
It all was such a terrible sight
It felt like I had won the right
To just gave in and called off the fight
In this life I'm such an awful blight
And next time I might let them win
But for now I'll stay within this skin

Dakness set's in
It found me again
Sheets of crystal white
Where I wage my fight
I can't even write
The papers to wet
And it's not sweat
My mind is not fit
F**k this ****
I'm out of it


Bye

Let me be, or I'll explode
I'm not a possession to be sold
Don't enter my life
Thinking you can give me strife
Don't convince your self that I can't see
The way your trying to control me
Don't think your sweet pretty words
Will make my vision blurred
That I'll over look your snide remark
Or ignore the side of you that's dark
I'm not naive to you wicked thoughts
As you try to twist emotions up in knots
So don't walk away, run
Before I bring out my gun
And shoot you down
Like a rabid hound
And leave nothing to be found.
With a grin I'll bury you in the ground
Because you think your so hard to decode
But leave me be, before I explode!!!!

I laid my head down last night to rest
I started feeling quiet distressed
For the voices did transgress
Screaming "your life is such a mess"
Making my brain feel like an abscess
In my memory I start to regress

Leaving me in a cold sweat
Trying to live my life is like playing roulette
The wheel I spin
But I never win
All I can think of is all the regret
How my soul is now only a silhouette

Finally asleep
Though not to keep
My nightmares start to creep
My memories start to leak
Showing why I'm the black sheep
The freak

This life is always causing me pain
It sifts through my brain
With my emotions it plays it's game
Is it God or the universe, are they the same

Is it chance or fate
That leaves me at this gate
I can't escape
There will be no hero in a cape

For in the dark, nightmares ensues
By day they still pursues
I pick up the pieces, I try to glue
All the time looking for a clue

What I would not give to be
Anything but me

I'm with Jack and his brother Jim
We got together on a whim
I think I've spent to much time with them

My vision is getting blurred
I'm having problems being heard
My speech is slurred

They tasted so very good
I'd drink more of them if I could
But I don't think I should

Because walking has become a chore
The door I did expore
That's how I ended up on floor