No bound amount of times compress
Could pressurized this want in me
Leaving other lovers not by the wayside
But with a future of their own to be
Arise and fall, my beating chest
With a breath anew and deep words to breathe
Let me not invest in unstanding still
But in a redemptive song bursting forth, wild and free
Pretty sure I've surpassed the 3k lifetime verse milestone. Feels good, feels free.
To be my truest me.
I feel like I'm made of cheap glass
I have no purpose, I'm not of high class
And even though I'm of no use
That will never make a good excuse
Pardon my outburst, I'm containing my thoughts
And each one that goes can never be caught
They all burst from my mind like a brilliant volcano
Each one setting off a light and faint glow
I feel like I'm absolutely fake
I put on a smile because if I'm happy, that's all it takes
It doesn't hurt them if I'm sad, no one even cares
Because when I'm sad, they just feel the need to stare
I don't pay attention to them because I know deep in my mind
All of them have no idea of the things I think of, they're blind
Each thought darker than the last
Remembering all the bad times in the past
Each thought bubbles up and creates paranoia
Each one branches out like a giant sequoia
I hate each and every one for they swarm me like flies
I can't explain how much it hurts, but each sharp sting of pain I despise
I don't tell people about
What agitation means
I can't sit in class
Because the pain in my head
Is just drilling into my existence
Boring into my consciousness
It means I drag random things
Along with me
Trying to have some weight
To numb all the pain
To get my focus away
Anything but the pain
It means I walk into random classrooms
Searching for a reason to be away
From I don't know where
Trying to walk away
From this agitation
It means running
Just running aimlessly
As if trying to run away from this body that
Constrains the pain
That intensifies it
Refusing myself the pleasure of reading anything
Including posters on the walls
It means I want to run away
From this physical restrain
Just free all this agitation
I'm tired of trying
To keep myself together
Tired of holding all these
In this maelstrom
I'm tired of staring up at confusion
In the face
When no one can answer
I need to be calmed down
Just let myself
I'm desperately trying to hold up
While I'm crumbling
A state of anxiety or nervous excitement
Barely tells you what I mean
I don't know why but from the beginning of this year I've been like this often. Especially January. And May. And September (Wow that's a uniform difference).
If only I’d learnt to turn to prayer earlier. But still we need people. The whole point of my other poem Eve; She was There
If you go outside at night,
after the world goes to sleep,
you can hear the planet sigh,
under the secrets it cant keep.
And the wind sings with different tunes,
to all the one you hear by day,
as though its choking on the words,
that we're all afraid to say.
And I wonder at the problems,
we've tried to melt inside its core,
Whether its packed so close to bursting,
that it can't hold any more.
For how long we see its weakness,
When we've not known something so strong,
and if it weeps and we can't hear it,
does that mean there's nothing wrong?
than just a look
how to blink
I'm beginning to believe
That happiness is just an illusion.
While in the moment you may smile,
When it fades, it leaves behind confusion.
Tell me, why do we blow bubbles
When they burst in seconds few?
You can't change the color of the sky, my dear.
It will always, always be blue.
And even while you're smiling,
There's this ever-rising flood.
Reminding you of your pain and despair
And that you'll always turn back to blood.
I'm hearing voices in my mind,
Replaying loved ones loving me.
But as I begin to find those thoughts,
They turn their backs and flee.
Why do we struggle at the top of the water?
Wouldn't it be easier to sink?
At least if the water consumes you,
Then you won't be forced to think.
The cage is full
Now what will I do
I think I'm *******
Their busting through
My fear it grew
My lifes askew
They will ensue
can I get a redo
I've seen bodies aching,
seeking to fill the void with
Sleeping under vibrant bouquets
of drowsiness and lethargy.
I can see the figure in my future
He's drowning in the plants of lust
But I should wait until that time.
I must, I must, I must.
This is a supernova
The millisecond before
Almost empty space
Bursting with anticipation
This is nothing,
This is a beginning
And *the end