Reckless and carefree I pursued my beloved,
Without a thought I entrusted my spirit to his prose,
Only to crack at the seams at his departure,
Put a leash around my heart for I can love no more,
I mistook two moments of affection for a forever,
Ghosts of his memories lurk in every corner of my conscious,
Restrain my emotions for they know no more;
A momentary lapse of judgement.

drips of joy
some of pain
peel me you'll
find restrain
liked or disliked
I‘m all the same
aroma and sight
so guess my name

--"Hint-Hint"--

don't take these
words by surprise
you might shed tears
from your eyes
many have complained
that I'm a nuisance yet
who I am is who I am and
can't help how I was named
open your eyes cant you see
an "ONION" thats just me...

The ultimate joy of life,
Without strife,
A virtue,
A necessity,
Hard work.
We think we are the masters of our fates,
It creates impatience.
Nip the fumes of impatience in the bud,
Endure and be tolerant,
Don't get worked up,
Have patience.
You need it in abundance,
To be a good parent,
A perfect teacher,
A likeable boss,
All modes of life.
Patience is the hallmark of the righteous,
So restrain your anger,
Forgive others,
Avoid snap judgements,
Very difficult but we can.
Without patience wisdom becomes foolishness,
Success turns to defeat.

denial seems to be our specialty
blinding ourselves from what we even could have loved
in honor to the essence of reality
we follow whatever convenience seems right
a come back or a fall down are too similar
same monster just another mask
denigration is just another vice

we judge so we can fill our empty sorrow
to pass the pain away
like anestesia for our sorrow
we denigrate the ones who fulfilled our mandate
we dishonor the ones who are not ashamed
deep inside we wish we would be like them
but they made it
and we are restrained

I could fly like the Phoenix I'm supposed to be,
At cloud height, Cloud Nine, see everything
Were it not for the ropes that hold me down
Were it not for the bloodlust, torturous sounds
Were it not for the voices in my head
That sometimes make me wish I were dead

And maybe if I wasn't so critical
Or perhaps just a little less hypocritical
Were it not for the need to be OCPD
Straighten everything, as straight as can be

Checking my back because I'm paranoid,
That someone will appear, push me in the void
And I would swirl and spin, forever trapped
With all lights off, and no time to clap

That I would be that man, the one in black
Who would self-indulge in a self-aimed attack
Who would one day slit an artery, and just lay there
And with open eyes, unseeing, continue to stare

Glaring at the world that held him down
Glaring at the grey sky that never helped him out
Angry in death at those who tormented him, bullies
Maybe I could fly were it not for these,

Things

demons lurking all around
listening to my every sound
This life of mine is all up hill
My beating heart should just be still
I want to rest in deaths embrace
Unbearable pain is written on my face
Demons dance with sweet repraise
watching with there steely gaze
They lick their lips without restrain
So eager to tast all my pain
That's steadily driving me insane