Caffeine
I cannot live with it
Nor
I cannot  with out it
For I turn into a troll
At the  strike
9 am

Yes I am goth
That doesn't makes me
The big-bad wolf
I am just trying
To live like everyone
Else
Despite my scary
Clothing and make-up
It's just that clothing
And makeup as well
Music ; it does not
Have baring
On how I act

I was given at age thirty
Many vision
Many messages
Of the world to come
The first the pandemic
The war in Ukraine
And something much worse
I was also sent to tour hell
As I went through with
The protection of an arch angel
I see that gory scenes of just 3 circle and 9 sub circles
And a poison desert
For the worst of humans

I never really noticed you for the simple fact that
That men grab at me all the time, when you do I
Thought you were one of them but…..I felt the
Love in your touch….. turn around and see you with your
Darkly and dangerous good looks  I want ed to talk to you
But I had to finish my dance after that I talked to you … you
Kiss me softly as well as well as your touch I still don’t know
Much about you.   But yet I loved  you being with me
Or love I thought was going to last that was until
You said that we could not I insisted to be with you
That drove you insane, the idea of being with me
Instead of you job
It hurt more than you strangling me
Why this betrayal of me
As I stilled loved you to the last breath

I am sorry
So so sorry
For what I did
But I am
Fearing that you
Will be unforgiving
Yet again
I am sorry
So so sorry
So so sorry
That I am getting fed up
With our ‘ship’
Is tanking
I am sorry
So so sorry
So so sorry
Beyond comprehension
For what I have done

I am the zombie flea
Left for dead
Resurrected by hope
As now pain
No fear
And astronomical
Strength physically
And emotionally
For I am half dead
From my beginnings
A zombie

As I feel asleep
After a stressful
Coffee feel day
I find that I see mushroom clouds in the distance
An omen of
What is  going on
This impending war
This impending hatred towards our fellow man
This empending genocide
This I will not stand for
I have has these prophecies
Of this
Since age 14
Now it 13 years later
Or so i still
Receive
Mushroom clouds in the distance
Like evil psychedelic shrooms that
Are from hell!
What we need is more security
More love for each other

And so this person complains to
My video about how they hate
Mentally Ill people
I was floored as I saw my
Soul poor out of me
I was amusing my self with
Music
Actual music but then  comment
Remains
Causing me  to think am I
The only one with a brain
Lord only knows what crap the listen
To

As I tried to sleep
The full moon is saying
Never more
Quoth the moon
As I have a nightmare
…..nevermore
When I have joyous thoughts
At night
Quoth the moon
….. Nevermore
When I sleep a stressful day away
Quoth the moon
……Nevermore!!!

Dear 14 year old me
You were a strong and still strong
Human being
Who still has integrity
In her heart
The way I see
You had to
Hide you dreams
For survival and I don’t blame you on that
It would have been a horrific
Fate if you were still
Like a peacock 🦚
But not you can show your feathers
In a safe place
You don’t have to fear torture
If you want you can do 50 pull up if you want
Now show your brilliance and shine

I was five and she was six
We rode on horses made of sticks
She wore black and I wore white
She would always win the fight

Bang bang, she shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my friend shot me down

Seasons came and changed the time
When I grew up I tried to forgive
She would always laugh and say
Remember when we used to play

Bang bang, I shot you down
Bang bang, you hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, I used to shoot you down

Music played and people sang
Just for me the church bells rang

Now she’s betrayed me I don't know why
Until this day, sometimes I cry
She didn't even say why
She didn't take the time to lie

Bang bang, she shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my friend shot me crushed my dreams

As I walk around 

I see that there in 

A crack of cement 

Is a plant growing

As I find that the plant is struggling 

I water it

And help it grow 

Soon there are buds on the plant

A flower




It’s a poppy

Doing the impossible

As I sit
And write this poem
The full moon
Of yesterday Is cutting
Through the darkness
Like a a disc
This is
My comfort

The most brave thing
You must do in the day
Is to wake up and face it!

The moon
Casts a light on
All my darkest secrets
That I am afraid will come to light
Th secret that I was brilliant at one point
The fact that I was full of promise but was snubbed out
By a-hole bullied who made fun of me
She shot me down
Bang bang
My friend shot  me down
Bang bang
Bang bang
I my friend shot meme down

The first time we kissed
My heart awas a wash with
Adrenaline and love something I did
Not understand for my first 23 years
On this planet.  As you caressed me
All over my body I want to be with
You and only you.  But you were
Married to you job.  My love
For you was forbidden, how I
Wanted with you  for my self
But can I …..

The thing I
Love about shovelling
Snow is seeing
It spark and fall in
The sun light
As it glimmers
I love to see the snow fall
Heavily and gracefully in the
Evening
Snow is annoying
But it’s beautiful

As  Lisa falls asleep
She feels her soul leave her body
As it shoots to the moon
Alas she is alive
She is now on the moon
This happened 200 year ago
Long before the thought of astral projection
And to this day you see her
Face blend in the craters of the moon

What is goth
But certainly not Machiavellian
Narcissist nor psychopathic
But yet it is the creative
Unique
And beautiful
Think about that
Before you judge a book by its cover

I am multi coloured
As in multiethnic
For I am arab,
Chechen, Roma,
And central Asian
Himalayan and Uighur
But that has been me since
I always all over the ****
      M
                       A
  P
That is my DNA
Hence I am multicoloured

Snow falling down
It bring beautiful
Peace to the world
Blanketing ti to  make
It sparkle and joyous

Full-moon light
Can create
Frightening and
Disturbing shadows that seem
To shape-shifting at a wim
As I walk the halls to get the bathroom
The full-moon exposes
The darkness of the corners
But yet the corners of our minds too
As I see these shape shifting
Shadows turn from evil
To horrific
I wish I stayed in my room

There are memories that I have
Some I like some I would rather
Forget.  But the ones I want to remember
That make me. ….me !  Are the a
T
  A
       M
            O
                G
                    O
                        T
                           C
                               H
                                    I
Fall leaves as my niece and nephew played in them
The sight of a jack o lantern
These are the memories that made me
This is my brain finger print of the past
Now
O
      N
To the future

I thought I found love but
Only found my self  dead
On a hotel bed in a ******
Hotel room,
Murderer was the
One who I thought loved
Then I wake up in my own bed room
It’s 2024 and I am safe I think I am
But I am not sure
Memories of a past reincarnation

I might not be FBI
But I do know and see
Evil when the zit pops up
As I see the same zit of evil
I see a constellation of behaviour
That is unique to the person
But I have seen to much evil in
My life
You can not fool me
You can not call me heartless
If I smell the stink of evil

When the sun shines
On this rare stone
Three rays crossing
Each other
Come out on the stone
As we see the three
Rays
It’s a  sign of hope
Peace and faith
I don’t know what a black star
Sapphire is that
Of happiness for it
Wards off the Grimm moods

The spectres of the past 

That haunt me 

Causing me extreme pain that 

I feel I can not handle 

At the moment 

But I know I 

Will oust these ghosts

From my life

Not the other way around

Apparently titanium
is good for healing piercings
But what about the human soul?
Apparently titanium is better than surgical steel
But what about the human psyche?
Have we lost too much of our human psyche and soul as it is
I think the world needs more titanium to heal!

When I think of the book box
I think if not just material
Items.  But things that give you
Joy and happiness as well as
Intelligence.    To be honest
When I crack open the fruits of
This box!  I see that I am smiling
As I am learning
And being happy
Visit one of these box’s one day
I swear you won’t regret it

This I would read
As it was up to my speed
At recess while the other kids were
Beating eachother up
And torment one and other
While I was when one the beaten
And tormented
I took to studying law
During recess in
Avoidance of the bullies
This.... this was
My mother's idea

Stacking is fun when stacking
A bunch of septum rings
To make your nose look
Cute
But that is just me
I hate fitting in
Though I would thousands of
Years ago

Hello Elena how are you doing
I must say that those idiots got to you
As you are not FBI as I hoped to be
But instead an artist and writer
Bold choice!  This right now is the pits for
Me.   School they don’t accept me and they
Make me look crazy! Instead of someone
Who wants to make a difference.   Can you try
To be a polygraph examiner, but I you want to
Be creative I understand as that the bullying is intense.
You say it will get better, I hope it will
I am writing this as I am crying my self to sleep
I believe it will get worse before it gets if any better
So many psychopaths that I have to deal with
It is sai to be honest.   Will I ever have friends
Or will I disappear!    I hope I don’t, please learn
From me!

Me as a fourteen y/o

Why write about love when you are still
Healing from
It’s attrocities
Why write about love when you are still
Hurting from the abuse
Why write about love when you are still
Alive
For romantic love makes
Our heart exsanguinate*


* it a medical team for bleed out

As I see the Christmas
Tree, with all the lights
On it
I see many psychedelic
Colours
Colours I love to
See
Every year
Why do people do drugs
When the can get high
Off life!
As I see the Christmas light
Blue
I feel an new!

I might not seem like the mild
Mannered person
But be quite on with you
I look like a total
Sociopath
But really if
You by pass
The rough exterior
You will find light triad traits
As well as I kind soul
That is me
What you see sometimes isn’t what you
Get!

So I was shoveling snow
For no more then money
Oh no the snow!  But I was
Able to see and hear
The kid screaming with glee
As the re was a fresh snow fall
That shovelling session payed
More then just money
But joy and glee too

As I bump my head and thought I was going to have a
Concussion but that concussion
Turned into spilled brain rot

What would happen
If I were
To strap my heart
To a polygraph test
Would it stay true for you
Would it just lie to me again

I am a ginger not the drink
But I am who i am
Take it out leave it
But this I will say
That you will pay the price for
You abscennce and abuse
By having my snap
Oh ginger snapps
Oh ginger snapps
But it will be justified
For who you treated me

As I walk down a rainy street
I see what looked like origami boats
Floating


Float float float
Until the boats
Reach the singularity
That is the storm drain


We all float, we all
Float down
And down we go!

One persons can be called crazy
For their observations on society
When other people conform to
It
At the risk of selling their souls

I am at the zenith
Of my
A
    N
        G
           E
              R


I am at the zenith
Of my
E
    M
          O
               T
                   I
                       O
                            N
                                 S

And why
                       D
                     O
                    P
                  E
                O
             P
           L
        E
Act like unsubs

As I am  writing in my diary
I talk about the strange dark
And wonderful
But that might just be
For a dream journal
As I am writing in my diary
I see that I am dissociating
From reality
The reality that is oppressive
As I  am writing in my diary
I am writing the final chapter to my memoir
Thus far

Oh hell
That is a strong way
Start the day nothing
Good come from anything
That’s stars with hell
So say you
Flip the script

I walk the streets
Looking for friends
I walk the streets in
The middle of the night
As I am in search of
Of friend life forms
But only to
Be met with hate
Only to be ridiculed
Only to be
Forced to fit in

February baby
Amythest baby
For our stone
Means intelligent
And wisdom
But they also calm
And help others sleep
It’s strange to be an amythest
Baby

Spilled ink
Isn’t about tattoos but it is
About pain and emotion
The feeling that get spilled
In the creative process
But will be a pain to
Repair that is spilled ink
When you  put your heart
In everything

The memories I had of my father are
The following as I look at the night sky
And the Big Dipper, I remember my father
Teaching me about the constellations,
Planets and other things in the night sky
As I read a book I remember him
Teaching me  to read though Stephen King’s
The stand, and goosebumps
As I watch tv or a movie
I remember him teaching me
About the appreciation of the
Performing arts
This are lessons I will never forget
As he is in the spirit world!
Thank you Peter Melanson

28 years old
I tried modeling by accident
Thought it would be good
But it was more food for
Thought
As the poses good more ****
The consequences of those poses
We’re too
Where did
                  Your brain
                                     Go to?

The coyotes
They shapeshift
In the Night
When there is no
Moon you can hear the
Yipping and yapping
Looking for food
Pure protein
Is only good for them
So they can change form