Sometimes I am scared to write those words
I hear in dark clouds hiding
Fear and restlessness are blinding
Stuck within my heart a universe
Of thoughts, a truth, a curse,
A worry and 1001 catastrophic stories,
Images of events that have never taken place,
Fake but seem real, I believe it still...
Once again I gave in,
Drowning I found myself in painful thoughts,
Scratching my chest under my skin,
Heaviness spreads it's poisonous roots...
What does surrender even mean
If not to write a poem?
I keep on observing the within,
I hope to find answers therein...

Now I understand how relationships oftentimes made me stop progressing and growing. I tried to stay the same deliberately because I was afraid they would stop loving me if I changed.

All people are equal. Are people. Are equal.

The drama in my head comes and goes.

Nobody knows
Nobody understands
And that's alright
That's alright
That's alright
That's alright

Snap back to reality,
Snapping out of it
Breath in
Breath out
You're not alone with it
Let's conquer
Let's wake up
Let's become
Present again,
I know we're capable,
I will support you till the very end.

I love you.

It's ok to feel discomfort in the body.

It seems like the hardest thing.
That's why I need to try it
It seems like the hardest thing ever done
That's why I need to try it

Burning
Yearning
In my heart
It's deserving
To be heard.
Body's whispers
Become screams.
Thought streams,
Where are their hot springs?
Body-mind connection
Currently a hurtful interaction,
Heaviness inside.
Whether the mind's full or empty-
Hard to tell,
The spiral repeats,
Energy depletes,

As if under a
Spell,
Leaving the body
A heavy but empty,
A burning but cold,
A lifeless but longing
A hard but soft
Shell.

The uncomfortable can be real icky at times. Don't forget that it's just a feeling.

It's just a feeling.

It won't stay forever.

Let us infuse this day
With gratitude awareness, hey
Let us infuse this day
With gratitude awareness, hey...

You're not behind. You're on your own unique path. Trust your journey.

Even the smallest warm interaction with other people counts.

Experiences can be beautiful, fun, uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing at the same time.

Life takes me places I need to go.
I am exactly where I need to be.

I deserve all the love I get.

Feeling
Like
I can't
Express
Enough
What
A
Blessing
You
Are,
How much
Wisdom you
Carry.
How I feel
Seen and loved,
And I want us
To marry...

I've been wasting energy in various ways.
Especially in certain thought patterns and internal fights in my mind.

Every stepping stone
With you, with us
Counts for me,
Does build trust

Slowly I believe in more,
Want to take in all of you
With my heart and soul
I feel safe with you, I do,

But out there the non existent dangers,
Created by my mind,
Are threatening enough,
To make many small accomplishments
Difficult and tough.

So I celebrate,
Every stepping stone,
With you by my side,
I believe even more,
I not only believe but I'm actually implementing,
What I learned all those years in pain and desperation.

The insecurity within me worries,
What If I'm just projecting some stories,
Onto you,
Putting my hope and soul in you,
Afraid to fall and shatter at some point...
But STOP
I need to let go of this voice.

Futile is the harming action in our minds,
It brings dissatisfaction, makes us blind,
It makes us lost and our potential fading...

But I believe in light within our hearts.

The symphony of empty spaces
Is filled with heaviness
It's happening
That often my heart races
Isn't it obvious?

My shoulders are shrugged-frozen
I'm feeling vulnerably-naked
My body's saturated by
Insecurity, it's shaking
Constantly
Making me believe
I was not enough
To truly live and love

Yesterday rediscovered
Where these feelings come from
Their roots were uncovered
In my childhood home

In those early years
Reoccurring fears
To lose a loved one..

Now, what happened back then
Is obviously over,
But my body still plays pretend,
As if those times would never end...

It seems as though I was stuck in those feelings forever,
Trying to fit in the modern world feels like a futile marathon,
Never quite reaching any destination,
My path can only lead me to obliteration...

The only question left is - can I handle this?
If I do have enough determination..
Cause to escape the abyss,
I will have to learn to fly,
This question is not one of a lifetime,
The action happens in the present moment by decision...
I shall embrace every feelings-collision.

Don't really know what I'm feeling
I'm probably feeling too much
Don't know why I feel so lonely
When every day I get your touch
Don't know why I feel numb
Numbing is a strategy
Thoughts these day get so tough
Having a heavy melody

Destiny of our souls?
Where is it written, show me,
My mind is desperate to know,
Where all this is gonna lead me
I am not ready yet
To give up on every dream
I know I keep steady
In times like these
I'm moving slowly

But with connected hearts
Art is not a real choice
It's a remedy
The only place that restores
My inner voice and my integrity

Does that mean I lack authenticity?
Maybe, out of necessity?
Maybe it's my conditioned brain,
Always wired to simply be afraid.
I've let confusion lead the way
In many of my decisions,
I've let anxiety lead me astray,
Make me lose goals and precision.

Now I am here and typing
Words in my phone from
The heart.
And I rejuvenate my core,
Feeling it's warmth,
Health being restored,
Every tiny step counts...

There's no way this depression
Will feed itself off of me.

The path is within.

I am not this emotion
In the wide and deep ocean
I am not this emotion, at all

I am not this emotion
In the wide and deep ocean
I am not this emotion, at all

I am not this emotion
In the wide and deep ocean
I am not this emotion, at all, at all, at all...

I wish I could sleep next to you right now
I miss how your body feels next to mine
I miss how you're holding me,
Putting your arms around,
And how you fall asleep faster than I.

Rationalizing impulses
until I am overanalyzing
which is paralyzing
and leads to desensitizing,
So realizing
this is truly agonizing,
Which is not surprising.

The present moment is my guiding light.

I love the vibes you give me
I love your many sides
I love how we barely know each other
And we already fight for one another

I love how this feels very new
I love my insights about me and you
I love how I am ready to let go
I love our relationship-flow

I reject fears, insecurities, too many thoughts,
I reflect sometimes, putting feelings into words,
I know we both know how deeply disappointment hurts,
So we're afraid to lead each other astray

But at the same time, we're so curious,
How far can we come,
We want to believe in us,
Because you know, nobody knows...

Is it delirious for us to find our way?
Isn't it obvious that we would love to stay together?
All the obstacles, if we keep believing, will they even matter?
All the opposition that comes and hurts,
It's only words.

Nobody can tear us apart but our fears,
And trying to control is the best way to lose all,
Floating, trusting, warming, lusting, dancing, in smiles,
Loving, time flies,
This is the way,
Now is the state,
And if we're meant to....
Then you know, we will stay.

<3

We are worthy. We are capable. We are loved.

Especially when we're sick and tired or when we feel like laying in bed all day. Or when we actually do nothing the whole day. I want to remind us that this doesn't mean we're not productive, not capable or not worthy.

We're still as worthy as before, we're still as loved as before. It's just that our bodies and minds need to rest.
We actually need to rest regularly, but sometimes we forget that.

Now that I am sick I realized that and it's a relief to be there for myself although I feel so unproductive. I am loved. And you are, too. No matter what you're doing or not doing.

Oh how this voice talks to me
Shredding me to pieces
It's abusing me
And I used to believe it

Sad but now I see
How this voice is abusing me
Finally I know
It's not true at all

All the things it says
It wants to possess
I will stop believing
All the messages I am receiving

It's beyond oblivious
How damaging
It's obvious
The strategy

I am a good manager
Of my internal landscape
My thoughts are nothing but clouds
But I am the Earth.
They pass by, I know why,
But I don't worry at all
I am strong, and
I'm loved to my core.

I don't know how to put this into words
It's about losing fear of emotions,
I just learned and discovered a technique,
It may sound simple yet be unique,

Instead of losing oneself in emotion,
Acknowledging them,
Then change focus with caution,
And put it on your body's landscape,
This may sound as an escape,

But it is not, it's an attention-shift,
We focus ourselves instead of drift,
We bring our attention to the now,
It keeps us present and this is how
We can acknowledge and allow,
Any emotion that comes up,

Perceive what happens in your body,
Can be as simple as your breath,
If we practice being present,
Emotions will stop being a threat.

Goodnight, my love
Don't worry..
You are enough
You're brilliant
You're more
Than what you know
You change,
You come and go,
You leave a trace behind,
You impact the whole world,
You do matter
Just as you are
Keep breathing,
Loving,
Living
Now.

As I am going to sleep
I appreciate you once again
Just have this need
To say goodnight
And that everything is gonna be alright
I know,
I can just tell that to myself.
And I will.
You are loved and you're missed here still.

Without your arms
Sometimes I'm lonely ,
Without your lips
My lips get dry,
Without your eyes
I'm feeling cold.

Without your sighs,
Without your voice,
I just hear silent noise..

My thoughts are rebels
Without you,
My words feel meaningless
Because just yesterday
You have slept in my room
And now all that I see is
Emptiness and lack of you.

Going to sleep
I miss you so much next to me
Because this is where you are meant to be.

This moment is everything there is.

I take my time.
I trust myself.
I trust my intuition.
All of me is welcome.

I am not the one who thinks. I am the one who perceives.

I stand by what I say. I am building my way.

Let's take a mindful walk and reset our mindset.

It is safe to stay connected to my body in the presence of another person.

Each moment of awareness and of being present counts.

Cause it's right where we are
Right where we stand
Right where we are
Until the end
Until the end
Until the end...

What eventually counts is not how much somebody loves me but how much I can love myself.

One simple thought
Igniting a wildfire
One match that turns
A whole world upside down
We can pretend that it's not there
It will burn deeper
Cause it doesn't care
A domino effect
That's hard to stop
It's a blind spot
No way to grasp it,
Change it,
Make it disappear...
The more we fight,
The stronger it'll persevere,
The more alive it is,
Contagious pain
And identification
Will keep on breaking trust
And sending us
Into a black hole
Of intoxication.

I am capable of making healthy choices for myself.

CHANGE in feelings and life's circumstances is natural.