Shutting idea?
Mystery it may seem
for how long will it dim?
May be,
until we find
something more to it
to rekindle out of spring!

With all the insight
I find no way out
to become whole so soon
but to wait
for the
blue moon
to shine upon 'us'
to find 'us' to bloom..

There's no plan
should I wait or leave?
The quest continues..
Are we not
worth being
together?
                                finding
         ­                                          &
                                                                ­     fixing

me
                &
                             you

                                                          pi­ece
                                                             ­                by
                                                              ­                                    piece...
Solving
                         the
                                                puzzle

to make 'us'
whole

       on
                     the
                                    way
                     ­                                 back
                           ­                                          to
                                                              ­                     our
                                                             ­                                                home.....

There are splashes of brush strokes
Amidst the clouds in the sky
envisioned as heavenly glory.
Painted in numerous colorful reunion
with blue, orange and crimson
the clouds and the ray of the sun
Dancing without any reason!

Sleep comes over to sleep
Leaving me empty & alone
And it keeps snoring
Happily as I have known!

I look at it
And demand
Please sleep,
Let me sleep
with be you
And be at peace.

It declines,
Leaving me
Empty hearted
I cling, I drown,
I silently cry out
HELP!
Someone
help me please!

I see only pills
I drank them
Gulping with water.

I knew
I was drowning
Untill
I found the sleeping pill
To rescue me
From the devil inside
Me!

Deep in slumber
these days
cannot open my eyes
dreaming sometimes
of what I do not recall
But slumber heals me
from within
I do not forget when awake
but helps me to smile again
with a new sign of freshness.

With the blow of the lovely wind
The leaves of the fall
.
.
.
One
after
the other
keeps falling quietly
beyond their control.
Yet they never complain
Rather keeps
Rejuvenating & healing
Finding solace from within.

Somebody
Not known
But turned
Into
special being
With each
passing day
It seemed!

Night walks
Laughter
Holding hands
Accompanied by
tight hugs. .
All washed away.

Now remains of it,
haunts me.
How to fix myself?
It's too haunting
for me to overcome
And
all of a sudden,
All the conversation
& laughter
lost in silence!

*And I am
Nobody to you
all over again!

I came across a line today -

"There are seven days in the week,
and “someday” isn’t one of them."

So true,
for a clue
to live life again!


I wanted to keep myself healthy, but I say, from
someday I would start exercising and eat healthy.

Everyday I think, I would create art, more often
but postpone it to someday to make it happen.

I wanted to ride a bike but I keep saying
someday I would learn how to ride.

I wanted to express my love to someone
but my hearts say - someday,
I would express my love all over again.

I wanted to read as many books as possible.
but brain says, someday I would read it all.

I wanted to buy clothes which would
suit my character at best,
but I say, money isn't enough so someday
I would earn it so as to afford it.

I wanted to travel more often
but I keep saying to myself,
This time is not right, someday I would.

I have lost most of my friends
and I don't know whether they were
friends or foe in real.
But I keep saying someday
I might see them again.

*And Someday never happens
make it happen today itself..

Sometimes
Falling down
everything
Going wrong
Breaking up
Getting rejected
Getting ignored
Feeling it's the end
Of life!

And taking
a step backwards
Gives a new perspective
Of what I need
and what I deserve!

After shattering
into pieces
I will take
piece by piece
To fix myself
Pieces valuable
Pieces to be removed
To fresh start
all over again.

Finding a way home
To my own
I went every where
Here and there
In search of me
And my soul.
But found none
So returned back home.

Disheartened I was,
But saw some people
who went nowhere
But found themselves
and their soul
In a place called
Their own home.

leaving
into the woods
kind of
soul searching
expedition

suddenly
mind speaks up -
Are you sure you will
find your soul over me?

Tu durr gaya to Kya
Mere rooh me
Tu basa hai..

Pata nahi
kab wapas aayega
Par mere har Rastey par,
har mod par
Tu hai...

Insaan alag hai
Par Meri ankhe
humesha tujhe
dhundti hai..

Pata to nahi sapne
Haqikat me
badalte hai ya nahi..

Par ab sapne me
hi jeena thoda
Sikh liya hai..

Tujhe dekhne ki
aadat hai Hume
Aadat to
chhutne sey Raha..

Ab tujhko
khudme pane ka
aadat hume
lag chuka hai..


English Translation-

So what?
You are away
But you reside within
My soul..

I don't know yet
When you will come back
But in every path
In every crossing
You are there
To accompany me..

People are different
Yet my eyes
seek for
only you..

I do not know
Whether dreams
come true?

But now
I have learnt to
Jump into the pool
Of my dreams
With you..

To see you
Has become
one of my habit
Which will
Neither leave..

Now
you are rooted
within me,
Has become
My best habit
of all times!

I heard a story,
A story where a amputee person was trying to reach the peak of Mt. Everest.
Tried in every way but
Mid way was hospitalized.

His friend who was accompanying
Reached the peak
and later came to meet him.
Didn't bring a Garland or fruits
Rather gave him two stones.

He was stunned
And thanked him.
But he said,
I brought it for you
from the peak
It's for you to keep it
back to where it belongs!

A friend, sparking the energy
And after 3-4 attempts,
he did it
Reaching to the peak
And keeping back the two stones
To where it belonged!

A sister
always near & dear
what special to give you
on your special day?

You live your life
with minimalist vision.
Materials were never
in your cart,
rather love & care
was worthy enough
for your part.

A special being you are
Supporting all of us
How to ever return back
The love and care
Which you keep on
giving us?

A possession your have
a shimmering jewel of heart,
only to be cherished
as a form of art.

Unexpected feast with friends
in a swing table
which moves to and fro
we 3 eat, laugh and crack jokes
for no reason at all!

We went with the flow
to sail our boats
into the sea of hopes
laughing a bit more
to seek nothing
but got everything
in a plate,
full of spicy happiness
to rejoice.*

02-06-2017

Thought of Spring cleaning tonight
took out everything which was
closed in my closet..
started segregating into
necessary, unnecessary
and for later use again..
And all these seemed
too much of work..
as with every piece of thing,
I had my emotions attached!
But suddenly a thought arose..
why not all seasons cleaning
for a mind?

I have stopped, stopping by
for the people all around.
Its me now in this lonely world
but with less of me in this soul.

Yes, I have stopped waiting
long enough that my heart has burnt all across
I have nothing more to win or to lose..

Just me,
my work
with the
ashes of my dreams.

Storms define people
whether they stay or leave.
A stormy & rainy night
what I see?
either people unite
to help
or disappear
to never to find again!

Flowers of each color
Symbolizing emotions
In blooming pattern.
Bloom in each color
Every now and then
Flowers playing
the role within us.
Showing us
how we need to change
From yellow to red
then to white,
later to pink
all of a sudden!
A perception of change
with colorful entity each time.
Pick any color for yourself
And enjoy the free flowing drizzle
Of a colorful life!

I will not let you be my part
1, 2,3 and several others
I will keep overcoming
One after the other.

Each one I choose a fear,
and me in my cocoon
ready to break free all the barriers!
To let myself live
and
to undo all
my fears!!

I wondered how the moon
Was superbly beautiful.
Taking chances to climb up high
And more higher than usual reach,
Just to admire it more than ever.

I spoke with a girl of age 8,
Explaining her about the supermoon
She asked supermoon?
After understanding it
She said wait, wait.
Let's go to the terrace
And admire it together.

Wondering what's a dream actually?
whether it is something to be fulfilled
or leave as it is?
To dream a dream of an unreal dream
and not to make it real at all..
A surreal reality quietly enriches from within..
just like a bud blooms into the nature
without getting plucked by...
rather concealing the beauty of it as a dream
only to be a dream!

How sweet can a disturbance be?
It lingers in your mind & heart,
Crawls back to you with a puppy face for a while..
hugs you for quite a nice time
laughs with you until its over-brim!
Eat with you, walks with you
does all the stupid things with you
making no sense at all
yet, adding memories of sweetness out of all!
But after a while chokes you
as you start missing everything all over again!

Sweetly you write it out
through your heart
which is tender beneath
the bed of stone, uncut..
rough and tough you may show
but you possess a heart of Gold!

25 April, 2017

A sweet tender moment of jealousy
should I take it with a pinch of salt or honey?
May it be honey mixed with jealousy
but ironically, it's funny
how jealousy is
tasting more like sweet
than bitter
completely opposite
to its nature
a little bit of jealousy
with a lot more understanding of
love <3

What happens when
creativity takes a back seat
And management comes in between
Guiding, coordinating,
briefings, reviews
and too many meetings
With the team!

Creativity dries up
Remaining only
My team!
They work, I coordinate
They get appreciation
And I remain the head!

Questioning all of it
Do I want to be the head
Or just be more creative
As an individual aspect?

Missing you
In bits and pieces
Wholly would
like to miss you
More than this.

May be someday!

The essence of festivities all around
And the ray of hope
lit in our eyes
Few more days
And it begins.

Festival will come, once again
New attires, new hopes
shining in bright light.
Mother Goddess arrives,
to heal our mind.

9th and 10th day left
With good wishes all around
When Goddess Durga arrives
Returns back our smiles
And heart fills up with happiness.

With the arrival of Goddess Durga
Take back the past
Take back our past love
Take back everything
Which no longer belongs to us
And make us anew.

Written originally in Bengali-

Pujo pujo gondho
Amader sobar chokhe aalo
Kichu din aaro
Tarpor pujo aarombho.

Pujo aashbe, abar aasbey
Notun kapor, notun aaloker dhaara
Maa elo abar,
Mon k saariye deoyar jonno.

Nobomi r dashmi baki
Preeti o Shubhechha
Maa-r aagomone
Firbe abar haashi
Mon bhore Khushi

Elo Maa Durga
Aager din er kotha
Aager prem
Sob firiye nao
Amader notun kore dao.

I've been in sickness
For over a week now
Desolated from all -
Near and dear ones
To count upon.
Nobody to hold me
before I fall!

But the moment
I reached home
A spark of hope
rekindled from within.
An unspoken feeling
Spoken out loud -
Don't worry
You will be fine
You are at home.

The moment I had to call you as my 'ex',
It  ripped me off from inside!
I am trying hard to either forget you or keep you close to my heart.
Why is that my heart still wants to revolve around you?
Everyday I wake up,
I need you more than ever,
I need you so much that I have created an imaginative You,
Who never leaves me to go away,
I do everything so as to be with you,
If not in reality but as an illusion.
I understand we cannot call anybody ours,
But to be without you,
Where I have loved you more and more,
I can't get you off my soul!
I wish I didn't feel so much
And I know very well
You would never understand
How much it still hurts!

Why do I choose darkness over light?
Is it that my brain is wired like that?
Is there actually so called darkness as my mind serves.
why is that my thoughts preoccupies over my mind and heart.
I see, hear nothing but a cry.
I have forgotten what happiness is as the days passes by,
And I'm entangled with my thoughts deserted not to be seen or heard.
At the end I isolate myself so that no one finds me!
Its enough for now, me and my thoughts
please choose different pathways
Its hard for me to be like that
crying out for help but in silence!

In one side when depressed
Pressing the blankets
Holding tight to oneself
And crying harder than ever
As if the sky has fallen
And no escape anywhere to be seen.
Days and nights passes by
Sometimes, months and years too.

But then, there are days
When I just got used to it
Waking up in the morning
and getting out of bed
is still as difficult as earlier.
But still,
I wake up
In the hope to see some light.
I go out, see the whole world busy,
running around on a Saturday morning
Each of them being a sportsperson
And playing every other sports outside
Basketball, football, cricket and so on. I suppose every one is alone in this world,
Just like me!
But they chose differently to be,
They keep themselves busy under the blanket of their passion
Time is fleeting by anyways,
No wonder we can hold on to it.
So why not chose a passion
And throw the blanket away
And move on with life
With each of our incomplete passion
To fill our emptiness from within!

How do I make it better
How do I contribute in my own way?
How do I craft my creativity
To be someone of help.

My ways might be different
But how do I help
How do I actually fulfill my living

There is more than just me
There is us
There are all
And 'I' is just as small
In the ocean to be filled!

Let's be honest
There are always
Can't which takes the
Front, back and mid seat
Leaving not much space for can.

But let this can enter a bit
It's always fearful
To let the newness enter
But without it
It's of no adventure!

What to do when nobody around
To love you all the time
Or to give strength from behind?

What to do when the roads are
long enough at night,
And darkness all around
And nobody to hold hands by the side?

What to do when
Too much work at office
And no reason to come back home
No one awaiting to see you
after a day long.

What to do when nightmares
soaks you every night
Although weary body & mind
And no reason to be awake at night?

What to do when the friends
are nowhere around
To comfort you when needed the most
And the family is so far off.

Nothing to do
Rather drift apart
Divert from everything known
Seek nothing anymore
Only thing needed is
to rest and endure.

Why do I feel so much?
Good question...
I don't know why..
But I feel..that is how I am..
I tried not to feel anything
more than twice
but it is choking in both extremes..
To feel or not to feel at all...
is a dilemma to the extremes!

Fresh new night
and all fast asleep.
I step out my room
to meet my friend
like every other night.
we meet quite often but only at night.
Don't know what's inside
but we both love nights!

Walking through the empty dark roads
with less people around
we planned for a long drive
& rented a car.
We went along the roads unknown to us
& I wished it should be a never ending path!
And all of this brought back my smile!

As I seek & peek outside through the window of the car
with fast-paced movement of other cars.
No bright lights to be found across
but to feel all the beauty amidst the dark world of night.
Knowing not where I am or where I will be,
my ears enjoying the melody of the songs of yester-years.
and cherishing our unplanned plan.
A sudden burst of laughter in-between
cracking some jokes to disturb the stillness of night.
While passing through the highway,
mysteriously sweet feeling pierced through my heart.

It's just me & my friend into the road less taken.
from midnight it turned into 4(am)
but still wanted to keep going through the untrodden roads.
It was too late though so had to return back
treasuring the moments beneath the heart.
And wondering If I never had to put an end to this night!

Not everything can be captured through lenses,
not every beauty can been seen through the eyes
which we behold
Like, Moon beaming overhead,
peeping through the trees
but not a single snap can be captured to feel that beauty..
Those beautiful moments walking with you
down the roads empty and quiet yet uncaptured
but our laughter submerged through the stillness...
I captured nothing..but kept all our memories
safely into the locked up into my heart..
I wish nothing..no future,
but my friend Thank you for being there for me.
I'm enjoying & living the present moment with you
one day at a time.
And I believe, I am not wasting my time with you
rather I'm busy creating cherishing memories with you..

Went into the pool
To dip my head
Under the water
To break the
Disturbances
from within.

Dipped my head for
Few seconds
or minutes.

Couldn't tell the time
Except to feel the calmness
All across my body,
As if the time has paused,
Nothing mattered after that
Except the stillness underneath
And within!

Little that I know
that I was lost when
I could find no one around
To seek within me took lot of time
And the song that I listened too,
Over and over again
I came to know that
the singer had died.
It was shocking to me
When it came to light!

The tunnel seemed
unexpectedly too long
Expected to be patiently impatient
For the things I have never known.

Now I stand still
Let me know
Let me take the lead
And fear no more
Let me be me
To see how it goes
No more hestisation
Let me fall into the unknown ocean
And reveal it into splishes
and splashes
And enjoy the waves
As it goes!

Rubic cube taught me,
With full of unsorted colors
No matter we can sort or not
But it is still an unsorted beauty
Leaves it's impression to be how it is
Or how more it gets unsorted
with more variations of colors
Doesn't matter what happens next
That's how life goes on!

I ask nothing much...
but just wonder on my own
will I ever know you
as though you are real?
or we will be just gone
by sometime...
as an unreal real?

What happens
when you start feeling unwanted in your home?
A home which I thought
I could call mine.
The friends I thought
Would come along with me
But they come & go
As if they always wished
To leave.

Sometimes
I question myself
If I am so unwanted
They people leave
Whoever comes
close to me!

I'm tired,
tired of being alone,
Unwanted, unseen.
Better I stay away
Away from everyone.
Quiet all the time
How much more
Quiet everyone expects me
To be?

There are feelings
To be written
But when it looks like a force fit
It's better to be unwritten!

It's Valentine's week
And love is marching it's drill
Everywhere around
Love is in the air
Yes, I can see
But to feel-
I feel little less
Why there's no self love day?
To celebrate the love for oneself
That too so purely
Before giving a bite of ones love
For share!

You - floating
Me - drowning!!

You - floating..
keep floating
Me - out of it..

As the weekend marches,
deep down something crushes me inside
although I enjoy my company
but when I see other having fun
it somehow stabs me from behind.

No, I don't want to compare
it only makes me more of a fool,
as the weekend marches everybody seeks for themselves
Just to have one more sip of enjoyment!

We escaped in each other
Day in and day out
For weeks, months and year
Laughter full of suprises
Cracking of jokes
Never ending night walks
And long drives accompanying
The moonlight beans
We escaped in each other
So as to forget our past
To forget all the guilt
To forget all the baggage
Which we carry otherwise!

One fine day reality struck
And we fell off
Nowhere to escape
No commitments at all
No where to escape
No more returning back
No more crossing each other's path

No more
We cooled off
Now completely off!
No more laughter
No more jokes
No more walks
Only lonely paths
To explore within ourselves
And not each other!

Will I ever find you?
I do not chase now
I'm on my own
I left my desperation into the woods.
I am more of me, who stares to be still
quietly observing to its brim.

Will I ever find you darling?
To pour out my love but not too much
so as not to bore you out.
I would not empty myself to you
but to love you each day cautiously
one day at a time.

Will I actually find you ever?
You would grab me into your arms
and not leave me ever no matter how hard.
You would understand my poetry
and say nothing but give me love.
You would converse with me for hours
about art, poetry and new stuffs in life.
You would be angry and fight but holding me tight.

Oh! how I wish I could have found you by now
I just need your shoulder to cry.

Being a wildflower its not so easy as it may seem
its always unfit among all the weeds
and the beautiful flowers which leads..
Wildflower somewhere hidden
and never to be found ever again..
I wish the wildflower could bloom just for once
To feel all the feelings just for once
and never had to hide in solace!

Through the speedy ride
Onto the roads
The wind chills gushes
Through my hairs
Bringing out the tender smile
From within.