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Oct 14 · 27
Eternal
Cheyenne Oct 14
You stay sweet
You stay kind
You stay with me—your memory—
Entombed inside my mind

You wander out there now
As someone I have never known
I wonder if inside your head
The ghost of who I use to be
Also roams
Cheyenne Jan 2023
Listening to the steady rush
As winds blow in an evening hush
Hoping that it ushers in the rain

This place could use some moisture and
I could use a helping hand
In letting nostalgia lay its claim
Mar 2021 · 377
Never Gone
Cheyenne Mar 2021
It's in those slow and lazy moments
Spent inside my head
Scavenging for dopamine
That I find you instead

Scattered into tiny bits
Stashed deep within my mind
The pieces lay from yesterday
As if left for me to find
Feb 2021 · 1.3k
ignorance
Cheyenne Feb 2021
had I been older I'd've
probably'd've recognized
the hell in your eyes
but I mistook it for love

had I been wiser then
as I ought to have been
I'd've known the sin
of what'd been done
Feb 2021 · 428
Sea Glass
Cheyenne Feb 2021
Shattered
broken to bits
I tried to clean up
but I sliced my skin

Scattered
into the fray
I pushed them out
'til they all washed away

Weathered
time's funny like that
the edges have softened
and the waves washed them back

Remembered
as I walk along
colorful and harmless
pressed to my palm
Nov 2020 · 263
What you read is all I got
Cheyenne Nov 2020
I want to write
to feel all right.
I want to bare my soul.
But I fear I bared it all
a long, long time ago.

I want to write
to feel all right--
to not bear it all alone.
But I am crushed by all I've borne;
There's no more of me to know.
Oct 2020 · 991
Stormy Weather
Cheyenne Oct 2020
I'll be like the wetlands
I'll take the brunt
When the storm rolls in
Let the flood wash
across
my skin
I know how to survive being drowned
So I'll stand my ground
Jan 2020 · 373
Bullshit Declarations
Cheyenne Jan 2020
You profess to know me.
You profess to love me, too.
But you've never put in the time for either,
So I profess that neither's true.
Nov 2019 · 331
Lingering Insecurities
Cheyenne Nov 2019
Every time I swear I'm over it,
Something reminds me
I ain't over ****.
Nov 2019 · 201
Restless
Cheyenne Nov 2019
I wander,
I roam;
someplace far from home.
All on my own.

I ramble,
I wade
through rivers and lakes.
For my own sake.

I venture,
I seek,
though tired and meek,
for something complete.
Aug 2019 · 1.1k
Maladaptive Daydreamer
Cheyenne Aug 2019
I often dream of pretty things
with unhealthy fascination.
I often go where you can't follow,
craving isolation.
I haven't found a footing sound
in this here habitation.
So I find life's sweeter side
in my imagination.
Aug 2019 · 918
Devil I Know
Cheyenne Aug 2019
If I could be happy,
I'm sure I'd be happy with you.

But I've been crying my heart out
for so long now,
I don't know how not to.
Aug 2019 · 299
Abstractions
Cheyenne Aug 2019
You keep dreaming of
The idea of love
You read it, you weep it--endlessly seeking
But it's falsehoods that breed it
No wonder it's fleeting

And as it goes
In the madness you wallow
The empty, the still: a hard pill to swallow
With only the night to hold you tight
Nothing but wind caressing your skin

You want the man on the page
To love the girl in the mirror
You want the tears on your face
To purge, to erase
And make the flaws disappear

And it's not long before
You're falling once more
Can't find arms to embrace you
Nor lips to kiss you
And until mortals can soothe you
These abstractions must do

They're not but distractions
But they're all that fate has granted you
Jul 2018 · 326
Festering
Cheyenne Jul 2018
I see the madness
Festering inside
I watch it unfolding
From where I reside
Not quite within
But not without
Just barely and torridly
Floating about

If I remain here
I'll be eaten alive
But if I flee
It'll eat me up inside
Jun 2018 · 364
Paranoia
Cheyenne Jun 2018
I don’t want to have this conversation
I don’t want to feel this pain
I don’t want to think about it
But I do, all the same

It's floating near the surface
Always just within my reach
And I’m slipping—nearly drowning
'Cause I’ll probably never breach

I let it consume me
Every single time
Because, as you have shown me,
I have a past where it wasn’t all in my mind
Dec 2017 · 437
Better One of Two
Cheyenne Dec 2017
It feels like maybe I'm not best for you
I keep getting the best of you
I know you've been thinkin' it's time to get on and move
You're worried about me--that's sweet--I'm worried too
But sometimes you've got to do
What's best for you
Dec 2017 · 997
Mental Health Day
Cheyenne Dec 2017
Tried to beat it
But I couldn't
Tried to hide it
But it wouldn't stay in the corner
Where I put it
So now I hide myself
Nov 2017 · 1.5k
Lost in Translation
Cheyenne Nov 2017
I can't shake it--think I've been
Lost in translation.

Words aren't enough right now
Maybe they never were.

I go and try to put it down--to speak out loud--
Something's being left out.

All this rephrasing
It is so caging
That's not what I meant
You're getting in my head

I can't speak.
Stumbling over my words

Can't think.

And then they don't understand--
and that hurts

This can't be it--that's not it
The words--the terms--nothing fits.

It makes more sense when I'm silent.
Nov 2017 · 343
Time to Go
Cheyenne Nov 2017
This is my
This is my
Nightmare
This is your
This is your
Dream
We're not seeing eye to eye
I think it's time to say goodbye
Just need to figure out how to leave
Sep 2017 · 2.4k
Traumatic
Cheyenne Sep 2017
Something isn't right
I can taste it on your lips
Feel the tremor through my fingers
Resting on your hips

You are scared of me
Scared what I can do
Someone else has hurt you
Now you're scared I'll hurt you too
Mar 2017 · 624
When I Slip
Cheyenne Mar 2017
I can't explain what it's about
I'm scared to death irrationally
But reason will not rescue me
There's no fighting this anxiety
I just need to wait it out
Feb 2017 · 844
Word Vomit
Cheyenne Feb 2017
Catch me in catastrophe
Tossed in turbulent debris
Dangling so dangerously
Forgetting how to flee
Feb 2017 · 1.0k
White Coat
Cheyenne Feb 2017
I measure myself
Just as you taught me:
I press against walls
So that they can mark me;
I stand next to others
And look up or look down;
I stare at reflections
Until imperfections are found.
I measure and measure,
I poke and I ****--
Until that which is measured
Is depleted and gone.
Dec 2016 · 1.0k
At the Intersection
Cheyenne Dec 2016
These buses sound like dinosaurs
With screeching brakes and engine roars
Dec 2016 · 844
One Dimensional
Cheyenne Dec 2016
Tracing constellations,
Across a dark abyss
A simple line, 'cross space and time
Making sense of rifts

A twinkle in our pupils:
Ancient light well traveled
But while we gaze through earthly haze
The universe unravels
Nov 2016 · 506
Catching Up
Cheyenne Nov 2016
If we run
If we run
Then we might make it in time
If we're late we'll be forgiven
But if we miss it that's all right
Because tomorrow is another day
And at least today we tried
So won't you run
Won't you run
Won't you run with me tonight
Nov 2016 · 1.3k
Your Better Half
Cheyenne Nov 2016
You swear your glass to be half empty.
When I contradict, you refute.
So I'll poor my half into yours
And end this dispute.
Sep 2016 · 721
an autumn adieu
Cheyenne Sep 2016
You speak to me in flowered words
I suckle their sweet nectar
Lured in by colored verse
But gone by late September
Sep 2016 · 1.0k
No Strings
Cheyenne Sep 2016
You don't want me.
How could you?
You don't need me.
Why would you?
But you won't leave me
Like you should.

I want you.
To quit your fun with me--
I need you.
To be done with me--
I can't leave you.
So you need to run--
Sep 2016 · 513
I know, but...
Cheyenne Sep 2016
I know you're crazy.
I know I'm mad.
But I know that we're happy,
So is it so bad?

I know that it's wrong,
I know that you warned me.
But I know that I like it,
So is truly abhorring?

I know there are limits.
I know there's a line.
But I know that I crossed it,
And I'm doing fine.
Sep 2016 · 1.0k
Hello, Romeo
Cheyenne Sep 2016
Hello, Romeo
Tip-toe, So slow
Bellow from below
Slay foe, Must go
Can't know of love though
Death glow
Such woe
You go, solo
Oh no!
Follow with fatal blow
End Show
Sep 2016 · 728
Unrequited
Cheyenne Sep 2016
I was wrong to
assume
that you would be fine
when I left you
I had to
leave you behind
I regret
each step
I took towards the door
but you just waved
un-phased
said nothing more
how should I know
when I go
you fall apart
you never told me
darling
that I had your heart
Sep 2016 · 898
How Must You See Me?
Cheyenne Sep 2016
Color me happy
Color me wise
Color in colors
Only seen through your eyes

Color in scribbles
Color outside the lines
Color a picture
That is quite unlike mine
Sep 2016 · 978
Anxiety
Cheyenne Sep 2016
Four walls.
No door.
A roof.
A floor.
Trapped inside.
It shrinks in size.
Smaller now.
There’s no way out.
I cannot think.
I cannot breath.
Dark and cold.
All alone.
07/12/10
Sep 2016 · 509
Left
Cheyenne Sep 2016
You never showed
You let me go
You had to pick
I wasn’t it
Can’t live two lives?
Why not mine?
07/14/10
Sep 2016 · 627
Reminder
Cheyenne Sep 2016
Knife in the back--it cuts me deep
Out from the cracks the blood does seep
It paints my skin in scarlet stripes
Stains my feet for ghoulish strides

Walk to the waves, fall to my knees
Let rushing water wash me clean
My shoulder blades tense and shudder
Removing iron you buried under

My skin rips against sharpened edge
Struggling to halt the blood that sheds
I lie flat against soft earth
Embrace recovery amongst cold dirt

This blood will dry, run down the drain
Wound will close, nerves cease their ache
Crooked skin replace this ****
All to remind of deeds that passed

I catch a glimpse in bare reflection
Cheeks flush with tainted recollection
Raised blemish--may it never fade, patch never renewed
I cherish the imperfection--all you left of you
Inspiration from my younger self:
08/14/10
Knife in my back—
The wound runs deep—
But I refuse to lose any sleep.
You're just like the others,
I don’t know what I saw.
Pushed me over a cliff
But I’ll survive the fall.
I thought you were different,
But you're a follower too,
And, no, it isn’t okay
But i'll get over you
Sep 2016 · 381
Joke's on Me
Cheyenne Sep 2016
Still a mess
So I guess
You knew best
When you left
Aug 2016 · 315
Sing to Me
Cheyenne Aug 2016
Tell me of rivers that run through the glen
Elucidate the trees stretching high without end
Take me to places I've never been
Whisk me away in a song
Aug 2016 · 986
Expectations and Innuendo
Cheyenne Aug 2016
They told you you're a white knight,
To take pride in your long sword.
Now you've mounted your noble stead
And it's me you're headed towards.

They told me I'm a damsel.
Made me feel distressed.
Then you came waltzing in,
Shiny armor on your chest.

You want to slay my dragon;
Stick it to the foe.
You think I'm waiting here for help,
But I'm screaming, "please just go!!"

My tower isn't lonely.
That dragon is my friend.
So desist your constant jabbing:
It's annoyance with no end.

Don't try and kiss me when I'm sleeping.
Keep your hands off of my feet.
I don't need your so called valor
To make my life complete.

And you, dear prince, don't need to charm me--
You are more than how you wield your weapon.
Fair maidens needn't be your quest--
They'll tell you different--the trick is not to let them.
Cheyenne Aug 2016
I've got a list of adjectives I use to describe myself
But their meanings change when told to someone else
Aug 2016 · 1.2k
A Typical
Cheyenne Aug 2016
typically "typical"
is thought predictable
where typical types
emerge in the syllables

man = white = *******! = no ****, right?
girl = cis = delicate ≠ this.

type up the typology
categorize into "ologies"
start stereotyping
to support the philosophies

f(i) = she = sweet ≠ me
∴ ***** i must be

draw a box around me ⇒ i'll fit
type up a label ⇒ it'll stick

but ≠ me
      = us = we
is that the type of person
you want to be?
experimenting with my poetry structure a little
Aug 2016 · 646
Once Upon A Time
Cheyenne Aug 2016
The funny thing about a fairytale is
that there is only one princess—
only one or two heroes reaping the spoils
and life pretty much ***** for the rest.
As time has made me privy to this phenomenon,
I think that the pessimists must be wrong:
pointing out the falsehoods in the fantasies
when life has been a fairytale all along.
The problem doesn't lie in the fanciful plot,
or the neat and tidy "happily ever after”—
but rather in our assumptions that we are the protagonists
when there are so many other characters whose live's are disasters.
And truly the stories of the villains or helpers,
though exaggerated in their own right,
ring of far more truth and parallels
than the lead's perilous plight.
For I am no breathtaking beauty.
Won't stop some prince in his tracks.
I can't dance, I don't clean, my food is no good,
and when I sing my voice gargles and cracks.
I often can't find a shoe that will fit
for my toes are too long, or perhaps it's my heel.
So I can't identify with the hero written
because I have no idea how that feels.
It seems that when I went to audition,
though my intent was for the part of the lead,
the director thought I was joking
and then casted me as the Evil Queen.
For I'm afraid that I more closely mimic
An ugly stepsister or morally unsound witch—
so is it any wonder, then,
that life turned out to be a *****?
And I know—yes, I know—that these stories are just that:
fictional weavings of a life never lived,
spoon fed to children to teach them some lesson,
their intent, I’m sure, not to misgive.
But at some point the stories become more than just stories;
they are born from us and so us they do bear.
And you and I and us and them and this
is a reflection of what's written there.
And if this is so, which I argue it is,
then the fairytales are very true indeed.
And so, too, the happy endings, hero's journey,
villains and monsters and thieves.
Every story is an entire world,
and every world becomes our own.
And there simply isn't enough room for us all
to fall in love and call a castle home.
Someone has to be the villain.
Someone the foil. Someone the friend.
Someone the helper and someone the lover.
Someone that person that meets an untimely end.
But someone gets to be that princess.
Someone gets that "happily ever after."
One in a story forges ahead
with a chipper "the end" in the final chapter.
And to some, perhaps, this is good enough?
A small glimmer of hope that helps them to sleep.
Because if one it could be then perchance it is thee!
But the standards of entry are steep.
I already know that I’ll never qualify:
I don't measure up to the criteria offered.
As mentioned before, I'm not one to adore,
and so it seems I'm destined to remain a pauper.
But I won't sit back and just be a side character
(for the part of the lead I'm deemed unfit).
I refuse to bow down to the ideals that abound—
And if that makes me the villain? So be it.
I will wield my wicked power.
Set a curse across the land.
Have a vendetta against our hero
Because for their antics I will not stand.
And I know that this means that I'm destined to lose—
The villain rarely survives (except for a sequel).
And the protagonist will tell my story
And make my actions and choices seem evil.
Perhaps my ordeal will seem useless
since the morals of the winner will persist.
But just because it is a fight I cannot win,
Does not mean I shouldn't resist.
Because life is fairytale, sure,
but "happily ever after"s don't last as long as the name implies.
There are too many losers, too many misfits,
that the values of the protagonist leave behind.
So in this story I might be the bad guy.
But that's based on someone else's word.
And stories can change, lenses be rearranged,
and I'll fight until my story's heard.
Jul 2016 · 938
Words of Wisdom
Cheyenne Jul 2016
Live and let live.
Live and let it go.
There's something I can't ask you.
Something I need to know.
Your memory is still haunting--
But it's not your ghost that moans.
It's the phantom of what you slayed when
You left me on my own.
You couldn't let it live.
I can't let it go.
I want to ask you why--
But I don't want to know.
Jul 2016 · 801
Not All Who Wander
Cheyenne Jul 2016
Long and dusty, small dirt road
Leading somewhere I don't know.
Could just be a dead end;
Have to turn around, come back again.
Someday my steps I might retrace;
Someday end up back in this place,
Greet old friends I left behind,
Put small back roads out of my mind.
But, today, that's not what I need.
Nowhere's where I need to be.
And if this road doesn't turn me back around
I'll find somewhere else to settle down.
Jun 2016 · 408
You Didn't Know
Cheyenne Jun 2016
I know we were young;
We were naive.
But you told me you loved me,
And so I believed.

I know we grew older;
We learned to know better.
But you once thought that you loved me,
And I still remember.

I know it was false.
We weren't pieces that fit.
But you believed that you loved me,
And you should have treated me like it.
Jun 2016 · 690
Dead. But Gone?
Cheyenne Jun 2016
If there is a life after this--
One in which you could somehow
Look back upon the ones you left,
Observe by looking down--
If this world you can still see
Would you watch over me?

If in death your soul persists,
And your memories remain--
And you can recall your favorite color,
your favorite food, your name--
If you can remember who you use to be
Would you think of me?

If being dead, to the deceased,
Is just like a nap, except unending--
A swim through the subconscious
As the soul is ascending--
If you simply slip to sleep
Would you dream of me?

If dying means to stop existing--
No soul or ghost or whatever else--
One simply fades into nothing,
No resonating sense of one's self,
If you only persist in memories--false or true--
Would I remember you?
Jun 2016 · 1.2k
Lifeguard (Part 2)
Cheyenne Jun 2016
Tilt and tumble down the slide.
Why not go two at a time?
Link your tubes! Enjoy the ride!
Run and jump into the pool.
Dive head first! You're so cool.
Safety is a stupid rule,
So why must you abide?

Say you don't know how to swim?
That's all right, jump on in!
That's the best way to begin.
Floaties are the best solution--
Swimming's equal substitution.
But hey, you drowning helps our evolution!
Too bad I'm your guardian.
Thoughts on the job...
Jun 2016 · 789
Not Yet Forgotten
Cheyenne Jun 2016
I dreamt about you last night--
But that’s no shock.
Been dreaming 'bout you since you left--
And that’s not about to stop.
I tried getting you out of my system.
Tried sending these feelings on their way.
But I still hate you. And love you.
Perhaps that'll never change.
You will always be burned into my memory,
Until someone finally ***** this life right out of me.
06/05/10
Jun 2016 · 589
Hiding
Cheyenne Jun 2016
Hiding from the monsters,
Somewhere in the dark.
Fighting my own instinct
Every time I start.

Too scared to move.
Too scared to cry.
I hide my body,
Soul, and mind.

My eyes start to adjust.
I stumble to the mirror;
Look upon the image
And see a monster there.
2010... sort of: highly altered from original version
Jun 2016 · 771
Starting Over
Cheyenne Jun 2016
Look at me-- I occupy
The world that they all left behind.
This world is now an empty one.
But there's still water. There's still sun.

The stars do not shine as bright,
But I've come to enjoy dark nights.
I can still see the ground
As I try to move around.

I'm still here. And I'm still fine.
With them gone, this world is mine.
Everything still works the same.
No need for everything to change.
2010
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