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Austin Morrison May 2020
She's a little crazy, weird, and unusual, and it is impossible to know what's going on in her head.

I always enjoy talking to her, but she always leaves me on read.

But her smile puts the pain away, described something like an old cliche.

Her eyes are like the beauty on a cloudy day, a stunning shade of bluey grey.

I feel the warmth when I am around her, seeing her brings me joy.

It's like my first crush from middle school, I feel like a little boy.

I stumble my words when I talk to her, she twists my tongue so I slur. 

She is stuck in my mind, so all my exs are a blur.

This might seem quite strange to you, but for me I am quite sure.

Because she makes me nervous and I love it because there's things i must admit.

She is a pain in my ***, she likes to tease. She calls me nerdy and we laugh, i say it back and she agrees.

I do what I can to make her see, I have strong feelings for this girl, I just hope she does for me.
Austin Morrison Mar 2020
She is a little bit crazy, weird, unusual, and it is impossible to know what's going on in her head.

I always enjoy talking to her, but she always leaves me on read.

 But besides all that I would compare her to a summer day.

 I feel the warmth when I am around her, seeing her brings me joy.

It's like my first crush from middle school, I feel like a little boy.

I stumble my words when I talk to her, she twists my tongue so I slur. 

She makes me nervous and I love it,  because I'm not afraid I must admit.

She is a pain in my ***, she likes to tease. But spending time with her is like a warm summer breeze.

I do what I can to make her see, I have strong feelings for this girl, I just hope she does for me.
Austin Morrison Mar 2020
its Friday night, and I are happily at home!
Being suffocated by my blanket.
It's as if the world is pushing down on me because it knows I have no one around me.
I close my eyes and I feel my oxygen depleting.
I am trapped in darkness, with no one around to help guide me to the light.
Fighting my way against the world with no one to reach out for.
Feeling lost and forgotten.
I wander through a dark forest of depression, while only the monsters in my head reach out for me.
I try to beg for help and can't make a sound, but eyes scream out.
So I sit to face my inner demons and overcome my greatest fear.
The loneliness tries to take me over. Rejected and unwanted, just like a broken toy nobody wants to play with. I was left in a dark room, with no one to come back to me.
This is part of a project I am doing called the colour wheel. It is a draft piece and isn't very organized right now. I would love feedback moving forward with it.
The night wraps itself around me, a velvet shroud,
Whispering promises of warmth in its false crowd.
I stumble into her arms, but her name escapes me,
A faceless phantom, filling empty shapes.
The lights blur, the music dulls the ache,
Her touch a fleeting balm for what I fake.
Laughter spills like wine, hollow and thin,
But it can't drown the silence screaming within.
Her eyes search mine, but find nothing inside,
Afraid she'll see our feelings collide.
A soul adrift, lost in an endless sea,
Clinging to strangers for company.
I tell myself it's enough, this fleeting play,
A masquerade to keep the darkness at bay.
Yet when dawn arrives, her warmth is gone,
And I’m left with my shadow to lean upon.
The bed feels colder, though I am not alone,
Her presence fades like a forgotten tone.
What am I but a man with borrowed fire,
A marionette of fleeting desire?
I long for something deeper, real and true,
But my hands are too stained to reach out for you.
And so I drift, lost in the night’s disguise,
Hiding my emptiness beneath blank eyes.
Austin Morrison Mar 2020
I have realized I have a very unstable mental state.
Like I'm pretty sure we have all seen that person on the street.
Where your first thought is, "yea they are on something".
That person is in control of my brain.
For example, a typical Friday night goes something like.

" I hate myself // you hate me // I love you // you love me but you actually hate me // I'm hungry // I want to die // sometimes I wish I was a squirrel // it would cool to have a pet sea monster // I hate myself".

But it's not all bad.
It feels like I have become aware of my emotions.
Being able to choose when something is funny, sad, or frustrating.
It's like a superpower that doesn't always work. Being able to smile on rainy days, is nice.
But not crying for losing someone close to you can be jarring to handle.
I am drowning in the dark ocean comprised of my anxiety and depression.
Losing oxygen and the will to try and swim back up.
I sink to the bottom, just to realize I can stand up.
This is part of a project I am doing called the colour wheel. It is a draft piece and isn't very organized right now. I would love feedback moving forward with it.
Austin Morrison May 2023
A recent meeting led me to a girl, She was a butterfly, free and wild And I was drawn in by her fluttering style. Her wings were painted with colors so bright. We sat by the water, talking all night, And for a moment, everything felt just right.

Her laugh was so contagious, my heart skipped a beat. Whenever I'm with her, I feel so at ease, Comfortable, and happy, with a sense of peace.

But uncertainty creeps in, and doubt fills my mind, Does she feel the same, or am I just blind? She's not looking for something, at least for now, And I'm left feeling lost, wondering how.

Despite it all, I still cherish each and every day, The way her smile lights up my way. And though my heart's fearful, and my mind's in strife, I'll hold on to hope, and enjoy this journey of life.
Austin Morrison Jan 2017
I was told by my peers that letting my voice be heard was preferred, yet they say the words I speak are absurd

What's the point of freedom of speech if my words still have a safety lock. The day I will be happy is the day I find the key to chains around my throat

I don't want to drown in this ******* but just stay afloat. if I always wrote by putting my pencil on paper, why does someone else have to be my eraser

I am a chaser of dreams and a speaker of my thoughts. I will untangle the knots that they keep tying. I will preach my beliefs even when I'm dying.
Austin Morrison Jul 2020
The warm air of a summer breeze

The ground painted by autumn leaves

The sky shines on the first snowfall

The new path i walk, arms open to all.
Austin Morrison Jan 2017
It's Saturday night, 4 o'clock in the morning. And I'm believing I just had the best night of my life.

I never drink for the taste, but for the small percentage of freedom of my everyday life.

Disregarding what I do to my children and my wife. I drink to black out and I drink to forget life.

Unlike my father I never drink to black out. But I also do not drink for the taste, everyone needs a escape.

I will stand there with a girl I don't know, and I drink slow to drown and torture my sorrow. Hoping one day my soul will be hollow and I turn out nothing like you.
Austin Morrison May 2023
In shadows cast by a weary heart,
Where solitude weaves its subtle art,
I find myself lost in a lonely abyss,
As feelings of neglect persist.

Once cherished, now a distant ghost,
Love's ember fades, it's what I fear most.
In the depths of my soul, a tempest brews,
Aching echoes of a love I can't lose.

Alone, I stand in a crowded room,
Yearning for connection, a shared bloom.
But like a shadow, I'm unseen, unknown,
By the one I hold dear, my heart's cornerstone.

Unwanted whispers linger in the air,
As my pleas for attention become despair.
Silent tears paint a canvas of sorrow,
As I search for solace in the morrow.

Do I not matter, am I just a ghost?
My heart longs for warmth, the love I miss most.
Yet silence engulfs, a bitter refrain,
Leaving me trapped in this ocean of pain.

But amidst the darkness, a flicker remains,
A glimmer of hope that somehow sustains.
I'll reclaim my worth, my spirit will rise,
And spread my wings beneath desolate skies.

For even in solitude, strength is found,
In the depths of my being, a resounding sound.
I'll learn to embrace my own company,
And find solace in the depths of me.

I'll treasure my heart, its worth untold,
And cherish the love I long to unfold.
For though I may feel alone and ignored,
My spirit won't falter, I won't be ignored.

In time, the wounds will surely heal,
And new beginnings will gently reveal.
That love is not confined to one's embrace,
But flows in abundance through life's vast space.

So, I'll rise from the shadows, embrace the light,
Unburdened by darkness, ready to take flight.
For even in solitude, I'll find my own way,
And love's sweet symphony will guide me each day.
Austin Morrison Jul 2020
Forget the old me
We are not the same
I do not belong to you anymore
Austin Morrison Jun 2023
In the depths of silence, where shadows reside,
A heavy heart, burdened, cannot hide.
Unseen, unnoticed, like a ghostly wraith,
I wander through existence, lost in a desolate faith.

In a crowded room, I fade to gray,
Whispers and laughter, they all drift away.
An outsider peering through misty eyes,
Yearning for connection, but met with empty skies.

Words unspoken, like echoes unheard,
Emotions trapped, stifled, never stirred.
My voice, a mere whisper in the wind,
Aching to be heard, to matter, to rescind.

The world moves on, an unforgiving tide,
Leaving me stranded, unwanted, denied.
Invisible threads bind me, a lonely refrain,
Longing for affection, like a wilted flower in the rain.

I seek solace in dreams, a sanctuary of the mind,
Where I am cherished, accepted, intertwined.
But awakening brings me back to the bitter truth,
That I am but a shadow, lost in the uncaring sleuth.

Yet amidst the darkness, a flicker remains,
A glimmer of hope, a spark that sustains.
For within this void, a strength starts to ignite,
Embracing my worth, pushing through the night.

Though I may feel ignored, unwanted, unseen,
I'll rise above the shadows, where dreams intervene.
For in this vast universe, I'll find my own way,
To shine brightly, even if skies remain gray.
Austin Morrison Nov 2020
I always liked magic.
Being tricked into believing things that are not real.
I even decided to learn it for myself.
I got so good that I managed to trick myself into believing we would work.
The feeling you gave me was so magical, I should have realized it to be fake.
You got under my sheets then vanished, as if you were never there, to begin with.
I played it off thinking you would pop up somewhere else like it was one of my tricks, but you never did.
Left searching alone for so long, I grew tired and impatient.
I have lost my love for magic even though I still managed to be tricked.
I have learned I was never a magician, just a jester playing the fool.
Austin Morrison Mar 2020
I woke up
With a clear head
For the first time in two months
not hiding underneath my pillowcase
For once
I knew what I wanted
And it wasn’t you
For once
I knew I couldn’t keep doing this,
Seeing you
Promising pure intentions
And ending with you curled up naked beside me

You can not make love where there is no love

And I no longer desire you.

For the repercussions have finally pushed me over the edge

I know what I want

And it isn’t you.
I was scrolling through my phone and found something i had wrote and not remembering when i wrote it. It must have been late at night and i just didn't remember. There were lot of bad mistakes and random words before i went through it though.
Austin Morrison Oct 2017
No.1 I have a fear of heights and I'm okay with that because I fall for you every day which keeps me close enough to the ground that I feel safe.

No.2 The dark. I do not like the inability to see, imagine being trapped in a space with no light, nothing to reach for but just a void of emptiness. You cannot find a place much darker than a blackened, hallowed heart. There are no signs of life, with no trace of light. Yet you still managed to find your way around it, walking aimlessly as if you knew where to go. I was afraid of the darkness within, until you lit a flame inside Of me, trying to send a signal fire to my sanity.

No.3 spiders, nothing poetic I just think they are creepy. Eight legs of hell and they have no need on my life!

No.4 I imagine being on an island stranded alone knowing no-one could find me, while I sit there huddle next to a tree with no reason to move forward. I feel a warm touch press on my shoulder. I open my eyes, everything seems different the white scattered sand is now my bed. waves which held me back from moving forward, now my blanket which seems to feel heavier than a tsunami of depression and deep thoughts. I lay there stuck being buried by the sand and drown by waves. Being held down by my past and worries of my future. two hands lifted all the weight off me, I looked up and there she was, she grabbed me by the...

No.5 my heart is beating faster and faster as I run an endless marathon. My palms get sweaty, it gets harder to breathe as if I was trapped in space with no air tank. I try to push through I will not let myself drop out of this one so early. I have a fear to love, not of love but to love. I want to find it but I'm too afraid of letting myself become vulnerable as if I'm joining a war with no gun just my heart hoping not to get shot down but be accepted with open arms. I have scars and battle wounds from past wars. But for no reason, you lent a hand to patch me up. You showed me not all wars are worth fighting Alone, so we joined hands and walked strong. I am afraid to love, I am not afraid to say I love. I am afraid to say I love anyone who isn't you.
Finished copy
Austin Morrison Jan 2017
Seven shots with ****** knuckles,
four bottles of letting everyone down,
Eight hits from a disappointing life.

It only took me one trip to the rehab center called your touch. I used the medicine of your love to become sober.

now I am dependent on you, I need you every day and do not feel the same without you. I have an itch when I'm away and a warmth when I'm close. I became addicted to your love.

twelve tabs of compassion,
three pints of self-worth,
five pills of your warm embrace,
And one injection of beautiful passion.

I want you...

I need you...

I have you.

I love you.
One person can change your life in more ways than you could ever imagine.
Austin Morrison Feb 2017
Since the day I met You I knew You were no ordinary girl. It's not because your hair was more colourful than the northern lights or because your smile was so dorkishly adourable.

You see I would never really get nervous around girls, and I already knew you for a couple of years so the thought of there ever being something died a long time ago.

so I still cannot understand why when our hands interlocked that Wednesday morning, in that empty feild with nothing but us and the crickets, You managed to transform the butterflies in my stomach to pterodactyls, the frog that was once in my throat has been swallowed by a tyrannosaurus.

You made the feelings of a first crush come back to life, I relived it over and over until first crush was changed to first love.

But when you kissed me, when you kiss me the creatures in me became prehistoric. Their bodies burnt away with nothing but remains left behind, And their bones were used to build the foundation of the feeling that I still have today.

You know most people say when they have a special kiss they see fireworks, but girl when I first kissed you I saw a meteor shower.
Austin Morrison Jan 2022
These days I go to more funerals than weddings.

I bury my friends and family more than flowers.

The city has grown quiet, yet the world is on fire.

I lay my head down and burn with it.

Because we dug our own grave, and it's a good fit.
Austin Morrison Mar 2020
skin left sore and damage.
My purple flesh leaves marks that signify hate within others.
Pain left from fathers and mothers, sister and brothers, friends or foe.
I  believe the skeletons I hide, have more guts than I do.
Being pushed around and abused by those close to me without fighting back.
But I know I would rather take a thousand cuts before giving one.
I may seem so well put together from the outside, but I know on the inside I have been torn apart.
This is part of a project I am doing called the colour wheel. It is a draft piece and isn't very organized right now. I would love feedback moving forward with it.
Austin Morrison Jan 2017
Finding a reason to live is harder than finding a needle in a hay field. You don't quite where to look but you know what you are looking for is out there. Your hands and knees will get ****** from searching, and at times you might feel like giving up. but when you finally see that this piece of metal shine you will get the most forgiving sense of relief. Like everything you have had to worry about is just gone. When I first saw you the sun reflected off your eyes and there was the most beautiful sparkle I have ever seen in my life. I found what was to be the smallest needle in the hay field we call earth. And all the pain and suffering I tried to cover up with cheap perfume and mindless lust was replaced with the smell of freshly bloomed roses and passion. You were the girl that gave me a reason to live, to love and to see how beautiful this world can be. You made me remember why I am alive.
This is my first write in over almost two years. I know it's bad but there is someone I love to much not to write about them.
Austin Morrison Feb 2020
who would love a man like me?
A soul imprisoned by the idea of love.
A man that may not be perfect.
But a man that can definitely try to be everything you need.
A man that doesn't need you to tell me what to do.
But a man that can make your skin crawl when i come home to you.
Make you tremble to my touch and be lifted by your words.
I may not be the best man, but I will change for the better.
I will keep searching to find a girl like you, because you say you want me as a friend.
When I want you to be the only one I look towards.
We don't have to be perfect, we can both be broken.
It will be messy, but it will be our mess, we can pick up the pieces together.
I know I am selfish, they say there are plenty of fish in the sea.
But today I feel like a shellfish because as long as you are around me I feel at home.
You are the most beautiful rose in a field of thorns.
i will walk through it all, and wear my scars happily to show what I went through to hold you.
So i ask, will you love a man like me.
This is part of a project I am doing called the colour wheel. It is a draft piece and isn't very organized right now. I would love feedback moving forward with it.
Austin Morrison Feb 2015
You have the brightest halo, of all the devils. With eyes to rip me apart and hands to build me back up

You are stuck in between heaven in hell. You're sins engraved into my back, you're, compassion written on you're lips

Believing you have nowhere to go because my soul was the only place you called home.
Unfinished
Austin Morrison Nov 2020
I just want somebody to call my own
Somebody who's not afraid of the darker side
Somebody who can take a shortage of breath, and loss of movement
Somebody who is not afraid to have their skin crawl
I want to learn somebody
Be able to pick apart their mind and body
Understand them as if they were my own
Memorize them
Understand them
Push them to their limits
Use them
Ruin them
Hold them
Love them
Sometimes I remember you,  
On nights when the stars feel closer,  
When silence presses heavy on my chest,  
And I ache for the way you once fit there.  

I see us in flashes—  
A late-night drive with the world asleep,  
Your laughter dancing in the air,  
Breaking the quiet like a song I’ll never hear again.  
We made the moon jealous,  
Didn’t we?  

I remember the afternoons too,  
Worn-out paths beneath our feet,  
Your hand brushing mine like it was meant to.  
We talked of dreams, of nothing, of everything,  
And nothing else mattered.  
Not the ticking of clocks,  
Not the weight of the world.  
Just you. Just us.  

You were perfect to me—  
More than perfect,  
You were home.  
The one who made the chaos pause,  
The one who saw the worst of me,  
And stayed.  

I loved the way we teased each other,  
How your smile dared the sun to shine brighter.  
You knew all my edges, my flaws, my fears,  
And still, you fit into my arms like they were built for you.  
I would give it all back—  
Every piece of myself,  
Every fragment of pride,  
To stand in that place again.  

But these are just memories now,  
A cruel echo of what once was.  
No words can turn back time,  
No plea can undo the silence you left behind.  
I think about you daily—  
Your voice, your touch, your everything.  

And I regret.  
I regret every moment I let slip,  
Every second I thought we had forever.  
Because forever ended too soon,  
And now I walk alone,  
Knowing I will never love another like I loved you.  

Sometimes, I remember you,  
And the world feels both too much and not enough.  
You’re gone,  
And I’m here,  
Holding onto the pieces of us,  
Wishing I had held you tighter when I had the chance.
Austin Morrison Mar 2020
For every response left unread.
For every thought trapped in my head.
For the way you make me feel.
Decrypt if it's fake or if it's real.

It's hard to explain a feeling you don't quite know yourself.

Understanding your own mind can be tricky sometimes.

We don't quite know each other yet, despite that fact.

I still feel comfortable to talk to you.

 it feels like we have already had a wonderful first date, a romantic second, and our third wasn't the best but we are both don't care because we are spending it together.

 It makes me nervous, not knowing if you imagine the same thing.

That's why I panic when I talk to you, not knowing if the thing I just said was good enough.

so I say something new before you can type back, and believing that isn't good enough so I repeat the cycle.

Becoming stuck in a whirlpool of my own anxiety and overthinking, just because I don't want to miss my chance at that bad third date.

I don't want to miss the chance to stare at you, on a night not going as planned, but still being able to smile when I look at you.

I'm sorry I'm not good at talking, but I promise you would enjoy my rambling and awkwardness if you gave it a shot.
Another midnight poem I have found on my phone.
Austin Morrison Feb 2017
You're small and cute but made to be hot.  filled with warmth, you're a badass teapot.

-for my friend Cara who Is now a teapot in my eyes xD
Austin Morrison Jul 2020
Im standing on the edge.

A fifty-foot drop has never looked so appetizing.

 I want to step forward and take a bite.

I see the asphalt below as candy, and i my sweet tooth is aching.

 Im being held back by what little support i have left.

They tell me taking that first step has no return, that it will ruin my figure, that there is no plastic surgeon that can fix the mistakes i would make.

The cravings are pulling me in, i need a taste of the sweet release.

I cant get it off my mind.

I was speeding on the drive to the top of the cliff.

Every tree looked like a silencer to the voices in my head.

The street signs are my goodbye notes.

and the ground fifty feet below, is the beginning of the end.

Thank you, im sorry. Sincerely the forgotten.
Austin Morrison Jul 2020
To the girl, I will love


I'm sorry.

Yes, I am saying sorry before we are even together.

I'm sorry.

Because I know the future will be rough.

I'm sorry.

I am not perfect by any means, but I promise you I will try my best.

I'm sorry.

I may not be able to buy you diamonds for our anniversary, but I hope you like the smell of pancakes and breakfast in bed.

I'm sorry.

I will try, even if it leads to a mess. Like learning to bake. I will make mistakes, but I will learn.

I'm sorry.

It may not be amazing at first, but with time we can make something beautiful.

I'm sorry.

Because if I love you, it means I will do anything.

I'm sorry.

It means my world is now yours. And I will do everything in my power to keep the flowers blooming.

I'm sorry.

I will hold you above all, even when the weight of the world is crushing me.

I'm sorry.

I will sing to you, your favourite songs. Just to see your smile.

I'm sorry.

I will remind you how beautiful you are, even on the days, you feel at your worst.

I'm sorry.

I will learn about you. Soak in every random fact, like I am a sponge in a pool of your being.

I'm sorry.

I will understand you and know we may see things differently.

I'm sorry.

I will support and love you to the end, even if you decide to walk away.

But I am sorry.

I'm sorry I text too much.

I'm sorry I can be so clingy.

I'm sorry I can be to forward.

I'm sorry I have trust issues.

I'm sorry my mind tears it's self apart when I'm not with you.

I'm sorry my past abuse has to lead me to always assume the worst, to always expect the bad news first.

I'm sorry I'm used to being alone.

I'm sorry I feel like no one will ever love me back.

I'm sorry if I scare you.

I'm sorry.
Austin Morrison Feb 2017
To the girl who thinks it will be awkward because she rejected me

I had an interest in you not only because I saw you as a suitable mating partner

But because there are some decent ******* human beings in this world who actually want to get to know each other

So just because you said no to a date with me doesn't mean you have to erase me from your life's history

But getting to know someone is like opening a random box, you don't know if it will be a diamond ring or a dying rose. something that once was, but not meant to be beautiful, just like my intent to get to know you

And I carry my intentions around in my pocket so I can drop them off at your door and walk away when you don't open it

I'll leave them behind in case you ever want to see what's on the other side, but just like the rose if you wait too long something that once was beautiful will wither away.
Austin Morrison Jul 2020
I drive down an empty road.

 The only company I have is my music and the voices in my head.

My vision gets blurry, blending in with the darkness that consumes me.

I take every turn to sharp, I press harder on the gas.

My thoughts tell me to slow down, speed up, slow down, speed up.

Turn here.

I grasp the steering wheel, turning towards a dense collection of trees.

I see the light of another car and freeze.

I think back to everyone I care for.

Everyone I have tried to reach out to but was ignored by.

Am I afraid that dying will hurt those I care for or am I scared of dying with no one that cares for me?
Austin Morrison Feb 2015
A smile to make me blind
eyes to control my mind
You have a soul so pure and so kind.

You are the girl I never wanted to live without. But now the words I speak, you do not care about.

I see you holding someone else's arm, falling for his boyish charm. Watching puts my soul through harm.

A voice like an angel
Lips to cure my sadness
A touch to calm my madness

You are the...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** this poem, the words I am trying to say are unable to be spoken, being away from you has made me broken. I know I was the one who left, but what you did to my heart was theft.

You are a girl I don't want to live without, a girl I truly love I have no doubt. And there is one thing I can't stop thinking about. When you left my house that night and looked me in the eyes, you said I will always love you. This is the only thing I wish to undo.
Austin Morrison Mar 2020
what brings me joy. Well shockingly, a few things.
1. A bright and warm, summer day.
2. A meal that I really like
3. Sinking into the couch and running some games with friends.
4. That feeling I get when all four wheels touch the ground and my legs become one with my skateboard. Rolling over the divots in the concrete, feeling the wind coat my skin, and my mind is set free to an endless form of creativity 
5. A nice slice of cake.  
6. Waking up at a time I decide.
7. Music that can fit my exact mood.  
8. Holding that someone special in my arms.
9. The first snowfall of the year.
10. a cold glass of rye, for the night I want to forget.
11. Hearing your voice, while you rest your head on my shoulder after a long day.
12. The feeling of your nails in my back, writing your passion on my skin.
13. The set of hands that fit perfectly with mine.
14. The sound of rain hitting my window at night.
15. You.
This is part of a project I am doing called the colour wheel. It is a draft piece and isn't very organized right now. I would love feedback moving forward with it.

— The End —