When we die I hope we are reborn as ourselves.
I'd love to meet and fall in love with you
     All over again.

I wish I could unzip your skull and
Caress your brain until you drifted off to
     Sleep. Feeling your dreams

Weave, the circuits entangle and worry
    Unstress at my fingertips.
I wish I could kiss every bad memory

Until there is only us.
I wish we were both happy all the time
And I know that's impossible, but some days

You make it feel so possible, so near, my dearest.

I wish we could float in space with no other company,
Drift until the earth gets lost with the stars, held tightly

At one another's wrists. Beating. Beating. Beating

     Condensed sea's and eidetic sky's.
        I wish I could display my love properly;

Beyond words, beyond flesh,

We are two thirds of a lifetime

And it's one I'll never grow sick of
For as long as you are in my company.

For the moment, hold me close, hold me closer
And let us dream alongside one another, knowing
      Our dreams consist of the other;

Their well-being, their sacrifices, their fears, theirs gripes--
   Their flaws and perks held deep and impeccably still

As a jade flower enwombed to the rarest, blackest of jewels.

As a pulsating constance. As a spectral echo. As a lover
Found and never wanting to fall lost ever again. Yet,

When I die I hope I am rewinded back to my very
First memory. I would love to forget you. Love to hold you
For the very first time for the billionth consecutive time

Without even knowing...

I would love to feel the emptiness that was a world
   Before it was made beautiful, feeling life become something
To be cherished. From first sight to the last, never let me go

And pass alongside me,
Moving throughout me

Some days I think I feel your every heartbeat.
Some days I sense you can feel mine. Be mine and let me be yours.
Whatever may come, whatever may go.
Stay with me and we can outshine any circumstance.

You are my circumstance. You are my beating heart.
You are my life and you my reason for wanting to love myself.

it’s gone.
i never knew how to feel. i never knew what anything meant
and everything was new, and the waters were oddly still.
i chose to swim to you. despite my drowning
and i swam into your arms, and i learned to love.
you and i, we grew together like vines
intertwining, our lives connected
by what did not seem like a tenuous thread.

days turned into months.
we did not count down the time, it did not matter to us
until yesterday, when you decided
we could no longer be lovers
and i still don’t know why,
but it’s gone.
it’s gone.

I love that I can make you smile
A thousand miles away

I love that you always feed me
filling my tummy, heart and soul

I love that after every tussle
We end up in a warm cuddle

I love that you are silly
But i wish you were more like me

Our music tastes differ slightly
So we’ll just be together silently

I hope you show me more affection
please give me a more emotional reaction
With kisses and words filled with cuteness
Like this poem i wrote about us

Its not my first poem nor my last of us
Just as the days will past
I hope our love will last

26/12

As charming as those little groves are
That appear on your cheeks
when your lips curve
Both sides or just one,
As alluring as your brilliant eyes are,
That radiates with amusement,
I could never admit,
Will never admit
My interest in you
Nor this strange reaction
That may be more
Than a simple attraction.

I feel the warm concrete
As warm as your chest pressed on mine
I feel the bright summer sun
As bright as your smile

Tangled up like lily pads
Hidden below the surface
Sprouting problems like weeds
Fighting through the cracks
As invisible as the trash littering the ground

Catching feelings
Quicker than a flame enveloping
Those corny love letters

24/03/08

I found my old journal.
I didn't write in it a lot,
Only when I could think to do it.
Only when it felt necessary.
So I wrote about a lot of the same things.
Heartbreak mostly.
A 9th grader so terribly in love
Again.

Everything is remarkably depressing
At that age.
Or so my journal would have you believe.

Here are some excerpts I found noteworthy

November 19th, 2014.

"I just hope she finally decides my head is no safe resting place for any kind of love."

December 16th, 2014.

"I feel like death, and all I want is for her to hold my dead body until I feel like breathing again."



Heavy,
I know.


Believe me,
I know.



I'd be dishonest if I didn't mention
That there are a lot more of those.
And I'd be dishonest if I didn't mention
That I'm best friends with that girl now.
I laughed when I read these.
The pain read so real
Yet I don't remember what it feels like
To miss her like that.

Then I found another passage
From a year ago.
A riper wound.

September 23rd, 2016. (The day I found out she didn't love me, and might be dating my older, douchier cousin)

"I cried for the first time in awhile, but it doesn't feel as good as I remember."

And then I realize
I've been watching the same Ferris wheel
Go around
My whole life,
Just with different people
Playing the same role.
And it all feels the same.

If love was for sale
I'd empty my pockets.

I still pick the scab.
I'm still the same kid.