I always liked magic.
Being tricked into believing things that are not real.
I even decided to learn it for myself.
I got so good that I managed to trick myself into believing we would work.
The feeling you gave me was so magical, I should have realized it to be fake.
You got under my sheets then vanished, as if you were never there, to begin with.
I played it off thinking you would pop up somewhere else like it was one of my tricks, but you never did.
Left searching alone for so long, I grew tired and impatient.
I have lost my love for magic even though I still managed to be tricked.
I have learned I was never a magician, just a jester playing the fool.
I just want somebody to call my own
Somebody who's not afraid of the darker side
Somebody who can take a shortage of breath, and loss of movement
Somebody who is not afraid to have their skin crawl
I want to learn somebody
Be able to pick apart their mind and body
Understand them as if they were my own
Push them to their limits
The warm air of a summer breeze
The ground painted by autumn leaves
The sky shines on the first snowfall
The new path i walk, arms open to all.
Forget the old me
We are not the same
I do not belong to you anymore
I drive down an empty road.
The only company I have is my music and the voices in my head.
My vision gets blurry, blending in with the darkness that consumes me.
I take every turn to sharp, I press harder on the gas.
My thoughts tell me to slow down, speed up, slow down, speed up.
I grasp the steering wheel, turning towards a dense collection of trees.
I see the light of another car and freeze.
I think back to everyone I care for.
Everyone I have tried to reach out to but was ignored by.
Am I afraid that dying will hurt those I care for or am I scared of dying with no one that cares for me?
To the girl, I will love
Yes, I am saying sorry before we are even together.
Because I know the future will be rough.
I am not perfect by any means, but I promise you I will try my best.
I may not be able to buy you diamonds for our anniversary, but I hope you like the smell of pancakes and breakfast in bed.
I will try, even if it leads to a mess. Like learning to bake. I will make mistakes, but I will learn.
It may not be amazing at first, but with time we can make something beautiful.
Because if I love you, it means I will do anything.
It means my world is now yours. And I will do everything in my power to keep the flowers blooming.
I will hold you above all, even when the weight of the world is crushing me.
I will sing to you, your favourite songs. Just to see your smile.
I will remind you how beautiful you are, even on the days, you feel at your worst.
I will learn about you. Soak in every random fact, like I am a sponge in a pool of your being.
I will understand you and know we may see things differently.
I will support and love you to the end, even if you decide to walk away.
But I am sorry.
I'm sorry I text too much.
I'm sorry I can be so clingy.
I'm sorry I can be to forward.
I'm sorry I have trust issues.
I'm sorry my mind tears it's self apart when I'm not with you.
I'm sorry my past abuse has to lead me to always assume the worst, to always expect the bad news first.
I'm sorry I'm used to being alone.
I'm sorry I feel like no one will ever love me back.
I'm sorry if I scare you.
Im standing on the edge.
A fifty-foot drop has never looked so appetizing.
I want to step forward and take a bite.
I see the asphalt below as candy, and i my sweet tooth is aching.
Im being held back by what little support i have left.
They tell me taking that first step has no return, that it will ruin my figure, that there is no plastic surgeon that can fix the mistakes i would make.
The cravings are pulling me in, i need a taste of the sweet release.
I cant get it off my mind.
I was speeding on the drive to the top of the cliff.
Every tree looked like a silencer to the voices in my head.
The street signs are my goodbye notes.
and the ground fifty feet below, is the beginning of the end.
Thank you, im sorry. Sincerely the forgotten.