Pass me my pen,
So I may go to battle,
There is a war brewing,
Between head and heart.
Troops must be called,
In the form of neatly,
Printed, black letters,
Each marching promptly,
After one another.
"We cannot let the emotions win,"
The head orders steadily,
Always analytic.
"Think of what good could come of this,"
The heart says to her troupes,
Her tone far gentler than that of the head.
Each side has merit,
Evenly matched.
A dual is bubbling,
One which will only have,
A ****** end.
One side will win out,
But there will be no victor.

So pass me my pen,
So I may go to war,
My words will fight the battle,
Upon the pale page.

Perhaps it was foolish of me,
To expect more to follow,
Our simple conversation.

Dear Future Lover of His,
Please listen to my words,
I want him to be safe,
In only a way which I know.

Dear Future Lover of His,
Please lay your heart on his chest,
Every day, twice a day,
And listen to his heart beat,
Make sure it is normal, on pace,
For if it isn't,
Something is wrong.

Dear Future Lover of His,
Buy blue Monster for him,
Before every soccer game,
For the pain and fear of seeing him,
Panting and passed out,
Delirious, is not worth any pain,
On Earth.

Dear Future Lover of His,
Don't pressure him to play guitar,
He will play for you when he truly wants,
And when his memories finally let him.

Dear Future Lover of His,
When he is drunk and sobbing,
Saying it is his fault,
Lay his head on your lap,
Pet his hair gently,
And remind him simply,
It is not.

Dear Future Lover of His,
When his anxiety hits,
Pull his hair for him,
And rub his neck,
Whisper sweet things in his ears,
And do not get upset,
When he doesn't want to be in,
Every one of your photos.

Dear Future Lover of His,
When he asks you what to draw,
Give him an endless list of suggestions,
So that his hands may never rest.

Dear Future Lover of His,
On June 15th,
Take him away from home,
Remind him endlessly how you love him so,
Then take him to the nearest parkour park,
And watch him run for hours.

Dear Future Lover of His,
Let him teach you soccer,
Because watching him play,
And go easy on you,
Is the sweetest thing you'll ever taste.

Dear Future Lover of His,
Never hold the past against him,
And please don't worry,
He hates your worrying the most.

Dear Future Lover of His,
Understand he needs alonetime,
Even if you need his time,
All the time.

Dear Future Lover of His,
Please be gentle, and kind,
Please let him love you for as long as he can,
And maybe you're place will replace mine,
The one where I am supposed to be,
For he needs someone to be there,
A rock, a constant,
And all I want is for him to be,
Happy.

The problem with opening up,
And speaking the sad words,
"I don't want to be here anymore,"
And showing your scars,
So intimately sharing yourself,
With those you trust so dearly,
Is that, inevitably, the next thing,
To follow,
Is pity.

Please remove him,
From my thoughts,
I'm not in his,
So I'd wish he weren't in mine.

Please remove him from my veins,
Which bleed for him as
I tear them open in a pathetic
Attempt to set him free.

Please remove him from my tears,
For I do not wish to shed anymore,
Not for him,
Not for her.

Please remove him from my heart,
Which drums each beat to his tune,
It is far to sad to play a song for him,
Knowing he will never listen again.

Please remove him from my words,
He is not deserving,
Yet here he is,
Laced in each line,
His presence ever unnerving.

Is it possible to
Have a pre-life crises?
For I am nowhere near
Mid-life,
Yet I find myself deeply,
In peril.

I made a deal,
With myself,
To protect my heart and
shattered soul,
At all expenses necessary.
I made a promise,
To myself,
To never feel caring emotions,
Unless they are requited.

Yet I still see you,
In my dreams,
You haunt each path I take.
How do I remove you,
Set myself free,
Without needless heartbreak?

To know a secret,
Is such a giddy feeling, powerful, fun.

To have someone know you own secret,
Fills you with dread and despair.

An odd
Parallel.

I'm trying to listen,
I really am,
I just don't think,
You understand,
My eyes are heavy,
Your voice is slow,
There are many places,
I'd rather go,
So if I look,
As if I couldn't care less,
You're right,
I'm sorry,
I'm a mess.

What a strange thing it is,
To be so full of sorrow,
And yet be so painfully empty

I'll write love songs on my wrists,
With old, metal blades,
And pretend you can hear the words,
Which I will never say.
But you will never see them,
And I will never speak,
My thoughts are just too heavy,
And my heart is just too weak.

I bargained with Death,
And Death said to me,
"I'll let you live,
But it will be a life full of misery,
And one day you will beg,
For me to come back,
And I will simply turn my head,
And laugh."

I feel as useful as a white crayon,
I feel as if no one will love me again

Why did you go?

Boys say really sweet things like,
"We will get married some day,"
And "I will love you till the day I die,"
Just so you will spread your legs,
And they can get between your thighs,
When truthfully each tender word,
Is nothing but a clever lie,
Disguised as loving truth,
Sweet enough to make you cry,
So please remember next time he says,
"You make me so happy, I dont know why,"
To just say "thanks" and cross your legs,
Because when he leaves you'll want to die.

I will not let myself care for you,
I will not let myself be hurt again.

I knew well enough not to get my hopes up,
But perhaps I was hoping,
That I would be more significant to you.
For if I were,
I would not be ashamed of what we do,
I would not cry because I'm letting it happen again,
And it has nothing to do with your feelings towards me,
Really,
It has everything to do with the lack of them.

What a silly little girl,
Thinking you'd be something more,
Than just late night, drunk ***,
Rolling on the floor.
How naive it was of you,
To pretend you had a chance,
So take your slap to the face,
And wallow in your ignorance.

I told you that you were losing your friends,
I told you my blades were calling me,
I told you we needed you back,
I told you I wanted to die.

And what was your response?
"That's fine."

I still do not understand,
How someone who once loved you,
More than life itself,
Can suddnely be so unendlingly,
Cruel

He says I'm nothing but,
Late night drunk ***,
To you, and thats all.

Yet I turn to another,
And he says,
It isn't just that,
That it's more.

And then I turn to you,
And you say nothing.

I will marry a man,
Who will never let me go to sleep angry,
A man who will hang up the phone,
Then call back right away to apologize.
I will marry a man,
Who never tells me I'm too small,
And never forget to say "I" in front of "love you,"
A man who isn't afraid to kiss me,
Every hour of every day, regardless
Of our surroundings.
I will marry a man,
Who wants to travel with me,
And explore the world,
But knows exactly when I need to stay home.
A man who never judges me weakness,
Or tells me my worries are "wrong,"
But a man who holds me,
Whenever I'm falling apart,
And is never afraid,
To fight for me.
I will marry a man who is all these things,
And somehow even more.
Yet part of me,
Still hopes I'll be marrying you.

I know now that you cannot give me,
What I truly want.
But that doesn't mean,
I'm okay with you leaving.

After our fight,
Two days ago,
You apologized right away,
Saying you wanted to make amends.

You were so upset,
"I want to be friends,"
You told me over and over again.

But when I asked,
If you would stop by,
So we could speak, just
For a little while.

Your response was short,
And oh so simple,
A sad, cold,
"No."

Perhaps I was just,
Another notch on your belt,
Of the 84 women you've ever dated.

I like to think,
What we had was far deeper,
For it lasted four times longer,
Than any of your others.

But you moved right on,
As if we had been nothing,
But a gust of wind in the summer:
Beautiful, but fleeting

I begged for you to stay,
And I'll never forgive myself for being that weak.

I've come to find,
I tend to love the right people,
At the wrong time.

If I cannot love you as a lover,
Then I suppose,
I'll settle for loving you as a friend

You lead me to the door,
I'm not quite ready to go,
We stop and talk again,
For another five minutes,
Perhaps a hug is in order,
But neither of us seem sure.
So you just open the door wide,
For an awkward goodbye.

When my beating heart,
Was falling apart at the seams,
You took a thread and needle,
And stitched each break together,
With your name.

Now you are trying to take,
The strings back out,
But my heart has grown around them,
And your name won't leave my mind.

Your eyes are storms,
Grey and silver and constantly
Churning, lightning sparking the
Brilliance within them.

My eyes are rocks,
Upon the shore,
Where your storms beat waves,
Relentlessly, but the rocks still
Stand.

A ship tried once,
To sail between the two of us;
Storm and Shore.
But your waves were quick to beat them,
And upon my rocks, they were quick to break.

No ship has tried to sail between us,
Since that fateful day.
Such an odd pair we make,
But we always find a way.

Dreams too often become reality,
Now ours have become mixed.
We are living nightmares,
But perhaps we can be fixed?
No, no, no, you won't be trying,
No matter how much I call,
Even as I'm crying,
You don't care at all.

Maybe I don't want to be sad anymore,
Maybe I want to stop crying.
But the pain just won't go away;
The only cure is dying.

This much I know is true:
I'm as much me,
As I am a part of you,
Your words will never change this,
Nor distance, nor time,
And some day in the future,
Again, you will be mine

I wore your love like a cloak,
And with a winter like this,
There is no doubt I'll freeze to death.

You set a glass on my desk,
The day that you left,
And I leave it there in hopes,
That one day you'll come back
To move it

Close your legs,
Little *****,
You are a destination,
Not simply a door.
All your friends will know now,
And each one will judge you so,
You know what will happen,
You've gone through this before,
Silly, slutty, little girl,
When will you learn?
You are a destination not a door.

You promised me forever,
Then so quickly,
You took it away.

You breathed your life into me,
Resuscitated me,
Saved me every single day.

And now you have gone,
You took it and,
Stripped it all away.

How cruel you are,
To try,
And play God.

How dare you tell me
I am not allowed to feel as if
I want my life to end,
When you used to come to me,
With your words screaming the pain
and longing for your own death
Because of the things which she did to you.
How dare you say I cannot want
To hurt myself,
When you have told me
I had caused some of the scars
On your wrist.

You promised me the world,
Then left to go find your own.

I remember I used to be asked by you,
All the time,
"Are you okay?"
And I would say,
"I'm fine."
You would look at me,
With this steady gaze in your,
Storm eyes,
And say,
"I didn't ask if you were fine,
I asked if you were okay."
And now every time I am upset,
You sternly say,
"You're fine."
And I think there is deep
Irony in that.

When your dad finally,
Buys you your hand gun,
I'll carve your name,
Into the bullets and
Place my head on the target.
You've killed me so many times now,
Let's just make it permanent.
And with the bullet and
You name there and
My eyes on you
the whole time,
There will be no doubt
You will be the last thing
Ever going through my head.

I said "People always leave,"
And you said those were
silly people from our
silly, beat up town.
You said that I needent worry
Because we were so much more
than that,
But look at us now
You've left
And I'm still right here.

When you left,
I tore everything apart,
To find my old journals,
And search for you,
My first words of you,
the words you wrote back,
And I found them.
I found them and you're everywhere,
Everywhere in them,
Everywhere in me,
So where are you now?

"The Girl With The Pink Hair"
Will always be dedicated to you,
For giving me a reason to live,
When I thought I didn't have one.

I remember when we were in the shower after the first trip to the sauna, and you got down on one knee and asked me to marry you. And maybe we should have ran far away from this hellhole town right then and there and maybe got hitched in Vegas and got our apartment and published our books because I think we would still be happy if we had left right when you asked.

The weight is dropping off my body,
Like rain rolls off the roof,
My skin is growing tighter,
Like the rope of a noose,
Tight against my rib cage,
The skin forms lips, a pout;
I keep growing smaller,
To get my heart out.

I know the rules,
She has never heard them,
I am colourful, a vibrant ball,
She is bland, dull, tall,
She knows you now,
I know now and past,
She knows not of how you drink,
I know when you've had your last,
I am passion and power,
She is quiet and demure,
She is fat,
And I am thin,
Yet I am out,
And she is in.

Today I came to a stark, sad realization.
I don't think I can be friends with you while you're with her.

Last night I had this dream
That you were here and
You were taking care of me
And then I realized
That maybe
It was a nightmare.

They tell me I'm such a brave girl,
For walking where I've walked.
They tell me I'm a brave girl,
For still breathing.
They tell me how proud of me they are,
For standing tall in front of him
And acting as if I'm okay.
They tell me I'm a brave girl,
But truthfully, I'm afraid.