Thoughts spiraling, so endlessly
Spinning me in circles until I'm blind
Back and forth and back again
Until I don't know what's real anymore.
My brain whispers lies like sweet nothings
Telling me we'll never be what I need
That I'm dumb to want you this much
That I'll always be nothing real to you.
Sometimes I know the thoughts are lying
We talk about it and I promise I believe you
But the doubts are convincing too
And you can always find the evidence you look for.
I just want my brain to stop and slow down
I sow the seeds of my own misery along synapses
I can't imagine the strain this puts on your heart too
And I never wanted to cause you any pain.
My brain tells me I should just run away
That leaving could be best for you and for me
But I love you more than I've ever known
And running won't solve anything.
This well-worn path runs deep into my soul
Over and over again, in pain and in fear
I know they're all a part of the same problem
And I promise I'm fighting to find a way through this.

Where do we go from here?
Your unquestionable feelings
Have cause a rift in my heart
And a bigger one in my trust
Of course I still love you
But I'm angry
Months of you lying about your feelings
And maybe you didn't know about them
Until that playlist of your old songs
Ignited something inside you again
But that doesn't change the fact that they're there
That you're questioning whether to stay or go
And still lying that you don't want him

When you left me
My heart imploded and
It felt like I died

But I was still breathing
And each breathe tasted like smoke
From the fire you lit inside me

I loved you and felt more
In my emotions and my body
Than I think I ever will again

The hot mix of love and anger coursed through my veins
While the cold sting of forgiveness and emptiness filled my lungs
And it left me a freezing, burning mess of confusion and contentment

You were awful to me most days
I cried myself to sleep to your silence
But if you were nice the next morning I rejoiced and felt happy again

Now I am rotting inside
Because what I feel for these women
Is not what I felt for you

I feel empty vibrations in the caverns of my chest
I hear depressing gongs in my ears as they tell me they love me
I feel nothing when I say it back

This guilt is a vine that grows throughout my body
It begins in my lungs and steals my breath away
And it forces my limbs to act without emotion

I am cursed with genes that promote impulsivity and high emotionality
And by a past muddied with traumatic events that still hinder my existence
And by my own choices that have led me to hurt so many innocent people
In my quest to find myself

I am so broken and I don't want pity
I just want to understand why
I ruin every good thing that enters my life

Every day I have to maneuver between reality and what's in my head
I cannot determine if what I feel is real or if it's just the result of years of repression
All I know is that my rotting insides are overgrown with vines that keep me moving
Even though I just want to die.

Out into the warm world I stride
I breathe in the smooth air
But it's filled with cyanide

Autumn sings it's song
with the smell of leaves
Reminding me of a time long gone

How can you keep me trapped
Grasping my lungs and choking out
Every ounce of hope I have left
You're gone but still remain everywhere
Memories flood my mind
As I wish to be anywhere but here

You left more than few marks
You bore deepening scratches within my soul
Your memory a salt stinging my heart

So every time I leave that place
And Smell the deadly fall air
You resurface and destroy any hope of saving face
Because I cannot respect myself alone
So how can I expect any from others
When I know you still have such a strong hold

So I jump on my bike
and ride as fast as I can
Until I reach the prison that is my new home
Where pollution clouds the clean air
But sets me free
From you and our old memories

You may have damaged my soul
But you don't get to steal my art

It's like I've been trapped in a sea of snow
Frozen into nothingness
Numb to feelings and new experiences
Unable to process anything
As my energy slowly depletes
Leaving me feeling less and less alive.

I have just recently learned how
To elbow out some room to breathe
Some room for me
Just enough to give me hope
Just enough movement
To break cracks into the ceiling.

Hairline fractures barely let in the light
But it's enough to feel a sense of warmth
A fire ignited in my stiff bones
My frozen limbs and organs
Slowly beginning to thaw.

It's hard to know what to do with it
This anger that's much more
Than the nothingness that came before it
I've learned that I have to pace myself
Too much and I'll burn myself
Not enough and I freeze again.

But I am angry.
I'm angry at you
And I'm angry at me.
I just want to be free
From this cell of ice that you built for me.
The one I helped maintain
Because you had your nails dug so deep within me
That I cut myself when you left
To mimic that torment
To attempt to function
Through the withdrawal.

The pain you inflicted fueled me
Made me feel alive
And hurting myself couldn't even compare
Because it wasn't enough.
It wasn't you.
It wasn't us.

I was addicted to your energy
To the power you held over me
To that chaos that mimicked my past
So much so
It felt like home.

And that's where I struggle most
Because history repeats itself
And I should've known
That there was never safety in that home
Just emptiness and loneliness
Anxiety and pain
The need to lie to everyone
To ****** or suffocate pieces of myself
So that I could survive
To be whoever anyone needed me to be

Because I didn't matter
I didn't even exist
So why am I surprised to feel that way again?

Although I've survived this **** before
Now my survival skills are
What keep me frozen in place
And learning to love yourself
Feels way more painful
Than learning to hate.

I'm sitting in the bathroom
A knife in my hand
My cats near my feet
How could I do this darkness
In front of such sweet angels?
But still I do
The blood begins to sprout
And halfway through
I wonder why I'm so crazy?
Why am I even upset?
Why am I doing this?
And yet I only feel this calm
Because of the pain
And for the first time in a few days
I finally feel ok

If you ever think about me and it hurts,
I'm sorry but you did this to yourself.
I tried, gave it my all,
and it wasn't enough for you.
I don't regret trying and failing,
because you were worth every attempt:
You helped me out of a bad place and,
despite the fact that you put me back into a darker one,
I am no longer afraid of the darkness.
So I'm sorry I was wrong,
and hopefully your decision reflects what you truly desire in life.
I hope you can find light in the situation,
as I have begun to do;
If you ever need me,
I'm still here if no one else is around
to catch you if you fall.

Tick tick tick
The clock is moving slowly
But my heartbeat is racing
And my mind can't let go
Of the worst possible scenario
In any given situation
My body is buzzing
With the anxiety I don't want to face
Each second is an eternity
Yet somehow I'm still breathing

These past few months,
I haven't been in a good place.
Driving myself mad,
Within my own head.
Isolation,
Aggravation,
Stuck in thoughts of the future,
Or of the past,
Never really living in the present.
I'd sunken into a pit of stress,
Slipping to the bottom,
Submerged,
Until stress was no longer on
a conscious level.

I felt lost.
Alone.
Empty.
Destroyed.
And under no control.
Had gone so far as to diagnose
myself with convinced issues.
When in reality,
I may just be the same,
as
every
other
typical
teenager.

While I still know not what is
wrong,
I will no longer sit back and let
it hold me down.
I'm going to either fight with what
I can
Or continue on smoothly.
No matter the direction,
I will find out eventually,
if I
really
have
just
Lost my mind.

Those nights when I feel like dying
No escape from my sadness or from myself
When you're supposed to be there
When you were supposed to care.
I figured you knew me well enough by now
To be able to notice when I'm losing it
Just laying here, wishing on a star
That something will come put an end to it all.
It hurts me to know that I truly don't know
That even you fall with those I shouldn't trust..
Because I tell you about everything
And find out you're returning nothing.
I feel so alone here and I can't cope
All these emotions to untangle
Surrounded by others with no one to confide in
And then to realize i might be losing my best friend.
If there's such a thing as crazy
Well then I'm well past insane
And if you need me, that's great
But, unfortunately, it's too late.

You're gorgeous but it's so much more than that
You're angered by the injustices of the world
And you've stood up against them
We understand the world in similar ways
That allow us to connect with each other
While your beauty is there
It pale in comparison to your heart
Because although you've been broken
You still push forward and
Your courage and strength are mind blowing
You're heart and soul are so good
Even though I know you don't see it
I know you're not a perfect person
But your the best you there is

I don't understand what I feel
Electricity seizes my heart and
The current spreads down through my lungs
As I hear your breath catch as my hand squeezes yours
The butterflies become nearly unbearable
These feelings choke me and
Make me feel as though I've gone mad
Is it love?
Is it lust?
Does it matter?
It's forbidden
Do we simply want what we can't have?
Or has our old spark ignited
Setting fire to everything when we get too close
If we're not careful
we will get burned

Oh it's sad to see the summer go
When we just began having fun
But it's terrifying to think
That soon we won't be so young.
Next year we'll be gone
Out of this town
And away from these people
That we've grown up with all along.
So it's time to make a change
Leave our mark and take control
Scream 'forget it all'
And just let everything go.
And if we don't return someday,
To these streets among our journeys
We still won't forget;
It'll live on forever in our memories.

I feel so angry
And I can't bring myself
To bleed out these feelings
Across this digital landscape
Because of course I'm in love with you

I don't know if I want to be anymore
So I'll let this blood pool

It seems as though
Everyone I am in love with
Causes me the most damage
While the ones I love less
Seem to love me the most

What a disgusting dichotomy
I feel so stuck in this

I love you
I hate you
I want to die
I don't care at all
I'm crying on my porch
I don't understand what to do
I don't know what I need

I say I need space
You turn around and say
It'll make you want to leave me
I guess if it's such an easy thought
Then it doesn't matter that much

And if I leave you myself
Then this will have all been for nothing
All that hurt
And all that love
All of the struggles we pulled through
Thrown away over one night
One "mistake"
That you probably don't see as one

It's as if you don't know me at all
Broken promises cannot be forgotten
Trust and respect
Those are everything to me
My entire existence originates there
You knew I'd be angry
But you chose to continue instead
So why do I even care
If you clearly don't?

It's been over a year now.
We're set to meet at 11
It's 10:55.
I'm frozen in my car
While I want nothing more than to be friends again
I'm terrified.
What if we're different now?
It's been so long.
But I know there's only one way to really find out
So I'll go inside and find a seat
And wait.

If my younger self were still around
I wonder what they'd think of me
I can't help but think that
They'd be confused
They wouldn't recognize me as theirself
I'd be just another burnt out adult
Scary and unable to epathize
Enough to really understand me
I imagine I'd feel alone and anxious
Staring at this strange reflection
A mutated image
Warped in the rings of teardrops
That stain this puddle under my feet
Where did the curiosity go?
What about the intense emotions?
Any emotions really
I think I'd be afraid
To come face to face with
The future that is my present day

I know that there's so many things
Positive features of this life
That I never could have imagined then
I am still living and breathing
Taking care of myself
Loving and being loved so deeply
I didn't think I'd see 18
Let alone 23
And yet
I can't help but believe
That all the experiences that led me here
Would scare younger me
Enough to change my story
Because there were so many times
I wanted to
And sometimes
I still do

But I know I'm still growing
And there's still time for me
To learn who I am
To celebrate my flaws and strengths
To love myself wholeheartedly
To simply be me
It's just hard sometimes

I'm going ******* nuts
Crazy as hell
Thoughts turn over themselves
In no sort of order.
I say it's just that time
Seasonal depression is terrible
But to be honest I just can't admit
That I need help with this disorder.
I'm afraid
Because I know what I'm capable of
The difference this time is what's on the line
And it's never been this bad before.
I feel it intensifying
And even worse I've made a critical decision
(No longer letting people see that something is wrong)
And I know there will be consequences in store.
I've got the mask prepared
I've become too open lately
To the point where it happens on its own
And now it's provoked an internal war.

Just when I felt lost, trying to forget her, you were there to guide me.
When I thought I'd never get that feeling again, you gave it to me.
You reignited a spark in a broken heart. Made me feel whole again.
It took three years since you knew of the way I felt, I began to doubt the possibility of anything ever coming from it.
Yet I am glad it waited until now, the time we needed it most; our last chance.
We were finally honest with one other.
Not with our words but with our actions.
They expressed what I'd been dying to say for a long time.
What I could never muster the courage to speak.
What I hoped deep inside you wished to tell me as well.
You are a best friend, a sister, and a longtime crush.
And you found a way to fix me. Far more than you can imagine.
With a kiss.
With a touch.
Two scarred hearts are now at peace.

I never understood the hype about memes
But I search for them now
Just so I can tag you and maybe
Make you smile a little more today
Because your smile is the brightest thing
And it makes my heart sing

I know I make everything complicated
I can't promise that won't keep happening
But I will try to take the sting away from pain
Because you deserve the sun
And I'm only human

I can't explain how much losing you
is killing me
And I know it won't stop til
you're a distant memory
But love is forever right?
And I'm a survivor right?
You don't exist in the world
of my consciousness
But I know deep in my soul
there's a place that only you could hold

My chest is burning and I feel like death
You have my heart beating the **** out of my chest
My stomach is burning with the memories I repress
And it seems as though my whole life's become a mess

It's not up to me anymore
I can't save myself
Baby please help me
Give me one last breath
One last reason to live
A reason to fight back
But I know you can't hear me
over the screaming in my head

I'm not saying I'm destined to die
I won't lie, yeah
Suicides been on my mind
It's just that ever since you left
I see less hope to stay alive

To anyone I’ve worried
With my recently ****** up behavior
I’m genuinely sorry
But I cannot
and will not
Reassure you that I’m ok
When I’m not.
I do not want pity
I do not want sympathy
I just need to get my feelings out somehow
And poetry has never failed me.
With the recent cease of my last relationship
I know a lot of people dislike me now
And I get that
And it’s fine
But I’m not heartless.
The way I chose to handle the situation was bad
I could have carried out my decision in a much nicer way
But I ****** up
And I can’t change that now.
It’s my fault that she’s hurting now
And I deserve to be hurting too
Even though I was not IN love with her
She is still my best friend
And I still lost her.
With those decisions,
I also chose to stop taking my medication
Hence why I’m such a mess now
And it makes it worse that
I know I could feel “better” with more pills
But that’ll just hide the symptoms
Even medicated, I still want to die.

My therapist says no one wants to DIE, per say,
We just want to not live in pain.

I do not know the origins from where my pain grows
I’ve been clinically depressed since 7th grade
It seems as though I need the medication
In order to function at all
And that feels ******* awful.
I just want to be genuinely happy
One time
Without the help of these pills
And I have recently
But I don’t want to drag anyone into this hell with me.
I appreciate people reaching out
I really ******* do
But I don’t know what to tell you
Because I don’t think talking is going to solve this
Especially when I can’t find the root.
Just know that although I feel awful
Probably worse than I ever have in my life
I do not have any plans to leave here
Thoughts maybe, but I can’t say I’d ever do anything for real
But thank you for caring
It means a lot and makes my heavy heart a little lighter.

I’m sorry if I worried you.
I hope I’ll be ok someday.

Lost and out of place
Fueled by my feelings
Not sure of my purpose
But I feel for you

I want to write you something
But these words are never enough
Your perfect smile
And your complex eyes
The immense connection existing in
The space between us

I am limited by this language
And as a writer
That's frustrating as hell

Palms pressed flat against cold concrete
I rest my heavy head between them
Heartbeats echo against my eardrums
Rhythmic, like a timer
Fear of impending uncertainty chokes me
I need to cry but have no tears
Forgive me for this indecision
I'm lost and confused in my own mind
I love you, and my heart hurts
I want to run, but I hold myself steady
What's best for me isn't best for my soul
It's the part of me that knows you best
The point of impact when we connect
The place where we met and never left
I love you, and I hate this
Why do I want more, when I have you?
Why does the emptiness hurt this much
When the alternative is simply more void?
The hardest part of this whole situation
Is the reason why I'm still here
I love you and I'm stubborn as hell
I'm not ready to give up on this

I'd like to say you've made me crazy
But that would give you too much mind
I really can't speak much of you
Without making my emotions too quick to find.
I hate you, but i don't
I can't stand you, which is true
But for whatever lost reason
My thoughts still fall on you.

I made a playlist the other week
It bleeds with the sound of us

All those songs you loved
Whether I liked them or not

I listen to them every night
Crying myself to sleep through this pain

Anyone would think I'm crazy
To keep doing this to myself

But the songs echo in my brain
Whether they play out loud or not

And I shouldn't get to live freely
After hurting you so badly

So I'll slowly **** myself with this sadness
And the physical pain of this heartbreak

My chest aches
And my lungs scream

These sobs choke every last breath
And the sounds send me away

Lost in the memories of us:
Driving in your car across the bridge listening to the Killers
Up in your town for Christmas vibing to Grace VanderWaal
Singing different parts to the acapella beauty of Pentatonix
Rocking along to the song we said we'd sing at our wedding

I'm afraid that I can't face life without you
I'm afraid of myself
And I'm afraid for it to snow

Because then the memories won't be just in my head

You'll be everywhere
More than you already are

And I could be dead.

When I think about my future I can't see anything.
It's blurry
and always has been.

Except with you.

When I try to reroute my plans,
I cannot handle the thought of you
not by my side.

I ruined everything.

Because I don't know how to love.

I know I love you, though.

I just don't know in what way.

I wish I had the answers
that would set us free.

Even if that freedom means
you no longer beside me.

I just want to play my music loud
Enough to blow my ******* brains out
There's so much happening all at once
The overstimulation makes me want to run
My system is overwhelmed by love and joy
But that's only one side of the coin
On the flip side, anxiety is everything
So much it feels like I am drowning

It's a shame to see someone reach a moment when everything is so overwhelming that they'd prefer to cease their breathing  than to feel it for another second.

It's even worse to understand that the only time you actually see it is after a blade or a bottle of pills; or maybe a gun or some rope.

You only know it when you read the scrawled out goodbyes of the quiet girl who seemed to have everything right in life.
But still you never truly know.
You never truly feel her pain.

This is for the ones who couldn't make it.
For the ones who had it hard and couldn't push on.
Those who fought with everything they had until there was nothing left.
The ones who felt they were never good enough, or that no one cared.
And for the ones who were never given a chance.

I'm sorry for the hate you endured, the pain you felt, and the people who didn't see. Or those who chose not to.

I'm sorry for the moments when all that was holding you back was a song, or a band, instead of a loving hand.

I'm sorry we couldn't be there.
You are not forgotten.

I feel so alone
Trapped in this life
To me
Intimacy is defined by trust
And since I have issues with that
I'm simply empty
We were so good at one point
Then things changed
And now I don't trust you
I chose not to see you today
I didn't even want to talk
What's happening to me?
What's happening to us?
I feel like nothing
I am not happy
Yet I don't know what to do about it
I could stay with you
With the hopes of fighting this storm
Or I could leave
And forever question my decision
There is nothing easy about this
Loving you used to be so simple
It used to make so much sense
Now I'm not so sure

I want to write
To feel my feelings freely
Spilling from the edge of my lips
Pouring across my bare skin
Inch by inch
I pray for waves
Drowning my body endlessly
Chaotic and
Entirely free
Naturally

Til then I settle for this
Drip by aching drip
Breaking up this fierce drought
Plagued by emptiness
I can feel something's missing
But I know I'm getting closer
Closer to understanding
Closer to becoming whole
Closer to seeing me

As the river whispers louder
And the air grows more humid
I continue on this path to freedom
Moment by moment
Word by word
Feeling by feeling
Until I am submerged completely
And still breathing

They tell me that I'm
Too scared to commit
They tell me that I
Don't know what love is

I know that they're wrong
But the words still sting
Coming from those that I love
I can't say it doesn't bother me

They think that I
Am heartless in all of this
They don't realize my heart
Has broken with every diss

So act like you know me
And slander my name
You may have known me before
But you don't know me today

I think there's something missing
An empty space within my brain
Is it genetics or experience?
Most likely a mix of both
It seems I only feel whole
When my blood is filled with drugs
Energetic electricity
Flowing through my limbs
Substances fill the void
The emptiness I can't stand
I wish I was more than this
Or simply nothing at all
I want to fade into the night
Float away slowly like this high
And instead of returning to humanity
I'll let the wind carry me home

Anger flows freely as the blood in my veins,
The only thing that remains constant in this life of mine.
But it hurts,
And it's a struggle every day.
When every emotion falls back into flames of anger,
Those standing on the side end up getting burned.
The ones I love,
The ones I'm supposed to care for unconditionally,
Only strangers when I lose control.
I have the will to fight on my own;
Letting people in never worked well anyways.
Not when the world is this corrupted.
Trust is for those who haven't been deceived,
Love is for those who can keep their cool
And living is for those who aren't already dead.

All the ******* and all the lies
I dare you to take a look inside.
Behind the cracked armor
I'm really a broken soldier.
Those who were your friends,
Your brothers and sisters
Were really enemies with secret identities
Those who you chose to trust
Stabbed you blindly in the back.
And tonight they're everything
Everywhere
In the nightmares
In the memories
I never thought it would be so hard.
And now I'm addicted.
I need it just as much as they needed me
As much as I need them.
And it's this pain and anguish
That will finally help me get over you.

First, ink and tree leaves
      Fresh or processed, it works nonetheless
seek a tranquil abode
      And allow creativity to flow through throbbing veins
lock the doors, close your eyes,
      Trap yourself in your consciousness
no escape for the wicked and divine
      Allow the fear of yourself to boil,
the image of her that burns behind your eyes to scald you,
      And the anticipatory chills to soak your entire body.
let them twirl and collide
      Car collisions, fists against walls
face these lost horrors living in the depths of your mind
      Tickle the subconscious,
drifting enough to dream,
      But awake enough to feel the lightening of this storm.
tease and ****** it until it claws for an escape
      Poke and ****, burn it to squirm
the perfect result will be worth the torture.
      Then, at the peak of destruction
when it’s nearing death and combustion
      Release it onto the whiteness of the page
tarnishing it, impure.

Moments with you feel ethereal
When your hand rests on my chest
We're skin to skin but
You touch my heart with ease
As my fingertips trail your cheek
Gently tracing the lines of your face
I am breathing in every detail
Aching to memorize all of you
This connection is magical
Our energies dance in tranquility
And the breathtaking depth of your soul
Brings me to my knees
I've never known a love like this
Never collided so gently with another
You are a once in a lifetime love
And I'm grateful I found you in mine
I want to give you the universe
Because you mean all of them to me
Although time has never existed here
I hope our souls meet forever

Another one of those nights..
Surrounded by darkness in an attempt to hide from reality.
Blasted music to cover painful memories.
Just another night where music saves my life.
While the pain is no longer caused physically
There's nothing to stop my thoughts from taking control.
I'm dying inside, drowning in open water;
The music's the only thing keeping me afloat.
So as I lay here in the dark
With the volume increasing slowly,
Don't assume I don't care.
If I didn't, I wouldn't still be fighting the current.

I know you don’t trust me

And I wouldn’t normally either

But for once I am certain in my own emotions

Because I can count the number of poems

I’ve written for anyone else

On a single hand

And yours could fill a novel

I feel like I'm floating
More like free falling
Down down down
Into the darkness of the ocean
No, it's not water though
It's more like sand
Coating my throat with each inhale
Sinking slowly into the cold
Until my heart starts to beat again
As I remember who I am
As I remember what's important to me
This internal heat
Offers me the strength
To crawl through the shadows
Slide between thick layers of oppressive particles
Until my hands break free
Into the sweet clean air
I cannot taste it yet
But I know it's there
Patiently awaiting my return
To the world
To myself
To living

I may not be there yet
But I know one day I will be

And all of a sudden you wake up one morning and everything has changed
No one cares anymore
And there's nothing you can do except try to take it all in
And Try not to lose your mind

We're standing at an invisible wall
Staring into the deep blue abyss
As graceful creatures glide by
I am breathless
You ask me to sit with you and I do
Careful not to lean too close
Trying to figure out if it's in my head
Or if you're leaning in a little too
Wherever we are, time isn't
We talk and watch sharks circling by
As people come and go before us
I'd gladly sit here all night with you
I'm not pulled to you by the rush of my heartbeat
Although that is distracting too
It's this calm and comfortable essence
The balancing act of our energies
I want to hold your hand and
I want you to think I'm cute
And even if it isn't mutual
I still want to be right here with you

For what it's worth,
You were always my favorite mistake.

Knowing I will see you again soon
does more to calm me down
than any questions you may have answered.

May I remove these hooks from my heart
Dislodge ice-hot metal from burning flesh

May the air rush through these wounds
A fresh breath, painful and promising

May I feel the emptiness in freefall
As the universe guides me into the unknown

May these holes built of loss and longing
Transform into refuge for peace and calm

I know that a life in chains isn't living
As I know letting go requires faith

May I find the courage to break away from painful familiarity
And to fall into the terrifying freedom of oblivion

I don't want you to be
Just another date I remember
Every year that goes by
I don't want to have to think about how we were
And how it'll never be again
But what I want brought us into this mess of a situation
And what you feel could take us out of it
Or leave me here to suffocate in it

What do you do
When the universe gives you the chance
To get exactly what you wanted
At the worst possible time?

2 weeks ago I would have dropped everything
And given in to anything you'd asked
But now things feel different
I had the closure I needed
And I feel happy again

But my feelings haven't changed
I still love you
But I also don't know
If this is what I want anymore

Do I limit myself into the lonely world of monogamy
In order to secure our beautiful future?
Or do I continue my current happiness
Toward a future entirely unknown?

One year
365 days
Who knew one person
Could cause so much change
My heart has healed
More in this past year
Than ever in my entire life
You loved me and my broken soul
And all my imperfections
Until I had enough in me
To give all of myself to you

It took time for me to realize it
But I am undeniably in love with you
From the day you first said hello
I knew you were special
And even though I put you through hell
I knew I couldn't let you go

You are my world
My rock
And my best friend
I cannot imagine a life
Without you by my side
And I try my best to be
The best for you too

Forever feels too short
As the present seems to speed on
But I will love you until the last sun sets
And the last star falls to the ground
Until the world falls silent
And the earth stops spinning
Darling I will love you through all eternities

And every day
I will be grateful
knowing that
Somehow, in some unfathomable way
you love me too

Happy Anniversary, for now and for always, I love you.

I am worth love
This body is a part of me
It is beautiful as it is
My worth is not defined by others
I accept my flaws with
Everything they bring
I am not alone
My friends actually care
My relationships are healthy
I love my partners through anything
I am strong
My depression does not define me
I control my own future
I do what I want
I am living my best life
I am happy

The red parallels that lined my arms
Have now faded to white
You'd think they'd give me hope again
But I can barely stand this life

I miss the blood running down my skin
Staining my lifeless limbs
Bringing my distorted insides out
Those demons pouring from deep within.