Scrolling through the past Is informational It reminds us of who we once were And who we've become Rediscovering feelings We had almost forgotten we had And we'd shared them with the world And we didn't do half bad I thought I'd never escape her Her iron grip leaving bruises where she held us But we did We made it Life got a little better for it too
We aren't fixed We are still sad We still have depression But it's not as bad as it was She's gone from our lives Our abuser Tormenter Stepmother
And she dares to call herself a fighter
I was scrolling through my old poems, and I was reading one comment on my poem "Cuts" from when I was stuck with the woman who abused me every chance she got. If you're reading this, it got better. I'm not healed yet, but it has gotten better. To those of you who've stayed with me this long: Thank you
If I'm going to die someday anyway I guess I might as well stay So I guess I'll stay Ready to live another day Start to dance and play Live life to the fullest Even though it hurts So when I finally lay down to rest I'll be proud of the life I lead We're all going to die Someday Please don't rush it Stay Use what little time you have To the fullest
this is what i've become sleepless time has no meaning for me anymore not enough hours in the day and it's all your fault you started the chain reaction i am lucky to have a night without dreams i blame you for my scarred soul that would flicker like a candle in a breeze in the wake of another bad dream
nightmares stemming from my broken heart i am terrified to sleep i want you to wake up crying like me just to understand what you did to me i'd like to see you do it get your heart obliterated eviscerated but you've spread so many false feelings i doubt that you have a heart to obliterate
that's all changing now one single message that's all it takes for me to smile for the particles of my heart to solidify and beat faster once more that one single message full of care, and true worry for my sanity for the darkening circles under my eyes for me i'm not so scared to sleep anymore
he rubs my knee while I snore wakes me when i whimper or cry his fingers drawing circles on my palm make goosebumps explode over my skin for once, i have pleasant dreams hardly appropriate considering how his kisses take me to another plane those brown eyes make me weak he's more than you could ever be a gentleman someone i can trust with my heart and with my dreams
he's willing to wait for me keep me safe make me smile i can't remember the last time I felt anything let alone comfort from a boy's hug i could sleep right there on his shoulder without a single care
the odd night comes around i finally get to sleep at a time that's considered reasonable you creep back into my dreams to rip my heart out all over again except this time, i imagine him there warm arms circle my waist cold hands hold mine my dreams melt away as my eyes focus the dark makes it hard but white eyelashes flutter on his face as he tugs me closer and smiles to himself when i curl into him and close my eyes.
recovery isn’t cool. it is exhausting, terrifying and scary. to know you have to lose control completely, over everything you used to do, before you are able to get it back again.
most days, even getting out of bed is a challenge. and some days i fail. but that’s okay, i’m slowly getting better. at my own speed. i’m also learning to have more faith in what will come my way and what eventually will not stay.
I kept punishing myself for not being whole after four years But I didn’t realize that if I never spoke about it I was never going to get any where in my recovery So I finally began the process to victory It is one of the hardest things I have ever put myself through I am grateful for each tear I am shedding Because I know they get me one step closer to being new For every panic attack and punishment I have done to myself I apologize for not beginning my path to recovery sooner I am a work in progress and I am getting better