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Nicole Jan 15
Sweet baby kitten
Veiled in black cat energy
I find home in your hazel eyes
As you share your soul with me

Wrapped into my arms
We fit together so perfectly
I'll hold you steady and safe
In our knot of sacred unity

Gentle forehead kisses
And laughing uncontrollably
I fall more in love with you
Building these sweet core memories

No thoughts are off limits
We've made safety a priority
Gay talks in blanket forts
Sharing our souls so vulnerably

Our connection is a precious gift
Grown from honor, trust, and empathy
You're all I never knew I needed
And I'll love you for all eternities
Nicole Dec 2023
I'll kiss you until my lips are raw
Devotion and passion as if to god
I'll worship your body with every movement
And give you my soul like it's sacrament
Nicole Dec 2023
Hallways of stone
My knees scrape against the cold lifeless floor
As condensation soaks into the fabric of my existence
I came looking for you and I found myself
Lost
Fallen before a door, densely metallic
No one in, no one out
There used to be light here once.
We could move through pathways freely
Tracing the space between our selves
Settling in one another with fluidity.

I am here alone now.

I write you letters often
Little invitations to return
Back to a place we used to be
Back when I could find you here
There was resistance then too
But you opened the door if I knocked enough
Fists pleading with steel gates
My hands are broken now
They were broken before but
Now
I stopped to bandage them

Do your walls have windows?
Can you still see me here?
Desperately craving connection
Hoping for a moment to see you
To feel your soul's energy again
For this hallway to hold life once more
Or am I invisible without the sound?
Without the pushing and fighting,
Do I cease to exist?

I know this isn't about me
Things are not that simplistic
But I thought
I taught you
How to love me


I tell you I feel disconnected
And you say You'll be fine
Right.
Ok.
I'm still here if you need anything
Still waiting in these damp halls
Alone with the hope of something more
Because I believe in you and in us
But I won't beg you to love me
Nicole Dec 2023
I feel you fully, skin to skin
Begging my brain to let you in
To push past the chatter and fear I feel
So we can continue to build what feels so real
Underneath the panic and the ecstasy
Our souls blend together like alchemy
Your hazel eyes feel like pathways home
So familiar, though still trails unknown
My heart aches for yours in the in between
As my mind grasps desperately for what it means
And while this life will give us no certainty
I deeply believe in you and me
Nicole Dec 2023
They call it "chemistry"
But it feels like much more to me

Everything else ceases to exist
So nothing but Us is relevant

Our souls found a secret place
A quiet piece of the universe's space

Somewhere to breathe and intertwine
Your energy dancing with mine

A place where people rarely meet
Yet we found ourselves so naturally

And maybe it's insanity
But you feel like magic to me
Nicole Oct 2023
Head heavy
Chest empty
Brain swimming endlessly
Stomach churning
Throat burning
This broken heart is destiny
Spiraled thoughts
My mind is taut
The OCD attacks fully
These stupid lies
Waste so much time
As if you'd ever think of me
Nicole Oct 2023
Emptiness rings heavy in my chest
Echoing demands are overwhelming
I thought I figured this out already
Settled the storm that rages inside me
I guess it's just one of those things
A problem without a clear ending
A lifelong battle I have with myself
Winning or losing, it's all the same thing

This dark hole is a part of my soul
Not just a stain that washes away
The Void lives and breathes and beckons
It's more than a place that I can escape
I've ran and fought and conceded
Fed it everything it's craved
Nothing could ever be enough for it
It's made of more than empty space

Constucted from trauma and pain
By social lies of what happiness means
It's deeply fueled by insecurity
The Void is built on broken dreams
It won't ever let me feel whole again
So it say I'm just a broken thing
Even though I know that it's lying
I'm still tempted to give it everything
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