My lips brush against your forehead
As my arms pull you close
You're soft and warm and precious
Our breathing aligns like our energies
I want to keep you safe
To kiss you every day for the rest of my life
To give you all of my heart
And build up a gentle home
The world can be a cold and dark place
But your heart is pure light
You radiate love and care
And knowing you is a truly a gift
Your stunning eyes and beautiful smile
Can so easily bring me to my knees
You disarm me without even trying
As your soul whispers into mine
Encouraging and sweet
You've been a support on my darker days
And I am eternally grateful
To trust you with my vulnerability
You've awoken something within me
That I never knew existed
A piece of my soul buried deep
It knew you immediately
The moment I saw you,
When I heard you speak
I knew without a doubt
That I needed you in my life
It didn't make sense to me then
But now it's all too clear
The universe was our guiding light
And our love is a sacred space
Inspired by you and "Heavenly" by Broadside
You are solid ground
When it feels like I'm falling.
I want to be your parachute
To give you a safe space to land.
You are steady and safe
In a world shaken and turbulent.
I want to hold space for you feelings
When everything is too much.
You are a soft, warm hug
In the coldest night air.
I want to walk with you through the darkness,
Supportive and steadying.
You are truly a gift and
A love I cherish deeply.
I want to feel your soul dance with mine
But I know they already do.
I love you sweet baby
And one day I'll kiss you too
Limbs cut through crisp air
I am falling, back first, into the abyss
Arms flail to find ground
But only air exists here
It blows through my heart and
Out through my chest
My spinning heart a weather vane
At the mercy of gravity and earth
Convulsions flare uncontrollably
Panic awaking panic
The danger paints everything in shadows
So even the sun haunts this place
I don't want to feel this
I don't want to lose control
But in falling, that decision isn't mine
I can only accept this state
Trying to control the uncontrollable
Will only cause more harm
I need to love myself enough
To love myself when I'm not ok
When I think of Milwaukee
I can't not think of you
I know I wasn't good
But you made the city palatable
It's a complicated feeling
All these broken memories
So many challenges
But I remember holding your hand
Walking the streets so many days
Brady and beyond
It's hard to miss you
When I can't miss us
Back then I was broken
But you were always good
I wish I could take it all back
Erase all the times I hurt you
Not so we could work out
Just because I know you deserve better
And I'm so so sorry
I wish I could absorb your pain
I wish I could remove every mistake
Every ****** up thing I did and said
You didn't deserve any of it
And no matter where we are
I'll remember that forever
Tacoma may not be our city
But Milwaukee always was
I can't picture my time there
Without you next to me
So the thought of it
Immediately brings me to tears
The memories are broken and bittersweet
And hurt more than anything
We were alone together
And together through it all
These memories hurt like hell
But I just hope you're ok
And maybe today you can't be
But I know that within this grief
I'd sell half my soul
Just to know you're ok
I crave to build a home
But I push everyone away
I want to set up a foundation
But every time I set it ablaze
I want something ethereal
But I ruin everything I touch
I want what doesn't exist
But I keep ignoring the rough
I want to stop running
But it's like I'm stuck on repeat
I want to give up
But I also can't stomach defeat
I want to let go of this life
Some days just feel like too much
I want you to "love" me
But I know even that won't be enough
I can never own a gun
Because if I did
I'd be dead.
What is wrong with me?
One moment everything is fine
Then I'm triggered and gone
As if it's always been this way.
Why can't I feel ok alone?
I know I'm good and enough
But when you're not here
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Days pass on top of days
I can feel myself burning out
I need time with myself to recharge
But I have an insatiable ache for you.
I'm mad at myself for this
It's not your fault
But it'd be easier if it was
I wish I didn't need anyone else, but I do.
I never asked for this life
Everything is painful and I don't understand
How so many people just keep going
For as long as a lifetime.
Every connection feels life changing
Witnessing your humanity moves my soul
But is it real or just an illusion in my mind?
Do I see you or just a projection of me?
I want to cling and I want to run
I want to text you and to give you space
I want to say **** it all and I want to stay
So many dualities that I can't breathe.
I should be happy because things are fine
Nothing is inherently wrong
But I feel so unsettled and uncomfortable
Like nothing will ever be enough for me.
I just want to be ok
And I don't want to need anyone else
I have to learn to balance these issues
With the curse of my human condition.
You isn't one, but many