I miss your arms around me
Enveloping like wild weeds,
How you held me tight
Like you needed me to breathe
I miss the way we fit
Like awkward puzzle pieces
How you'd get annoyed
But I'd soothe it all with kisses
We weren't meant to be
Yet we needed each other,
Two lost sounds in this world
Oh how I wish we weren't over.

I want to be to you
what Ginger was to Fred;
     irreplaceable,
          always together,
               *backwards.

I live my life on the phone, listening to the never ending ringing and a prerecorded voicemail asking me to leave a message.
it's not even your voice, which is all I've been longing for
the twang in it, the way you say your name, the way you say mine, I miss you, I love you.
my body craves your touch but my soul craves your sound and the way it makes me feel.
five years ago it started and since then I've spent it waiting, always waiting,
waiting for you to love me like I have always loved you.

"i love you, but i can't do this right now.
i need a break to think.
we can try again in a bit."

Do you know how stupid that is?
You don't get to pick and choose when to be with me.
You don't get to wait 'til it's easier and less stressful.
Life will always be stressful,
and love is never easy.
I guess I should have expected this,
from a boy who still likes Hollister.

i've been running for months now
searching for what has been missing,
trying to find my way
to a home that does not exist.

i've been crying for months now
searching for another soul,
one as lonely as i
that can understand my pain

i've been scavenging for months now
searching for a way to survive,
selling the old me
in hopes that the new one will thrive

i've been loving you for months now
not that you'll probably ever know,
for your eyes draw me in
and your lips awaken my soul.

it's kinda funny that every time someone asks me how he died
i know i have to tell them he was a ****** addict with a bad batch of ******
then autocorrect takes over -
and it's "he was a heroine addict with a bad ***** of a heroine"

one rehab after another - he tried to get sober -
but always ran back to drugs
one relationship after another - he looked for someone to save him -
but always ran back to me

maybe i'll stop trying to fix my auto-correct
******, heroine - what's the difference?
we both killed him in the end

He...
He made me feel alive,
And you...
you make me feel secure.
But I never liked feeling secure -
I thrive on the chaos,
I create it.
The craziness makes me feel sane
and gives me the clarity so lacking when I first created the mess.
Now I go along fixing it;
Solving problems,
Working my *** off
All while smoking myself into oblivion.
Bars every night at midnight,
My bed left untouched most hours of the day -
With the trash over flowing
And clothes strewn all over the room.
He fed my wild spirit,
ours on the road make me feel more at home than any place ever could.
Now I have a home and now I have you -
But something in me is lacking,
I thrive on the chaos,
I was never meant to stay.

They say that suicide is just exhaustion
from trying to be strong,
or brave,
or happy.
From trying to have hope
when everything seems hopeless
and everything is falling apart.

Every night I'm exhausted
from this part I play
day in and day out ––
from hopelessly trying
to make anything work out
when everything I touch falls to pieces.

They say you need something to hold onto,
but the only thing keeping me going
is this playlist sent to me
by a guy who doesn't even care anymore ––
maybe he never did ––
because you don't leave someone hanging
when you know they're hanging by a thread.

Every night I pray
to fall deep asleep
and never have to face another day.
Or to wake up and drive
to a place brand new
where no one can touch me ––
not even you.

when i fall you're there to catch me
when i'm too weak to stand we lay,
side by side always together:
forever and a day

six years ago we met
and my life was changed forever
knew it then i didn't,
how you'd stand by me whenever

through stormy skies
and peaceful nights
we're stronger together
fighting these fights

you mirror the good and blur the bad
your heart good and true,
without you to guide me
i don't know what i'd do

together we'll dance
together we'll rise
together we'll make it
to see brighter skies.

can you hear them calling?
calling, calling her name
they're waiting for her to come.
they don't know her name,
but are aware of her pain;
they've been through it all before.
dressed to the nines,
linked together in lines
supporting one another indefinitely.
their personalities screaming out loud.
a sense of togetherness surrounds
dulling that pain in your heart
but one thig's the same,
barely noticeable at first;
determination and courage represented
in that little pink ribbon and a race,
laughing together, right in fear's face.

Mirror mirror on the wall.
Watch me watch me while I fall;
and when the dark encloses me,
make it end, let me be.

I've worn this cross for far too long,
I've read this book, sung this song.
My life, to him I gladly gave
and he took my heart down to his grave.

But with him my soul cannot lie;
my wings were bound,
yet I was meant to fly.
I'll stumble through, try to fill this space,
from when you left me alone in this hellish place.

love me so, love me though
my heart is not yet at the ready.
see me through, see me new
a person rebuilding from thine past.
stabbed through the heart,
broken from the start
this romance doomed 'fore the bloom.
you love me so, you love me though
I cannot return the favour

I was trying to apply for a student credit card
But everyone kept denying me
We didn't know why.
Today I was told my identity was stolen
I wasn't too surprised
It's funny, I've been saying that I haven't felt like myself for years,
I guess I really haven't been...

the stars remind me of your eyes;
           so bright and brilliant
far, too clouded to see.

why do you make my heart beat so fast?
i feel like it's pounding out of my chest.
i don't know how much longer i can take it
i fear it will stop all together, be put to rest.
they say love is butterflies,
but instead mine are hawks
and a venom in my blood
i don't know what to do
and i don't know what to say,
all i know is that i need you
yet you remain so far away.
you used to be mine but now are hers
and how that happened i'll never know
but just your name drives me crazy
you're my highest high and my lowest low.

I already feel sick, thinking of seeing you,
spending the night with you
and not even being able to really be with you
3 months still to go.
but I really want to go, and I can't let you hold me back
you're always holding me back,
from trusting, from loving from falling
3 months still to go.
what will I feel, what will I say, will I be able to read you
like you've always been able to read me.
I want to touch you, my body craves you
but I know you're not mine for the taking.
3 months still to go
they ask me if I can do this, I smile and say yes
yet I've never been more unsure in my life.
you were my person, you were my happiness
and you left me so empty, how could I ever move on...
3 months still to go...

No one knows I tried to **** myself the other day.
No one knows I took a sip of my favorite wine
As I began to swallow each pill in the bottle ––
Or that I can't even look at that wine anymore.
No one knows I sat there crying, screaming silently
While my roommate chatted outside my door,
Unaware of what was happening inside.
No one knows about the letter I keep hidden in my bible ––
Or how my heart broke to think of who I'd leave behind
No one knows I had lost my will to fight––
At least not until your name popped up on my phone,
Answering my unspoken cry for help and making me promise to stay.
No one knows I wanted to die, but now instead,
Because of you, I live.

I believed all your lies,
all those stories that lead to goodbyes
"I'm not going anywhere,
and I will always, always be there"
what a bunch of bull you told me.
here hoping, praying that you will soon see;
you broke your promise,
broke my heart,
so was it a lie from the start?
you kept of playing with my feeling
now i'm just sitting here while you're leaving.
my heart is broken, broken bad
never thought I could be this sad,
what you did I can't forgive
and now i must find a way to live
with this hole that you have left;
in my heart and in my life.

someone asked me out,
he could have been perfect...
but i said no;
i don't date, i have too much baggage
but that was a lie.
i see people all the time
i just don't see love,
not since the day you left
and took my heart with you...

"I'm just trying to care"
I've never have words cut so deep before,
you used to tell me you loved me,
how I was the best thing that happened to you,
but now all I get is a I'm trying to care?

words like that are why I don't let people in
why I exist on this planet all by myself,
guarded, locked up, silent
because you shouldn't have to try,
not if you actually loved me.

No need to thank me
That's what he said
But I wanted to
- that was a lie.
I didn't just want to thank you
I wanted to run and scream and tell the world your praises
Why?
You made me smile
When I was starting to forget what it looked like.

maybe i wanted you to leave
maybe i wanted you to go
maybe it's true i pushed you away,
it's only because i know,
no one ever stays

maybe i liked you a lot
maybe i could have learned to love
maybe your smile filled my world
and the sound of your voice
it made my toes curl

maybe you are just really busy
maybe you're just a little distant
maybe i wish that you knew
about all the things i thought
and i felt for you.

i heard what you told me
but i saw your eyes...
then i read what you wrote
and now i wish mine were blind.

i wanna scream,
i wanna shout,
cry real loud
and let it out.
i'm going down,
i watch me fall,
all alone
against this wall.
my heart is racing,
my head is spinning,
i've gone too far
no hope in winning.
my world has crumbled
where I stood
and screaming now
won't do no good.

like an animal waiting to pounce,
the effects are disastrous
and tough to undo.
she’s dying to be noticed,
dying to be loved.
she’s crying at night,
it’s her lullaby.
there’s a mask on her face
that hides all the worry,
locks all the pain inside.
when you look into her eyes,
look into her soul.
don’t stop just on the surface.
she’s crying inside and asking herself,
why can’t anyone hear me?

I loved you and you turned me to stone -
Took my soft words of caring
And sharpened them into daggers.
Stabbed me right through,
Cut out my heart
And left me to bleed out on the floor -
Stole the hope I had left and gave it to her
Used my kindness for your own personal gain
And got angry when I had nothing left to give

I loved you and you turned into a monster -
Or maybe you always were
And I was just too blind to see it.
The anger when things didn’t go your way -
When I stopped walking on eggshells
And began to raise my voice

I loved you and you destroyed me -
Broke me to pieces I may never repair
Rid my world of all that was good
Made sure I’d never feel safe;
That no place would ever feel like home
Forever bound to roam
Reminiscing on my life
Before I truly knew how hate could ****

illuminare la notte con le stelle
non c'è mai stato un amore come il nostro.
il mondo è nostro per la presa,
non ha senso in noi in attesa
accendere il fuoco, accendere la fiamma
la nostra spericolatezza è la colpa.
danzare questa danza e correre il rischio
questa sarà una grande storia d'amore
accendere la candela nel mio cuore
prendi la mia mano, questo sarà l'inizio.

I'd forgotten what it was like,
to feel alive, cared for and wanted.
I'd forgotten that I thrive,
on talking so late at night.
Then you came into my life,
flipped my world right over.
The beauty for life in your eyes,
gave mine a new order.

talk about restless;
minutely i change my mind
make plans,
change them,
forget about them,
and make more plans.
blend them together
now pull them apart.

i do the same with my looks
and my words
and my thoughts...
that's the scary part;
for a girl so restless,
you sure make me wanna stay.

if I could trade places with him I would.
if I had to give him up forever;
never see his face
or hear his voice
just to have him back in this world -
I could do it.
stab me through the chest and give my heart to him
let the beat run through his body and bring him back to life.
I will stand cut wide open and barely feel a thing
because just the knowledge that he is back
is better than any drug that he has ever done.
and I will give up my life,
dedicate it to him;
spend forever making sure he never feels anymore pain -
make sure he knows his worth.
I will carve his name into my skin and my soul;
let everyone know that I am his
and his alone.
living without him is not an option,
I will give him my last breath if that is what it takes.
Dear God,
give me one more day with him,
one more hour to say goodbye -
let me fill up his heart with love
so he can rest knowing how much he will be missed in this world
or let me go with him
and feel the everlasting fires in hell
or the peace of heaven
just let me never have to say goodbye to the one who gives me life.
I didn’t know a world with him in it
and now I cannot see one without.
in a place filled with darkness he gave me light,
a deluminator whose switch was crafted to turn on with words of love and understanding,
turn off by loneliness and desperation.
that white picket fence, it drove him insane;
wanted to get married at sixteen to a wild child who just wanted to fly
I didn’t know where I was going
or where I would end up
but I wanted him there when i got there
and I didn’t know how to convey that,
broke his spirit and his heart,
he went mad with his need for a family and my resistance to comply,
so young and in love
yet so confused we spun a fairytale into a nightmare
and turned our dreams into dust.

if you fail once,
stop trying altogether;
distance yourself from those who care
and keep
running
away.

never get close
or let anyone in
that way you'll never feel pain again-
for a soul can only break so much before it shatters.

fill yourself up with the sins of the world
they'll give you an illusion of happiness,
enough to keep going into your next dismal day.

****
yourself
slowly;
let each breath feel like a knife to your heart -
know only pain in a world full of suffering.

let the darkness overwhelm
until it begins to feel like home
and make your bed
in a pit of despair.

cry yourself to sleep,
and smile during the day -
suffer,
but let no one know.

in truth i was always leaving-
so much in fact,
i wasn't sure that i ever truly arrived.

i was drawn to the places i was not,
seduced by minds not yet understood
and enticed by paths left unexplored.

the world is too vast to stay put -
i will follow where the wind go,
consume the knowledge of all i meet
and soak in the wonder of the skies.

for i am insatiable and always wanting,
unable to soothe my wandering soul;
home has never had a name,
nor love a heart to hold.

but please sit with these weary bones;
give me a place to lay my head,
i'll stay with you till morning -
and wait to begin again.

Talking to you, it feels like home again.
We're not really saying anything
But that says everything
I miss you, I'll come visit,
How have you been?
It's better than nothing
And I'll take what I can get.
It's funny how far we can come,
How much things can change
Yet you're still my comfort
It's like you never hurt me
Back to being just friends.
But, we were never just friends
So here I guess we'll begin again.

maybe one day i'll live among the stars
but for now i'll lay awake thinking...

of a place full of bliss
and free of pain
where my heart was never broken
and my body never beaten.

i was meant to live along the sea
but for now it'll consume my dreams...

of a place where the ocean is clear
and the waves are my lullaby
where the sun shines bright
and my smile never dulls.

one day i'll live among the stars,
until then your eyes will have to do.

Then the tears came flowing
Pouring down her face
And the release in relinquishing her pain into the open,
Even if it was her alone in her room,
Brought a stillness of peace
At least, the closest thing to it she'd felt in a while
And so she wrote and she wrote and she wrote
Hoping it would take the pain out of her and onto the paper instead
Let her make sense of it all
And figure out what to do.
But no help came and the picture remained muddled
So with her tear stained cheeks she curled up to sleep
Praying it would be her last

Society wasn't meant to handle us
be able to understand us;
and so we cannot understand ourselves.
They don't know what it is like to feel and see everything so deeply and vibrantly
that you begin to feel and see no more.

Instead they diagnose us and they “treat” us.
Say it with me:
“I AM THE MEDICATED YOUTH.”

But I will not be ashamed. I stand proud
Because while the drugs may dull and fix the pain on the surface,
I remain an anomaly, something so rare and unique ––
Something so misunderstood they're afraid and don't know what to do.
uncontrollable, unrestrainable,
free.

The patter of an early evening rainstorm awakens her
and she untangles her sweaty limbs from those of her lover.
The sun has begun to set;
the thrill of adventure calls to her once more.
He begins to stir, awoken by her chaotic movements;
And lazily admires her beauty as she sifts through mounds of overdue laundry,
still smelling of suntan lotion and chlorine,
in search of the perfect shirt.
She’s late, as always,
She can hear her friends are outside in the car -
blasting throwbacks and spilling drinks
as the laugh and scream for her to hurry.
They fly through the night -
windows open letting the cool breeze filter the air thick of smoke and jubilance
All too eager to reach their destination;
moon children growing restless under the stars.
The ocean calls her home and its salty air clears her mind
as flames shoot out of the fire,
crackling and popping in the midnight sky.
Cheers are heard as bottles are passed;
pulling her head back out of the clouds.
Champagne to welcome the sunrise,
whiskey to bid summer adieu.
Daylight begins to break -
she takes one last drag of her cigarette and turns to go.
He’s still sleeping when she arrives,
this time she’s more careful not to wake him when she leaves.
The morning dew on bare feet remind her it’s time to move on -
the mountains are calling her name and to them she would roam;
it was always temporary,
changing with the seasons.
But to him -  
she tasted like skittles,
and she smelled like summer;
one he would never forget.

Do you ever feel so cold,
almost burning yourself to get warm
yet never succeeding, never feeling soothed
only to realize it all came from within.

you have yours, i have mine
but they fit together so well
we're no longer together
no hope for our future
yet we're still always combined

you make me smile, i'll make you laugh
together things just seemed better
we're no longer together
but we're both always there
helping each other get through

you waited for me, i took too long
ruined our chances of happiness
but i'll always care for you so
just wanted you to know
how much you mean to me.

Sleepless,
Who would have ever thought someone so sleepy would be sleepless...
Yet laying here completely at ease and relaxed; that's what I am.
Because a second sleeping is a second I don't get to see your face,
Time where I could be telling you I love you
Kissing you, making you laugh.
So here I'll lay sleepless,
Watching you sleep
And wondering what's going on in that pretty little head of yours.
It's said you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams
You were my dream and I didn't even know it,
Now its my reality
So here I'll lay sleepless,
But forever happy,
In your arms.

The winds blows over
As the sun caves in
And I can feel my heart being buried;
The way he looked at me -
No through me
Spoke louder than his screaming at my door.
And panic settled into me
Like the rocking chair my body had become
With the mantra of leave me alone, leave me alone, let me go in peace!
I knew this would be it -
My end if he got in;
For he had lost when he thought he would win
Didn't break me as much as he'd wanted to
Didn't become the pawn in his scheme
I rebelled and made my own way
Took the knife out of me and stabbed him straight through
This would be his revenge
The ending of my life
But in the end all I lost was my safety,
My feeling of comfort and stability
And without that I can grow freely
Without inhibition become who I know I can be
He tried to destroy who I was
But in the end he just helped me to see

For years I stayed through his ****, a compulsive liar, selfish, demanding, always too serious
But i loved him all the same,
Now I stand alone, left in the cruelest way possible.
Ruined before, now ruined even more.
The drugs won him over and now the drugs help me cope.
I was lost with a road map.
Now even that's been burned and I can't see which way is up.
I guess I'll just keep staying, waiting on forever.

you're all i want
and all i need
the reason that
my heart still beats
your love it makes me feel so alive
and like there's nothing
that i could not survive.
be mine forever,
till the end of time
you'll be the star
of every love rhyme

All of a sudden the air felt heavy;
I’d heard her name one too many times,
dreamt of her in my place for yet another night.
He could claim I was the one -
but her memory still lingered on the walls,
slowly suffocating me more each day.

It's funny how one moment can change you
Flip your whole world upside down
That's how I felt when I met you
In your eyes a new world to be found.

It's funny that you're so honest with me
A trait that's been lost over time
So easy to talk to and easy to know
In your words a new song to be sung.

It's funny that I feel this way about you
To barely know you yet feel so at ease
For the first time in a while things have changed
In you I see a piece of me.