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Niki Elizabeth Dec 2017
We all think there will be more of it -
A better time to say how you feel,
Or let someone into your life.

We live in a world of “somedays” -
One days and eventualities
Living life on hold without even noticing.

Don’t wait until you’re holding on for dear life -
Wishing for the unspoken to be said,
Regretting your untaken opportunities
And screaming at the sky:
“Hey! Do you sell time?”
Niki Elizabeth Sep 2017
All of a sudden the air felt heavy;
I’d heard her name one too many times,
dreamt of her in my place for yet another night.
He could claim I was the one -
but her memory still lingered on the walls,
slowly suffocating me more each day.
Niki Elizabeth Sep 2017
in truth i was always leaving-
so much in fact,
i wasn't sure that i ever truly arrived.

i was drawn to the places i was not,
seduced by minds not yet understood
and enticed by paths left unexplored.

the world is too vast to stay put -
i will follow where the wind go,
consume the knowledge of all i meet
and soak in the wonder of the skies.

for i am insatiable and always wanting,
unable to soothe my wandering soul;
home has never had a name,
nor love a heart to hold.

but please sit with these weary bones;
give me a place to lay my head,
i'll stay with you till morning -
and wait to begin again.
Niki Elizabeth Sep 2017
The patter of an early evening rainstorm awakens her
and she untangles her sweaty limbs from those of her lover.
The sun has begun to set;
the thrill of adventure calls to her once more.
He begins to stir, awoken by her chaotic movements;
And lazily admires her beauty as she sifts through mounds of overdue laundry,
still smelling of suntan lotion and chlorine,
in search of the perfect shirt.
She’s late, as always,
She can hear her friends are outside in the car -
blasting throwbacks and spilling drinks
as the laugh and scream for her to hurry.
They fly through the night -
windows open letting the cool breeze filter the air thick of smoke and jubilance
All too eager to reach their destination;
moon children growing restless under the stars.
The ocean calls her home and its salty air clears her mind
as flames shoot out of the fire,
crackling and popping in the midnight sky.
Cheers are heard as bottles are passed;
pulling her head back out of the clouds.
Champagne to welcome the sunrise,
whiskey to bid summer adieu.
Daylight begins to break -
she takes one last drag of her cigarette and turns to go.
He’s still sleeping when she arrives,
this time she’s more careful not to wake him when she leaves.
The morning dew on bare feet remind her it’s time to move on -
the mountains are calling her name and to them she would roam;
it was always temporary,
changing with the seasons.
But to him -  
she tasted like skittles,
and she smelled like summer;
one he would never forget.
Niki Elizabeth Sep 2017
I live my life on the phone,
listening to the never ending ringing
and a pre-recorded voicemail
asking me to leave a message.
it's not even your voice,
which is all I've been longing for
the twang in it,
the way you say your name,
the way you say mine.
I miss you,
I love you.
my body craves your touch
but my soul,
it craves your sound
and the way it makes me feel.
five years ago it started
and since then I've spent it waiting,
always waiting,
waiting for you to love me
like I have always loved you.

For years I stayed through his ****,
a compulsive liar, selfish, demanding, always too serious.
But i loved him all the same.
Now I stand alone,
left in the cruelest way possible.
Ruined before,
now ruined even more.
The drugs,
they won him over
and now the drugs,
they help me cope.
I was lost with a road map,
But now even that's been burned
and I can't see which way is up.
I guess I'll just keep staying,
waiting on forever.

It just *****.
That's what I tell everyone when they ask me how I'm doing
And don't take my half hearted okay for the ******* answer it is.
It just ***** ya know?
He went barreling out the this world
just as suddenly as he came stumbling into mine.
Niki Elizabeth Jul 2017
in saving me you have ruined me,
i mean not to say that losing you is a heartbreak from which i cannot recover
nor that i wish you any ill will
in fact i wish you nothing at all
my heart no longer aches for you because it seems to have run away
where i once held love there now holds nothing
and my optimism has been replaced with an animosity towards life
i can no longer hurt because i can no longer care
and for that i have you to thank.
you molded me to your will
and in leaving solidified my shape.
your callousness sanded me against the grain;
making me rough to the touch,
creating a masterpiece of mistakes
ruining my once spotless canvas with a torrent of messy fingers
creating a now messy heart.
and i don't know where to go from here
because i've never been this person,
nor do i like this person.
she is not me but i have lost my way back to who i was
pictures and songs give fleeting memories
of what i once thought was happiness
but now i am sure of nothing at all.
i can go through the motions,
i know what to say
but the feeling never comes
and i fear it may be lost it forever.
i wished for you to never let me hurt again,
should have been more specific.
Niki Elizabeth Jul 2017
loving me is not like loving others
i will give you every piece of me
and ask for nothing in return -

feel emotions you never knew existed
exuding out of my pores
in a fragrance stronger than your grandmother's chanel

and losing me will not be like losing others
i will scratch and scream and bite
fight for you to love me;
fight for you to care -

hold on too tight
and let go too slow
- giving up has never been in my nature

and when i do you will see
that loving me was not like loving others;
my flames burn too hot
for anyone else to give you warmth
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