For everyday, she cakes her face
With a coated mask.
She does it to hide the pain.
Otherwise, she feels attacked.

She feels that pressure everyday.
She has to laugh.
Even if the joke is mundane.

And everyday, she hides behind a fake, withering smile.
But by night, it turns into her twisted insides; vile

She's not herself.
But she is her.
Her personalities fuze
And merge.

She's done.
She's relieved.
She draws in her final breath.
As she drowns herself
In a liquid ruby red.

Her lips whispering softly.
Her pain waves coming deep.
Her wrists shouting violent blood.
Soaking through, and
Now seeped.

She let's go, as she feels the little girl she used to be die.
She slips away.
Unaware and induce.
And off of her tongue
Escapes a goodbye.

Don’t speak.
I was a freak to bleed in the sheets.
You keep going once our eyes meet.
Never knew this was you all along.
It has been the longest of weeks-
The thought of you makes me weak
With nausea.
I only weep.
Took and crumbled a woman so strong.
You leap from maternal figure
To paternal stickler-
You have Daddy issues because he’s rich
But won’t share.
How dare he not fund your white entitlement.
You curse when he tells you to brush your teeth
At night, because you can’t stand
The thought of someone caring for you
On a non-financial level,
And I’m the devil,
Because I won’t accept the monetary gifts.
You slip me this and that,
Skip the emotional derivative.
And gasp at the fact that
I’ve stopped putting in initiative.
Silly boy, I don’t need you.
A toy made to tease you.
Keep me on this collar,
But I’m the one who leads you.

Endless Highway,
Molded Hideaway.
Folded Golden Bay,
Baking in the Sun.
Friendless- my way.
Hold it; Warm Rays
Sold it- For a Rainy Day.
Faking all the Fun.

Dance with me.
Inhale me.
Wrap me around your tongue and teeth.
Breathe.
The stale smoke out
Of your
Black and charred lungs.
Into the cool,
And now toxic,
Morning dew.
Wrap your fingers around me.
Take a long,
Silver draw.
Wrap your spit
Around my yellowed
Ribbons of cancer.
Catch a lungfull of me.

Pick up the bottle.
Its just a sip.
A taste of poison
Won't **** you.
Feel me.
Like gasoline.
Let me set your insides
Ablaze.
Let the liquid waves crash
Over your teeth.
Drip the liquid fire
Down your throat.

Pop it. Swallow it. All of it.
Let the wave of unreality drown your
Pathetic screams
Of plea.
Pull you down for a swim.
Drown me.
In addiction.
Hello. I'm that man in the white coat.
I own the pen and pad.
I prescribe those little jewels
Of worthlessness.
Feel you eyes begin to droop.
Drool on yourself.
Whatever it is that makes
You feel comfortable.
I'll help you into that pine
Coffin. Tuck you in.
Concave the lights.
Forever floating in your morphine day dream.

The reason you cannot pass is the same as the last.
You are blocking yourself from moving forward
And dwelling in the past.
A mirror image of your flaws.
Physical science-
That unlawful law.
And your reflection is the one who saw
That you are stuck behind the glass
Of who you make yourself out to be.
But you…
You’re just not who you see yourself as.
And your reflection has known for
Its entire existence.

Breathe.  
I think of him.
Not of those before,
Who I have left.
Dream… and
My mind dances
Over to the man
I haven’t
Met.
Free.
He does impossible
Things to my mind.
We will not yet
Mention
My body.
Scream-
I know he wants to
Make me.

All of this time, I felt so claustrophobic;
The walls are caving in on me.
But, I’d never tell anyone.
No, no…
My home and chest and mind and
Sanity can all cave in,
And I won’t say a ****** thing.
I am sick of missing myself.
I’m right here, I’m just…
Asleep.
I stumble over my own two feet
Like some blind traveler,
Lost on these same roads I’ve walked
Forever.
And maybe, just maybe,
This time I’ll actually wake up
On the count of three.
Maybe then, it’ll finally make sense.
The walls were never caving in.
They were floating away.
They’re gone.
There is no four corners that I will
Allow to define me.
I am nothing and everything all at once..
I am whatever the stars
Wish to see me as.
I am only worth the thoughts I leave
Here on this planet.

Unheard-                                                                
They poke and ****.
Absurd-
I don’t fit you description of a ******-
So doctor, jump me.
I didn’t ask for the
Endless sob-
The rejection of fleshing
My health and anxieties
Into human form again.
You’re not a friend,
You’re a judgmental man
In a lab coat
Who denotes his time to
Giving patients unanswered answers
And more pills.
I’m never going to be sorry
I do not fit into this
Patriotic Addiction
That has taken so many from me-
How dare you…

Indigo child
Hair flowin wild
I ask you to stay
And you disappear awhile.
Indigo lover
I don’t want to smother
I’ll stay away,
My heart breaks undercover.
Indigo go
I go solo
For a man who doesn’t want me
Frisky; I glow ***
Indigo mild
Your words are filed
In my head as I please.
Will I cross denial?
Indigo other
From another mother.
You make it hard to say
Do I love you only as a brother?
Indiglo bo
Loves me more, tho.
He loves to eat
And the love game is a low blow.

The walls,
They fall.
The minds,
They crumble.
The teeth,
They shatter
On contact
With your words.
The skin suits,
They wither.
The single identity crisis,
They splinter.
Into a man’s
Multiple personalities.
The tears,
They spill.
The spines,
They chill,
The hope,
They lost forever and
A day ago.
And nothing is left
But the measly foundation;
Rotting and infested
With termites.

Bruised- I think of you;
I feel abused by the misuse
Of your degrading words.
Used- I’m feeling blue;
The hues you paint with are absurd.
I’m a masterpiece of my very own-
No excuses needed from you.
A woman recently grown-
I’ve been born anew.
Your ******* no longer chains me,
You cannot rearrange me.
I’m feeling so free lately-
Now that I’ve called a truce.

Starlight dances in the walls of my mind
My heart pulsing an inferno.
I can feel my world.
Crashing over me .
If the blood pumps any hotter,
My veins will explode.
I can't speak.
My stomach is tied.
Constantly.
I breathe fire.  
I'm red-hot, babe.
Are you a pyro?
Touch my love, babe.
Cleanse my soul
Of this madness.
Hang me by my
Ropes,
You puppet master.
If you want the control,
Take it.
Wipe your feet on me,
Darling.
Look down at me.
Keep me raging.

Scampering, Scurrying
Everyone a Worrying.
From behind the lines
Of time,
It’s hard to find a passion.
Haggling, Hurrying
Society in a flurry.
Fury of consumer
Wrapped pretty for distraction.
This mutual attraction towards
Things instead of people,
Is done at the satisfaction of
Big corporations
Instilling evil.
From behind the lies of lime
It’s hard to hide reaction.
No grip to prevent slip-
No citric acid traction.

Sunshine, Birdsong;
Early morning breeze.
Quiet.
The comedown off of loud sound
that was the night before.
Psychedelic fizzles that sizzle the mind-
This I've begun to adore.
George,
offering me a warm smile & friendly breakfast-
The beginning of sound.
Midday found,
the hippies begun to emerge.
A surge of smoke sent up into the sky.
Oh my,
So merry that I could
Party with the Pranksters.
The Danksters,
the dabbers,
the peace lovin' blissful blabbers.
A family of freaks
that speaks to me
And this love that I've been after.

ANGER.
The tears in my eyes burn
As much as the lump in my throat.
The scream has been cooking
For years. It swelled. It can bubble over.
SEE IF I CARE.

EMPTINESS.
The zero.
The hole.
There is a constant lack of space
Looming inside of me.
I don't see what I'm missing.
It's already gone.
SEE IF I CARE.

BROKEN.
I used to work.
I don't anymore.
Due to the way my former
Abused me.
Pieces of myself.
Gone. I gave them to you, and you walked out.
You can keep the old me.
SEE IF I CARE.

I’m suffering.
Tears of gasoline, beaded down my cheeks.
And Darling, your kisses are the firepower.
You want to see how long I can stand to suffer
Without speaking?
Honey, keep preaching to the choir.
I refuse to speak,
In fear that I will choke on my own words-
Infused with negativity and
Melancholy blues you used to
Sing to me.
That subtle, lackadaisical smile
That got me to fall so hard in the first place
Means nothing to me now.
You’re artistically numbing my creativity
With those vacant eyes…
I used to see the sunset in them,
And now,
I can only see your
Tilted and twisted views on society
And the love ones who surround you.
You may be blind and wounded,
But at least the old dog can smell
That I am indeed,
In heat.

A degree of change,
A degree you hang.
A degree they name-
It’s still a piece of paper.
A life you rearrange,
A plan you re-stage.
A relationship you disengage-
Can’t it wait until later?
A stress you carry,
A debt you marry.
A burden you bury-
Under the paper weight of books.
A dreamer made dreary,
A wanderer made weary.
A question or a theory-
Could they be the crooks?

Heathen cat,
Atop my Mac.
You’re feral
And losing teeth.
A fever from your scratch,
A heap of furry black.
Flicks his tail and tongue to greet me.
Meet me
In the chatroom.
A real cat-fish
I presume,
The squawk box amuses me.
Yellow eyes and painted ears,
He types away at all his fears.
I fell in love with a stranger;
A true online catfish he’d been
For years.

Equal or I walk away.
Equal.
Or I cannot stay.
Does not mean stuck in our ways-
Just expect to be treated with respect.
Discuss our decisions
Or the visions of us dies.
Open communication-
Not entangled in webs of lies.
I refuse to be used up,
Laid out to dry.
I don’t have to die,
Not yet.
Get wreckt.

Falling out of flight,
Falling into night;
These wings were never meant to save me…
They’re just a faulty accessory.
It’s surreal,
How much the stars remind me
Of your skin.
Pale and porcelain.
Out of your lips, called ugly.
Seen by my eyes, beauty.
You shine against black canvas.
But the stars, they’re burning…
And yet,
You’ve always stayed so frore…
So completely alone.
You are such a magnificent specimen.
It’s viceral- I want you.
I want your stupid opinions,
That nonchalant, aloof and lackadaisical attitude you host,
Your soft, sweet lips,
Fleshed out into reality,
And pressed against mine.
But it’s too dangerous.
A love like this is far too dangerous.
And your eyes have yet to meet mine.
I’ve yet to exist.
I’m not here.

I am simply existing;
In this constant state of becoming,
I am forever changing.
And for that,
I am forever grateful.
For how boring would the world be
If we never allowed our minds to evolve and adapt?
How can we be so ignorant in thinking
That our experiences won’t change us?
If I come out of this life as the same person I was going into it,
Then something went awfully wrong.

Used to the abuse
Of this kind.
He makes me whine-
Designed to cling to his knee.
Can’t you see?
Peel these soaking ******* off of me
And make me need more than one round.
Throw me to the ground,
And I bow with a thank you
Leaving my forever ***** mouth.
I enjoy my endeavors down south.
Cherry juice dripping down my legs.
I hang my head.
I bled.

None for one,
A fun dance for many.
I´ve always been different,
Abundance more than plenty.
But for this, I´d been shunned,
And this stayed true.
Rambled on alone
Until I had found you.
A fine florida boy-
Who understood why
I prefer shellfish to selfish.
One fish,
Two fish,
Red fish,
No Phish.

I’m Longing and Learning.
Constantly, I’m yearning
For a man who isn’t mine.
A divine being- I find
The time is turning.
I’m older,
I’m bolder,
Unsure if you’ve grown colder.
Too frisky to care-
I dare to find someone
Completely new.
Tired of feeling blue for you.

I’d cut off my own ear and mail it to you,
To be your very own personal listener-
But I’d rather gouge out an eye of mine
And mail it overnight via amazon prime.
For it has seen many tragedies,
As opposed to just hearing them.

I just need some time away
To remember why I stay.
I dig my grave- a lifeless slave.
Busting away at earth
With my plague
Of words.
Build me up
To shoot me down
In the street with everyone watching.
You cannot **** the idea of peace,
Only the people who march
To its immaculate tune.
Leeching off of teachings
Of those who fought
These same battles
Before us-
In yesterday's’ pages of history.
You cannot ban words
From the herds
In a country that advertises
Freedom of speech.
The summer peach
Is turning grey.
Can you tell me
Why I stay?

Traveling into cities with strange names-
plane games.
Lame day-
The one in between the hotel and airport
In short, traveling away from home.
Roam- walking unknown streets.
Talking with strangers I meet
Down to freak and fly in my sleep
To the next town.
Head down on the bus that flies
Cut ties from connecting to strangers
in the mode of travel.
Heavy lust of hassle
Tassel on a suitcase
Made by a company based back home.
Can't be in the same place for too long
Built to wander,
Built to ponder the beauty of everywhere.
Easily done between towns in a plane chair.
Dare to fly; Take to the sky,
Birdman.

Running cross country
Just so you can hurt me.
Desert me in the desert,
Leave me tethered to the sky.
I fly just fine
As long as
I’m high enough.
I’ve been staying dry enough.
Been getting by- sly enough.
Not shy enough to be alone
In my own personal reserve.
Haven’t you heard?
Awkward, anxious caterpillar
Took her time off too cocoon.
Now she watches you all swoon
Over her metamorphosis into
Social Butterfly.
I will be friendly,
I will not try to please the masses.
I soar through open sky.
With looks that serve and wings
That swerve.
All you insects
Are disturbed by the words
Of my accomplishments.
I can’t wait to see the astonishment-
I love who I am.
And if you are perturbed by
My self love,
Then Darling, I’m
Sorry your self esteem has
Fizzled out so low.
But you can still support others
From a friendly distance,
Rather than watching
People succeed
And immediately feeling
Resistance.

Yes, I'm finger lickin'
Keep me in the kitchen,
Cause *****, I'm a snack.
Hit me from the back
Make that ***** clap
And as soon as I **** your sap
You can buy me a bucket of grease.
I stay down on my knees
I aim to please.
Easy when you're ******
Slutty.
Need a nut busting buddy.
Get me off and leave me alone
in the nicest way possible.
Touching myself after tossing you out
Because the lust is just unstoppable.

Golden Afternoon-
I’ve waited years
To find you
When you were
Right here
All along.
Hidden under
Frozen nights and
Frore hearts.
I tore apart my
Chest to find
You.
I never asked for
This endless game
Of hide and seek.
I am no longer
Hiding.
Let the sun showers
Bathe me in their
Golden, elegant
Glow.
I face my
Inner light.
No more hiding in
The shadows.