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Nov 2016 · 937
I Can't Forget Your Name
Kelly Weaver Nov 2016
Have you never been hopelessly in love
Without a care in the world?
Trying so very hard to hide your feelings
Though you're breaking.
And the sun can come up
As it does every day
But the emptiness in your heart
Will still remain.
And I know that I'm not perfect
And I know we aren't the same
But I can't shake the image of you
That managed to plague my brain.
So I'll sit back and watch
As you smile, smile away
Just know that, deep down,
I'll never forget your name.
Nov 2016 · 1.5k
"Mr President"
Kelly Weaver Nov 2016
No, "Mr President", I will not stand
I will not chant your pledge
While you crush me under your iron boot
No, "Mr President", I will not salute you
I will not wish you good luck
When you wish for people like me to change
I'm sorry, "Mr President", for being AFRAID
I will hold my breath as my rights
Are slowly stripped away
I'm sorry, "Mr President", but I will not subside
I will not stand idly by
While your reign of terror fills the skies
And I'm not sorry, "Mr President", for wishing you had lost
For you will drive us into the ground
And you'll get your way, at any cost.
Oct 2016 · 3.3k
Sweet as Sugar
Kelly Weaver Oct 2016
Sweet as sugar
Put your hands on me
Feel my soft skin beneath your touch
Trace my lines with your gentle hands
I'm just like sugar
I'll crumble under too much force
So be gentle, dear
Soft like butter
Put your hands on me
Feel my curves
I'm straight from the mold
But I broke coming out
Put me together
Put your hands on me
Oct 2016 · 614
I won't ruin a thing
Kelly Weaver Oct 2016
Walking in a field of broken glass would be the utmost pain
Or perhaps
Telling you how I truly feel would be worse
Some say I'll find my knight
But sadly, not today
Because like the setting sun, you've come and you've gone
And I can't see in the dark
I just want you in my arms
But you're constantly evading my grasp
So I'll soak in your smile with the morning sun
And make sure that each memory lasts.
Kelly Weaver Oct 2016
Go easy on my weary eyes
It's all I'll ask of you
And while you're at it,
Stay for a while
Because I sure could use some  company!
And with every breath comes a sharp pain
And I don't pretend I don't feel it
I wince and whimper, loud as can be
About my own personal hell
The skies, once milky blue, have turned solid grey
The temperature drops oh so low
But not nearly as low as my spirit
I could run and run as fast as my legs would take me
But that wouldn't be very far
Honestly, if anything,
I think it would be like running on a treadmill
On the lowest setting.
And I used to spend my nights looking at the stars
But the clouds have taken over
And I've accepted this
So I spend my time counting the cars
That drive down my solemn path
I think I'm at six right now
Which is an all-time high!
And I'm not sure of the future
And the past is weary

The present seems a bit lonesome, my friend
And I sure could use some company.
Oct 2016 · 300
As Cold As Stone
Kelly Weaver Oct 2016
Time is moving so quickly,
Yet I am so still
Stagnant unlike the breeze flowing through our empty streets,
Yearning for a sign of other life but finding none.
Trapped in a cage of disbelief,
Feeling the ground crumble underneath my feet,
I would be able to breathe if it was more easy
And if the air was a bit less foul.
Far from serendipity,
Far from any epiphany,
I await the blinding morning sun
Unaware that the damage has already been done,
I just want to sleep.
But it's not that easy,
It takes time for things to turn out okay,
And while the minutes and hours blend into days,
I just yearn for something to keep the rain away.
Oct 2016 · 900
mental corrosion
Kelly Weaver Oct 2016
It shuts me down from the inside
Turning my bones to dust
Breaking my heart into pieces
And turning my blood into rust
The light dripping from my fingers
As I turn a shade of grey
And though my body's failing
I smile, smile away
Through all the cloudy days
And all the sleepless nights
Even when I feel unable to breathe
Because my chest feels too tight
And I wonder what it feels like
To feel happy every day
And though my heart is breaking
I smile, smile away
Sep 2016 · 656
The Life of a Working Teen
Kelly Weaver Sep 2016
stress, stress, stress
exhausted and depressed
grey hairs popping up like weeds
not knowing where this path leads.
breaking out, breaking down
my mind is spinning round and round
hiding the bags underneath my eyes
and doing work that I despise.
crying, crying, crying
if I say that I'm okay, I'm lying
with hot tears streaming down my face
I feel myself falling behind in this race.
dying, dying, dying
my condition worsens with time
and with my immune system failing,
I head to bed with a sigh.

but I always manage to smile.
Sep 2016 · 715
tired of life, not living.
Kelly Weaver Sep 2016
overcome with weakness and nausea,
I limp to my bed.
I rest my tired eyes,
and pray to god I wake up dead.
and light doesn't shine on any of my days
as I make my way through this foggy haze,
I try to look on the bright side of life
but all has been shadowed by clouds.
I didn't choose this life,
nobody did.
we were not told how hard it would get,
though I was just a kid.
I asked my mom why granny died,
why she gave up when pappy was gone.
and my mom gave me a very tight hug
and said that she just could not go on.
that's when I learned we could control our death
and god knows I tried a few times.
I was so tired of regret
I was so tired of goodbyes.
but here I am, to this day,
dragging my feet through life
but trust me, friend, this is better
than picking up that knife.
please stay alive.
it gets better.
Sep 2016 · 749
We're Only Human
Kelly Weaver Sep 2016
Just tips of icebergs
In the hazy mist
Could seem as though
They were harmless
But we all knew,
Deep in our hearts,
There was more to it.
Because when seasons change
And our hearts turn sour
There's always reason for pain
Always an exposed nail in the board
To take all of the blame.
Because our eyes deceive us
And we believe others can change
But there's a reason why
We cringe and shake our heads
When we hear their names.
Because we're only human
And though we wish they weren't,
Things will always be difficult
And we'll always have icebergs.
Sep 2016 · 415
Already Dead and Rotting
Kelly Weaver Sep 2016
How my skin remains cold, I do not know.
My dry, cracked hands reach for yours,
But my reach is not met with warmth,
Merely a gust of bad memories.
My crinkling lungs only release dust
And my tired eyes haven't seen light in days
But I remain, still,
Reaching for your hand.
And with tears running down my cheeks,
Accompanied by a hopeful smile,
I pretend your gaze would meet mine
If I could simply open my eyes.
If I would simply come back to life.
Sep 2016 · 4.8k
Reasonably Broken
Kelly Weaver Sep 2016
I'd rather drown a hundred times than let my heart go free
Because I can't hear your horrid voice at the bottom of the sea
And you've ruined every chance of love
So I pulled when I was supposed to shove

You don't know how it feels to love so blindly
All trust enveloped into another soul
Only to have them crush your hopes and dreams with one fatal blow  
Breaking down, slowly
I decay with the rest
A dusty box of your old shirts
I could barely bring myself to collect
But I'm the one crying myself dry
I'm the one fighting to keep myself alive
I didn't sleep, I couldn't eat,
Not a single soul could help me.
I can't trust others
I barely trust myself
So at the end of the day
It's me, myself, and nobody else.
Sep 2016 · 583
every time it rains
Kelly Weaver Sep 2016
if, surrounded by lovers,
your mind starts to hover,
to a time and place
where nothing mattered,
you may be tempted,
since you're relentless,
to visit your past affairs.

you may count every name,
and pretend you feel no shame,
but deep within, you're unhappy.
you understand your fate
but truly, as of late,
you wonder if you messed up royally.

with so many chances,
and plenty of dances,
you've managed to wind up alone.
and every time you close your eyes,
or look up into the clear night sky,
you only remember his touch.

the regret, like sadness, comes in waves,
and trying to get by every day,
has become quite exhausting.
and though your very heart is torn,
you eagerly await every storm,
because no one can see you cry in the rain.
Sep 2016 · 673
a grim bargain
Kelly Weaver Sep 2016
with air turning crisp
leaves crunching beneath our feet
all is dying around us
regardless of it's beauty

as death snaps twigs
all slows to a stop
and just as night falls
his hand is on your shoulder

now, you don't fret
you've been expecting him
see, you've made a deal
and you hold up your end

with goosebumps on your skin
you turn yourself in
and as death leads you away
you maintain a sinister grin

because little does death know
you planned this all along
with guns blazing in the sky
you know you've always wanted to die.
Aug 2016 · 4.4k
Ignite Your Own Epiphany
Kelly Weaver Aug 2016
My impending fear,
With danger near,
Only increased until I began to see myself wondering how he left without shedding a single tear.
And happiness,
My biggest weakness,
Was on a constant downward spiral into something that made even myself wish to digress.
But suddenly,
Fairly abruptly,
I began to understand how his absence brought me a soft feeling of serenity.
My excuses,
Hidden bruises,
I was reluctant to push the blame onto anyone but myself even though I didn't choose this.
People asked me,
Quite literally,
If I was aware that I smiled brighter and laughed louder now that I've had this epiphany.
And finally,
Now I can see,
I allowed myself to be taken for granted just so I wouldn't have to be lonely.
And in the end,
I recommend,
Looking inside yourself and seeing the broken bonds you must mend.
Aug 2016 · 651
so tired of being tired
Kelly Weaver Aug 2016
Talking to walls can substitute
A kind of feeling not absolute
I often wonder just how long I can go before I have to leak the feelings that nobody else should know
I'm not sure what kind of funk I'm in
Because I only go to sleep when the sun has risen
And I'm not sure how much more I can take of this torturous daze, I've taken blow after blow
But I know it's not your fault
And I do apologize
See, I cannot seem to recover the light in my tired eyes
And I'm afraid there's not much left in me though I've tried very hard to take their insults thinly

But I'm not as strong as you, obviously
And I'm bound to be chained down by him, indefinitely.
if only he could see how happy I would be if I were to leave this state of misery
Aug 2016 · 858
advice from a broken heart
Kelly Weaver Aug 2016
Trust is not given, but earned
And old bridges must be burned
But you cannot close what was never open
And life tends to favor the over-churned.
From time to time, if you may
See a whole universe in front of you
And maybe next time, per say
Pick someone by the way they look at you.
With gentle eyes
Or with contempt.
If they light up when you smile
Or when you agree with them.
Sure signs of a surely scattered lover
Should come clearer to you than this.
For instance:
          •If they seem like they don't care for you, believe them.
          •If they tend to make other plans when you schedule dinner with your parents, leave them.
          •And, if they let you go to sleep unhappy at night, retrieve their belongings from your apartment, scatter them into the streets and do not allow them to open your now-closed door.
You'll follow this advice, I'm sure.
Aug 2016 · 334
as skeptical as can be
Kelly Weaver Aug 2016
I'd like to believe
That the sun smiles for me
Or that love is endless
And summer is everlasting
Or that happiness is just a dear drop away
Because I've been crying for days
And help isn't on its way
And I'm so afraid.
I'd like to think people mean what they say
And that there's only gonna be one cloudy day
And that, in order to grow, we all need a little rain
But I look at myself and I'm so ashamed.
Nobody tells you, when you're born,
That your heart will be torn
And you may wish for sweet relief
To fall asleep and to never wake
They never tell you how hard it may be
And they don't prepare you for a lack of sympathy.
And the ones you love may hurt you most
And the heavy feeling in your chest doesn't flee
It roasts.
There's a fire in your heart
And you wish you never had to start wishing
Wishing there was an easier way
Wishing for a way to ease the pain
It's incredibly hard to escape the perpetually aching heart you carry day by day
And that, my friend, is all I have to say.
The teardrop away thing is from Shrek
Aug 2016 · 760
lover's rain
Kelly Weaver Aug 2016
Though I thought you were different
                              You betrayed my trust
And with every passing shower
                        My heart will collect rust.
from a song I'm writing
Aug 2016 · 2.3k
no hard feelings(?)
Kelly Weaver Aug 2016
There is no being
That can make my stomach turn
Or make my eyes burn
More than he.

                                         On cloudy days
                                     I yearn for the sun
                              To kiss my frozen skin
                          He left my heart chilled.

I often think of our past
No matter how painful
And I still cannot believe
I allowed you to treat me that way.

                                            I was so weak
    Accepting demons that weren't mine
       But how could I stick up for myself
          When I didn't know how to love?

How was I to know
That self acceptance gives
Overwhelming confidence
To the broken?

                     I do not regret my mistakes
       I could not question my judgement
       Thanks to you, I learned my lesson
                                 And I'm better for it.
Aug 2016 · 841
degrading myself
Kelly Weaver Aug 2016
What is it about me that makes me so undesirable?
Is it the way I laugh,
The way I cry?
The way I often pray to die?
Is it how often I break down,
How often I need to be picked back up?
Is it the way I tell myself I'm okay,
Then rejection is a smack in the face
Tainting my beauty and (lack of) grace
Until I decide to leave without a trace?
Or is it my horrible need for sympathy
The way you tend to always look at me
And shake your head and roll your eyes
The very things that I despise?
Then again, I love to think
I wouldn't be the last chosen on earth
And that there's are girls that could be worse
But this doesn't matter.
It will never come down to a pick and choose
I'll never get the chance to win or lose
I've already lost.
But at what cost?
I've renounced confidence altogether
And I've taught myself to know better
But I never do.
I never learn.

So I sit back
And I allow myself to think
I'll never be loved
I'll never be loved.
Aug 2016 · 329
The Temptress
Kelly Weaver Aug 2016
Tables turn as often as I
Spinning indefinitely in time
As I'm a concept of what once was
Lost my mind and turned to dust.
And though I can't stand paper cuts
And grow nauseous at the thought of nuts
And tend to be a bit of a klutz
I'm one to be sought after.
Mysterious and Devine
With eyes as red as wine
And pearly whites that shine
If only you could see.
Because none of this is real
Because only time can heal
And if only criminals steal,
I may be one.
I have taken many hearts
And locked them in a chest
Or displayed them in jars
Baby I'm senile.
I cannot take away the past
I cannot make the summers last
But if I can do only one thing,
I can get you falling for me VERY fast.
Jul 2016 · 944
Your Deadly Storm
Kelly Weaver Jul 2016
A small storm is not enough
To upset a nation
But while others go about their lives
I've been uprooted.
A twister, destroying all in its path
Made of horrid mistakes and promises
Swept over my small world
And demolished it.
While others, free from grief
Sent only meaningless prayers,
I eagerly awaited a kind spirit
That was never to arrive.
So here I sit, on this solitary stump,
Wishing for it all to be over
But the weatherman said there's a big storm coming
In mid to late October.
Kelly Weaver Jul 2016
As a young girl, I paid attention
I knew what happened behind closed doors
It was horrid.
I recall nights of sickness
Inhaling your mistakes into my tiny lungs
And kids didn't want to sit with me at snack time
Because I reeked of regret.
And now, years later
When you found my bag of ***
How could you be surprised?
How could you be shocked
That your daughter, now sixteen
Picked up the same habits you practiced
Her entire life?
Because that burning feeling in my throat
Mixed with cool fall air and sadness
Was my ultimate high.
Because this was easier than dragging a sharp blade
Across my arm to bring some sort of
Non-existent relief.
It was better to escape to somewhere else
Where my problems were small
And I was free.
And when you asked me where I got it
How could you be even the tiniest bit surprised
When you heard that my answer was,
"From your stash"?
Such hypocrites they are.
Kelly Weaver Jul 2016
Her weary eyes, skin torn at the cuticle
Feet aching yet marching still
Cotton on the heir’s back
Canvas on the feet of the dutchess
Triple the hours, double the dough

His crimson cheeks, toes purple with pride
Not a single tear, nor a single fear
No fuel for his ego
No warmth for his heart
Just a lonely street corner

Their tear-stained dress, his voice, her choice
Deep in their skin do they confess
If God was real, he'd want perfect
God wouldn't make them a sin
A “he” or “she” is not needed

The silent voice of forgotten
Too afraid to speak, startled still
Too afraid to be saved
Gone but never forgotten
A son or daughter, broken

A wedding, thank this “God”
Where men can act as such
And women use their powder
But genders may stay pure
It is a sin, after all

A young girl watching the news
Filled with hate, this world turns
She is coming of age, is she not?
She understands their struggle
And ready she is to stand up

For she has kids to feed
For he just needs a meal
For they want to be real
For they were never heard
For they wed their own
She understands. She accepts.

She is ready.
This poem won me a poetry contest for poems about respect in my advanced creative writing class so I hope you enjoy!!!
Kelly Weaver Jul 2016
This is never how I planned to spend my youth
Locked in my own fears and shackled to your dirt
Forced to live in (y)our constant mess
Afraid is judgement, yes, but fearing death by your breath
And shaking in your bones and your pine
I twist and turn my aching spine just to catch a glimpse
A glimpse of life outside of these walls a life filled with laughs and falls
But the happiness made up for the scrapes and bruises
While all I had was broken promises
Lost without a will to live I slowly climbed
Reaching higher heights than I've ever seen
I escaped your grasp to land on my feet
And though I'm certainly lonely I'm most certainly not alone
And even though I don't have a being beside me
And I don't have someone to think of before I go to sleep
I now dream of better things.

Things much bigger than you've ever seen.
Jul 2016 · 357
You Ruined Me
Kelly Weaver Jul 2016
You filled my heart with hatred at a time when all I wanted was a smile

You delivered sermons preaching love while behind your back was a knife

You planted a seed of trust but neglected it's roots and let it shrivel

I thought you composed such beautiful music until it was revealed as plagiarism and I used to hum along to your promises and now they haunt me still

You've ruined things I once loved and tore down homes I built with my bare hands, my blood and sweat soaked into the boards only to be lifted by your fire

You've ruined my sense of trust, the one thing I actually possessed that meant something, the one thing that gave me hope in this cold dark world

And you do not care.

And you never did.

And you never will.

And I never want you to.
You ruined everything
Jul 2016 · 3.9k
Thank You, Ex-Lover
Kelly Weaver Jul 2016
Thank you, ex-lover
For teaching me my true worth.
For showing that you cannot love
Based on a smile.
And thank you, *******
For teaching me to stick up for myself.
Because if it wasn't for your insults
I'd be defenseless.
Thank you, ex-lover
For cheating on me.
By doing so, you gave me a chance
To leave.
Thank you, ex-lover
For ruining me.
Because falling to the bottom only
Made me climb higher than I was.
And finally, ex-lover
Thank you for being so cruel
Now I know certain traits
To keep an eye out for and to avoid.
Jun 2016 · 428
Rethinking Us
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
Heavy eyes and unspoken lullabies were familiar to me

Now, I never truly wished for your demise but the thought just came to me

If you were able to walk away from what we had without a single regret

Why wasn't I given the ability to pretend we had never met?

Unfairness was a common theme in our problematic little fling

And you were the one to pick a fight over every little thing

And I never wished for someone more muscular or tall

But I cannot love a man that loves to bang his head against the wall.
Jun 2016 · 305
Violent Association
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
to associate object with man
hate and love go hand in hand
certain melodies cursed
and you'll never understand
                              many days go by
                     and without a single reply
         you'll hang your heavy little head
                      and make your way to bed
working in wonderous ways
through every stormy haze
a light shining through a crack
breaking your mother's back
                     waves of sorrow meet grief
                       and with every falling leaf
                            you'll find my eyes dry
                      and you'll be found a thief.
Jun 2016 · 755
Who Is Fit To Rule?
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
Forever wishing I could sit
Upon a throne of dishonest truths
And write for gods not yet approved
Of the disastrous state of our planet.
For heathens and heavens alike in aim
Yet night and day in strategy
For sleepless nights and pointless fights
As one works endlessly to rule all.
And we sit back and believe *******
Spewed from their business tongues
To be swallowed by the uneducated youth
I take back my earlier statement.
Never would I wish to be a cold-blooded superior
Lies keep their hefty egos afloat just long enough
For the public to believe their craziness
And to elect them to power.
who are you voting for?
Jun 2016 · 370
Our Last Drive
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
We drove down memory lane
Cigarette cartons scattered at our toes
Trying to end our days with the setting sun
We switched lanes.
Our teeth chattered in the wind
Car top down, my top off
Our fingers blue and our eyes red
We took the wrong exit.
Dangerous turns down dangerous streets
Doors locked, windows up
We recognized the signs at first but
Something changed.
The engine sputtered and your hands tightened on the wheel
I tensed, my shoulders locked just as our eyes did
And we crashed.
Our hearts skidded on the pavement
Road burn kissing our skin so gently
And just as the sun was gone from the day
So were we.
gone without a trace
Jun 2016 · 392
Freed
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
I cannot recall
Any recent night
Where my dreams were
Disturbed(by you).
I cannot recall
Feeling anything but
Relief when I see
You with her.
Knowing I'm finally free
A feeling of serendipity
Losing you was my
Most joyous mistake.
The solution was never
To try and erase your
Drawings from my walls
It was to paint over them.
send my best regards to her
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
Needles on my skin
Needles on him
Oh god, I’m so sorry.

Etching words of love
Etching words of trust
No, don’t ever worry.

A painful conversation
A painful detonation
Darling, I’m sorry.

Little did I know
Little did he show
A misunderstanding.

Taking me to bed
It echoes in my head
“When it rains, it pours”.

But I will be okay
And you will be the same
Today was not our day.
we haven't spoken in days
Jun 2016 · 370
Missed Connection
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
God, I weep for you
Your eyes peer into mine
I melt at your touch
Though I’ve never felt it
I dream of you consistently
It is all for naught.
You drift further back
Slowly but surely fading
Purple bruises adorn my arms
Wounded.
Though you smile still
My eyes well up with tears
We see each other in a different way
Love has many meanings.
I dream of what we could have been
There was never any chance
I never had a chance.
Self deprecation,
Per usual.
I never wished to be hurt
I never wished to ruin what we had.
Jun 2016 · 317
Shoes
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
One can feel okay
And at the same time
Feel trapped
Lost in the woods
Or up high in the clouds
Cumulonimbus demons
Pouring blood into the streets
Soaked up and dried out
Are you still okay?
A smile means many things
Happiness
Excitement
Agony
As long as you can lie.
It’s hard to understand
How it feels to drown
Drown in sadness because
We have different shoe sizes.
Jun 2016 · 575
Fake
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
You can disguise even the ugliest person
With a smile.
Pretend you’re human
Pretend you’re sane.
Pretend you help others
By gliding the blaze across their skin
“Hey, at least it’s not down”.
Create your own storm
Sturr up the debris
And smile for the camera.
Thrash at her scars
Her weaknesses
Take advantage of her trust
It will be gone soon.
No one stays gullible forever.
she is merciless
Jun 2016 · 269
Is It Worth The Pain?
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
****** lungs
Breathe fresh air
Exhail ashes
Cough your dust

Scream my name
Your fatal flaw
Brings me
Pleasure

Mirrors shatter
Bones snap
Life will continue
Without you.
Jun 2016 · 351
Lilacs
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
The lilacs have grown
Out of my bones they have bloomed
They beg for a drink
Jun 2016 · 467
Life's a Beach
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
When I was seven years old, I found a body on the beach. It lay their, skin bloated and lips purple. I called to my mother and she took me away and told me not to look.

I asked her why the man washed up on our beach. It seemed as though she didn’t want to tell me. She put me on her lap and said,
“This man was very sad and lonely. He had no place to call home and no love of his own so he jumped off the bridge”. At the time I couldn’t grasp the concept of suicide.

Five years later I was crying in my room.

I asked myself why demons are evil, why did they choose to be this way when I eat myself alive if I’ve even remotely hurt another human being. I forgot how to feel.

And when I stayed home from school for a week nobody noticed. Why would they? I was just sick.

I asked myself why the rain had to fall. Why it swamped the Earth and drowned the good. I asked why I was here.

I was a disappointment. As if it wasn’t enough for me to feel as though I was one, I was constantly yelled at by the man who raised me for things I didn’t even do, crimes I didn’t even commit. In eighth grade he screamed at the top of his lungs and got red in the face with his “I GET SAD SOMETIMES TOO BUT YOU DON’T SEE ME CUTTING MY ******* WRISTS!”

There was no reasoning with him. He didn’t understand that there was nothing driving my sadness that was physical. He didn’t understand that sadness can spawn from deep within your soul and make even the sunniest days seem dark and gloomy. He didn’t understand depression. He didn’t understand me.

After the third of fourth time he caught me I blew up.

I asked him why a slap is accepted as discipline and why yelling is considered a form love. I asked him why HIS GOD would make me this way if it were a sin. That’s where his god ****** up.

And I asked why my wounds couldn’t heal with a band-aid and why the sun doesn’t shine on me anymore and why the days grow longer each day. I asked why the birds didn’t sing anymore and why I couldn’t lift myself out of bed in the morning because I felt as though someone sat on my chest. I asked him simple questions.

I asked why it was so easy to break apart razor blades and why he kept the pills in plain sight even when he knew how I was. I asked why nooses were so easy to tie and why he never came to get me when I was still in bed at 6:38 pm.

I asked him why the sound of me puking my guts out wasn’t recognizable from his bedroom. I asked him why he let me do this two myself THREE TIMES already without even maybe CONSIDERING the possibility that there was something wrong. My first trip to the hospital was when they had to PUMP MY STOMACH because of all the pills I swallowed. He kept them in a nice little cabinet in the bathroom with a lock on the door.

He told the doctor he hadn’t seen any sign and she asked WHY THERE WERE CUTS ON MY WRISTS WITHOUT HIM KNOWING.

Simple questions were asked.
“Why are you sad?”
“How long has this gone on for?”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

To this I LAUGHED I LAUGHED AT THEIR QUESTIONS BECAUSE I NEVER BOTHERED WEARING SHORT SLEEVES AND MY FATHER SAW HOW MUCH TYLENOL I WOULD TAKE TO MANAGE THE PAIN AND HE FOUND THE BLADES BUT SIMPLY TOLD ME TO DISCARD OF THEM BUT LITTLE DID HE KNOW THAT THERE WERE MUCH MORE THINGS IN THE HOUSE THAT WERE MUCH SHARPER.

I asked them why the man jumped off the bridge and why that wasn’t an acceptable option anymore.
Jun 2016 · 372
Injured
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
My wounds
They will not heal
I cannot move at all
My wounds will not heal if you tear
Them open
Jun 2016 · 973
My Darling Chickadee
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
I saw a bird once with broken wings

It just sat there, it would hop and sing

I thought one day I would help the bird

But I am no doctor

Her wounds were much too deep to heal

She hadn’t eaten a single meal

Her wings were smashed and bruised and crushed

I am no doctor.

Her wings could never be restored

But I had found what I was looking for

A beautiful creature in need of me

I am no doctor.

I’ll heal the bird and let it rest

I promise I will do my best

I’ll even make her a little nest

For I am no doctor.

I’ll make the bird feel nice and loved

Even though I can’t fix her wings

For my day is made solely

When I hear the little bird sing
I wrote this for my (ex)girlfriend
Jun 2016 · 252
Thunder
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
The rain never ends
Whether literal or not
We are drowning still
Jun 2016 · 601
Love Lapse
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
One month and I'm a mess
A shell of what I once was
My spirit weak and mind adrift
And I don't know what to do.

Two months and I'm indifferent
Ups and downs of love and hate
Crying is worked into my routine
And I still think about you.

Three months and I'm lost
No real feeling anymore
No hate or love or grief
And my green eyes have turned blue.

Four months and I'm free
No remorse or empathy
No thoughts of sadness here
And I don't care for you.
I'll never care again
Jun 2016 · 511
Absolutely Nothing's Wrong
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
My friends got together
Over coffee and secrets
Intertwining fingers
And unfortunately, tongues.
I sat and watched
As my hope dwindled
From my mossy eyes
Love turning me sour.
And I smiled
As my dry eyes
Bore daggers through her
And his stitched her wounds.
envious was I
Jun 2016 · 344
Exhaustion
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
4:43 am

As I lay
Mind weary
Eyes dry and red
I stretch;
My ribs peaking
Through my flesh
My hips swiveling
I hear sounds
Sounds of morn
And sounds of life
Birds!
Goosebumps cover
My soft skin
It is morning
And I haven't slept.
The sun just barely
Shining through the
Sheer curtains
I'm out of time.
Jun 2016 · 658
Uncertainty
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
I don't know
When she's coming back
Or when we'll be
A family
Or when the next earthquake
Will shake our house
As violently as
His voice did when
They fought.

I don't know
When he's coming back
Or when she'll be
In love again
Or when this hurricane
Will finally destroy
Every part of us
Until there's absolutely
Nothing left.

I don't know
When we'll be back
Or if we ever will be
But I do know
That my mother
Doesn't wear her
Wedding rings
Anymore.
Jun 2016 · 519
Negative Energy
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
I wish I had never brought you here
This place this place of love
This place of safety
I felt safe
My favorite place
The place I come to when broken
When snapped into pieces
Stomped into the sand
Where salt in my hair meant comfort
And the calm cooling zephyrs
Wrapped me with care
And I never had to worry
About how I looked
Or what I had to wear
Or how salty and tangled was my hair
But now all I feel is you
I feel your energy your weight
You've ruined this place for me
I'm brought to tears feeling you near
Near this place I used to love
Near this place I once called my haven
And how our memories haunt me
I can't escape you
Cannot rid of your grin
Cannot rid of your teeth and the sins that you spin
And you've RUINED this place
One summer and you've ruined
The place I've loved unconditionally
The place I've been coming to
Since the age of three.
You've ruined everything for me
Jun 2016 · 472
Scribbled In The Margins
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
You were here early fall
Crisp air creating reason to bundle
The cracking of death under our toes
Though it was beautiful
We carved ourselves into pumpkins
An innocent activity for us
We picked apples
We (got)baked
My lungs filled with a burning
As things became even more unreal
And that night you
You, a god among heathens
You laid your hands upon me
My temple and my sanctuary
Without permission.
A ****** goddess laid in your bed
And you took advantage.
And though we ate cheese puffs
And visited graveyards
We were already dead
Already rotting six feet under
The insects knew our taste
We rotted filled with maggots
Awaiting a non-existent next life
Or maybe we were just asleep
But even in dreams
You **** me.
you weren't here early winter
Jun 2016 · 555
Restrictions
Kelly Weaver Jun 2016
Cannot listen to certain tunes
Due to poison melodies.
Cannot sing in an empty room
Too used to sympathy.
Cannot go to certain places
For fear that you are there.
Cannot hide in hidden spaces
For you are everywhere.
No "happy holidays" for me this year
The anniversary of life.
Shedding gallons of quiet tears
As you threatened with a knife.
As I burn all of your clothes
And scorch away the pain,
Your ashes flowing through the air
Though things will stay the same.
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