Your home has red tiles and broken windows
Your home has scratched sheets and soaked
pillows


Your home has green curtains and wide spaces
Your home has hard grounds with shoe traces


Your home has a star-view, late at night
Your home has a helpful crew, working right


Your home has a loud thumping rythym,
I guess your neighbor Arthery is a musician


Your home?

Your home is my heart.
Your presence is its state of art.

© Ellie Hughes 2014

You left your white T-shirt at my house
and it smells like you, every inch of it

I run my hands on it,

try to hold onto its well-knit threads
harder than I held onto you

I examine its V-neck
and try to make the same angle with my thumb and index
as I used to do when you wore it
hoping that my hand can still feel your heart beat

I rub my fingerprints against its sleeves
and gently reach the armpit
hoping you'd be tickled
and you'd tickle me back

and I'd sigh, as deeply
and desperately
as I ever could

when I remember,
when I realize
my hopes will never come true

and I'd never feel your heartbeat
or touch your skin through the softness of its fabric
I'd never tickle you
or punch you
or hurt you

I would never be with you

and when my tears fall on your shirt
I hold it as close to me
as it can be

It hits me
this shirt... your shirt...
it smells like me now

and I could never take that away

Is that skipped heartbeat you feel when the doorbell rings,
although knowing that he will never come back.

Held my hand
In the midst
Of chaos
And recited
His confessions
Of loneliness

I never understood
The reason
Behind his tremor
I bet
His body
Was trying
To escape

A heart never breaks...



it simply bends.



and today, my heart is bent.

On a cold Saturday, he smiles at me in the middle of our conversation and says: "Remember how different we each were two years ago? We've come such a long way."
I smile at him and reply: "My God, we really have."


Four years later
and this conversation still replays in my head
I think my subconscious
was hoping that replaying it
would eventually make my conscious understand

... Would eventually make me understand

How did we come a long way?

How did we get this far?

We were walking in opposite directions.

Hearts are bleeding
in all these chests,
but how could they know
when their hearts
already embody blood?

Why did I say
"you are forgiven"
and not
"I forgive you"

Because
you are not forgiven by only me
but by my eyes, and my heart too
by my neurons and synapses,
and by my cheeks and fingers.

Because
you are not forgiven by only me
but by all my pieces too.

We called ourselves the heroes of tomorrow,
not knowing we were living our today-s
in all the wrong ways

Tell me
the first thought of your day
and the last prayer
in your night

tell me what shapes
you see in the clouds

and which songs
keep playing in your head

tell me about
your recurring dreams

tell me about the scents
that take you back

tell me how long
you can look at me
before breaking eye contact

tell me why you
sigh in elevators

then tell me how you keep
your feet warm in the winter

tell me when your tears
rushed uncontrollably

tell me which mistakes
you appreciate
and which ones
you try to ignore

tell me
and I promise you
I won't try to fit your
pieces like a puzzle

I promise you
I will treat
your every block
like a masterpiece

.
.
1. Write a poem
2. Love that poem
3. No one should like it
4. Create 10 different accounts
5. Like and repost from those accounts


TRENDING

I wanna be able to unleash you
dauntlessly.
Because I trust that you will return back home
to me.

I'm tired of running
after love

he's a marathon runner
and I'm a short woman
with flat feet

my back
is shaped like the curvature
of his smile
and my breathing is heavy

his back is as straight as the arrow
that pierced straight through heart

I have cuts in my thighs
one for every time he didn't
look me in the eye

sometimes I forget
why I'm running

I think love is supposed to feel like rain

and with him
it feels like a silhouette
in a dry desert

Either ends of a tunnel
Look like light

My eyes keep seaching for you
and my fingers keep longing for your touch

Do you know how many times
I think of you and hold my breath?

And when someone mentions you,
the clouds make space for the sunshine,
the ocean tide disappears
and the earth stops rotating

Forgive me please
for not telling you
that I'd rather be a molecule of oxygen
in your lungs for ten seconds
than a minute apart from you

They speak about addiction
with such disdain
but how do I explain
that my addiction to you
is the only reason I'm still sane?

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night
walk around the balcony
and pray to God
we'll find each other again

Rachel was my best friend
and her favorite memory of us
was when I told her she was

I don't see Rachel anymore
We barely text because we lead very busy lives

She travels now
Around the world
Down to her 10$ somewhere she loves being

And I live in the place I love too

Rachel and I were best friends

I miss Rachel, and I know she misses me too

Drifting apart is a part of life
but its a very sad part
the memories shared will be forgotten
or changed

It's a very sad story
but it still didn't end

I hope I see Rachel again
and I hope that we become best friends again

I keep going back
and I find myself incapable
of motion- of change
without it

and yet
I don't want
to move

We tend to get too fixated on where we wanna end up,
often forgetting that we're already there.

Do me a favor,
add to me flavor

Sprinkle kindness,
and compliments

Read what my fingers had typed
Press like to the poems you liked

And share-
it's only fair!

Swimming in your sea,
and your waves keep moving me

I find myself on the shore of a country
am I now imprisoned or free?

I don't know.
All I know is-

I did not flee,
it was your spree,

It pushed everyone away, including me.

Sometimes I just wanna be embraced
so deeply
that I forget all my mistakes.
Handle me with caution,
for I may break.
On the verge of collapse
my stability is at stake.
Be gentle, I am tender
In your arms, my body will flake.

"I hope you heal all the wounds you want to heal"

The glow of your modesty
2. I don't want you to judge me
3. I can even feel the pain
4. Could be as strong as the start
5. Feelings are a funny thing
6. Doubt is a treacherous friend
7. One day you would hate me
8. Some fragments leave us insane
9. These aren't sympathy pains
10. We're like two lines that are skew
11. But I can't change something I grew into
12. You are my twin
13. Say you're sorry once in a while
14. Our friendship was obnoxious
15. I never said thank you for that
16. I am not your crisis
17. Do we have to act like strangers?
18. You are forgiven
19. You just left
20. It was both of our faults

I wraped myself around you
and prayed the skin between us
would melt,
so our hearts could finally be together

your smell haunts me
in taxis and airports,
my heart is not made
for moments like this

my ears bleed
on the Wednesdays
they play our song
on the radio
but I can't
make myself
turn it off

ever since you left
I've been taking half breaths

I want to be able to tell you
I didn't breathe a full breath
without you

Your image remains on my retina
and your touch remains on my skin

I've waited seven years
for all my cells to be replaced
but you always seem to win

I forgot my favorite poem
but I remember your grin

And only my memory knows about
the dimple on your chin

I remember the streaks in your iris

but I forget how I've been

I think I'm losing against myself
in this war within

I run my hands through my hair
and touch a pit on the back of my skull

I whisper to the air
"Wow, I forgot I had that scar,"

So easily does your body accommodate,
in the absence of a once living part

Your broken heart should only wait
For other sensations to impart

There are moments
when habit and subconscious imprison me
in an odd-shaped place I call my past

I find myself dialing your number,
heading towards your office,
and calling your name when I come home

I find myself straightening your toothbrush,
puffing your pillow,
and telling you to turn the lights off

I find myself
looking at your empty side of the bed and thinking "oh he's up early"

I believe its called a force of habit



But my God,

Am I dreadful
of losing the force
enclosing me
in my so-called
"prison"

Dreadful
of escaping this prison

for beyond its walls,
you are no longer here

In the midst of anger,
In the epitome of sadness,
In the clench of regret,

You called me

And I wasn't there to answer

I don't want to say sorry
for not hearing my phone ring,
because that wasn't my fault.

But I do want to say thank you
for calling me first,
entrusting me
with your love

Food.
How can I repay you?

You give but never take
And yes, I mean all that excessive weight.

when it comes to you, I am always weak
I hear you calling "You deserve a treat!"
Then I remember you can't even speak

You got me going insane
as I hear you calling out my name

Food.

because of you, weight I will gain
and yes, I will never hide with disdain

and I know you have been my therapist for very long
but it is time for me to move along

Don't worry, this isn't the end
you will always be my closest friend

But there's certain advice I need to take
habits I need to break

Food.

Your magnificence is complex, made of the worst, and made of the best
I've only got to know one part of you,
and It's time for me to explore the rest...

If I don't answer my phone,
Will you think I'm ignoring you?
Or will you judge only what is known,
and believe what I say to be true?

If I forget to send you an invite,
Will you sleep less at night?
Thinking: "I was right,
She is truly full of spite!"

If I say I need some space
Will you understand my pace?
I am not insensitive,
I am merely depressive.
Striving to be protective,
Without being oppressive.

My only hope is
That you give me the benefit of the doubt,
I am not your crisis,
nor am I your drought.

We are a nation made entirely of greed.
Oh, and a bit of love.
But mostly greed.
On money we feed.
To many, a subliminal creed.
But at least we love...
the things we need.
And we need money.
Which brings us back to greed.

There are many things I avoid in life
and swimming in oceans is one of them

I don't trust the waves
that drown my barely-floating body
or the current
that seduces me into the center
of the unknown

I don't trust the jellyfish
that have stung me one too many times
and the the algae that grab my legs
into the deep darkness

But something about the sand
makes it all feel beautiful
the way it reminds me
that it was once a rock

that maybe collapsing
is what makes one beautiful

because it as only then
that they truly become
*themselves

Turn off the lights,
don't wait for me

Don't wait for me
I'm a weight

Putting you down

This year was a really good one
and I have God to thank for that

I learned to focus on the process
and not on the result
to really be honest
and to never insult

I learned that people change
and feelings range
from full
to null

I learned to place my happiness
in the One and only who will never let me down
To take life's crappiness
with a smile rather than a frown

To work hard
and pray for the best
To take in regard,
with how much I'm blessed

To love myself
and my quirkiness,
To not place feelings on the shelf
for other's cleanliness

To be confident
about all of me
And to compliment
things I liked to see

To treat things
as I want them to be,
and so they shall be
within my conformity

To improve
with every minute
and to move
forward with no limit

To take each day
as it comes
rather than sway
on possibilities, tons

To love,
and to love,
and to be.

As I lay here I realize
death is not something I should despise
it is simply a fragment of our lives
no matter how much we venture and strive
work things out and compromise.


It should never come as a surprise
that one day...
death will look us straight in the eyes
with no regard to our mothers' cries
no care for our last goodbyes.


We begin to think of...
All those ungrateful sighs
those unworthy lies
those wasted cries
as our soul flies
and our blood dries
then, the body dies.


Now look around.
You are not dead
still above the ground.
Feel you're heart pound
and realise
*the beauty of that sound.

Allow me to promise change
-
and to never keep that promise

The

mighty

screams

hidden

in

the

still

silence.

I'm sorry I left
I don't think it was good
for either of us

I miss you so much

I feel the back of my brain
and the inner corner of joints

I feel my gastric acid
and the core of my bones

I feel pain,
regret
and uncertainty,

I want to
do something
about this
but there
is nothing
I can do
if
I
don't
want
to

The way you express love
is destructive
but I don't think anyone taught you
otherwise

And no one taught me
how to live in ruins

Take what you find pleasing,
your happiness is mine

Break me into pieces
and keep me in your fist

- He pulls my wrist
like a parent does a child
And I wonder
"Mother, what have I done wrong?"

I found a bike without wheels in his basement
I'll pedal till I'm courageous enough to run -

Our latest conversations are sounding a lot like goodbyes
I don't know
if you
have noticed

It all starts with a single glance
followed by a few words of fluttering romance

that's when the lies begin
and trust me, deep down we know

however, we still choose to go down that same road
because although its a road of lies, its a road of loving lies

*and who doesn't like to feel loved?