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11.3k · Nov 2014
Savvy in 2014
The virtuous society Lost regulates overwhelming
                               DISTASTEFUL
                               Condescension
Depraved citizens all contained then become cynical
                                BREAKING
                                Reprehension
A mandate or suggestive guideline to think like a criminal
4.6k · Jul 2017
Waking Up
My dreams whisper sweet things
And surreptitiously speak to me
My waking words are rote and empty
-spilling with hypocrisy
Yet their comforting embrace
Simply bring smiles to my face
Filling my mind while I'm asleep

They send messages lined with silver That vanish when I wake
To bring about a dull and listless form Who is shaping my last mistake
You see I wake in a storm
Simultaneously feeling constrained
To my bed
I can't get up while there's no filter
For the rush of noises in my head

If there's a difference between
What you know and what you believe Then why is it not as easy
To imagine my reprieve
Why can I only experience a vivid life
While I sleep
Then once again wake up
To this Fear Doubt and Anger
Choking me

Invoking me by pushing buttons
Of their endless promises
To for certain be found in youth
While my vision is livid sinning
Contemplating and pinpointing
Who too close is uncouth
You sit there and feed my veins
An explanation to your lies
With all the compromised
Washed up water
Memorized methods
Coping mechanisms
While it's your heart that remains
Aloof

Then sit there in desperation
Reiterating as if you know
The deep introspective answer
When any fool can see your wisdom
Is wrought in the vanity
Of a talented dancer

If you lost the truth of sanity
Would you retrieve it for ten cents
Or would you search inside
Before hiding from the confines
Of a necessary moment
I'd rather die or sacrifice my life
Before cowering from what's hidden
The message so raw
That counts your flaws
Like there was some proof
In what is missing

But ultimately I guess
It comes down to the small decision
The chip on my shoulder
That became a boulder
When I reached out
For my inner vision.

So while I feel so disparate and alone
In the trenches losing my senses
Will I be the hero or be the villain
Will I let the poison make me it's toy
Or take the penicillin

*Some days my life feels as heavy
As that last breath left over
From how loudly I shout
But I guess a general synopsis to you
Of how I sometimes feel inside
Is a decent first step to waking up
While I'm down and out
I realize that a lot of lines were taken from other poems of mine. It's supposed to be written like that
Tip Your hat
And curtsy low
The masses so mandate absolute guile
A handshake, a smile, a proper and refined bow!
To adorn thy head and semble wit
And do your best!
Take pride with etiquette
If not informed
Ye won't last a mile
And differentiation between animals distinguishes you,
Resplendent child
Wash your hair and underclothes with soap
Lest ye resemble sow
And goodness dear
Have I forgotten now?
Always remember to smile!
So I'll take your Winter clothes with zest
I'll scramble on point
No unruly mess
Oh, did i forget your coat?
No, I've got it, relax, care for a smoke?
My apologies, please forgive my latency
It must be warm in here for my blood
In fact...
Boiling over kettle within
Prevent me from committing sin
I do wish to vent
Pick up this pen
And release red wells from his dainty, fragile neck
Or...
The underbelly. It's beknownst to me entrails are thick
Now whatever shall I do with this fresh clutter?
I'll act for free, so cordially!
With my chivalrous lines
But can you, my friend, respond in kind?
After all, it's only common courtesy
It's over now, my fantasy
It dissipates with urgency
And this is my confession
Yes
Imbibed in me from every grueling, tedious lesson
An implication of uniformity
The daydreams borne from the perfunctory
This is for anyone who has ever worked in the retail industry. As politely as you can possibly express it.
November 29th, 2014

Dear Chris:
  
I miss you dear, I'd like to say.
Though it's been six months, thoughts of you are here to stay. My words turn to putty and I wish to form them like clay because there's so much to you I wish to convey. I've been traveling and unraveling the belt loops of life, and striding through gliding on ice skates from strife. I don't know if still I can sing the same tune. Our dreams from the Bay have been vexing me; perplexing me since June. The ring you gave me has my fingers swollen like my head, just like a balloon! And I don't know if it makes me sullen to confess when you asked for my hand, even hypothetically, I was to be your wife complete with white dress. Somewhere along the line that dream has changed. Though I feel that this letter was written selfishly. I really must say.. All I know is that I miss you Chris, I have missed you since May.

-Adeline

December 1st, 2014

Adeline:
   
I was wanton and flagrant when your letter was received. I was bounding and bursting; hardly contained in my seat. Your familiar fragrance beseeching my heart's conceit, and in your confidence said that you're missing me. Until the usual silence declares again it's already half past three. Time to wash away delusions that are causing my hope to reek.
Still..

Certainly there will be another chance to hear from you next week.
This poem was written after checking e-mails all week.
3.1k · Jul 2014
Apathy?
Gravity come back
Or leave me suspended
Masks and mirrors
Images defaced
Replace the smile under the sun
I want star light
Transcended
Or just leave it somewhere
Aside
Reflection has gone away
Just don't vanish
While there's still tension
Don't pull it back
Stay
If only until the morning light
My apathy
2.9k · Apr 2019
This Time
You wish for me to put in words
What I have to say
Like the answers that I've given
On their own
Could never relay
They come and go
Touch on fate
Dissipate and replicate
The disingenuous nature
That you frequently necessitate

Extend your olive branch
Then act like you feed me
When the branches are famished
Needy, condescending and deceiving Conceiving that I'm the villain
When I don't respond to how you react
Like you could perpetuate in me
The supposition for your tact

The fact that you lack any original clarity
Is the reason I'd never reach to you
Like I was Seraphim
The simple reason
That I'm writing all of this
Is simply just to prove to you
That I don't have to convince
I don't have to persist
Rehash, then reminisce
Like treading through faded memories with you
Will satiate my daily fix

I resist
Because I know exactly where I'm headed And you insist because that truth
Is what keeps us separate

Every second
You playcate on a pretense
When your intentions are crystal clear
And I can't provide that service
Or serve that purpose
While I'm standing here

To be perfectly honest
I never promised you anything
All I did was sigh and reply
To how your heart would so readily sing
Then you project your insecurities
Directly to my face
As if I was the one who gave them rise
Within the first place

Protecting your manipulations
While contemplating your motives
Are exactly the reasons we're done
Before we even started
I'm sick of being a punching bag
For someone acting devoted

And now it's been denoted
I've written you off, this story is done
This time you're in the subject line
Because you are truly NOT the one
You wanted me to write you something. There you go.
2.9k · Dec 2014
Inferiority Complex
It's not often I question my physical age
Until I hear my mental voice desperately trying to engage
inferiority complex

noun
1.
Psychiatry. intense feeling of inferiority, producing a personality characterized either by extreme reticence or, as a result of overcompensation, by extreme aggressiveness.
2.
lack of self-esteem; feeling of inadequacy; lack of self-confidence.
2.9k · May 2019
Picture frame
I first felt the ferrous fissures
Delivering shivering quivers
Down my spine
As each chime took the light
Outside of our present days

Then the shakes grew into tension
My naked, sobering suspension
Was left never to mention
Nor whisper what I needed to say

And when I asked you of this
You withdrew so quick
I only had time to trace the lines
Of your escaping shadow

Holding on to tentative strings
And all the small things
You left for me to find
The same gray forests of signs
And silent ways

Designs you used to craft and convey
With clever ease
Laughter beseeching my thoughts
Silence now haunting my dreams
They are now presently looming
Cold coniferous trees

It's not as if I can pretend
Like simply taking paper and pen
Could possibly remedy this
When I have to look down forever
At the ink staining my foot, leg, and wrist
I'm convinced that I created this fate
Because it seems in this picture frame
I'm the one who made a mistake

You carry the hate in your heart
like it's been priveleged to you

My misgivings have now adopted
the persona that I imbue

I faced the other way as we faded
when you withdrew

You suffer daily
and face this struggle alone

Claiming everybody abandoned you
and did you wrong

But you don't lose me
Like I've told you all along
"Smashing, watch the glass fly
Ain't no way, ain't no way you can go back
Float away, float away, float away yeah
We're frozen in this moment
Ain't no way, ain't no way you can go back
Float away, float away, float away yeah"
2.4k · Nov 2014
Rant
I'm tired of writing poetry for all the desolate disgraces I see in this world. Homeless hit a peak of 2.5 million children country wide in this land of opportunity. How are you supposed to survive with no role models or daily inspiration? The lessons you cherish are when your next meal arrives, not waiting on your pension. Suspended through the thicket of all this strife, and they are the ones who are grateful day and night. The smallest hospitality does not pass through their ears while comfortable in the heat you're deciding which brand of beer to choose. Intoxicate yourself like your problems will just vanish while a little girl no more than four begs strangers for a sandwich. Then blame the victims for stealing your bits of gold, when all they wanted was a blanket to keep out of the cold.
2.0k · Nov 2014
Conversing Conflict
Him:
I'd like to request that we take a digital snapshot,
not remember in black and white.
Our keen insight developing symphonies
Our harmonious future.
I need a piece,
I need the key to twist
Turn this defeating suture.


Her:*
It breaks my heart to see your disease.
In my bones I wish to mend your seams
I'd give you my lungs to let you breathe
To you my love I send
. . .But to me your soul is dead
I'd rather be friends instead
The latest development
2.0k · May 2018
The Game
There are fleeting patches of light
Within my confused and idled mind
What once was abundant with mercy
Has now presently been confined
I find myself
Picturing the worst within the frame
Yet not wishing to let those wild thoughts
Go about Untamed

Its like a game you play by yourself
When all the lights are out
In the dark without a spark
And no one to call for help
Is this the conflict of a broken promise
Or simply present tense
Am I justified within my suspense
Or should I rather...
Attempt to condense

Even though this makes sense
It could easily be that or the other
Don't get me started on the similarities
Between interactions happening
With she
And my distant mother

I don't wish to smother her
Only desire my peace of mind
I'm determined to soothe the fire
Before leaving everything behind

I don't want to call you a liar
But its where I find myself treading
Like that one event suddenly made a dent
And fissures started spreading
Like every last thing could be a deception
Manifesting what I believe
And I don't think I'll really get to know
Is it you
Or is it me?
This one is.for you Echo
2.0k · Aug 2019
Sins of the Self Destructive
Today I reached for you
With a kind of virtue
And sincerity pressed behind
the design on my lips
Little realizing I was still reviling
Within my current remiss

I went and sinned again darlin'

There's little to do for recompense,
and so cordially I professed to you
all of my candid truths
With every intent
To avoid becoming uncouth
and elusive

Because... I do miss you
And I suppose I well knew...
You don't feel the same
I could feel it the instant you responded
Not the least bit concerned
Which was well deserved
Leaving me completely despondent

I need you to remind me
Just how lost my heart has become
And what that has cost anyone
Trying to reach for me
When I become undone

Somewhere in between
the real desire to reignite whatever fire
had transpired between us
With a new flame
Lay my hidden ulterior motive

Even I believed we would achieve
Something constructive
Yet my devious mind
Deceived even myself
To harness this abject,
self-destructive desire

Call me by my real names:
Heartless.
Narcissist.
Liar.
Coward.
Creep.
Thi­ef of catharsis.

Remind me of the same feeling
Delivered in your own unique way
Because I can't stand
To let myself ever forget again
This pain in my chest
Is everything to remain
It's all I have left
Remind me.
1.9k · Jan 2018
Bittersweet
My cell phone lights up
Its my friend George:
Come back to the hospital Chris
You cannot afford to miss this


I stare at my withered face a little longer
in the mirror
My reflection has been torn asunder
I look tired, unfit to wear the uniform
thrown under my desk
Combing my hair, checking my teeth
I allow this present demon to dissipate
Amongst the broken tendrils
of haunting thoughts
And a horrible screaming cacophony

Meeting my gaze and preparing
for whatever the weather
has become outside
Pulled by a premise of the reprisal
to my fantasy
Perhaps the length of this silence
Is actually foreshadowing a miracle
I believe

I'm led by the shadows
of alternate realities
Harnessing the power to stifle this sequestering doubt
and all my fears
As I shut the door, I walk with footsteps
That imagine running to greet you
Holding you tight and holding back tears
As if it was the first time I'd meet you

I strengthen my resolve
It brings me pain to revolve
My strained thoughts
Around fairy tales
All the while Jacoby Shaddix is echoing
'She loves me not'
My third eye blind pushes me in
'The background'
And simultaneously, I tell myself
'Keep the soul, that's control'

I feel my heart pounding in my chest
Beads of sweat trace the lines of my palms
Because I know that if I had seen her today
I could leave everything else behind
It would all be beautifully different
Instead I receive the most disappointing news this week

Because I've learned that when the difference between
What you know and what you believe
Is rubbed in your nose and laid at your feet
Even that cupcake...
And everything else is bittersweet
In retrospect, this poem makes me ashamed. But I keep it up because it was a real moment that I lived. Its power can not be denied, so keeping it here will serve as a reprimand
1.8k · Dec 2017
Blue Sapphire
Her red roses have thorns
Her black demons surreptitiously lie
It's like witnessing good flora be dissolved
By potassium hydroxide
The only trouble with her is this:
All the while she is looking inside
With a magnifying glass
For each and anything amiss
I'm viewing her with a kaleidoscope

Yet I magnify the intensity of her colors
While she resides within
Her fractured self-image
But she's metamorphic
Beneath that stress and pressure
These tests cause duress
And weigh heavy burdens
Upon her chest

Yet instead of diamonds
She produces a blue sapphire
Something a little brighter
To which she can hold on tighter
I hope the load feels a little lighter
As I throw my rope in
And climb down there with her

Picture us collecting leaves
With hearts on sleeves
Forming jewels, relief swelling our heads
Instead of the familiar usual ache
Of wondering fools

Let's weave and wind our own designs
And leave the threaded webs
Of past mistakes behind
To the point in time
Where pressing rewind isn't so lonely
Stones can be cold, or shine like silver
Because we both know that gold
Is cheap and phony

But not the heart of the ocean
Deep with devotion
A jewel of eternal love
With Blue Sapphire eyes
I will light up your dark skies
And reveal to you the stars above
This poem is dedicated to the brightest light in the room. I love you.
1.5k · Oct 2018
Never Free
I'm nervously staring at a blank page
I can not concentrate
Why can I not explain how deranged
These thoughts will range before I engage with another
Leaving everything getting to me beneath the surface
While asking after others

Internal whispers hint on my actions
Each infraction gains traction
As I fail to supplement the latter with a fraction of a rebuttle
All the while huddling in a corner and never subtle
Like a mortar ready to explode yet I self-implode each time
Because I refuse to unload
It makes my mind the victim within this fight

The fact that I will not attack but rather act and pretend
Like this suspension will defend me or better yet transcend me
Is another cover until exactly when?
Otherwise pending
How selfishly imposed is my level of deceit
Not a second of relief for I am a liar and a thief
To expose copiously my own hopeless struggle crumbling me

But if I don't take this venom that's coursing through me
If I don't choose lemons over poison
That's it, I'm done C'est la vie, ***** me
I'll write out each and every buffer
For this montage of self-sabotage isn't quite enough
To make me suffer

No.

It seems I need to be hit with lightning nineteen times while struck from behind and intertwined in the jaws of a great white shark before anything productive happens or anything creative sparks. Before I utilize the clandestine confines of this mind to do or say or think of something smart. Just another day to start another chapter in the story of my life. I've come so far and fought so hard to stay away from that knife. Known recognition through prepositions giving meaning to my trifles and tremblings, be they lucid dreams or presently vivid memories...

And never feigning, only straining harder each day
Contemplating carefully
The words that I say
The thoughts that I convey
The everyday reality that's now so far away

What can I do to replace the voices haunting me?
Flaunting their perfect prisms
And what I'll never be

Its never enough
And that's just too much..
Stealing my serene
Leaving me unclean
And never free
'Devils Don't Fly' Natalia Kills
"Be that as it may"
A stifling phrase
With every good intention
Wants peace to cease the cacophony
But most often yields
Dissension
1.3k · May 2018
Victim Mentality
The fact of the matter is that you
Choose to believe
There's no reprieve
From this constant, continual...
Consistent deceit
This contraceptive perception
Manifesting what you believe
'What happens once will come again'
From that there's no relief

That which you take heed from
Is imprinted on your skin
As if you can't reach within
For matters intimate
Second guessing and stressing
While vacantly sedated
Placating under false pretenses
-Keeping sated

-Faded
Like you were the product
Of this aftermath
Attacking the apt capability
Of all you lack
-Underhanded
In the most subtle approach
This perpetual cognizant apparition
Of these ghosts

Furthermore
They boast and beg recognition
Putting prescriptions to their name
Like defacing prepositions
Could well esteem their fame

I maintain that I refuse
To be a product of the masses
Drifting whimsically and making victims From my caprices

The end result of my fate
Never created hate
Only this conditioned position
From which I now must escape

I'd rather sit
Listen and contemplate
Than justify my shame
I'll take the pain
Of my twisted thoughts
Before letting them run astray

No one pray for me
Because I've done this once before
And sanction I will find
Within this mind
Before I hit the floor
1.1k · Nov 2014
Sponge
Mystery compels his curiosity,
and he's curious about everything like a child.
Revealing his ticking gears in a timely fashion.
He used to wear his passions and
his heart strung out on the sponge's sleeve,
But it only brought pain; deposition from grief

*So the gift I bereave to you from the ashes of the old me is someone honest and true, who takes chance's Pitfall into consideration. Scribing my words to you how a Phoenix sheds it's plumes. No more I love you's until I feel you saying I love you too.
This poem is for those who felt vulnerable after giving too much of themselves away too quickly, only to find they've been taken advantage of once again.
Everyone knows that convalescence turns to evanescence when heated bubbles rise with effervescence. It turns from shame with ease to blame and wraps back around conflicting and constricting your vein. About to burst and your worst thoughts inside will ride by the side taking every abide on their path to divide. This little lesson on entropy is no radical notion. But rather a fanatical description of raw emotion. Take a prescription and close the gate when you don't want to feel. Or be prepared for a lesson to kneel before genuine powers innate You can only reveal. The most important connections we make in this life will be tested over and again with an abundance of strife. Perfection is impossible, we can only try to flow. Our reflection is the garden that we will try to grow. It can only begin at a moment by planting a single seed. Reach out to someone feeling alone because truly we are all in need. Or try again with heart in hand and if you fear for wasted time...

I love you.
I forgive you.


These few words don't need to rhyme.
Pay it forward and don't let humility or your position be the only thing holding you back from resolving a tough situation with someone. You never know how something will play out until you try! Attitude is everything. Inspired by the inner peace mantra granted to me by Lunar Luvnotes
1.0k · Oct 2015
The Lighthouse
You question me with insipid candor
As though it was worth an answer
Repeat the same deeds with silver tongue
A talented, insolent dancer
Do you not see the ripples and wakes
The wan smiles pasted on your son's face
Reflect just once on your mistakes
The painful sound your cadence makes
Crashing like waves as it's always been

I am forced to wayward roam alone
To receive my only splendor as obscene
I am cursed to despise anything my own
Until only perspective renders me clean
The strength within is all I've sought
Through years of patience finally bought
Destroyed in a second with one wrong thought
So I hold fast to what my numb heart has wrought
Wash away, and never let you in

Perhaps one day you'll breach the shore
As a man who relishes in serendipity
Abandoning everything else for whom he values more
Who trades an ocean of isolation for an epiphany
But until you know a man from a mouse
Until you know a lover from a spouse
Not until you know a child from a louse
Until then I'll be waiting for you at the lighthouse
*Waiting to call you Dad again
For my estranged father
943 · Nov 2018
It Stays Inside
It begins with a soft bite
That quickly forms into a leech
Beseeching my thoughts...
Controlling my speech..
Preaching important matters
Carrying potential to teach
All their essential condescending
Never-endings out of reach

Yet the pitfall arrives
When I choose to listen
With sighs and ghosted thoughts
The result of some or other condition
Bolstering a vision with apt precision
When every remission indicates
The necessary revision

Envy stifles a stern conviction
Jealousy trifles within final prediction
Anger endangers calm
Making strangers within this perdition
Bring it all in as I wriggle and writhe
Because I am to blame
For all of my pride

...It stays inside

As soon as my cards were shown I decided to fold. I can't keep this under control while I'm so vulnerable. Yet another rapport thrown in the fire and tossed out the door... And I'm so **** gullible. I watch this bridge burn from a distance before it will mend. Yet again the result of desiring you-
More than a friend
904 · Jun 2019
(Erased).
No one has ever taken a chance with me
Some have danced with me
But most are quick to be real slick
And change their stance with me
Fake people making noise
And playing games
Calling names, pointing fingers
And placing blame

Little realize
While they're fixed on displacing shame
All this nonsense stays constantly
Suspended through my veins

They burst open with the worst notions Contorted emotions to mass explosions
Like mixing large proportions of gasoline
Fire driven moths-to-flames

And my response is to conjure
Create, contemplate, and maintain
So please run along and carry on
Like you never knew my name
Because saying it will curse you
When you mention it in vain

Don't react or erupt like 'this' was abrupt When you never said 'this' to my face
Don't act surprised or try to hide it
Like you missed it or tried to fight it
Like you have any right to deny it
Now that you've finally been erased

I'm tired of all the back-thens
And back-whens
You're a has-been, and I'm laughing

Coming out of the woodwork
Some leaving without a trace
Like a blank space could ever replace
Everything you didn't make work

In the end we didn't mend
So I guess I wasn't worth it
At best we could jest, try to forget
Let's say that I deserve it
I wasn't perfect and then again
I'm not a ******* servant

Should I reword it?
Use different verbage?
Change my perspective respective
Of your verdict on the time spent?
I wouldn't know
Because you never showed
And I'm too busy living in ('this') moment
******* all.
895 · Dec 2014
Vicious Sin Circle
Creation
Devastation
Obliteration
Condemnation
Is this
What Lincoln foretold
Of the emancipation proclamation?
Society won't change until we realize that we are all human, one in the same.
887 · Dec 2014
Controversial Variation
If you're happy and you know it
Slit your wrists
Watch your blood drip down
To your fists

If you're happy and you know it
Stay away from THE zombie poet
If you're happy and you know it
Look out for Chris
inspired by the latest weight watchers commercial
878 · Aug 2019
Slow Down (All I Ask)
You claim I came from beneath the surface to your undoing. Yet you were the conservative one who told me to cease what we were doing. So assertively, who do you think you're fooling? You're like a needle weaving around in interstitial fluid. But my veins have been filled with tryptophan. You might playfully say they very well may have been ruined.

  You said to slow down and look around and check the pace of the beat because stepping stones are unknown
when made with cold feet. And in turn I took a step back to retreat so that I wouldn't confuse nor subdue the impudent snooze to my heartbeat.

  And darlin', not to be too explicit but I stepped to the side to abide when you began acting so tactfully complicit. Eliciting emotions as readily as waves of the ocean emitting their violent rhythms. But the notions tender returned to sender have now gone and split schisms exploding causing utter commotion like somehow I slipped or stuttered while muttering my notions to churn you like butter lotion.

  And while this isn't to spurn you, you're requesting my devotion when you barely know my name. So in the mirror what's crystal clear is the thin and whimsical veneer of reciprocity.

  I was adamant to prevent my vile extravagant fragments from implementing collateral damage dispensed towards anyone while I can be so relentless. It was never my intention to hang you up on a wall or leave you otherwise stranded landing nowhere near where I'm standing at all. Rather than bawl or try to break the Berlin Wall, may I suggest we take a rest before the hammer falls?

So that when I don't answer a call you don't wallow growing suspicious of my convictions convinced they aren't there or I've listed restrictions. The difference is that you decide not to believe it. Wow. So I'm not surprised your alibi won't allow you to see it now.

  I can't perceive it for you though I'm not deceiving you
if you could possibly conceive it to be true then maybe next time around you could receive it too. I'll leave that to you
for I can only say my piece. We can maybe slow down
before the throw down or we'll cyst and decease.

  Don't look at me like that last line was mischeviously written or you didn't see it correctly. I'm not an obsequious sycophant but I mean quite simply that we'll become diseased and die if we stick to projecting. Rather than rant planting seeds bitterly reflecting let's make a promise to be honest and say it directly.

That's all I ask of you KC.

Respectfully,
Chris P.
This is for an interesting person who has caught my attention. Maybe she's right. Maybe she forgot. Only time will tell!
861 · Jun 2019
Real Talk
I live for revenge
I think that you're passionate
Convinced that I'm already dead
Lavish and debonair
I'm in debt to the devil
For sleeping in His bed
Your impeccable guile
Compliments your style, mon frere

It's signed in fine print
From blood that was shed
Clever opponents notice fault
By words that they said

The shell of my former self
Now resides in my head
But there's no truth to the rumors
In fact, you're my favorite undead!


All that's left to cleanse my plate
To feed my greed driven palate
It's as though bountiful boisterous
oysters flood the palms of your hands

Is the life of sin reflecting this malice
You've got a natural talent
Filling my cup with fresh debauchery
In return for empty, eternal youth
Sometimes God has mastered His plan
And infernal immortality

There's no glory
To the story of Dorian Gray
You lack a certain pride
Replacing a soul for a void
An earthly presence inside
An endless hole for a voice
The essence to express yourself
With nothing to hide

An eternally bending road taken by choice
I can't decide if you were blessed
Or just took the lesser divide


For I touch those that I love with lust
All I know is when I look in your eyes
The left hand reaches, covered in dust
I'm taken for a ride
The rusty right preaches and rushes
We're so close even though
There hasn't been much time

Boasting dangerous anger
Strangely deranged
From making better strangers
Out of envious pushes
And I hope to know you better
But it's though you're never mine...


I sold my soul for no recourse
The door is closed
The window shut
The home divorced
The deal was wrong
The girl is gone
She left me short
So run along, you best be on
It won't be long
I'm after yours
Thank you fatemadememortal for the influence to this idea!
793 · Apr 2016
Cara, Cara (Unfinished)
Pick up the phone for a dial tone
While alone for the first time
With a knife to your neck
You express how echoes affect your life
Never once do you hear from the other side
I self destruct you press your luck and replay lost time

There's no break in the wake of my silence
Now you hate that I'm late to the violence
This mistake, our new fate has crossed through
What is lost, what it cost, but ain't really nothing new
Nothing new

Oh! Cara, Cara baying blood
Cleanse yourself from tracking mud
Hear me out, I think you should
Crying never did no good
Take the blade from your hand
Throw it up and take a stand
In between the lines you read
Rooting vines can't hide your greed
You deceive all the tricks
Laughing as you get your fix
Turn around placing blame
Shivering from all your shame
This is an attempt at song writing for me with a punk theme. Cara Cara starts the chorus and will most likely be used twice
788 · Jul 2014
The Reunion That Never Was
Is it really you?
I rejoice with this
Reunion
How long has it been?
Ages
Eons
Lifetimes ago
That resplendent smile carried so well
Whispers on the breeze,
bring this back
Illuminating without a doubt
I was carried away
I remain to this day
With each inflection
Every gesture
Absolutely!
Never gone away
I reminisce
At times with stress
The clock's laughing
Stern hands
Made me grimace
But only for an instant
No lingering duress
Indelible mark in my heart
I have missed you
Though we were never...
And will never be apart
777 · Dec 2014
Perspective
The reason I left was not of your being
It was that side of you kept well hidden, not for seeing
The preliminary basis of a concealed fact
A genuine warning sign maintained with tact
It restrains your hands and demeans your worth
While contemplating the test next time around that you'll see Earth
Slender body in my arms but your vision is crying
A feeling so horrible to give up trying
Dying each day to be born anew
With Depraved Heart sentience for filling that shoe

At first in your voice I heard inspirational phrases
Peering through the rain for better weather phases
Fighting and twisting to match their ennui
But you bounded through all the reciprocity
Catching the vapor updraft with that shy grin
Remembering the skin you're wearing is genuine
You march to that drum beat sounding the lightning storm
Of A cold heart blowing in the wind, unaware that it's warm

So in breaking your heart you'll hear love again and take flight
Prance with every step and paint a newly blank canvas full of fight
The part of you crying, "missing puzzle piece hidden in plain sight!"
Is the very same light within you I've seen shine so bright
And know I came to realize by the end of this night...
The next day and Tomorrow are yours to write
This poem is dedicated:
775 · Jul 2014
Dear Future Me:
October 20th, 2010

Dear Future Me:
As each day passes, you will think of a way
Through ups and downs to travel
New words shall walk your way
As dreams unfold
But never allow sleep, or your lacking
any Ambiguity
And so I say unto you
That this message be relayed
Until the hands on the clock
Stand still
When the Spectacular
Spectacle Labyrinth draws nigh
Lift your head up, kid
And remember the sky
This was a letter transcribed in code from an old journal of mine. The idea was inspired by the Thousand Suns album by Linkin Park.
775 · Jul 2014
Her Secret
The world is now a medley
Contradictions, paradoxes, and catch-22s
Values and morals broken
by Tolerance

And this is incidentally overly-permissive
her secret is...

The very infrastructure
The basis of normalcy is
not just broken down
But warped altogether
Shabby Spackle cracks reveal CHANGE
Ephemeral periods to lick wounds
That are, indeed, a fallacy
And the dogs howl for convalescence
Imagine the point of no return,
where light can only remain an idea
for the overwhelming pitch black veil enveloping you
Faces distant blur as shadows creep contemptuously
Through a place only light should know
The gateway to the soul has been breached!
Defaced, sold.
With a guaranteed price tag!
Because...?
*Silence
this poem is not about government policy
Your call of love is only an echo. It's all but spent, yet I hear your intent- even with the final blow. All the talk of lost soft caresses frosts my mind's recesses. I can't help but stop and think. That moment.. is gone within the time of a blink. A soothing song that's dangerous when you sing along. It paralyzes. The compromises. Trying to hold on to what's already gone.

Time to move on. Save a breath for me when the pain comes strong knowing we weren't meant to be. It hurts now but doesn't compare with never fighting the curse. Vicious circles. Continuing a facade only made us worse. We were never really going where we landed. And I would rather die than survive here alone stranded. So carry me in fond memories that come around now and then.
                                                  
                                                                               I wish you the best,
                                                                        - Never to see you again
As this bird
After so long took jauntily to the sky
Once again
He held his head high in triumph
After so long being confined and contained
He soars gratefully
Majestically through the air
For perpetually he fell, contemplating
Why not?
Having been in despair
Imprisoned so long
It's all he knows

Today gravity shall not take him
Euphoria is counter-intuitive
And he falls up into the clouds
This bird did smile then,
at such a wondrous epiphany
Freedom

The torment was over
Replaced with magnificent opportunity
No longer will his song remain unheard
The melody of vindication
has permeated his body and soul
His relief a sigh
A new song fills his heart
724 · Feb 2016
Asystole
I catalog events with a subtle, ulterior pretense
Describing the notorious infamy in all the events
And anything characterized, inspiring, and bold
Makes a story unfold in the real time it's told
I am snowblind and need defibrillation to wake up
Either my heart turned cold or has simply had enough

The ferry fan dreamboat has only so inadequately found
That as I feel my orienting response record the time down
It is not truly me who was looking around
Though I can pinpoint the exact moment that I drowned
The only lingering product of me absolutely remaining
Is the aftermath of my angina so ever restraining
Never complaining until the sound of the trigger
Then I'll be adamant to describe that noise with vigor
Though rigorous it may be, I will try, I might even with some tact
And let you in one last time presenting only fact.
I stepped away and left this place while presently in line
The sentence was one more time for the last time
And then you said goodbye

I was watching all the while a vapor on the scene
And I felt myself lose oxygen with no production in my spleen
My blood does not perfuse in that bilateral moment of blame
How can I let asystole clamp and constrict my cowed red vein?
How could I dilate the cause of my shame?
How could I love my life in the rain?

The simple reason I was experiencing tinitus...
I found out all connections were lies
Like a manufactured virus
Love was a prescription with doses written in ink
With no distinction and no response I could not think
With no recompense or recognition I felt my larynx shrink

I was only dumbfounded so I took to my reflexes
Handpicking a numb tendency to fill my recesses
But it only drains you and me and leaves a hole behind
I'm nowhere near magical so it's power cannot rewind
If so inclined I'll tap my spine and steer it all back
But I don't feel you anymore
*Only this heart attack
This poem is dedicated to anyone who loses a piece of themselves every time someone truly special walks away.
707 · Nov 2014
Between Infinity
Typing on a keyboard blindly imagining a new font
The scant canvas before me is intimidating
I relish the world I'm renovating
A new dawn gleaming it's way to my thoughts steady stream
Enchanting my mind like Aurora Borealis beams
It seems as though a victim was made by tracing lines through sand
Can it all be saved? Or is it a depraved, hopeless, sinking land?
Despondent while reciting lines my mind has bought
Simultaneously causing my blood cells to rot
Wishing for one blaze or spark of true inspiration

Pick up your tools and fix all you have wrought craven
Save it, reclaim it because no matter the end of this mess
You promised to light your candles entrenched in your best


The ****** of what my heart beats to in trance
Save one last Gypsy's moon dance for me
The once intoxicating chills now feel so *******
This wine drenched life is my last chance


Dear Sunshine:
There was a time when I wished that you would go away
Leave me to the hallow I burrowed myself in to keep me warm

Dear Starlight:
You left me with an eternal plight asking for your radiance to stay
When I feel the burn of your kiss catch the last flight

Dear Home:
Fallacy's throne upon which I sit left me conducive with fright
Until I learned how to fabricate sails out of wind and stones

Dear Family:
Can all of you see that even though I wayward roam
Snow leopards must protect ALL of those who are in need

Dear Friends:
I wish it didn't have to end, Sighing away the sown seeds
You live on by the ink on my skin as well as your mark that mends

Dear You:
Though I can't walk in your shoes, I'll trace the bends
...
and wind back around to lend you my heart in lieu

Dear Me:
All ahead that you perceive is binding together and tearing in two
...So tangible then are all the mad ramblings infinite
Said all the ephemeral wise men clearly.
This has to be one of my worst poems ever
"Kids sure are growing larger these days!"
"Drug abuse is hardly seen!"
"My eyes view only opaque haze...
from the awing abundance of trees!"
"Not a soul took their life this year!"
"And not one harassed for being queer!"
"Bullying?
What is this word you say?"

"My son is not known for
deceiving tricks,
or time spent in various prisons!"
"My daughter is not known
by her shade of lipstick,
in fact, when she speaks
everyone listens!"

"Not one reason to lock your door!"
"Avarice defamed, people are content with less,
rejoicing graciously for!"
"Did you hear of the major contribution
Of food for the poor?"
"I took a moment to watch water drops glisten"

"Predisposed judgements?
Don't make me laugh."
"Ink on the skin is an expression,
and a craft!"
"Those holes in their skin?
That just means they seek more!"

"It never occurred to me
To speak not the truth!"
"My government provides safety
without being uncouth"
"In fact, the president's never aloof
He's stern in his convictions!"

"Our troops have returned
from what they're calling
'the unnecessary war!'"
"BP oil are hanging their heads
to the floor!"
"And all marine life scrambling to shore,
don't worry, with this sanctuary, we be hoof"*


These things were heard on opposite day
And unless thoughts stray
They'll remain this way.
Don't let it waste, or let it fray
Because it matters right here, right now
Today
Written at 3:11 PM July 1st, 2014 by Christopher Polizzi (THE Apache Tomcat)
687 · Jul 2014
The Thin Line
Of colours in the air
Black is the darkness
and White pure light


Black the epitome of all draining sorrow
and emptiness

-Hollow

White the epitome of pleasure
and innocent delight

-Glow

Yet something always daunting
Remains to be seen
Laughing and taunting
The thin line between

Grey is difficult to [   ]
and life is *grey
683 · Jul 2014
Bug Bites
I'm starting to collect bug bites
And they sure hurt a bunch
But at least it's not delusional
parasitosis
Which was my first hunch
Something random.
666 · Jul 2014
Re: The Real You
I believe we are all innately energy. Energy can never be destroyed, but is subject to constant restructuring it's design while ever leaning towards entropy. How we can inadvertently give a part of ourselves that is then influenced and redesigned even further by the power of someone else's conscious mind, and then eventually spread so far and thin that it's as if we were never there beyond the grave as time passes. Beyond recognition. Take for example the lives we engage ourselves in. Have you ever sat down and said your name, given yourself an assessment of who you are today? Who you feel you are becoming through your actions and desires? Do you remember who you were years ago, or who you thought you might have been but had no possible way of ascertaining? We can't see the future (very far), but our imaginations allow us to dive in to possible futures based on our own self-cognitive intuition, desire, and furthermore by experiences of déjà vu. there are theories suggesting that our minds are so powerful that we send out electromagnetic impulses unconsciously which very well affect the world around us. I've had profound epiphanies like this a few times in my life, and it makes me think about my avoidance to be engaged in the present. And memory is biased towards our desire as well. We can repress our thoughts, blur years of experience, or forget them entirely. With all this said, I would like to end with a George R. R. Martin quote which concludes my belief that we are all inherently and innately forms of all types of energy, because for most, this is true.
"Men live their entire lives trapped in an eternal present, between the mists of memory and the sea of shadow that is all we know of the days to come."
This is not a poem, but rather something I wrote after staying up all night which was influenced by the late scholar and philanthropist Alan Watts. His edited lecture "The Real You" which can be found on youtube is something everyone should watch.
665 · Jan 2018
No Bugs
I don't fear your darkness
Surreptitiously speaking
With a condescending voice
You think you're keeping
My eyes gaze is never far away
And the glint in your eyes
Tells me more than it has to say

The fact that some would run reeling
At the side of yourself shown
You find less appealing
Is a cynical fiber
Which you've taken to reeling
While weeping and reaching
For understanding and feeling
I can only display what escapes
From concealing

Revealing to you
My own demon's caress
And how it yearns for intervention
And feigns duress
Until you show up with your mess
In its subtlety
And it admires your candor
Right there where you lay
How you live with fear
Yet still show up on display

And not for a moment
Do you hide from the past
With a heart stitched on your sleeve
It remains steadfast
So I'll reach for you
Here and now at last
Before the intoxication fades
And we think too fast
Will you come play with me?
This was written a few weeks ago but still holds true. I haven't stopped loving you. Even if it feels like you don't want me around, that may just be in my head.
651 · Dec 2014
Genesis in Silence
All the silly banter
Combines with familiar cadence an echoing canter
Reveal to me the meaning of moon in Cancer
And erase that preordained connotation
I'm desperate in attempts for a proclamation
Evoke a melody on reminiscence and born anew
I shall not remiss for i walk in different shoes
While jiving along to the same melody of rhythm and blues
Reveling in the rowdy rock concert
Take a step with me and we can glide
Relocate the harrowing and relinquish my pride
I feel soap bubbles cleansing slowly
Rising inside
When i speak your true name
It can't be called upon only inspired by you
Inspiration is powerful from any perspective view
So let's rejoice in our wondering and wandering
And step through the flume
Patience is a virtue
Hold my hand because in truth
I only wish to walk with you
Yes, the "i's" are supposed to be lower-cased. This was written for the only person I could ever write poetry with. Though I could never convince you, one day you will see in yourself what I still do.
650 · Mar 2016
Reticular Activating System
Compassion is a distraction
Leaving butterflies and still question marks
While I'm smiling, groaning, and thrashing
Swimming in a cesspool filled with cruel sharks
Not used to kind remarks and the complimentary excess
So I hashtag fallacies and clever messages to make them all perplexed

Then
Come the moment of truth cross them out wave goodbye
And slash every last dime a dozen heart
If what they were saying was genuine. . .
I'd find a way
To be disappointed from the start
Pixellated picture frames hover play over dull space
When it's the only real way to me I ever get to see your full face
And when left alone in the confines of a necessary moment
I'd lead with retrospect and waste time wondering what it all meant
I forget to taste and touch. Too busy while I preach and rush
To enjoy a moment in the sun and all that noise seems to hush
The day I forgot to stop and think was the day I had some fun
Until I rewind the reality tape and press play to watch it come undone
The tale I spin runs with parasites that perforate dripping abcesses
Ravage rats ravenous and infected blood flows through cordial asepsis
Fantasizing of better times while right now passes by.
I close my eyes and kiss the sky and wish that I could fly
Fish for stockpile rhythm and dive bar singing blues
Sizing up and dicing up and slicing up the clues

Sometimes it can be as simple as simple: me and you
Until I **** that too and habits bloom I'm just a fool
Who thinks on wasted talent
The words I write don't render sight so I don't bother myself
A single dent.
My cup has run over wild amok. Belly up. Superfluous in extent
I'm not certain whether to give a **** or pray to God my soul is sent.

RE: :) Wow. My Gawd that is sooo hot. You're really so tlented! Hmu 2 c wat's up. Or better yet txt me #Spent xoxo
Until next time
Let me kno wat u ment.

...
608 · Jan 2016
Corpsman's Prayer
Let the resin of my pain be the fan to my flame
And introduce new and old ways for me to feel
Complete me. For I am only incomplete
While forgetting how You came to save me
My goal is still in sight
It only feels hundreds of miles away
I now know that I love myself, for I wish me good
Allow my actions to do good for others
Let me save them
In this way I know many more things precious
Grant me strength and courage to work within You
My God
My compassion and my love will be my ultimate strength
And I am thankful of a reminder of who I can be
Amen
I never knew how lost I was until I found God. Now I live every day to do His work. He has saved my life. I wish to be grateful and remain humble
594 · May 2019
The Service
There's no honor in this service
It's a ******* circus
Clowns running around with spitting wires And loose circuits
Power trips hungry like sharks in a lake
But these big fish demonstrate
Their "authority"
More like lobsters in a tank

Don't talk to me like you know
What honor means
When the value is lost
It is simply a traditional proclivity
Duty means showing up on time
Fully pressed and clean
When the pretense you must respect
Is history

I get there are brave men who died in uniform
But for most of us it's living life dying
In the perfect storm

I've got three friends who turned out dead Who didn't fight in a war
Aside from the one inside their head

People throw around time
Like it means nothing
Saying in three years it'll be fine
And then you can be something
But I'm perfectly aware of my capabilities
It's only the needless restrictions
Working circles to nowhere
They call it Liberty

Pushing down every last reaction
Until I'm not a person anymore
Just a part of the faction to shut me up
And close the door
Thank me for my service
Or just shame me for the benefits
But you do not get to blame me
For not receiving this as Genesis

I hold my breath, say a prayer
And roll the dice
And that's the rat race anyone serving
Knows as military life
This is for you Ryan. May you find peace once this is all said and done
587 · Jun 2014
The Industry
The Power of Change can make you deranged
Whether be engaged
or Fazed
Simultaneously enraged
A predisposition that is conditioned to ears
That really Listen
Hymns and silent prayers
Vocals from the ditches
Hissing and Echoing
Pray, loud while we discover right now
Become well endowed
Or disemboweled
By a psychotic mind state
As the crime rate lengthens it is our time to strengthen
That which is inside
For cowardice and pride
It's a lie
Take what is mine
And slam forward through the doors
Winding down time
579 · Oct 2015
To Ronli Roxanne
The connections we make in this life are precious. Perhaps the most valuable commodity available to us. It's very brave of you to openly admit that you are afraid to put your heart on the line. There are a good deal of people who will tell you if the one you are writing about harms you or does wrong to you that you are too good for them. I propose this question to you. What if you were to confront the basis for your fear and tell yourself that whatever it may be is something you have since overcome and are superior to? And if you haven't then certainly with time and perspective you will. Writing is an excellent channel for this kind of emotion and you will watch as your experiences flow into your writing relieving of you all your torment and fear to be replaced with courage. A courage to think about yourself as worthy of others love, as everyone innately was born to be. It is only through fear that we isolate ourselves, blame ourselves, and live in inferiority. What makes anyone truly special or more deserving of love than another? Not a thing, and any one who would contest this is openly admitting that they are the very same creatures who struggle with the same fear as everyone else. I say this to you as one stranger to another.
These ideas are not entirely my own, and not all in my own words. They were taught to me by Mark Divine and are intended to be passed on in perpetuity
569 · Nov 2014
The Ripple Effect
Ash in my fire
Harness my desire
Cool my flames
This kind of martyrdom has caressed my soul
And at times i wish to be defamed
As insane as that sounds
The solid ground upon which I was standing has been shaken
Transfixed into a new vessel's identity dreaming
I wouldn't be lying if I said that I wish to run screaming
Though with the upgrades coursing my system redeeming
This thought is but fleeting
I wish to know,
do you see this flow clandestine in the making?
With only ephemeral woe,
the words I chose to toss on throes
can only meld into this conviction
For I must confess i look best unkempt
I feel that scruffy look whispers my hidden contempt
This life's diluted, sweet smiles all the while twisted and bent
Don't fret emotions spent now my dearest of loves
I hear a sigh from my brethren above
As they watch me write lines on parchment
inclined to my predisposition
Listen to me now dear, it is not conditioned
and the furthest from fiction
As pretentious as it sounds
I get shivers
With simultaneous joy
As I see your eyes glisten
Written before the last wall was disestablished
568 · Mar 2016
The Listener's Gift
Come take comfort in relieving your trouble
His ears ripple like puddles taking in the stories
Betray your vulnerability as a confidant
And know your armor remains a safe accoutrement
While revealing your fears in several categories

Oh the glorious lessons of love that you've known
The epiphanies and Persephone violets that you've blown
The heartache and strife behooves flowers once sewn
With only the reassurance of knowing you've grown
And how they expired to make room for Rome

And sitting contemplating in quiet reflection
The listener's gift is to sigh and admonish while offering perception
He'll ask you of switching roles and give advice
He'll conjure up any answer until the finale does suffice

Listening to your footsteps fade as you walk out the door
Until the next time you need a vice similar to before
Is one more reassurance to bring His pain to the floor
One last confirmation to cease searching for a moor
Negate the endless need for vulnerability et amour
Until there are no longer holes in his own armor

*Nothing inside to hide or frighten you
Et pour ne rien révéler sous
I'm a lousy writer
566 · Jul 2016
Dehydrated
People commit suicide when their soul is dehydrated
When thoughts outside a solid wall can not be gyrated
All embers grow cold and vacant like they've been sedated
Or maybe caved in because once inflated to a certain extent
There's no room to be sated when only knowing wicked intent
A body needs to be caressed and let a broken bone mend
To make it flexible and elastic -first shown how to bend
It's nothing fantastic but merely a lesson on how to cope
How to watch yourself rebound from any and all hope
How to break down and realign then redesign the entire mind
Seeing being beaming retreating
screaming at you
with NOTHING inside

And how that harrowed hole bores into how you're defined
And how time is the only place left to fill an empty space
So hollow at this point it feels like it can just be replaced
The following revolutions come one second at a time
If you can't find the courage for evolution
You're destined to rewind
It manifests as a habit building pressure in your mind
Until one day what's filled up has pressed your luck
Because guess what? it was the same as the last grind


The only healthy circle comes from an innate sense of being
When you reach within all you've been and all that you are seeing
And when you find the epitome of all that you have sought Remember all in practice & nothing that lasts is bought Overcoming tragedy found through glory and no retreat
While marching to the sound of your heart's personal drumbeat Will be lost to you over and again yet returns at a single thought It's no predisposition but practiced, understood, then conditioned When you open your ears and truly listen

Not all times do diamonds glisten.
No footprints are left behind without a vision.
No wisdom is borne without decision.
Nothing changes without remission.
No fault is known without admission.
No script was written without revision.
No skill ever mastered without precision.

So when you spend time wondering how things could have been different.

You'll do yourself a favor instead wondering what it all meant.
556 · Nov 2014
Again
One taste and bang pounds the hammer
Sitting patiently seething with bedside manner...

Staring at the fix in my hands
I've been lost in a wonderful fantasy
It was never the plan but I developed schemes
I'm fighting the disease that wants me to drown
Plotting my escape when not a soul is around
Hoping never to be found again

With one decision I could let go
Mixing a cocktail of saliva and bliss
For one last show
Dancing in a wonderland wrought by disgrace
Leaving no trace after the chase
I'll finally close my eyes
As death's scythe sings me lullabies
The nightmare defaced

All the lies wrapping around my throat
The waste choking me, wishing to leave my lungs
Then I die
But life's mysteries just so happened by

The moment of decision
Fades to remission

Whispers it's leave on the breeze again
To return in a moment's time
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