You aren't here
You aren't anywhere.
All you ever do in life
Is blow clouds through the air,
Wasting away through strife.
You know your wife hates it.
You know your children do.
You know that all our money goes
To your selfish habits and you
As your addiction grows

I love you though...
I just wish you'd end this phase-
The one that's spending all our cash
And shortening your days until
You're turned into dust and ash.

You're an absent father
(MY absent father..)
Only here when you need to be
Then you're gone for the end of this verse
And most in between
Either spaced out, asleep, or hearsed.

A continuation of places I have fallen asleep
- at the movies
- my dermatologist appointment
- the dentist
- getting my nails done
- the back room of my work
- the car on short rides
- the car on long rides
- 5 minutes after waking up in my bed
- the couch at 7pm
- the couch at 7am
- the grass in the garden
- the beach
- a portable hammock laying on my side
- waiting for the doctors appointment
- on the train
- on the bus

You ask me how I am
“Tired”
I say
I slur

You preach your 3 hours of sleep
As though it is a feat
A competition in your mind
I know I have already won
Yet mine isn’t so victorious

I have felt years of heavy eyelids pulled down by black fingernails, the bruised under eyes and lust for more sleep

A weak bag of bones is all I am now
Collapsed at a laugh
Or a cry
My muscles show no strength
Neither do I

Feeling away my sight just fades
Thoughts overflow dream I am awake
I breathe and sleep and dream of me
Action I take hallucinate
Think of more sleep I just hate
Woke up after the fact am I late
Resume last night I just wait
Dream of my life flashbacks just play
Shapes and forms and sounds and more
Listen and see the world just formed
My brain makes a sight only I can see
I fall down rise up back to sleep
Wake, rise, sleep, and dream and repeat
I feel so trapped yet I feel so free
I feel scared post hallucination
I know it's my imagination
Yet I freak out like I am facin'
Death before my eyes
I rise back from my sleep
Then pass out cold or heat
Light or dark either way
Night I can't sleep late
Then I can't stay awake in the day
Aye
Aye

Sitting in silence the quiet haunts me
Overthinking then it was wrong of me
All them around their voices fade away
Dawn rises and I wonder where I lay
I fell out the chair onto the bare floor
So cold chills up my spine yet I slept more
No one woke me up so I hallucinate when I wake
My sleep I appreciate face the facts I do hate
Passing out to REM and all them say
Just sleep more and more but I already did I'm bored
Then boredom triggers it on and I fall in my place
My head collapses dreams begin and fill my brain
My mind goes insane and thinks it over again
It creates this mental pain aye
Sitting in silence the quiet haunts me
Overthinking then it was wrong of me
All them around their voices fade away
Dawn rises and I wonder where I lay
I fell out the chair onto the bare floor
So cold chills up my spine yet I slept more
Open this door these dreams will lead
Me another dimension I see
Memories float and a future breaks free
Than I overthink and wake from my sleep
Than I take action or just oversee
Depends on the situation whether I need
Or if fate just feeds then I will proceed
Sitting in silence the quiet haunts me
Overthinking then it was wrong of me
All them around their voices fade away
Dawn rises and I wonder where I lay
I fell out the chair onto the bare floor
So cold chills up my spine yet I slept more
I collapse in places I can fall down
Time tells and the walls around
Not my choice I try to fight it
I hear voices of the ones that surround
Not my choice that I pass out
Selective control, physically I know
Mentally maybe so, I try my best so
Let me sleep
Sitting in silence the quiet haunts me
Overthinking then it was wrong of me
All them around their voices fade away
Dawn rises and I wonder where I lay
I fell out the chair onto the bare floor
So cold chills up my spine yet I slept more

So lost when I feel like sleep
Go back round to the heat beat
That sound taken my two feet
Come take my heart ***** no key
Then you gonna reach my dream
Narco brain rise out of me
Its a chain come shout loudly
Fall asleep now I am free
Lay my head down sit to think
Myself fall down I said night
I'd collapse at some point right
I ran laps round big coins fine
Thinking change hide cash so tight
Take the map out we goin' drive
Take a nap and dream those lies
***** take a seat in my ride
Backseat no front don't you whine
It's night
Goodnight
Wait it's light

Like a sinful seduction, I slip off the edge of sleep,
my eyes are drawn to the darkest shadows of my room... kinetically searching...
I seem to penetrate them, my mind breathes life into them,
they begin to stir and morph into the preludes to my peculiar dreams,
bizarre at first until inevitably familiar,
as if I had lived them indefinite times in the past... and infinite times in the future... remembering... becoming... unfiltered and unaffected...
my subconscious is my truth, awakened by my dreams.
I long to remain lost in this ethereal bliss.

Soft pillow cases
Engulf my skull
like a magical
marshmallowy surprise
taking away
my sub-concious
every second
e
v
  e
   r
    y
s
e
  c
   o
     n      
                d

I'm still awake!
daydreaming of daydreams
wandering thoughts
inside-out
Jibbing jabber
Clattering matter
faster faster faster!!

f
i
  n
    d
     i
  n
g

zzzzzzzzzzz.........

One, two, three
What do you see?

I'll fall asleep

Eventually.......

“I am tired,”
I say

You ask if I was up late
Last night

And instead of telling you about
My hypocretin levels I nod
And laugh and say
“Something like that.”

“What, are you tired?”
My coach asks

He thinks he is
Trying to motivate me
But he does not know
That my very existence is
Bone crushingly exhausting
And yes,
I am tired
But I wouldn’t expect him
To understand
So I say nothing

When I say I have narcolepsy
And you say
“Must be nice, being able
To fall asleep anywhere,”
I have never related
To Ted Bundy more in
My entire life

You suggest I stop
Drinking coffee

I suggest you stop breathing

Teachers talk about the
Impact of sleep on
Mental health and
I think
Maybe that’s why
I’m always depressed

My doctor suggests I stop
Drinking coffee too
I am a little worried now

I google
“Caffeine related heart attacks
In teens”

My findings are not enough to
Convince me and besides,
A hospital visit
Is just an opportune moment
For a nap