That
Floating
Patch of light
Dangling in air
For minutes on end
Moving as though pacing
Is certainly either a
Secret government project, or
An alien spacecraft, but
I am both too scared and
Far too tired to
Go outside and
Take a look
On my
Own

It's kind of funny
I almost didn't have it
But I'm glad I did

'Twas only a year
But everything changed so much
That I'm not the same

I have said little
So caught up in my life that
I have yet to write

Four school principals
But now I am free of that
From FCPS

Rapid fire news
Three different protests aloud
In response to it

And my views have changed
March I did not tell, but then
I joined DSA


I have changed my world
Flipping between three websites
For my social life

I have changed my town
College is hard at times, but
I love it so much

With chosen family
A punk scene and D&D
I don't want to leave

It was not painless
But somehow I got up and
Finally got help

And then I came out
Free from parental meddling
Finally honest

Still I play fiddle
Still I watch Marvel movies
Still the same workplace

But within a year
My worldview has changed so much
And I can't go back

Nor do I want to
In spite of future challenge
I now love my life

So to the new year
No matter what it shall bring
I will be ready

You know you're small when
Your sister's friends say "at least
I'm taller than her"

And when your sporty
Friend says "hey, you weigh the same
As my deadlift weight"

And when your parents
Always send your little sis
To reach the top shelf

At the very least
You're never be too big for a
Bed or car backseat

It's not always wise to trust what you see
Depending on my hairstyle, shoes, clothes, and makeup, I can look twelve or thirty three

I was just looking at some old comic art
About that time that some see as a start
And the artists all believed that we'd come together
To rebuild and outlast this terrorist weather
But looking around fifteen years later
It seems that our paranoia turned out to be greater
These artists believed that the change in the world
Would result in courage and unity untold

Well, guys, I'm so sorry that we let you all down
If you time traveled, you'd be dissapointed at what's around
Instead of becoming a United planet
Built on peace and courage unlike that before it
We've become this frightened, always fighting thing
I'm sorry for all of the things that we bring

I'm so sorry about the middle east
And about the NSA, and that's just the least
I'm sorry that techniques like waterboarding
We're used and that we don't find it abhorring
I'm sorry we couldn't look past race
To solve the hatred that we face
I'm sorry that one's orientation
Still affects how they're treated in a nation
I'm sorry we didn't learn respect
Because we hurt who we said we'd protect
So to those past artists who've come here to visit
This isn't the world you wanted, isn't it?
I'm so sorry the world turned out this way
I'm not really sure what else I can say

I permeate
My presence surounds the land
Regardless of the nation
It is under my hand

I fly
My parts speed around
Creating the wind
Felt by those on the ground

I combine
With sunlight and water
I make earth's food
And with heat, I make fire

I sustain
All men need me to live
And they leave this earth
When I am not there to give

You will not break my mind
You will not shatter my spirit
Try me as you want and you will find
That I am quite resilient

All I can say now is sorry my dear
For I've known in my heart and in my head
I can not stay, even if you are here
For I'll be mad from my dawn 'till I'm dead
And who knows, for I will never tell you
Of that secret familial held curse
Or if I tell you that this blood runs true
You must know you can not **** this dark verse
For with generations of maniacs
All love from madness can not take me back

My poet, I'm flattered by your attention
But your comments are rather misguided
You are mistaken about my condition
I truly wish your words could be abided
I'm not always quite this fair and gentle
And I'm not, by any means, eternal
Truthfully, sometimes I think I'm mental
Viewed closely, most previous notions fall
I'm not a fair day, I'm a hurricane
Inside my mind, flowers don't stand a chance
I'm sorry if my response gives you pain
But if you find that you still want to dance
I, too, would like to turn another page
And see if we share scenes in this world's stage

We'll be coming home tonight
We've seen every sine
A few timely intervals
And I'll make you mine

You'll be tangent to my curves
The approximation will be tight
Like an exponential function
We have infinite domain tonight

You don't need to worry about an x
We've already found our y
Our functions are constant
And the f (x) don't lie

We can carve out our own area
A little sector of secrecy
So as the arc of the night goes on
We'll lie together, parallel, just you and me

Give a man a room
With a bed and an endless kitchen
And a door and a window
And he will live in the room
He may go outside often
But he will always come back
And maybe
In time
He'll bring back new things
And he'll add to the room

Take away the door
And he might stay in for months
Before he can't take it anymore
And climbs out the window
Never to return

Take away
The window and then door
And the man
Failing to break through the walls
Will either
Tear up the room with graffiti and flames
Or
Resign himself to a corner for weeks

Either way, he will destroy himself
If he has not way out

So it only makes sense
To give the man
A windows and a door
And to have a little faith in him
As he meets the world

Some people wear a wolf's smile
Grinning while stalking you all the while
Some watch the world with cats eyes
Keeping their views locked under a guise
Some listen like a deer in the fog
Timidly hearing all through the smog
Some hearts take flight like a turtle dove
Plain to the outside, but soaring above

Some of your stories are daft
But some will give you a fright
Much like "the Russian Sleep Experiment"
Which I just read tonight

Today, I really must declare
My love of stuffed donuts everywhere
From Krispy Kreme to paczki
To Korean ones with read bean
They're a gift, even though they're not rare

I'm not entirely sure if I'm
More terrfied of swarzchild's radius
The likely end of heat death over the eons of time
Or suspensions of the corpus' habeas

Or perhaps terror lies in false vacums
Or neglected tropical diseases
Or perhaps it lies in refugees being refused
Or with a virus that does as it pleases

But despite the fact that I get
My share of nightmare fodder
Your videos are complex, with layers of thought, yet
They're easily understandable and popular

The work you do is truly amazing
You spread wondrus knowledge through the web
And while you terrify, you're equally inspiring
With all of the points that stick in your head

So to you, Kurgestat, I give a mixed thanks
For though your existentialism can terrify
I love learning, from your words on war to banks
And the way your videos spread like they fly

Margo Roth Speigelman
Is the girl
I always wished I could be.

In reality,
I'm more
Like Hazel Grace Lancaster
Minus the cancer.

In the end,
I only want
To get out of this paper town
Come to terms with the fault in our stars
And the fact that I'll never find Alaska.

Your motive is hate
Your mood is irate
Your news feed is fake
Your plans aren't my fate

My little redheaded cousin
Still in elementary school
Or whatever it's called in Belfast

The news just came in
From the other side of the pool
The Brexit movement has passed

Will little Aoife still be
Able to travel freely southward
To see the rest of her family in Ireland?

I'll have to wait and see
If North Ireland's change will be hard
I have no idea what's being planned

It's not about interest, it's how you place
Your classes are weapons in an arms race
Your friends are taking two APs, so you take three
Soon we're mired in college work when high school is all we see

Counselors don't help, they only edge us on
Telling us we need advanced levels, or all college spots are gone
In Fairfax County, we score so high on tests
We ignore our thirty three percent depression and say we're the best

Because here all that matters is the grade on your transcript
You're a factory product, another computer chip
So if you're friend takes five college courses, take seven
After a semester, beg mercy and give up on heaven

Stardust and lust
Lie behind her blue eyes
Her lips moist raise a voice
Like songbirds in morn skies
With her grace and her face
She enchants all in her way
She needs no weapon when she's gettin'
All the wishes she'll say

For the love of God
Or karma
The force
Whatever it is that exists out there
Wash this away

Wash away
The melancholic numbness
The sadness that I can't express
Even if I try
To force myself to cry

Wash that feeling
Into the concrete
And leave in my place
A girl
Emptied and free
One who has no knowledge
And no fear
Of this life
Or the next

As yesterday came to an end
I thought I had some time to spend
Then i opened my plans
To see where I stand
I'm booked until April's month ends

You probably think
That I have it made
But what you see as a palace
I see as a cage

These bangles you see
Of silver and gold
Are my handcuffs
To the traditions of old

I'm expected to walk
With beauty and grace
And to hide my true feelings:
My mask is my face

I have to be perfect
A model for the crowd
I'm a regular girl
But I can't say that aloud

I might be famous
But I'll never be free
Not with the rules
That dictate what I'll be

So next time you wish
That you were in my place
Remember that I
Hide much behind my face

Set of eclipse glasses: about ten dollars
Tin of coffee: also ten dollars
Watching a receding eclipse in a thundering sunshower with family, friends, and an anxious dog while joking about omens and modern politics: priceless

Wind in my hair
I stretch my legs
Smell food in the air
count the lamppost pegs
a breezy, misty morning
boys playing ball
seagulls give storm warnings
we've got fourteen hours in all
play fights in the lot
before the night's coaches
the buffet's only got
moments before the crowd encroaches
only minutes before the breakfast buffet
and a tour of the city later today

I'm not laughing because you're wrong
I'm laughing because you're the first person
To get it right

Yes, I am insane

I don't stay up late at night
Because I enjoy sudden mornings
And hazy eleven o'clock headaches

I stay awake
Because I'm afraid
To loose all the time
I was given
And because
My mind is too loud
To get any sleep

I hold my breath
Because then my lungs finally feel full
And the heady onset at fifty seconds
Finally relaxes me

I ignore your normal jokes
And become a hyena
When you talk about groceries

Yes, I'm crazy.
Crazy enough to scratch and bite
Not at attackers
But at myself

Yes, my dear ambassador.
This is insanity
Where reason meets it's inverse reflection
And silence is the loudest sound

Someone once said
That fear always works
It's sad, but it's true
So true that it hurts
I wish I were free
To choose who I meet
But mom always told me
To stay quiet on the streets
What if that guy
You met online
Is a hacker-*******?
In all this fear
I'm starting to wonder
If living is worthwhile

The state of the union
Is one of fear
Keep your religon close
And your race dear
We fear terror and crime
We run and hide
But the true monsters
Are the ones inside

Someone once said
We should only fear fear
Because it's the root of our problems
That much is clear
The news
Whips the mob
Into a state of panic
And convinces us
That any change
Will be just catastrophic

The state of the union
Is one of fear
Keep your religon close
And your race dear
We fear disease and shortage
And we can't relax
And no one around
Knows the real facts

I know
That I'm not
Immune to this, either
I'm losing things
I was taught
Would always be there
And honestly
This girl
Is the last one who should talk
I could be called anxious
I can say it
But can I walk?
But even to
A shy, nerdy
Girl like me
The media's
Fear-mongering
Is plain to see
But the media
Only reflects
What polls say we want
So maybe society
Needs to check
What it flaunts

The state of the union
Is one of fear
Keep your religon close
And your race dear
We fear each other
And the outside world
But maybe one day
We'll learn to be bold

Let me submit some thoughts to the public:

If one novel can
Overturn your worldview, then
Maybe the view's wrong

If one poem can
Make you turn to suicide
Then you're not happy

If a few berries
Can overthrow your empire
Then it's bound to fall

If one whistleblower
Can discredit you, then your
Actions might be wrong

If one blogger can
Threaten your morals, then the
Morals are too strict

If one flaw can break
The entire system, it's
already broken

That's all.

Can I just forget this year
That started off so fine
I just hope that by next year
I'll have a better time

With all the fighting on the news
In Damascan streets
Makes me wonder how we can
Reject the survivors we meet

Between Brexit and the election
We keep on splitting apart
And all of the hateful ones
Feel free to threaten our hearts

Zika rode in behind ebola
Two crisies on end
All of the panic caused by it
Hardly helps people make amends

The Olympics were pretty great
But still pretty spotty
With bacterial bays, alge filled pools
And the antics of Ryan Lochtie

The globe's heat keeps rising on
Wreaking havoc on our climate
With polar ice melting, it grates
That people don't get science

My favorite sci fi heroes died
Those people who inspired
Those who gave us so much hope
Just suddenly expired

The local subway's been a mess:
It keeps catching on fire
After three times, it just seems
That we can't fix a wire

My brain seems to be getting worse
At being normal or sane
Somedays I just want to run
And dissolve into the rain

I ended my relationship
Of over a year
And lost touch with some friends
Whom I once held so dear

School just keeps getting harder
(Not too shocking to find)
But my Girl Scout and school projects
Might just fry my mind

My mom and I are getting to
A rough patch in our ways
And hiding my intrests from my 'rents
Takes so much of my days

My social circle only gets
Harder and harder to track
And my family's stories sound like soaps
Even though we have each other's backs

So can I just forget this year
Make it all fade away
Can I just go back to sleep
And face '16 another day

So can I just forget this year
Just please make it all end
And maybe in 2017
I'll be able to start again

Summer's duration has come to an end
No longer do I swim upon the shore
The days shorten and the winds start to bend
This crisp air is what I've been yearning for
A month into my time at this new school
And it feels as though this is my true home
I finally live by my self made rule
And I no longer find myself alone
Autum has come and I'm finally free
To be whoever I should wish to be

There are many things I'd like to miss
But I'd never go without autumn's cold kiss
Looking at a red and gold blizzard is the definition of bliss
And under crisp apple winds, nothing seems amiss

There is much to admire about cool autumn days
Wether or not it's clear and blue or foggy or grey
The leaves, pumpkins, and winds join together to play
A day like this can truly go in any way

I may act a bit odd every now and then
You call me a puppy, but I'm fully human
Sure, in good weather, I roll down a window
And stick my head out as far as I dare go
Yes, I also stick my nose in the air and sniff
If I smell food, perfume, or anything amiss
And I might snuggle up to you at random times
When I feel lonely or can't keep open my eyes
Though I'm an introvert, I'm good with a pack
But with those unfamiliars, my social skills lack
I'm often quiet, but I can raise my voice
I bark loudly and howl with joy if given the choice
I can be a bit akward, pushy, or clumsy
But despite stupid mistakes and curiosity, I'm no dummy
Okay, you may have been right all along
That some part of me is that of a dog

it's not the bustling city
with its massive modernity
and ever present life.
it's not the mountains
with their wild, untamed nature
and their way of making towns look small.
but something stands to be said
for the way the highways curve
into a mall complex
designed to look pleasing,
And for the way millions of cars
and parents and children
manage to fit together like a puzzle
so one can drop her youngest off
run errands with her eldest
and be home in time for her favorite evening programs.

Boba bubbles in our milk tea
Kids in the bathroom getting high
All fashions out in the open
With no dress code to abide
Movies, songs, clothes and parties
"Buy things!" Shout messages to our eyes
Discovering the American ways
From barbecues to facists' ides
Discovering our stance in this world
Making laughter and love on the sly
We'll celebrate our youth as it passes by
Birds of different plumes in an azure sky

Last games with our friends
Before the fall goodbyes
We've got social media on lockdown
Just until our working times
We campaign for people and our earth
Each day we hear more lies
Letting our voices ring out
Under the endless sky

In the summer heat we stroll
Every now and then ducking inside
Most of the prep work is already done
But some college calls still lie to the side
Each day each nation's dystopia grows
And the resistance comes up on the rise
For change, youth, and play are all rising high
In the bright, hot summer sky

"Another day
And another mass shooting
In America"

When will we notice?
When will this be the headline:

"Another day
Since the last mass shooting
In the world"?

So this, readers and friends
Is where it began
I don't know where it ends
But let's look back again

A fourteen year old is writing
In a hospital room
Far her right in bright lighting
Is great-grandma, who'll die soon

She has few memories of her
As she wonders about home
Nonni keeps asking mother
Not to leave the girls alone

Now we're back in the hospital
On some Pennsylvanian hill
Thirty five family members in total
Nonni's more than ill

Christmas day, and we're at a friend's house
When we hear that final call
A week later, I'm at a funeral, sounding like a mouse
For someone I nearly didn't know at all

Looking back, that was the start
Of most of my questions
On society, religion, art
What the rules really ment

I found a taste for the books
That mom didn't like
I expanded my looks
Gained interest in the night

I started growing apart
From those I once knew
With secrets in my heart
My friends were my closest few

I learned more about a family
That I once thought typical
And (mostly) solved my belifs
On the meaning of "it all"

I look back on the before
As though regarding a cat
It's cute innocence I adore
I find it hard to believe I was that

I still have that Christmas blanket
A snow leopard, her last gift
For a woman I saw maybe four or five times, it
Still has a nice warmth to it

So sometimes I dream of a mint hospital wall
And think back to the start of it all

At first I had a crush on you
Moths in my stomach 'fore I even knew
Seeing your hair, feeling your strong arm on my side
I have no idea how my feelings managed to hide
Day in and day out, 'till it became moons
Seeing you there would almost make me swoon

But it could never work out, not with the timing
The years apart, relationahip present and ending
And your position in the place where we stayed
Distant, more experienced, not easily ignored or swayed
So I stood there blushing, hoping you'd never see
Just what a fantasizing mess you made out of me

Then events kept us both busy, and apart for days
We seemed to drift our separate ways
And as we did so, the sparks grew dim
Dulling the fantasies I held within
When time passed and we spoke again
I knew that we were only friends

And, quite contrary to every story I've heard
Of years of pining, unrequited love without a word
It was actually better than the way it was before
There weren't akward feelings I had to keep watch for
I became more relaxed, and I had more fun when we talked
And I became freer and goofier as we walked
And I was comfortable enough to get much closer to you
Now that the dynamic was the same from both our views
I once thought otherwise, but in the end
I found we were much better as friends

Their verses are like
Exotic bird songs in a
Jungle of humans

Some call their words crass
But the way I see it, they
Are flamboyant calls

Just as the blue jay
Has mating and defense calls
So do us humans

"You know, I don't think you have
The right
To be angry with me right now."

Maybe I am being irrational
Maybe I am stubborn and a little begrudging
Maybe I am silly
Hormonal
And stupid
but I have the right
*to feel whatever emotion I want to

With civilians
There are a few, but not much
But on a small base
You can see them everywhere
In the milit'ry
They're a popular feature
From labs to shepherds
The force is full of black dogs

I remember that maroon shirt
A size too large so it hung like a sack
Over my twiggy, seven year old limbs
It was rough and scratchy against my belly
I absolutely hated the color
I was one for turquoise and scarlet and sparkles
This was a cloth of rusty mud, it was purple gone terribly wrong

Of course I protested
Whining at my mother like a cub at her lioness
Why should I have to wear this ugly thing
That you brought yesterday for no reason at all

And then you said there was a reason
In that quiet, somber way you get when you homilize to me
That tone that makes me scared enough to flatten my unruly hair

It was the first time I heard the words
Mass Shooting
But it was far from the last

I went to school that day
I tried to tell the others
Some had heard a snippet or two from mom and dad
Before being sent out of the room
But most just looked at me like I had a third eyeball in my head
They shrugged it off and went back to foursquare
They never gave a **** about the news if it wasn't Charlie Brown
And they never really talked to me more than they needed to

The grownups hurried us all along
Avoiding all mention
Of Virginia Tech
And they would nod and turn away when I told them
How was I to know that they didn't have any answers either

I sat on the swingset
The cyan dome that seemed so familiar in its vast vacancy
Was now so empty and abandoning
The bark chips were suddenly silent
In juxtaposition to my mind

I mouthed out the words
A feeling in my mouth like a jawbreaker too large to fit it but crammed in anyways
I didn't have the words for it then

How could someone do that?
How could someone just walk up
With a special stick and some bullets
And end twenty six lives
Like they were swatting at flies
And how could everyone
Be so calm and carefree
When so much harm had come
When so much blood ran
Turning to a rust color in my mind
Like that god-awful shirt

The day was done
I threw the shirt in a bottom drawer
I never wore a maroon thing again until I was thirteen
I felt glad to be rid of that jawbreaker
And the strange feelings in my gut and neck

But it was not over
None of us were rid of it

Aurora
Sandy Hook
Breaking News: Mass Shooting
San Bernardino
Pulse
Breaking News: Mass Shooting

Guys, one of our competitor's teamates was killed
It was a ******-suicide by his father on him and his mother
So please be considerate

Good God, how many has it been
When did it begin
What should we do
And how did I get so numb
To my semiannual jawbreaker moments

But all I hear is
Who do we blame?

The foreign ones?
Let's blockade them
Because it's not like we were ever that way

Maybe the ones with ****** up minds?
Yeah, they're the violent ones
It cuts me deeper than any work of my own blades

But god and the NRA forbid
That we have shootings
Because we have the means to
That we have a radicals in the U.S.
And they only came from us
But when has policy ever made sense?

All I know is
That we can't keep going numb
To the jawbreakers in our mouths

In a high school parking lot
I waited for the car to pass by
On the roof, a black sparrow
Lay up against the sky
I said "I wish I were like you,
For far away would I fly
Not afraid to take wing
Unafraid to take a dive
Not afraid to live
And not afraid to die."

The ink on my palms
Realistic dripping cuts
But in blue and black

Instead of red blood
Art, poetry, and music
Flow in my mind's eye