His name, his name has been written inside of me as if my body was paper
It's as if each letter has been carved on my ***** heart (and I can't escape it)
And it hurts painfully, my eyes are getting wetter
And I can't face this weather
(tear drop rain and love heart clouds).
And his little stabbing words haunt me like
the ghosts of future memories
(The ones that will never take place)
They sing ****** stick lullabies
where the sounds of your voice feels like
something I will learn to miss.
Due to the sight of him, he makes me casually swim in His Ocean
I would cry for his affections
I would cry and cry until Our Oceans become
And every thought would be his and would be mine too.
Having a crush is like being in the Summer Rain.........
(Being (or thinking you are) madly in love with someone is normal, it creates madness, but just be aware of it, because love that you desire awaits you, you just need to be patience) Being patience is a virtue.
This poem is a sample of a longer poem I've written called Crushes Part 1 (funnily there's no part 2 yet), but this is also the prequel of Summer Rain which is part of Crushes Part 1 (if that makes sense)
as the leaves fall
my sanity starts to follow.
Intoxicated by my thoughts.
Wishing I knew what is making it all swerve around like snake or worm. I don’t know what caused it? It might had been the tragic event that happened on Wednesday? Even maybe this might be my next mental state prospective; that is strange like all of them.
I wish that everything was normal and that I could think straight. Too many things my brain can process, a tragic event or my brain trying to confused me with answers on a test cause I start thinking about my future. Wishing I could go back to the past and be in those comfort memories, that I day dream about and play in a movie in my brain on constant.
Only if I could dissect brain. Though I’m in this real world; I’m supposedly in. I could dissect it; however, it would be hard cause I have Derealization and Dyslexia.
Written October 5, 2018 at 9:18 PM in my notes
oceans are so serene and beautiful.
oceans are so black and peril.
my ocean changes frequently, i don't have much control over the waves.
some days the waves are a sparkly blue, with warm sunshine warming it through and through.
it sways so calm and lazily.
other days not so placid.
just like that the waves turn black and freezing, and the water crashes, smothering any beauty or peace in its sight.
i on my small boat, have to ride the waves no matter what,
they are mine of course.
when the sea storm rumbles and brews i whisper to myself “don't drown don't drown”
i refuse to let my ship sink and go down.
why you ask?
because i force myself to think of how stunning the ocean is on the good days,
how much my ocean can withstand on a stormy day.
even if it is easier to let the water push my body under and take me,
i will not drown.
when you are in a low place, recall what a more beautiful "ocean" looked like. everyone has dark days and peaceful days, find a balance. find the strength.
All I can say now is sorry my dear
For I've known in my heart and in my head
I can not stay, even if you are here
For I'll be mad from my dawn 'till I'm dead
And who knows, for I will never tell you
Of that secret familial held curse
Or if I tell you that this blood runs true
You must know you can not **** this dark verse
For with generations of maniacs
All love from madness can not take me back
I've been reading/watching Hamlet in English and thinking about how certain mental conditions are highly genetic. Looking back at things I was told/figured out about my family when I was older, and what my current mental state is like, it makes a lot of sense. So I jotted this down in class as a result.
sickness in me
you resemble a disease
a bit queasy
the needles slippery
yet I need to feed
to feel needed
even if this feeling is uneasy
you make me sick
like a disease
I beg for at my knees
a mere touch
a peculiar taste
I find myself wasting away
at the bottom of an ashtray
exhumed with fumes
beginning of a drought
with this disease
in pursuit of a vaccine
ending of deceit
and a desire to feel complete
I have this bad habit of
getting close to people and meditating
that they'll always be by my side; but they always leave
I have this bad habit of
loving people a tad bit much , when they din't even love me back;
and when they leave me my heart feels as if
someone threw it from the side of the woods
I have this bad habit of caring for people
; when they don't think of me even once
And I'm just so tired
I'm tired , I'm tired I'm tired
i just hope that one day i can find somebody that
shares the same toxic habits as i do.
just a little something
— The End —